Hi from Belgium

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SpaBlauw33
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Hi from Belgium

Post by SpaBlauw33 » Thu Dec 28, 2017 2:56 am

Hi dear people of the world and this community :)

Guy from Belgium here, living this life 'in' a 37y old body now :) I have recently experienced what might be just a glimpse of the real power of a long forgotten joy and it has brought me in this very curious state, almost craving for more insight in this wonderful experience. Although something like the ego is giving me 'doubts' as it seems to have gotten in a 'state of panic'. I understand I can not 'overcome' this by writing about it, nor by gaining more 'knowlegde' (wich is also a thought construction), I just came to write here but perhaps more to read. I am very new to all this, and although it is manifesting like coming home, I can not let go of this 'fear' that my relatively poor skill to write in the English language will make it difficullt to contribute here, the more as the spiritual world was kept away from my existence (yep, I know 'who' is responsible lol) and I have no 'knowledge' of the 'right' words to use, and most definately not in english. Oh, it's clear ego identifies here, but please don't be to harsh on me, I'm just a beginner :) Words might not be true ever, still how can we clarify our inner intention to the fullest while writing / reading here.

In the bigger picture I have this fantastic, almost euphoric sense of rest, peace, diasappearence of anxiety, worrying, it seems almost to 'big' to be true, yet the experience is so 'right' it can not be ignored, there is no longer a choice it seems, it feels very 'right', but there are still these muppets trying to 'convince' me that I have gone completely mad and I will never be able to keep up with life in this society if I keep 'thinking' that way.

I don't take this introduction too far, I just wanted to add that I am at home from work, caused by what is called a depression and that I now see there is only one way out ... even if that means I will lose everything I thought was 'important', but as a 'beginner' it's all still so mixed.
For some reason, it seems important to mention. Years and years of misery were needed to get to this point of surrender (?).

Eckhart has come to me by you tube, at first I was still 'looking', and I probably still am 'searching' to much in stead of realising I have found already. Although the experience now, seems so profound that it's hard to imagine it would ever leave again. So I am very intruiged and curious on my path and that of the community and our collective humanity / the universe / the source and here to help it / us establish / create more oneness :)

While writing I definately notice "me" is still in control wich is almost even preventing me from posting this after all, but nevertheless, if I struggle with comfort zone this was a 'right' step to take, even if I can not write from 'wholeness' yet.

So once again, hi everybody, nothing else to see here :) thanks for listening and have a great day !

Spa

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Re: Hi from Belgium

Post by kiki » Thu Dec 28, 2017 5:31 pm

Hello SpaBlauw33, and welcome to our community.

Your command of the written English language is excellent, so don't worry about that. Continue to write, not so much to communicate with other members, but to help deepen and clarify to yourself what you are experiencing. I find the writing process to be an excellent method of "tuning into" presence. It is especially effective when I take time to pause and then just "feel" for the correct way to express in words what I mean to say. As you get better at doing that your words will resonate more deeply with others and draw them into presence as well. More precisely, your words arising out of presence "speaks" to the very same presence that is embodied in others so that they end up feeling/experiencing and resonating with it as well.

In the meantime, explore the many topics and questions that have been posted over our many years here; I am certain that most of the questions you may have will already have been addressed.

Once more, welcome to the board.

kiki
"Miss Kelly, perhaps you'd like this flower. I seem to have misplaced my buttonhole ... Miss Kelly, you know, when you wear my flower you make it look beautiful." Elwood P. Dowd
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SpaBlauw33
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Re: Hi from Belgium

Post by SpaBlauw33 » Fri Dec 29, 2017 12:33 am

Hello kiki

Thank you for your warm and welcoming words :) Sometimes maybe while writing, I pause too much. When I feel unsecure about what to write and how, it is the ego talking, but you are very right indeed, what is happening right now is the same mechanism, I can feel myself "switching" between the present and the outside focus while I'm writing. This "switching" is going on all day long, for the last three days now. I had earlier "wake up calls" in my life, but not nearly as profound as what is going on now. I feel completely changed, as like really newborn, except, up to now, I have only been able to be stable in this state from time to time, after this tuesday, when I had a full day of 'inner joy', somehow, I was just 'right there' for almosy the whole day ... this has been thé most intense 'realisation' I ever had in this life I know of ... this is what is pushing me to write, the only thing that keeps coming into question is why did I not land there where I don't have to 'think' about translating all the time, phew lol ...

I guess i didn't really have to say anything about that, it all has te be like this. I don't know 'why', as there is no 'why' I realise now.
Thank you so much for your good advice, when I look inside now, after realizing this piece of writing, I need to be there now, it is the same 'magnet' coming back to me, pulling me there, pushing me to where I belong. The more the ego has been 'panicing' the last 48 hours or so, the more I started to get 'concerned' about getting back there. It is at the same time, 100% clear, but it is still very confusing. I hope it is ok here if my writing is still the reflection of that :)

I will gladly spend time here, I am so amazed with all I have read so far. The recognition is huge and I learn from every letter that is written here, I just don't understand how I could not have 'seen' this earlier, there are places like this and it's like a home for that "missing" feeling that was lost :)

One single day was all needed to get a glimpse of understanding. Today I also realised about the earlier 'smaller' moments I was awake. Could not understand these until now. Could not really understand anything that was going on in my life actually lol :)

Now, just like the word for it "a realisation" indeed, brings in all this profound understanding that exceeds everything there is to "know about" and I thought would / could bring salvation ... just in the time lapse of a couple of hours ...

Sometimes I even wonder if there is not some kind of crazy poison in the drinking water or so, when I started laughing in a moment felt really present and aware of all that is being One. Right now I 'reflect' about this with the ego, there is this great 'souvenir'. The ego of course, trying to make me believe I'm "crazy" and naïve when I disconnect in these ways that dont' seem to be 'acceptable. Like laughing out loud for no apparent reason in a public park. Guys, what a pure joy, people that know me would not believe me, being so calm and free of my constant worrying that every body knows me for... How the light of the sun 'felt', it was like a million times more powerful to me then I had ever realised. These experiences, I am just like a little child now :) like so happy to be able to go somewhere good, but then not only for a day or so, but anytime, anywhere ... just by the "right focus" ...

I want to stay humble and wait, practice and live and be 'here' ..

I'm so grateful with your reply and for the fact that I could do this here now and in this environment. Thank you kiki and thank you all for passing by :)

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Re: Hi from Belgium

Post by kiki » Fri Dec 29, 2017 6:51 am

Gaining stability in presence cannot be forced, it will grow on its own in a natural and spontaneous way. The first "step" of course, is recognizing presence when it happens, and I think most people experience it more than they realize. Most, however, don't know what it is and why it happened, and yet they want it to happen again because it's such a peaceful and pleasant experience. Then they go on a sort of "journey of effort" to get it back, and when it inevitably eludes them they get discouraged. Ironically, it's this "efforting" that gets in the way.

Instead of effort what's essential is learning to recognize what one is doing to keep it out of reach, and then letting go of the effort and strain to achieve presence. Presence is never "achieved" because presence is your very essence. It is another name for what you are. Getting out of your own way is the master key. When all doing drops away what remains is presence. The primary "doing" that gets in the way is the mental doing that most people are absorbed in.

If you are standing in Antwerp but don't know it, yet you desire to get to Antwerp you will start on a journey to take you there. With that journey/doing you are actually working against your own desire. It's just a matter of stopping the journey and recognizing you are already there, already in Antwerp. This is a hard thing to get across to people, but it's the same way with presence. You are already home, in presence, but your mind doesn't recognize it yet because it is so absorbed in other things - in ideas, in judgment of self and others, in worry about the future, in regret about the past, in compulsively labeling things; all that is nothing but distraction away from your own ever present "presence".
"Miss Kelly, perhaps you'd like this flower. I seem to have misplaced my buttonhole ... Miss Kelly, you know, when you wear my flower you make it look beautiful." Elwood P. Dowd
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SpaBlauw33
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Re: Hi from Belgium

Post by SpaBlauw33 » Fri Dec 29, 2017 1:48 pm

Great, thank you for so much clarification kiki :)

If I look back how this came to me, maybe I was looking, but not in thàt way, I was looking for totally different answer then those that were "spiritiual". But then, how to explain I came to ET, felt it was right, gave it back up again, kept 'looking' and looking indeed, but without having any ideau about what was goiing to happen. The idea of "awakening", even while I was listening to all this new influences like ET among many others, was completely 'out of range' for me, something "made up by poor men", like religion ... Oh I was so so arrogant (unknowing) and 'wrong' :D

I have finally slept a little longer this night and when I woke up, again I had this instant realisation of being "there" / deytachement of thoughts and maybe evolving towards detachment from the pain body. I'm just half way chapter 2 now in the power of now, so the best will still be to come :) Needles to say I'm feeling 'great' today, every moment is such a gift to be in and to practice, it has shown me "why" I am alive anyway ...

Much love, have a wonderful day!

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Re: Hi from Belgium

Post by kiki » Fri Dec 29, 2017 5:09 pm

...but without having any ideau about what was goiing to happen...The idea of "awakening", even while I was listening to all this new influences like ET among many others, was completely 'out of range' for me, something "made up by poor men",
This is an important insight. You had the kind of availability that can be a triggering device for presence to shine forth. Being totally open and innocent without expectation or even hope to experience anything in particular makes you ripe to having a breakthrough into presence. Open innocence and simply being available to whatever happens is the "fragrance" that leads to the discovery of the "flower" of presence.

Why was it Tolle that brought you to the precipice? Who knows? I was on a nearly three decade journey aiming for enlightenment, and when I finally saw the futility of my search I got discouraged and decided to drop my entire set of practices that I had hoped would take me there. That very day I happened to be in a bookstore when I stumbled across a story in a magazine about Eckhart Tolle and the book he had just written. I felt drawn to what he was saying, so I checked the bookshelves for The Power of Now and found one copy, so I bought it. Everything changed for me after that.

The relevant thing for you is that you found something/someone that spontaneously resonated with you, that drew you inwardly instead of remaining outwardly focused. Attention had been habitually outwardly focused until now, and a new way of looking at things has arisen and you are noticing the difference this has made in your life. So, congratulations.

Awakened moments will come and go, but over time they will become more frequent and stay longer. But when presence seems to leave, fear not, because it hasn't actually left; instead, it is simply being obstructed momentarily by what's happening in the mind. This is not to say the mind or the ego is an enemy to be battled with. Instead, they are to be seen through for what they are, temporary phenomena that come and go. What YOU are is what doesn't come and go since YOU are presence itself. How could you possibly leave? YOU are the permanent vehicle in which temporary phenomena arise.

When you read Tolle, and especially when you listen to him, let the words draw you inwardly rather than struggling to understand things with the mind - it will be the actual experience of presence that will flesh out understanding at the level of mind later on. In other words, true understanding comes afterwards. I have found the audio version of Stillness Speaks to be the single greatest tool from Tolle to help me drop into and consciously abide in presence. I feel its format is perfectly suited to do this, so check it out if you can.
"Miss Kelly, perhaps you'd like this flower. I seem to have misplaced my buttonhole ... Miss Kelly, you know, when you wear my flower you make it look beautiful." Elwood P. Dowd
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SpaBlauw33
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Re: Hi from Belgium

Post by SpaBlauw33 » Fri Dec 29, 2017 10:09 pm

Thanks again kiki. Things you bring to me are so relevant, your forecasting was correct, every word from the beginning! Also thank you for sharing your story here. I am very grateful and perhaps shy to say something to it ... It did pick up fragments of people's story and more while reading through the forum, but as you pointed out earlier, I 'must' first 'understand' more of this little premature experience for myself. I am nowhere but beginning to see, maybe. This place is truly heaven for that 'trying to grasp' ... Hear me talking about myself the whole time, how could I be in a place to even say something 'to' others than thank you ...

There is a 'better' thing I notice and is really hard not to judge, is that everything seems to come in 'the right way' from the moment I'm able to surrender. Just the things I seem to 'ask' for, the whole time, I'm not delibirately asking, yet 'answers' keep flowing in, then LATER I realise what it was I was perhaps 'asking... I notice this intention to uderstand more, and seem to be 'handed' the right information at exactly the right time. "Crazy" stuff really, but it doesn't seem to stop when I'm able to 'focus', it just keeps happening :D
And when nothing is happening like that, some other 'sign' is somewhere constantly pulling me / showing / teaching, sometimes I stumble upon it, more of the times I feel probably to much like "waaaaw is this the 'real' world" and not notice any of the deeper meanings (?) yet ... Of course, all is perfect as it is now :)

Thank you for the congratulations, at first it seemed a little weird, I did not accomplish anything, it sure did cost no effort, it only 'gives' ... but I 'feel' your intent and I love that, thank you! We've all been through suffering, ET just explained why this is "deserved" rescue from it, thanks to your hint here I got it quicker. This was so meaningful to me, what a gift!

What is very unclear, is how "big" is this ego, for example while I write this sentences above to you. I guess you understand in what direction I mean, how "true" is my own "intention", in what % is it "made up" by thinking. I dont' know any better, or do I. Could "me" be already more pure than the ego would like me to discover yet ... aargh ... that is very confusing sometimes, when I observe this thinking processes that keep launching themselves :|

It must have been years that I had a day with silence in my appartment. I'm noticing silence becomes much more attractive automatically. Other little things, but combined, they truly affect the whole basis of how I begin to look at things.

So, I was listening to a part of Stillness Speaks, as you suggested, as the silence I speak of is at a very beginning stage of avoiding too loud music and or tv and such things I do not longer seem to 'need' - anyway - somehow, someway it brought me to crying, shivering, shaking, I felt sad and at the same time this immense joy, it was again a very strong confirmation of how directly en purely his 'energy' comes to us by his words...

The ego is not only scared, also there is a part of it that is really encouraging for some strategic 'reason' perhaps (I won't look in to it further if it does not 'come' to me), so I will try to keep up with your very wise words, (you truly are the best welcoming guide of the universe :) ) and not battle. Even the word batlle clashes with our true nature, but indeed, there we are (I'm speaking for myself of course), constantly batteling ourselves...
I feel 'light' in this strange way, also after these intense "crazy" days, and I'm actually gaining some 'confidence' now, that 'this' won't be gone tomorrow and how I deserve this peaceful sleep.

I can not thank you enough to encourage me to write, it has helped me enourmously to NOT get engaged with shame while the mind has it's chance to show me the usefulness of all this "reflection" or not. It is clear, when I would evolve in my awakening I would not seed so many words to it anymore, not try to describe it or even maybe "justify" it, damn I did it again, it might be too harsh for myself.

Will rest now, see what comes :roll: :D

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Re: Hi from Belgium

Post by kiki » Sat Dec 30, 2017 1:44 am

What is very unclear, is how "big" is this ego, for example while I write this sentences above to you. I guess you understand in what direction I mean, how "true" is my own "intention", in what % is it "made up" by thinking. I dont' know any better, or do I. Could "me" be already more pure than the ego would like me to discover yet ... aargh ... that is very confusing sometimes, when I observe this thinking processes that keep launching themselves :|
How "big" is ego? It's a good question because ego, over the course of your life, has steadily developed and come to dominate your life in countless ways, to the point that it is almost constantly sticking its nose into every facet of your daily experience. It seems to talk incessantly with an internal dialogue that can, at times, seem to drive you to the brink of insanity. Its "footprint" is the manner in which it keeps you separate from everything else through the use of labels, comparison and judgment, especially self-judgment. It is the demarcation line between you and everyone and everything else. In other words, there is the "me" here, and over there is you/other/it.

However, there is a better question worth investigating because it will reveal what is most important, the reality of your existence in a direct and visceral way, and it is this: Is ego actually real? Is it possible that it's only imagined? In other words, who/what am I really? Confronting this question directly by looking honestly and courageously will reveal what is true and what is only imagined to be true. This process is called "self-inquiry", and it is the primary teaching of perhaps the wisest sage of the 20th century, Ramana Maharshi.

Take some time to look for ego. I suggest sitting down with eyes closed and ponder this question, where is ego? You will notice that there are lots of thoughts/ideas about ego, but where is it actually? Outside of thoughts and ideas about "me" where is this thing called ego? Can the reality of what you are be a thought/idea, ideas and thoughts that come and go and change constantly in how they define you? Or must you be something that doesn't come and go, that is always present?

There are times when thoughts subside, and when that happens where is this "me" that I take myself to be? Doesn't that me/ego vanish without the support structure of thinking to keep it in place? And yet, when that thinking is absent isn't there the sense of simply existing present, the sense of "am-ness"? That sense of "am-ness" or being-ness is powered by consciousness/awareness; more accurately, it IS consciousness/awareness. That is what you are.

Once you discover that ego is a mental phenomenon only and that you are the consciousness that it arises in the impact of egoic tendencies begin to lose their power over your daily existence. Self-inquiry is like pulling the rug out from beneath the feet of the ego by revealing its insubstantiality. It is the discovery of the illusory nature of ego and the true nature of what you actually are, consciousness/awareness. However, be prepared to see how ego will fight for itself, to fight for its very existence out of fear for what will happen to it once its nature is discovered.

It must have been years that I had a day with silence in my appartment. I'm noticing silence becomes much more attractive automatically. Other little things, but combined, they truly affect the whole basis of how I begin to look at things.
That's good. Silence is attracted to itself. The inner silence of what you are is being reflected in the outer silence of your environment. You will also notice that the silence of what you are is attracted to the natural environment of your surroundings. Taking a leisurely stroll outside and simply observing what is around you without judgment or labeling becomes a very pleasurable experience.
So, I was listening to a part of Stillness Speaks, as you suggested, as the silence I speak of is at a very beginning stage of avoiding too loud music and or tv and such things I do not longer seem to 'need' - anyway - somehow, someway it brought me to crying, shivering, shaking, I felt sad and at the same time this immense joy, it was again a very strong confirmation of how directly en purely his 'energy' comes to us by his words...
Yes, I agree. As you listen to his words, and I suggest doing this while sitting with eyes closed, don't strain to understand the words. Instead, let them flow into you; then, pay attention to see what happens. Notice the pauses he interjects and notice the effect on thought-stream. As you do this with some regularity you will find thoughts begin to naturally and effortlessly drop away, and what remains is this clear, alert, silent stillness of what you are, consciousness itself, your true nature.
The ego is not only scared, also there is a part of it that is really encouraging for some strategic 'reason' perhaps (I won't look in to it further if it does not 'come' to me),


Very good insight. What you discover directly for yourself is what's most valuable. Ultimately, you are your own teacher.
and not battle. Even the word batlle clashes with our true nature, but indeed, there we are (I'm speaking for myself of course), constantly batteling ourselves...
Yes, your true nature battles nothing; it is totally open and welcoming to every experience. Only ego wages a battle.
I feel 'light' in this strange way, also after these intense "crazy" days, and I'm actually gaining some 'confidence' now, that 'this' won't be gone tomorrow and how I deserve this peaceful sleep.
I love hearing from people who are new to this as these discoveries begin to unfold. And as mentioned before, "this" will never vanish because it is you. It can only be overlooked once we slip back into our ingrained thinking habits that have formed over time. When you realize you have slipped back into thought then you will know why "it" seems to have vanished. But it hasn't really, it's just a matter of returning attention to the here and now, to be present with what is rather than being absorbed in thoughts about what's going on around or within you.
...it has helped me enourmously to NOT get engaged with shame while the mind has it's chance to show me the usefulness of all this "reflection" or not.


Shame is one of those egoic devises that keeps you locked into conditioned thinking; it's a kind of egoic strategy to remain active, alive and dominant in your life.
It is clear, when I would evolve in my awakening I would not seed so many words to it anymore, not try to describe it or even maybe "justify" it, damn I did it again, it might be too harsh for myself.
Ha! I know what you mean.
"Miss Kelly, perhaps you'd like this flower. I seem to have misplaced my buttonhole ... Miss Kelly, you know, when you wear my flower you make it look beautiful." Elwood P. Dowd
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SpaBlauw33
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Re: Hi from Belgium

Post by SpaBlauw33 » Sun Dec 31, 2017 12:45 am

kiki, I just want to show my gratitude for all your effort. While writing further, I drifted away to far this evening - like the post yesterday - so I am gonna stop now. I find it difficult to bring any presence into writing and ego expects me to only write "relevant" stuff ...

I know the ego is very smart, in any case that does not help, for the moment it seems to have pushed me here as writer, while me does not write now.

((help)) lol

If I could re-read this from within me and smile :)

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Re: Hi from Belgium

Post by SpaBlauw33 » Sun Dec 31, 2017 2:17 pm

Ok, I could keep writing and writing to "justify" this what is coming back to me, but it can go beyond that. As there are no words for it, ever attempt to describe things further would be ego induced and thus pointless.

Needless to mention my life has changed. But is has not really changed. Nothing is the same as before, still nothing has changed. To be able to 'grow' and be more comfortable when presence leaves, I will continue to follow this "spirit drive", I am constantly absorbing "information" and teachings. It goes naturally. There is nothing else i can do. Whenever I swithch back to this unhappy state "thoughtfully", my whole future will get ruined, is what these thougts want me to believe. So this battle, which is not a battle, ... aaargh here we go again, I have just started to "think"
.
.
.










yes, that is the answer.
I just have to read over again what you already gave me. In abundance everything is here for me.
But still, what with my job who will pay the bills what with everything (!) this untrue story has been made up with. I don't know what is important "anymore". I want to surrender, "completely", as a whole, not in same fragments of space and time. Me should be me, is me ALL the time...

I do not like this future thinking, it is just SUCH a habit it is difficult to "thrust" this new "everything will be ok power". If I just stay "here" NOTHING seems to happen. I won't go back to work like this. I want something "else" now. This is the dillemma I should not "think" about, then I will be free, all the time.

I can 'see' this. Why is it SO hard to give up this "story", while I have "seen" it's all a lie. If I would not understand better yet, I would look for "a compromise", but that is not possible.

Uw, ok, this is out.
Let it be, there are "lessons" here and now for me that I miss, by being projected in some kind of future that does not exist. Thank you for offering me this space here to come and present it for my own eyes, how simple it is and how it is the storyteller making things difficult. But the storyteller is who again? I don't know, but he is definately NOT me :)

Thank you !!
I have looked in to Sri Ramana Maharshi. I already understood I knew nothing, nothing at all, at least my thinking did tell me that, I must be lucky in my story with that :lol: , but this is from another 'dimension'.

Why was this never presented to me? Howcome everybody on the planet (or as generalising continues: in the west at least) has been raised with this arty fart crap story /tradition? Why are we even collectively REJECTING this, while it is obviously a far more basic "thing" to start life around, to understand life better ... It seems so un-real. In my illusion of "not knowing ego", of course I should have known that I did not know this at all. But the story I was told is so powerful, it did much more "damage". It rejected what was clear and in plain sight!

Time is an illusion. And I can not say any longer "I have to think about this" lol ...
I will just spend my day, better: my moments, in more silence and have some teachings probably, just see what comes.
I am so grateful there is no materialistic agenda in my life for some more days. It's a gift. Luxury "time" to look deeper within. Opportunity & intention are so joyously connected. How lovely this all has been, I have lived more the last days, then maybe 37 years before, oh waw this brings 'acceptance' now ...

Even the New Year, it does not "happen", it does not occur to me, me is free now, like it has always been, there is just no story to "believe" in anymore. Tons and tons of wheight, gone, just like snapping a finger.

There is this little kid again, in the 'real' world, which has transformed to one big fantastic and never ending theme park, where even monsters will become friends, when the story is forgotten, all is perfect.

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Re: Hi from Belgium

Post by SpaBlauw33 » Sun Dec 31, 2017 3:23 pm

monsters will become friends
This of course should read: monsters ARE friends. Monsters are "me" too, we are one and the same, they are nothing but made up, but they are real, except there is NO ONE but the storyteller to make them into monsters right .... This is huge :oops:

So, that is why I should "love" my monsters.. to get them out of the way??

Or no, they are NOT even in the way ... they just are ... just in a different manner then they "seemed" before, they are not able do not "do" anything to me, to "mean" anything. The ego uses them, yes, but that is no real 'power' at all, just a lie.

So there are no laws, and no moral in non-duality right? I think I start to understand a tiny little bit of where this comes from or am I deluding this ego now? In any wya, "me" is uncapable of "bad" intention, that is very clear, even my egeo understood it could not behave "badly" while being "aware" of it.

But this is so much more profound and liberating, even on this ego "intellectual" level I keep falling back into ... lol

Again, ok this can not be "explained" stop trying lol ... so it is better I leave now :shock:

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Re: Hi from Belgium

Post by turiya » Sun Dec 31, 2017 11:36 pm

I enjoyed reading this thread.
Thanks Spa and kiki. :D
“We ourselves are not an illusory part of Reality; rather are we Reality itself illusorily conceived.” - Wei Wu Wei

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Re: Hi from Belgium

Post by SpaBlauw33 » Mon Jan 01, 2018 3:22 pm

Ow, good to look back there ...
Thank you turiya for the feedback, that is so nice to hear !

Slowly I come to realise that the more I try to grasp it all with the mind, the more this fearful thoughts + writing will appear :?
After i first 'saw', of course the ego started using this all, to create another story around it, just with new elements, trying to make this "me that has found meaning" or something like that.

There should be applied no "force" to get more of the present. It clearly does not work that way duh :D
It only 'happens' effortless :) By focusing on what I have now, better all there 'is' now, the need to get "more" of it, to experience it "longer" or "all the time" - like i was 'wrongly' wishing for yesterday in my post - vanishes completely (of course) ...
>>And that, again, offers infinite answer to a question that actually does not even exist!! Cool cool cool, that is so so ... it is a miracle, a wonder in plain sight ...
I am saying this while ego tries to laugh it away, but haha I am aware now, I am the one laughing, silly mind 8) . Week ago I was almost like "hopelessly" insane, at a mental bottom in my life ... ???? !!

:idea:
Now I am starting to understand, there is 'no time' to be unhappy, it just does not exist in awareness ...
Pure gold, the cure is not a pill, or rest, or "theraphy" or changing jobs, or finding a new girlfriend ... blabla bla ..

THE cure is life itsself, found in the realisation of the power of each moment
Hallelujah lol help the me is getting scared again he is losing it lol :D
tears of joy and relief while typing are not "proof' enough no no lol

Anyway .. :shock: :wink:
While I was attracted furtrher into more basic insights, I realised I was not doing 'so bad' at all. ET for example says somewhere that even being aware of not being in the present, is awareness. And for "beginners" it is not "bad" to have 10% aware vs 90% mind ... Phew, ok, ... on the other hand, none of these "outside" things are important, it is just "me" creating the story, over and over and over again. I guess it is the one addiction, that I can replace by the addiction to the present moment, as I practice along :)

From the first day, I felt like I wanted to be "addicted", but was tempered to use this word addiction. It seemed to me like a thought construction, and still does. But yesterday, I heard Anthony de Mello uses the exact same word addiction, so the idea, the intention behind the word maybe, does seem to "fit" after all :)

This helped me again to surrender more and longer lasting awareness arose again. Such a blessing to just 'be' ... waw and it is infinite ... wow just wow

I just wanted to share my "findings" here now, and once again feel grateful I was offered the opportunity to do so :) it's growing into some kind of diary, but oops no judgement .. thank you, namasté

SpaBlauw33
Posts: 27
Joined: Thu Dec 28, 2017 1:47 am

Re: Hi from Belgium

Post by SpaBlauw33 » Tue Jan 02, 2018 1:00 pm

Of course, the journey continues.
I will keep it short this time. No judgement :)

I just came across these moments of inner pure pure joy, these can be so very intense and profound. I mean like pure joy. I always thought I "needed" joy (find it! where is it, here maybe there lol). Now, the moments I realise the joy within me, they are just ... no words for these slices of Life, it is all a miracle.

Sure, I had moments, even periods in life I was more awake, without knowing back then "what' it was. I have also come to realise this, the last few days. I notice particalury less thoughts, I won't even bother lol

"The big relief" as I could summarise it just for this moment, continues and I've nearly stopped asking these panicing questions. It seems the way (or no-way), is neither easy nor difficult. It just is, like everything else.

Thank you for reading & have a blissful time :)

SpaBlauw33
Posts: 27
Joined: Thu Dec 28, 2017 1:47 am

Re: Hi from Belgium

Post by SpaBlauw33 » Thu Jan 04, 2018 4:07 pm

It keeps on going like this :)

I have an "unknown" desire to "know" more.
--> A buddha is hungry in his belly, not yours.

I just can't stop eating anymore, it happens, every moment "is". There only is "eating" left. There was never anything else. It is impossible that something else would exist. If there were no eating, there would be only hunger. The hunger and the eating is the same "is"

...

It keeps on going like this :)

Yesterday, while I "was" taking this long shower, I "realised" the meaning (not a meaning of course) of it all was to become light.
It was of such profound beauty, I coud feel I am the Light.
Ok this really sounds crazy lol, but that is ony lust the story aaarg again again shut up lol :lol:

Later, teachers confirmed exactly this. I did not know, it is all continiously proving it self. Unbelievable things are happening. Why now ... People I haven't seen in years, limitations of a lifetimes' storytelling, vanished, just wow .. it is to much to describe ... life just happens now, I'm not saying "no" to this flow that "is" any longer, and can not believe in nothing no more ... free, just free, that might be the best attempt of a word to summarize. Free of the no-fears. In any way HUGE

I have been dwelling around, and it is very "easy" to spot "teachers" that are NO awaked being. Sad! Dangerous! But let them be.

"Real" teacher, they all say the same one thing. It is nothing they say, they just "know", and they talk about it. They know nothing more then I or you. But, they know. That is the ones, that are 'truly' awakened, some other peeps I came across ... :cry: Djeezes, I already just said that. Now it is here twice. Oh no ! lol

Nobody needs teacher, everybody makes story. Just finish the story and the real teacher will come to you :) When the story ends, teachers are just there, around, for "you", maybe? lol
I love it they are around, and not just for the no-story. I sure love them and I they love I :) how could it ever be different

It "is" like this all the time, just a-ma-zing, intellectually it is almost nonsense (wich actually almost like proofs that it "is", it HAS to be lol, because we can not explain, every attempt is a failure, so the circle is round). Just so easy to see now :D

It is a-ma-zing how this has put every little moment upside down. Conciousness, it is simple: love it, or sleep :)

It keeps on going like this,
It just is :)
just is
is

(the stroyteller would say it is a divine miracle :roll: ) :lol: 8) ego-moticons lol

There is one egoic question that arises. How to make this "clear" to many people of the world ...
Howcome I see sooooooo many people going from satsang to satsang as matter of speech, but bring their story ... why do they make it so difficult, while it is plain simple ... how could we help them "see". There seems to be lack of message to stop seeking NOW, in this whole spiritual story, consciousness does not seem to be here for thàt ... these are mere ego-factories lol

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