Hey guys, help a teenager in need!

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Hey guys, help a teenager in need!

Postby glassofwater » Thu Jan 13, 2011 1:07 am

Hello all!

I stumbled upon this forum after a simple google search on Eckhart Tolle. My whole interest in spirituality started this fall when I was feeling down. I saw a few YouTube clips with Eckhart and became very fond of his teachings; everything that I dealt with seemed so simple and unnecessary when you applied his methods to them.

To sum up my problems, I grew up with a very uncounsious father who didn't have the best upbringing himself. I never really had any real problems as a child, but was a bit shy i suppose. My dad got two jobs in other countries during two different time periods in my life, frist three years in Moscow when i was 6 and then two years in the states when i was 14. Beacuse of this, I never really settled a personality; when I look back on my life, I seemed to struggle when moving back in forth, changing schools and friends. Especially during my time in the states, I had a hard time fitting in and became sort of an outcast and only hung out with my older sister.

Because of my shyness and sensitivity, all my friendships has been a bit confusing. Sure I've had friends, but I've always been in the backround, agreeing to most things and not speaking up really. I've realized this and definitly want to change that part of my personality, be more determined and willing to speak my mind, rather than conforting and not really standing up. On top of this, I seem to have som sort of social phobia which I have been coming around since summer. I have a hard time being around almost all people I know, friends and family, but seem to work pretty well with strangers, suprisingly.

So now I'm 18 and seems to be more lost than ever. I relize that I have to be more accepting towards myself, but at the same time I can't beacuse I don't like my personality. On the other hand, I can work with Eckharts teachings and I have become more aware of thouhgts etc. and i can understand his ideas conceptually. But I seem to have some work with my "ego-core" first. I don't know where to begin really.

My main question to you guys is, do you think I should work up my self-esteem prior to getting seroius in Eckharts techings, or do you think my problems can be effectivly solved only with spirituallity and awareness? The reason I'm asking is becuase boosting self-esteem is essentially boosting your ego, and does not seem to correspond well with Eckharts techings. I cannot really function with this social phobia going around, and don't really wanna hang out with anyone. At the same time I realize that that is only my illosionary me, but it's hard to accept when my ego is so strong.

I'd really appriciate if you guys could give me some input, my parents (well my mom) is supporting but don't really have any useful advice :|
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Re: Hey guys, help a teenager in need!

Postby semperadmeliora » Thu Jan 13, 2011 3:16 am

AHHH Glasshopper, you are fine and right where you are supposed to be. And I am not talking about this web site, although that could be helpful to anyone. You are doing just fine, keep it up. Turning to a spiritual leader like Eckhart Tolle at the ripe old age of 18.... Awesome. You will get more in depth advice from others on this site, but from the Canadian Rancher --- good on you kid - life is good - life is what it is and you will find that truth before most if you stay on the path you are on. Might even find it today --- now -- the only real time there is..
Cheers ---- and go have a beer with one of those safe strangers you get along with...
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Re: Hey guys, help a teenager in need!

Postby Ricky_X64 » Thu Jan 13, 2011 3:56 am

Hi glassofwater, I believe that feeling "lost" is a good thing. It means that you have a good understanding and that you're putting up a good fight! I can really relate to you and the way you feel, I've dealt with very similar issues. I suggest that you do both, I for instance see my counselor at school, but I also read and meditate at home. I see counseling as a medicine for the "symptoms", while I see the reading and meditating as a medicine for the "disease" itself. You see what I mean? You'll start feeling better as you identify less and less with the unending stream of thought that is the "ego". It takes effort to do this, but with some commitment you will make it happen. Keep it up!
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Re: Hey guys, help a teenager in need!

Postby randomguy » Thu Jan 13, 2011 7:01 am

I don't know where to begin really.

I found it helpful to listen to a lot of Tolle on audio, just rest the mind and listen. Consider the pointer, "rest as awareness". Just sink into seeing as the contextual awareness in which all the content of thoughts and stories come and go. See that they are not you. Curiously enjoy seeing what you are not.
Do the yellow-rose petals
tremble and fall
at the rapid's roar?
- Basho
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Re: Hey guys, help a teenager in need!

Postby glassofwater » Thu Jan 13, 2011 9:29 am

Cheers for the quick responses guys :D

I read through my post this morning and realized how much of it that was affected by my pain bodies which were really active last night :) Not to say that my problems has vanished over night, but reading it again this morning along with your "calming" responses gave me a nice perspective.

Thanks again
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Re: Hey guys, help a teenager in need!

Postby Midnight » Tue Jan 25, 2011 5:02 am

glassofwater wrote:Hello all!

Because of my shyness and sensitivity, all my friendships has been a bit confusing. Sure I've had friends, but I've always been in the backround, agreeing to most things and not speaking up really. I've realized this and definitly want to change that part of my personality, be more determined and willing to speak my mind, rather than conforting and not really standing up. On top of this, I seem to have som sort of social phobia which I have been coming around since summer. I have a hard time being around almost all people I know, friends and family, but seem to work pretty well with strangers, suprisingly.


This is because there is alot of PAST with family, their expectations of you, opinions etc, especially if they are unconscious.

glassofwater wrote:So now I'm 18 and seems to be more lost than ever. I relize that I have to be more accepting towards myself, but at the same time I can't beacuse I don't like my personality. On the other hand, I can work with Eckharts teachings and I have become more aware of thouhgts etc. and i can understand his ideas conceptually. But I seem to have some work with my "ego-core" first. I don't know where to begin really.


Ego-core? There is no such thing. It is best to try to be aware that things like this are only an idea, what is an ego-core? Just like the ego, it doesn't exist in reality, only within the minds stickiness. I admit when first reading Tolle's books, the ego idea is very juicy for the ego itself (paradox right?) the ego likes the idea of fighting itself, or catching you in it somehow, so having to do some 'work' with it, is just the ego catching you again into another idea that you have to DO something to be enlightened.

glassofwater wrote:My main question to you guys is, do you think I should work up my self-esteem prior to getting seroius in Eckharts techings, or do you think my problems can be effectivly solved only with spirituallity and awareness? The reason I'm asking is becuase boosting self-esteem is essentially boosting your ego, and does not seem to correspond well with Eckharts techings. I cannot really function with this social phobia going around, and don't really wanna hang out with anyone. At the same time I realize that that is only my illosionary me, but it's hard to accept when my ego is so strong.


I don't think its 100% necessary, infact I found it easier to leave the self-concept because my sense of self was very weak, so I itched to get away from it or see it as fake, so the answer is no :).

Basically, since you've read Eckhart and you've come here, you now realise that the sense of self isn't real, so boosting your self esteem may satisfy you for a while, but you will want to go beyond it eventually, you will (hopefully) develop a thirst for this that can't be satisfied by things outside of you, because happiness and contentment comes from inside YOU (always keep that in mind).

The idea that your ego is so strong is again another idea you have about yourself, its another identity "I am someone with a strong ego". Geddit? :) It's a sticky business at first, my post may confuse you even further :P but hopefully it will give you something to look into.

Don't force yourself to go out and interact if you don't want to by the way.

If I had to give you some practical advice, I'd say stick with it, read some posts by members of this forum who are direct with this, there are many worth noting but particularly Kiki and Ananda. Other teachers can give you a much needed different perspective also, so be open minded and look to other teachers if you feel inclined.

Good luck ;)
P.S I'm young too (its not all bad)
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Re: Hey guys, help a teenager in need!

Postby Tesmond » Sun Feb 06, 2011 8:20 pm

Hey glassofwater,

Reading your post reminded me of myself at that age (and before). I also did not have a strong personality, and I often just agreed or had no preference to anything that happened around me. This had me hanging around a lot of depressing people and incorporating a lot of negative ideas into my head that turned into the "little me". 6 years later, I realized that by being complacent I was just protecting myself from my worst fear - happiness. I found that there were plenty of things I could do to be happier or change my situation, but I was always denying them to myself... because if I became happy all of a sudden, I would have nothing in common with other people, and I would lose who I thought I was. Wouldn't that just be TERRIBLE? =) My mind certainly thought so.

Maybe my story is similar to yours, and maybe it can give you some insight. However, the more you think about your life situation, the more important it seemingly becomes, and the more you worry about it. If there's a deeply unconscious situation that you're involved in, accept it, and your life will go on from there. If you simply cannot accept it, change it. If you ever think you cannot change something because of some reason, that's just the mind creating fear of an imaginary situation.

One more thing I've found that has helped me immensely when I've been sucked into unconsciousness. Go outside and be around nature as much as you can. Every time I've had insane mental commentary that I simply cannot erase, (being around computers all day does not help) I go outside and just be.

Look at the sky, and feel the infinite emptiness of space. Feel it, don't think about it. Feel the wind, and when it dies down, become aware of the surrounding space that it moved through. If it's noisy, go to a park if you can and listen to the silence. If you're moving, feel the emptiness all around you as you move. If you're moving fast, slow down. Become still. If you are outside, it's impossible to escape from all 4 of these things, because they are all in fact the same thing - the Unmanifested. The sky, emptiness, stillness, silence.
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