Hoping to find support

Here you can introduce yourself to the rest of the members and visitors.
Post Reply
PurpleK
Posts: 2
Joined: Sat Nov 17, 2018 10:54 pm

Hoping to find support

Post by PurpleK » Sat Nov 17, 2018 11:54 pm

I'll try to be brief. I moved out of my hometown and married a Narcissist many years ago. Didn't know what he was until it was too late. Many years later moved back home, with a terminal cancer diagnosis and left him after years of manipulation and abuse. One way I got through it was reading Eckhart's books, watching the Webinar with Oprah and really diving into spirituality.

I knew moving home I could leave him because I have all this support of friends and family. As it turns out - the court ruled my last child live with me, I barely scraped enough money together for a trial (the attorney was sympathetic so charges me a reduced rate) and now it's in appeals, which means more money and another year of pretty much no holiday. My mom died last Spring and all my "friends" that missed me and "if only you were here we'd be doing so much together" has barely even called me. Borrowed money and I need it desperately and won't pay me back.

Now my father's girlfriend, who systematically exiled every one of his family members out of his life- even all of his kids, except me, finally succeeded to get rid of me too yesterday. It was immensely painful and I feel so rejected, hurt and lost by all of this. I have been escaping instead of dealing and in unhealthy/unproductive ways. If I could live in a horrible situation with a narcissist, why cant I just latch onto spirituality again to cope with all of this? I'm pretty sad and have dark thoughts, when I could be having the best life that I dreamed of having if I could just be in the now.

I know this is all life being played out with the ego... I could just watch it all happen like the play that it is. Losing people is painful. I had a fear of losing my dad and my son - and I just lost my dad. I do have a lot of things in life that bring me joy and I'm in a great position to live mindful - in the moment - joyful, but instead I live in fear and pain. I found a friend I didn't expect to have that's incredibly supportive and one from back where I was living still supportive. If there was a spirituality center I would so be there!!! Anyone relate? Any advice? I also am a huge fan of Ram Dass and some others, have done some Shaman Energy work, Reiki, meditation, etc. Please help.

PurpleK
Posts: 2
Joined: Sat Nov 17, 2018 10:54 pm

Re: Hoping to find support

Post by PurpleK » Sun Nov 18, 2018 6:45 am

I actually found a great message under rejection.

Tommyd99
Posts: 2
Joined: Sun Dec 09, 2018 6:38 pm

Re: Hoping to find support

Post by Tommyd99 » Sun Dec 09, 2018 8:04 pm

Hello!
I read your post and I feel your pain.
I believe Eckhart would say your life situation is a perfect portal into the now. I recently watched one of his YouTube videos which was titled End of Ego.
It touched on what you are experiencing.
I truly hope the video helps you.
I love you and pray that the video will help you.
With love and spirit,
Tommy

Post Reply