Should i end my relationship?

Talk about relationships in the context of Spiritual Enlightenment
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alphie
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Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2020 10:59 am

Should i end my relationship?

Post by alphie » Mon Jun 15, 2020 1:39 am

I am in a relationship with someone who I dated 4 years in the past (we broke up 2 years ago). Our break up was tragic for me. And she ended up being with a different relationship with someone I hated. So I really felt betrayed and harbored hatred and resentment towards her during those two years. I can't tell you all the details because it would take too long but shortly, she knows she made a mistake, claims that she really loves me and I don't doubt her. The problem with our current relationship is that I have an enormous inner conflict going on. One side of me wants to be with her wants to live in the now with her in peace. But because of the other side, the side that does not forgive her for her actions and thinks that being with her "after all that she had done" to me is hideous. There is a part of me that doesn't allow me to let the past go and resents my own actions. I resent myself because I let her treat me like that and now that I am in a relationship with her, my mind constantly tells me that I am weak, pathetic, and a loser, etc. for being with her after all this time. I try to be present and observe these thoughts but I am sometimes unwilling to spend time with her. One side of me tries to go forward and the other side is ashamed that I am doing this. And there is this shame for all the other friends of mine. "How can you be with her again?" Kind of stuff. I wanted to turn this into presence practice but this is too heavy for me. I try to be in peace without changing any outer thing in my life but day by day I am getting depressed. Is ending the relationship means that I am giving in to my negative thoughts? I was in peace before I got back together with her but since then, I am sinking deeper and deeper into the unconsciousness. I am so confused. I want to keep her in my life and be happy but I judge myself for trying to do so. Any advice would be really appreciated, Thank you.

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Louis More
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Re: Should i end my relationship?

Post by Louis More » Mon Jun 15, 2020 2:52 pm

Hello alphie

Like we said in your other posts, you should see these things from the outside view. You need first see yourself for what you really are, see what is the actions you are taking from ego and which ones you're taking from love/presence.

Nobody here will tell you what you have to do in your personal life, your actions have consequences and it is only it.

What you really are is not affected by what the others say, for what she did. When you act from awareness you won't judge and won't feel ashamed.
But that doesn't mean that if the relationship isn't healthy anymore you will close your eyes and don't change.
You will take actions based on love and presence, without all the story in your head.

I advice you read again your older posts, and the others people posts, there is a lot to learn here.

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