Am I the toxic one?

Talk about relationships in the context of Spiritual Enlightenment
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Posts: 61
Joined: Sun Aug 25, 2019 4:10 am

Am I the toxic one?

Post by tchest77 » Tue Dec 03, 2019 6:00 am

I just don't want to repeat my patterns. Most relationships I ended I had my "reason"..... I wasn't attracted, they weren't motivated, or I wasn't in love. Now, my feelings are that I no longer want to feel her frustration; it's her suttle tension that comes and goes that I am bothered by.

I just don't want my ego to own me and don't want to live life based on circumstance, nor self sabotage. When I'm around someone who's stressed, it's like I just want to run the other way, and it's always more pleasant when someone is just happy. I'm like attached to peoples moods, their mood is contagious to me. What does this mean about me? I don't want moods to define me, but it's like I'd rather not be around negativity.

At these moments, is it healthy to be bothered while just being present and explore further understanding? I can sit still and relate in these situations, or is this a dead end, what are clues to know when you're ready to accept or move on? When is it acceptable to give in to your feelings when they are constantly making you feel like something is wrong? To love unconditional, but is it really unconditional if I am no longer willing to accept others or change myself? Even with a well balanced and acknowledge/controlled ego, what is a healthy threshold one can live by before saying this isn't the way?

I don't want to keep blaming, otherwise I will continue my self defeating relationships while always putting the blame on others; but also want to be sound and at peace with what is the right path?

Posts: 967
Joined: Sat Dec 13, 2008 1:00 am

Re: Am I the toxic one?

Post by randomguy » Mon Jan 27, 2020 4:00 am

Hi tchest77, Have you ever taken the enneagram test? Sounds like type 7 ballpark dynamics.
Do the yellow-rose petals
tremble and fall
at the rapid's roar?
- Basho

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