Feel More Present nearing Breakup

Talk about relationships in the context of Spiritual Enlightenment

Feel More Present nearing Breakup

Postby mz222 » Tue Oct 10, 2017 5:05 am

I've been with this young woman 1.5 years and it started off that I was very jealous and what have you. She stuck around, we moved in together, and I grew more anxious, wanted to blot out my consciousness with drugs and alcohol. Then for 6 months I said I have to get her out, have to break up, started being attracted to other women, etc.

Well, now that she's on her way out, I had that old feeling come back, with the Fall air breezing by, watching the people and the cars dance. It was as if, once I knew she was going to be gone, my mind was at ease enough, to slow down and let me observe.

The problem now is, she describes her everyday experience as that way... Why is it, she has much more presence, and I have none, yet when she's going to go, I have more?
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Re: Feel More Present nearing Breakup

Postby meetjoeblack » Fri Oct 13, 2017 8:20 am

I know the feeling all too well.

I am single so, I crave a date or a gf. I want to get married and have a family though, I question whether I always wanted this or if I grew up having it and assumed it was the way. I am still unsure if it is the sentiment that I am after, if it was learned behavior or if I truly desire it. None the less, the pattern is repetitive.

I am in a bar. I am much older then I thought I would be while single. I was looking at my phone for social media, saw a girl on a date night, and I felt me ego kick off. I look over at my buddy who is much younger dancing with a girl. I know what I should be doing but, i cannot get out of my own way. Social media is full of couples, newly weds, people having babies or engaged, and looking happy. I know its pretentious and pics don't tell the full story but, when ego is in pain body mode, social media is a kick in the groin. And then, I snap out of it. I am with some buddies and we're mingling with girls. By this, I mean, I am not longer in crisis or self-loathing. I am still looking like the Rocky Balboa of talking to girls at a bar. One self, I am self loathing, the next I am dancing with a girl. The next sec, she is punching her number into my phone. We go on a date, we get coffee, and dinner. Then next sec, she is inviting herself over to my place and I am looking for my escape route.

it went from texting and calling daily to longer periods of silence. And I cannot blame her. It is purely me. In my defense, between the time I met her, I had my first dmt trip, and have really did some exploring of consciousness. I've met a new girl and I want to see her. I just notice the patterns I have gone through in cyclical fashion.

The pattern is as follows; you want something you don't have so, you suffer. You get what you want and then, you still suffer because you want something else. In all probability, the new girl is likely this pattern I speak of but, I like her, and I want to give it a chance without looking for a escape route. I am just embracing the experience for what its worth. No regrets.

My advice for what its worth (likely not much lol), take some lesson from the experience, and grow. Embrace being single. It wont be long before you meet someone else. Just note the cyclical patter you go through. Many people, myself included waste a lot of years cycling through the same patterns. As long as we learn, its not a waste of time, and I am looking to use my dmt trip, extrapolate some meaning, and insight going forward in my daily life. I am also going to meditate on it some more.
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