Niamh from Edinburgh, Scotland

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niamh
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Niamh from Edinburgh, Scotland

Post by niamh » Wed Feb 27, 2008 1:24 pm

Hi...

My name is niamh and I live in Edinburgh, Scotland. I'm 44 and a piscean and I live on my own. I'm female, never been married and have no children. I hated being on my own during my 20's and early 30's but have grown to love it and now, I wouldn't have it any other way. I've been searching spiritually on and off since I was 16 years old but started searching properly round about 1996, I've read heaps of books, eveything from conversations with god series to the last hours of ancient sunlight and currently to Eckhart tolle's books. I bought a new earth in 2005 and have read it several times.

I feel utterly lost. Some very horrid things have happened to me in my life and I've been rejected and ostracised by my family, my siblings, etc and my three young nieces don't even know I'm alive. I've been extremely angry, hurt and abandoned and I guess its that thats turned me towards the spiritual search, a yearning to understand what its all about and I'm still on that search.

Its tough, but I guess its tough for all of us out there, and I know there will be people in a worse off situation than me. Its hard not to get down sometimes and feel tearful but I guess, you just have to plug away and try and see that all of that pain, all of those ideas about myself that were foisted on to me as a child growing up by society, my parents, other people in the community and which I attached to myself, to build an idea of who I was, is false, thats how the ego came into being, and as you go through life, listening to the voice in your head, chattering, commenting, judging self and others, anticipating, wishing, imagining future scenarios in which others who have hurt you get paid back and see how it feels for them, or in which I'm rich and swan about all day, all of it, is the ego, the false self fighting to keep its identity alive, strengthening itself by keeping the separation going... anyway, thats a rough understanding of tolle's work and I guess it will improve and change as i continue to read and remember more of the one life, the oneness that we all are and hopefully some of you wonderful people will put me right and offer your wisdom, insights and whatever else...

anyway, here's hoping all of you are well

niamh x

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Webwanderer
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Re: Niamh from Edinburgh, Scotland

Post by Webwanderer » Wed Feb 27, 2008 2:51 pm

Welcome niamh.
as you go through life, listening to the voice in your head, chattering, commenting, judging self and others, anticipating, wishing,
Listening (or observing) to the voice in your head will help you gain freedom once it is clearly recognized that you are not the voice. The habitual condition is not only to endlessly create stories and mind talk, but to identify with them - to unquestionly assume that mind talk is evidence of self. It's not. Mind talk is just appearance and identification.

Get clear on the true nature of observing awareness as distinct from the mind talk. Awareness is the seeing of every thing. Mind talk sees nothing, it is merely ideas expressed in words to give form to ego/self. To change ones sense of self, change the mind talk. That is the basic difference between saint and sinner - how the mind interprets and internally expresses the events and conditions of the world we experience. Of course emotions give power to thoughts, and serve to anchor them as beliefs within our subconsious, so any relief must come from the release of the emotional identification. Feelings, like thoughts, are just passing conditions (if we indeed let them pass). To hold onto them is to incorparate them into the sense of "me" - not a good idea if you wish to find peace in life and freedom from self imposed mental torment.

I encourage you to read through the many fine dialogs that exist in this forum, there is much that will help bring clarity to your circumstances. But most of all I encourage you to spend time in thought free presence to regain an experiencial sense of your true nature beyond what mind-talk may appear to represent. Be patient and be diligent, find opportunities to express gratitude and love. You already are everything you need to be, it's just a matter of seeing the truth.

sailing
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Re: Niamh from Edinburgh, Scotland

Post by sailing » Sat Mar 08, 2008 9:11 am

Welcome Niamh, (how is your name pronounced?)

I lent out my copy of the Power of Now so can't quote directly and also have a poor memory.
The book says something about "when you are really suffering, there is the opportunity, very near you, to surrender." I hope someone else can expound on that.

Anyway, glad you're back on track, joining in with other sufferers and the more "present" who are not suffering near as much anymore and maybe even those who do not create anymore suffering. I think we're all here together, no matter at what level we are at.

Again, Welcome :)

Your sister, sailing
"We are sailing, stormy waters, to be near you, to be free."
Rod Stewart

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kiki
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Re: Niamh from Edinburgh, Scotland

Post by kiki » Sat Mar 08, 2008 4:25 pm

A belated hello to you, niamh.

kiki
"Miss Kelly, perhaps you'd like this flower. I seem to have misplaced my buttonhole ... Miss Kelly, you know, when you wear my flower you make it look beautiful." Elwood P. Dowd
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eyogateacher
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Re: Niamh from Edinburgh, Scotland

Post by eyogateacher » Sat Mar 08, 2008 5:13 pm

Welcome to the forum Niamh .Thanks for ur detailed introduction .I am sure you will find this forum useful for your spiritual path .

grant
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Re: Niamh from Edinburgh, Scotland

Post by grant » Wed Mar 19, 2008 11:22 am

Hi niamh. I'm just down the road from ya. Brighton. Haha. Your post was very honest. Your in a perfect place. This forum really can be of help. Also, try the live chatroom. I'm on as be present. (just to remind myself). Everyone seems to be asleep when I go there. :wink:

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