This book is an interesting one in that its marketing message is primarily about relating with others, whereas it's about relating with yourself.
It has the byline - Finding Yourself and the Love You Want.
She very cleverly works through the grit and grime of stains and build up of dirt and clutter of the mind built up through relationships, disappointments, projections. She highlights recognizing that when we clean and declutter our minds we allow the light in and can more effectively respond with love and light, honesty and integrity - towards self and others.
She has an interesting concept that's probably not new but it's the first time I've ever applied it to my own life journey as well as reading through her own cause-effect patterns. It was interesting in noticing the accuracy in patterns of behavior and perceptions that are kind of 'understandable' in the circumstances - that our view of the world, and of our selves, and our parameter for relating is first sewn into us in our birth experiences, the stories we hear about it - who we 'are' and what we brought to the lives of those around us.
She shows how these manifest and grow with us - our perceptions of 'who we are' stemming firstly from the projections of others, the response of our coming into our physical bodies and how those things 'paint' us and therefore our demeanor and responses in finding our way in the physical world.
We are firstly powerless, fragile and dependent on others for our survival - we take everything from others and so our 'boundary' becomes blurred even though there now are boundaries by coming into the physical world. If we get our needs met lovingly we don't notice we are powerless, we know we and the world is love. If we don't get our needs met, we exist in a constant state of fear for our very survival and our understanding of the world is full of fear and anger as a natural response.
In some ways it explains the notion that Karmarider has about fear in human form - as in I was understanding KR's perspective more while reading her explanations of fear - she says
"Fear is the natural response to not knowing what to do about feeling powerless" and that it stems from our birth and early years. How we respond from there on manifest as perceptions are painted onto us.
A child who was born into a story of being a 'burden' will have a totally different experience to one born as a 'gift'. People cannot help making up their 'stories' - what we may fail to realize is that it's a 'version', a 'perspective', it's not who we really are.
She also says that "Anger is the natural response to feeling powerless".... so now that makes a different sort of sense to me too.
In terms of anger and fear, once we understand we are not 'powerless' and never are, we always have the choice of being love, which is our real 'power', we can employ a combination of evaluation and responses.
Vanzant works through the clutter etc of what is and is not real, others' perceptions that we've allowed to be painted onto the walls of our minds, or stuffed away in a cupboard or drawer with all the other clutter.
We confuse our own feelings for our responses to others feelings - a fine mess indeed!!
Always acknowledge your own feelings to yourself and recognise that others' responses are not yours.
- Right now I am feeling....
Where I am feeling it....
and then decide if and how to respond because we are not powerless to either accept or to act
- we are love -
She notes that as we were learning to co-exist in separateness we take on board the responses from others of our expression of our feelings. That some have been taught that feelings are 'wrong' when they are expressed, inadvertently we then 'blame' the feeling, rather than our choice of expression of them. The expression may not be 'acceptable' to others but the feeling and acknowledging of them to ourselves is always, always 'right'.
When people bury their feelings because their expressions of them have not been 'acceptable' it creates more 'powerlessness', creates more fear, responses of anger etc etc
She works through the spring cleaning and results in terms of starting in the basement, working up to the first floor, second floor and into the attic, sharing stories that show mis-takes, their causes, the choices people make in response - love or fear, honesty or suppression of the truth, over-stepping or abdicating true response ability.
It's an interesting read, illuminating even
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