Romance and the Ego

Talk about relationships in the context of Spiritual Enlightenment

Re: Romance and the Ego

Postby smiileyjen101 » Sat Aug 03, 2013 2:12 am

TD have your image on a website where you can identify, and copy the URL (eg picasa, photobucket etc - not on your computer or on ones like facebook, but where the image has its own web address)
copy that url - should end in an image tag like .jpg or .bmp or whatever,

Just like you use the quote button above, use the Img button and paste the image url in between the

You can test it first in Preview.

Hope this works :)
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Re: Romance and the Ego

Postby TemporalDissonance » Sat Aug 03, 2013 11:58 pm

smiiley, thanks! That's what I did with an image I had wanted to post earlier. Let me try with a new one !

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edit: Smiiley! resized lol or found another version :D
Last edited by TemporalDissonance on Sun Aug 04, 2013 6:15 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Romance and the Ego

Postby smiileyjen101 » Mon Aug 05, 2013 2:43 pm

smiileyjen101 wrote:
In terms of romantic or any relating it's amazing what you can learn by asking yourself and others 'why' you think, feel, act etc, rather than assume that cultural or societal biases are truth, or that you already know.


TD said: HAhaha! smiileyjen101! You got me there. :) Yes, I see my projection and you are wise to suggest asking ourselves and others "why" they think, feel, act a certain way.

Yet, isn't there an element of faith and/or even presumption that everyone involved will be honest at least to themselves if not you, or even know the "why" behind what they think, feel and act? I sense perhaps a continual process of asking "why" or inquiry will finally lead one to the most honest answer possible, but if and only if such openness is in the relationship.


Wonderful curiosity at work there TD.

Can you see how your 'answer' doesn't have an end, it's like an acceptance of continual flux and change of perspectives and sharing by degrees of experience, willingness and capacity.

That ^^^ is what I find so amazing about asking the questions. One could ask five million people the same question and get 5 million different answers, having heard the answers of each other some would be influenced by the experience and their own answer to the same question - by understanding in experience, willingness and capacity ... would change.

If one has the same opinion about something that they had, say, a year ago, or yesterday, someone's holding on too tight :wink:

Me, I'll probably think differently about this in the morning :lol:
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Re: Romance and the Ego

Postby TemporalDissonance » Tue Aug 06, 2013 12:13 am

smiileyjen101 wrote:Wonderful curiosity at work there TD.

Can you see how your 'answer' doesn't have an end, it's like an acceptance of continual flux and change of perspectives and sharing by degrees of experience, willingness and capacity.

That ^^^ is what I find so amazing about asking the questions. One could ask five million people the same question and get 5 million different answers, having heard the answers of each other some would be influenced by the experience and their own answer to the same question - by understanding in experience, willingness and capacity ... would change.

If one has the same opinion about something that they had, say, a year ago, or yesterday, someone's holding on too tight :wink:

Me, I'll probably think differently about this in the morning :lol:


"An acceptance of continual flux and change of perspectives" or that we just have to accept what's given to us at that moment? :D

I await for your "new" answer tomorrow morning. haha
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Re: Romance and the Ego

Postby Enlightened2B » Wed Sep 24, 2014 8:55 pm

Found this thread that I started almost a year and a half ago. It's funny reading some of the comments here and I miss my buddies- TD and Merlin who seemingly don't post here anymore, but who I gained a lot of insight from.

Anyway, thought we might want to get a discussion on monogamy and romantic relationships as a rehash from this old thread . It seems to be a hot topic of late on this board. Plus, I'm involved now with a female and trying to merely be the space for my partner in love and it's easy in that respect as I find myself more and more allowing my perspective to expand to incorporate my partners perspective even if I don't fully understand where she is coming from nor agree with hers. It's really interesting to approach a monogamous relationship this way as opposed to trying to get something out of it (which is all I've ever done in the past), but yet, I realize how challenging monogamy can be.....that is.... the more we see each other and get emotionally involved and there is a level of 'wanting' that naturally takes place (sexual as well). Yet, I'm looking at this situation as fun and an opportunity to really explore myself through this individual form.

She's actually going to India for three-four months starting this Sunday for yoga school and I've never been in a situation like this before, but I guess it's kind of something new to be in a such a long distance relationship with someone. It's so weird because I don't like to define relationships or set boundaries, yet both of us have kind of agreed that we want to commit to each other and be monogamous until she comes back to NY, which I can openly and honestly admit....makes me feel a little vulnerable. It's been a while since I've been in a committed relationship. So, naturally, part of me is questioning....what the hell am I getting myself into :lol: (perhaps the human half that lives in fear), while the other part (perhaps my Soul being) is looking at this as a fun opportunity to explore and extend the love that I am unconditionally to incorporate another perspective. I feel like I want to serve my partner in love and only in love even if I don't agree with her choices, and just be there for her unconditionally in acceptance of her perspective and her choices. Yet, there is a level of fear as I allow myself to be emotionally available in openness, trust and honesty with another.

Any tips here? I can really use them right now :D

Edit: I realize my question was not very clear. I was looking for tips on dealing with a long distance committed relationship.
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Re: Romance and the Ego

Postby runstrails » Sat Sep 27, 2014 4:09 am

Hi E2B,
I may not be able to directly answer your question--but 3 months seems like such a short time to me. It'll just fly by. If you really like her---then its worth it to stay monogamous for such a short time.

As an aside---I also wanted to make a plug for a monogamous, committed relationship. I love being married. And in general, studies have found that people that are married tend to be happier, healthier etc..

It's kinda like being 'present' in a way. There is a deep sense of peace and well-being that you get in a monogamous, committed relationship--that is always with you. It's kind of indescribable--just like presence :D.

Keep us posted.
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Re: Romance and the Ego

Postby Enlightened2B » Sat Sep 27, 2014 7:28 am

Thanks RT for this post. We talked tonight and both of us agreed exactly the same as you said that three months will definitely fly by. I appreciate your support. I've been reading some Byron Katie also as she has some really good stuff on relationships.
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Re: Romance and the Ego

Postby far_eastofwest » Sat Sep 27, 2014 1:08 pm

Goodbyes are only for those who love with their eyes. Because for those who love with heart and soul there is no such thing as separation.

~ Rumi
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Especially when there is no cat....
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Re: Romance and the Ego

Postby Enlightened2B » Sat Sep 27, 2014 5:49 pm

far_eastofwest wrote:Goodbyes are only for those who love with their eyes. Because for those who love with heart and soul there is no such thing as separation.

~ Rumi


Ahh beautiful. Thanks for this quote. That's like the ultimate 'non-dual' quote :D . Yet, I understand what it means in regards to love itself.

Sometimes, I think romantic love early on in the dating process can cloud our view of true love which lies underneath. I see my fears and insecurities come fully to light in monogamous relationships and I finally have a chance now to inquire into those fears and I love it!

Thanks again
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Re: Romance and the Ego

Postby EnterZenFromThere » Sun Sep 28, 2014 7:23 pm

Yay! You're diving in!

With your awareness of this situation as tuned as it seems from these posts I have faith that you're going to learn some wonderful lessons leading the great expansion for you (and her too probably!).

I feel that real love is in being able to let go of someone even if you feel deeply connected to them and really want to be with them. If needed, you could let go. If needed. It might be wise to imagine that scenario for yourself to explore the emotions and thoughts that arise. To be fully Present as you experience your fears around commitment and romantic love within your minds eye.

What a great opportunity! I'm looking forward to exploring my own vulnerability in this way when the time arises!

Enjoy it!

Love,

Jack
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Re: Romance and the Ego

Postby Enlightened2B » Mon Sep 29, 2014 1:35 am

Thanks Jack. Your take on love is exactly how I see it.

I will most certainly be utilizing this experience regardless of the outcome, as a wonderful reflection tool.

Much love to you too
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Re: Romance and the Ego

Postby smiileyjen101 » Mon Oct 06, 2014 3:42 am

I was looking for tips on dealing with a long distance committed relationship.

For me love is life, and life is love, and while our 'contracts' and 'activity parameters' in different relationships may be different in 'content', the 'process' in unconditional love is the same for each relationship and for each moment/day/experience, however you want to delineate it.

Life in love is a blank page every time we awake with ink spots of varying length, breadth, depth and contrasts 'appearing' on the page. If we start 'fearing' we start drawing our own impressions on that page, and then rubbing them out or drawing deeper around those lines 'containing' our loves. Whereas life and love has no lines, it has no beginning and it has no end, it just 'appears'.

:D Conversations with God on love - particularly the parts on unconditional love in book 2, may offer interesting perspectives and insight to apply to this, and any, situation. Even if you have read it before, reading it again in this new light you might see new nuances.

Love merely allows creation.
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Re: Romance and the Ego

Postby blissrunn14 » Sat Feb 14, 2015 4:44 am

To me serious relationships are like a drug. I learned a lot from my last relationship. I saw how dependent I was on the other person to make me feel good and how their attention literally numbed the pain in all other areas of my life, for the most part. I also saw how when they would withdraw that attention how I'd literally go through withdrawal (still going through it after the final breakup). I think there are some good things in a relationship like fun times, companionship etc... but mostly it's a learning experience especially after the honeymoon period starts ending. I deeply crave a relationship again for some good reasons, but my desire and longing for it is so strong I know it's for mostly not so good reasons. It's the strongest distraction I know of from myself and believe me I know how to distract myself. Going through the hardship of that last relationship I also started to see how dependent I am on outside people and situations for any happiness I feel and how that can't work because I can't control outside circumstance or people and they aren't permanent. In all honesty I agree with the OP that if someone is so called enlightened and whole within they probably wouldn't be interested in having a romantic relationship or wouldn't care at all whether they had one or not. Looking within myself this past year most of the reasons I want or desire to be in relationship rise out of weakness and lack of inner fulfillment. I suppose if I was with someone and just let them be who they are without trying to get them to do or be what I want them to do or be to make me feel good I could just enjoy the good times, not take the bad times personal and feel content whether I am with them or not. Although I don't see how that's entirely possible when sex is involved.
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