Hi from someone working to find peace when tragedy strikes

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JulieA
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Joined: Sat Jun 23, 2007 7:38 pm

Hi from someone working to find peace when tragedy strikes

Post by JulieA » Sat Jun 23, 2007 8:49 pm

Several months ago, I was stressing myself out with anger and frustration that a man my husband and I thought a trusted friend was revealed as a total liar and manipulator. I was caught in a loop of anger and arousal that was making myself ill, physically, mentally and and spiritually. I went to a naturopath for assistance, I was on some antidepressants and anti anxiety drugs but those are not cures but splints for something broken or strained until healed enough for physical/mental therapy. Instead of first starting on energy work, she recommended the power of now. I ordered it, got through part of it, and many good things were happening. A friend found the perfect house to move into and her old one sold immediately for enough profit to give her some financial security. I was feeling better but somehow bogged down reading the book, except to skip to the section on tragedy.
and on June 7th, tragedy arrived. My husband could be both very happy and miserable at the same time. While calm and steady much of the time, he'd have bouts of irritability over tiny things and become very upset of major world events that while important were nothing we could influence. I'd say he had the angry form of depression and was too stoic or afraid to face it. while he had always been able to drink alcohol and show little effect, in the past few years, there was a pattern of some emotional upheaval--either stressful or enjoyable, fatigue, hunger and drinking. within a few moments he would go over an edge and become maudlin, or simply ramble, lose track of conversation, sometimes very argumentive and irrational. a few times in such a state, he went into a long drawn out harangue and threatened to shoot himself with a rifle under his chin. this time, during a discussion about trying to oppose a mine going in this area, he became irrationally concerned that we were endangering ourselves, home and horses by publicly opposing it. I kept explaining there was no reason to be afraid, the man running the group opposing it for 12 years has had no consequences, he suddenly jumped up, said he wasn't afraid to fight and wasn't afraid to die and shot himself in the head, brain death was immediate.
Some how while terrified and calling for help, there was a shift into a state I've never been in, a sense that some spiritual energy was keeping me going, sane and calm. I've gone through some good grieving times, returned to enjoy friends, some jokes, the sweetness of life and also had near panic attacks--staved off with prescription meds for the moment, I want off as soon as I can, and faced the fears of an unknown future. I have moments of peace and that there will be a future worth moving towards and that there are things to appreciate right now. I know that there is some purpose for my life after this and have asked the Universe for guidance. I do intend to get back to the power of now and the next book but have been so fatigued I have not yet gotten to it.
Any suggestions on parts of the book, or applying the principles will be greatly appreciated.
JulieA

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Post by kiki » Sun Jun 24, 2007 3:38 am

Welcome JulieA. In addition to Power of Now I would like to recommend you read Loving What Is by Byron Katie. I feel that both you and your husband may be particularly suited to her approach to awakening.

As for The Power of Now, I would try to get the audio version and listen to it rather than just reading it. There is something about Tolle's voice that seems to draw people's attention inward so that they experience directly what he is pointing to. You might want to check out the public library and see if it's available there. In addition to that Stillness Speaks is very good (especially the audio version, and also available in many libraries), which is even more direct than PON.

There is a lot of heavy investment in the stories that are being played out in the mind of most people and it is only in the mind where suffering enters. Those stories are only thoughts, they are not you. Find some time to simply relax and sense your own presence in this very moment, devoid of stories about past or future, devoid of labels of any kind, devoid of judgment of good or bad. Simply sit still and close your eyes, breathe easily, and relax any tendency to follow any storyline by returning to the immediacy of the present moment - notice the tangible things like the weight of your body upon the chair, the sensation of the feet upon the floor, the feel of the breath as it comes in and goes out, the circulation of the surrounding air - just notice everything whatever it is. Keep returning to what is tangible and real when you've realized that you've been caught up in a story; and when emotions arise simply feel how they physically manifest rather than indulging in any storylines associated with them. This will allow the energy of the emotion to expend its charge and leave the body. Throughout all of this be nonjudgmental towards what is happening, otherwise you will just get caught up in more thoughts and storylines.

Allow everything to come and go on its own. You can also simply watch thoughts or emotions as they arise - accept their appearance for they are part of what's happening, but no longer is it necessary to invest energy in believing what they are telling you. Just let things pass through awareness /concsiousness /You without agenda of any kind - no clinging to the "good" stuff, no resistance to the "bad" stuff. This will help create a noticeable "gap" between what you actually are (pure consciousness) and the temporary arising of phenomena within what you are. As this gap gets more familiar there will begin the dissolving of the attachment to the "idea of me". Without that attachment, without that identification with the egoic sense, the arising thoughts and emotions lose their ability to draw you back into storylines that must be defended. Here is your freedom.

What you are is here now in its fullness. The realization of your true nature, your true essence, holds the peace and fulfillment that only seem to be lacking. You are what is being sought. Your very Being IS the source of wholeness and peace, and that Being is now and forever present in this very moment.

By the way, I deleted the other post you made since it was a double post.

My best to you,
kiki

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Post by proudlybeing » Sun Jun 24, 2007 3:49 am

Welcome aboad JuliaA,
Well done for getting your story out here, the clarity and self awareness
with which you write shows that you are already on your way to peace .
I cannot help with any principals etc as my experience is different to most,
but i will say that i know that you will gain great strength from the teachings of E.T, and this (forum) is a wonderful place to receive additional support, there are so many wise people in this community.

Bless you and all around you.
My heart (and being) felt thanks to the force(es) than bring me to share this site and journey with you all.

JulieA
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Joined: Sat Jun 23, 2007 7:38 pm

thank you both

Post by JulieA » Tue Jun 26, 2007 5:41 pm

for the replies.
there is a group fairly close that has silent meetings listening to his CD's and then quite meditation. when I can I'll be joining in.
before this happened, as I was reading the book, one aspect that stopped me for a while was to consider the nature of 'now'.
I'm not trying to get into my head with this, although I may be stuck there, yet our awareness of 'now' can be as brief as a flicker of light or long enough to hold the content of a conversation or wordlessly watch a hummingbird drink from a flower.
friends were here for the memorial and there was good sharing, tears but also laughter and what Mark meant/means to us all. and how to carry the love, learning laughter and light, from the past through this now and flow into the future to be waiting when tomorrows become now.
Mark could be happy and miserable but could not find peace. I want to find a path to peace for us both. and how to find happiness even when this world is crazy and perhaps send out some balancing energy to calm the craziness.
Anger, guilt, shame, blame, hate, all seem pointless and may have short blips and then go. the grief comes and goes and i remember with joy the good things but the emptiness left from his physical loss, fears of how to go on alone after 35 years together and finding my life purpose are here, and I come as a child seeking lessons so I can learn who I am alone, how to be alone at times and bring the people into my life that will be mutually good for us and for the things that I need that I don't even know to want.
At times I sense that I can let it all go but have not yet found the how that works for me.
pain and fear can be useful emotions to serve as warnings but are too easily overwhelming and make us stuck. I would like to gain the information from the warnings, check for accuracy, thank the pain and fear for the help and let them relax rather than leaving the alarm button stuck on high.
JulieA
JulieA

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Post by eseward » Tue Jun 26, 2007 6:56 pm

JulieA wrote:Anger, guilt, shame, blame, hate
Hi Julia,

As you observe these reactions of your conditioned mind (that mind you probably thought was you but which never was you), and realize that's not who you are, the peace that you really are (that lives behind and outside these reactions) will emerge all by itself.

As long as you think these conditioned reactions define your nature, you bind them to yourself.

You are not your conditioned thoughts/feelings. Your real life takes place outside and beyond them. Discovering this brings peace. At some point, Mark will discover this as well, and find the peace which is his nature too.

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