i lost my way

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i lost my way

Post by shakti » Sun Jan 27, 2008 2:06 pm

hi everyone,
its a shame im joining you when im feeling low. let me tell you of my echart tolle experience.
i first came to read the power of now over 4 years ago and like most of you it was life changing. i was single at the time and recovering from past pains. this book gave me so much i have continued to swear by it ever since....but....and its a big but.
having entered into a new love relationship on the high of my relatively egoless self i am now exiting the relationship 3 years on a very damaged soul indeed.
i can only blame myself for the loss of consciousness i know, but why oh why didnt i stay true to my higher self.
the relationship deteriated to such a low im still reeling from the after effects.
id like some advise . i guess thats why im writing.
im doing very well in telling my thoughts that they are not me that the past doesnt exist and the future is unknown so not to fear it .but on a physical level i have a constant dull ache. im finding it so difficult to be around even my dear freinds. i want to come home alone and read books and almost wallow in self help. im practising yoga im doing mantras im doing it all ....but the pain is still there. i miss him . im hurting and it wont go away.
its been more than 3 months now and he still has so much animosity to me. i cant understand why he hates me so. yes i lost my way but i wasnt that bad. i promise you i wasnt. i suppose he is dissapointed that the girl he met lost her way and became 'busy' and distracted.
also its very worth noting that he expressed a huge amount of anger towards me and as much as i tried to calm him and soothe him it made him angrier.
i should move completely on but its so hard when there is so much pain for the both of us. he wont talk to me he wont allow me the chance to heal our wounds.
it seems so unfair . im really trying to look at this as an oppotunity to grow and probably one day i will loook back and see that it was. but im in pain now and would like to find the off button!
any tips ...any mantras would be really really welcome
my love to all of you

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Re: i lost my way

Post by Onceler » Sun Jan 27, 2008 3:45 pm

Welcome to the board Shakti. There are many folks here that can give you good advice and support you virtually. My suggestion is to go back and read or listen to Tolle. If I understand him correctly, he would say that your pain is the reality of your life right now and rather than avoid it, be with it and experience it fully.

Moment by moment.

I would also suggest Byron Katie. She gives practical, simple methods to expose ones negative, faulty thinking. I believe she is a bit more accessible than ET when you are in a bad patch, at least that was my experience. I would recommend "Loving What Is". Also utube videos on her site; thework.com.

By the way. Is it really possible to lose your way?
Be present, be pleasant.

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Re: i lost my way

Post by Webwanderer » Sun Jan 27, 2008 4:52 pm

Hello shakti, welcome to our forum. Please read our rules section on capatilazation. As awakening is difficult enough to express in words we strive to make all our dialogs as clear as possible.
shakti wrote:having entered into a new love relationship on the high of my relatively egoless self i am now exiting the relationship 3 years on a very damaged soul indeed.
Of course souls, or essential being, cannot be damaged. It is only ego that gets beat up. And as an ET veteran you know that such suffering only strengthens ego. Get clear again on the nature of how mind creates the sense of a separate identity and suffers loss when one of its prime componants is removed.

Go back an relearn what you know about ego/mind. See how it makes distinctions between right and wrong, see the judgement on self and others for upsetting the minds idyllic view on what life should be like, and sense how emotionally charged stories spinning through the mind separates awareness from the beauty of the present moment.

Reconnect with what is in this moment even if it's pain. Allow the pain, free of mental dialog, to transform your longing into acceptance. It's okay the way things are. It must be, because they are the way they are. I''m not saying give up trying to get him back, I am saying recognize that life has value in all its manifestations. The only way you can lose is if you set up the judgmental criteria for what qualifies as failure. Express your gratitude to him for the love you shared. But remember, the essence of love is freedom, not clinging. People feel safe in freedom, we often just need a little space to heal.

And if it's really over, then reconnect with the beauty of clear living. Who knows but this relationship may have contributed to your losing your way. Life is now providing you an opportunity to regain clarity of being.
i can only blame myself for the loss of consciousness i know, but why oh why didnt i stay true to my higher self.
The why's will only result in useless self condemnation. Let go of the questions, look directly into this moment and live fully in/as what's here. There is no higher self. It is only the ego/mind that makes such distinctions in its efforts to maintain a sense of personal identity. There is the Truth of awareness, and there is concepts of identity through which Awareness experiences life in form. That one commonly becomes mired in belief structures of identity, gives rise to the uniqueness of this realm of existance. Find your way back to clarity and enjoy the adventure.

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Re: i lost my way

Post by Oswald2001 » Sun Jan 27, 2008 8:10 pm


I am also in a very painful period.

I view the pain as a Teacher. Obviously, I was not awake and had missed a whole lot of things along the way.

Pain is showing me what I missed. It is cutting through my Denial and Resistance.

"Gold is refined in the fire."

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Re: i lost my way

Post by fifi » Mon Jan 28, 2008 5:59 pm

Webwanderer wrote:
Of course souls, or essential being, cannot be damaged.
I agree.

Souls or 'divine connection rods' cannot be damaged , but they can get twisted. Like when your trying to move the electronic metal handle over the live wire in that 'buzz off' childrens game. It takes you ages to get to where your supposed to go because you get 'buzzed' when you touch the sides and you have to start again :x
My soul gotten twisted, and I went through deep suffering. It feels like you will never again find something to get hit about. It is most painful.

Essential being ... the light emanating from the source of splendor. the reason for being.

It can feel like your essence has been damaged too when we go through traumatic or painfull periods. But the essence cannot be sick, just the soul.

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