Seeking Help

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Thisjourney
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Seeking Help

Post by Thisjourney » Wed Feb 18, 2009 9:14 pm

Hello -

I'm Jared and I'm 37 years old and live in the Northeast section of the US.

An outsider may have viewed my life over these last several years and thought it was close to perfect - but for some reason I would engage in (very quietly) destructive behavior. I would do things, hoping I wouldn't get caught, but knowing that if discovered I would hurt the ones I loved most. I have since learned that this behavior was my way of feedng my ego.

I put myself in such a bad situation that I stopped eating and was unable to sleep. The stress made it almost difficult to breathe.

A dear friend who knew nothing of my inner chaos told me he was reading A New Earth. It has changed my life - as it has for most of the people reading this.

I am still struggling with the effets of my bad decisions and I know I have a long journey ahead - but now I look forward to it. I can now recognize my ego for what it is and I can deny it much more easily.

I still worry, a lot, that those bad decisions of my past will come back and create chaos in my life - I know Eckhart would instruct me to stop thinking about the past and about the future and just focus on being now - but I find that so difficult sometimes.

I'm glad I found this forum and I hope to find others who can help me along this journey and I hope to be a help as well.

:)

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kiki
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Re: Seeking Help

Post by kiki » Wed Feb 18, 2009 9:46 pm

Welcome to the forum, thisjourney.
I am still struggling with the effets of my bad decisions and I know I have a long journey ahead
If you were told that the journey you envision isn't necessary what would you do? Would you stop all efforts to "get somewhere"? If you could then you'd find what you seek right here, right now.
I can now recognize my ego for what it is
That's good - so, what is it? Is it real or only imagined? I know you now have some ideas about "ego" and how it seems to be responsible for your current situation, but see if you can actually find it. Failure to find it has tremendous implications, so look and see if you can find an ego/me that exists other than as some fleeting thought forms that come and go. What are you then if you aren't your thoughts? Look and find out what's present always that never changes.
and I can deny it much more easily.
I know this is counter-intuitive, but "denying" ego will only create problems. Instead of denying it "see it" for what it is, a mind created "idea of me" that is identified with. Watch how thoughts weave themselves into the "tapestry of me", a me that only exists as thought forms. Where is the me when thoughts of me aren't present?
I still worry, a lot, that those bad decisions of my past will come back and create chaos in my life
Has worry ever added something worthwhile, has it ever "worked"? Of course not. Let be what once was - it's over, it's done with. See that projection into the future is useless in terms of finding peace and what you are, which is what awakening is about. That leaves this very moment - that's all you have, all you'll ever have. Now is where life is lived fully - see this deeply and you will come to rest in a very natural way in what you are.
- I know Eckhart would instruct me to stop thinking about the past and about the future and just focus on being now - but I find that so difficult sometimes.
Here is a link to get you started on living life now, without concepts/ideas/labels. Read through the opening post and discover some very simple ways to shed ideas of past or projections into future. And explore the many threads that are on this site.

http://eckhart-tolle-forum.inner-growth ... 717#p29717

Once again, welcome.
kiki
"Miss Kelly, perhaps you'd like this flower. I seem to have misplaced my buttonhole ... Miss Kelly, you know, when you wear my flower you make it look beautiful." Elwood P. Dowd
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Juno
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Re: Seeking Help

Post by Juno » Wed Feb 18, 2009 9:57 pm

Welcome!
by thinking of something you create an entity and by thinking of nothing you create another. Let such erroneous thinking perish utterly, and then nothing will remain for you to go seeking!
Huang Po

Thisjourney
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Re: Seeking Help

Post by Thisjourney » Wed Feb 18, 2009 10:56 pm

Kiki - Thank you so much for taking the time to read my post and for taking the time to help me with my awakening. I truly appreciate it.

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kiki
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Re: Seeking Help

Post by kiki » Wed Feb 18, 2009 11:03 pm

Kiki - Thank you so much for taking the time to read my post and for taking the time to help me with my awakening. I truly appreciate it.
I am glad to have you here, and I look forward to your participation.

kiki
"Miss Kelly, perhaps you'd like this flower. I seem to have misplaced my buttonhole ... Miss Kelly, you know, when you wear my flower you make it look beautiful." Elwood P. Dowd
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