Thank you so much for all of your insights
And I'm sorry for responding so late, I didn't realize more people had responded to my post.
I'm not sure if I understand everything that has been said, but I'll try to explain how I perceive it.
I'm aware there is a possibility that it is my ego who is attached to the story of 'being in love with this person' and who is afraid to let go of this image, since it is a wonderful image
We were going to live together in his beautiful house with a big garden and have many children and animals to take care of. So, yes, I'm aware of the possibility that my ego is involved in this as well, since I sometimes feel very scared and insecure when I think about losing this. That is why I try to be very honest with myself, because I don't want to live something that is not true just because I'm (my ego) is afraid to let go. That is also why I'm asking insight from you about this situation
But there is still something inside me that tells me that there might be something more than that. When I'm listening to videos of Eckhart Tolle, Mooji etc, and they talk about 'true love between two people', I simply recognize this very clearly from my experience with this person. I haven't been able to find all videos related to this, but this one example: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KopmSpe33Eg
In the last few minutes (from 1:34 minutes unwards) he talks about true love and explains that when you are connected to your deeper I (Being), true love can exist between two people. Because you sense the same I (essence) in the other person, which is also your own identity. You recognize yourself in the other person. A deep connectedness is present, which is much deeper than something you can say or think.
Although I'm being very aware of the role of my ego in this (maybe its just my ego who wants to believe that I have experienced true love with somebody), I cannot help to feel a recognition when I'm listening these words. It was exactly how we experienced it. It was something that we could not describe in words, but we could both feel very strongly. When he looked at me, I felt he directly connected with my Inner Self, instead of looking at the 'superficial me' that is my ego. And it was the same for him. I just saw
him, and he saw me. There was a recognition between us, like we knew each other from another life-time, and we were part of the same 'thing' (of each other).
This is a quote I found somewhere on this forum which really expains how I felt it:
Real friendship or love is not manufactured or achieved. Friendship is always an act of recognition. This metaphor of friendship can be grounded in the clay nature of the human body. When you find the person you love, an act of ancient recognition brings you together. It is as if millions of years before the silence of nature broke, his or her clay and your clay lay side by side. Then, in the turning of the seasons, your one clay divided and separated. You began to rise as distinct clay forms, each housing a different individuality and destiny. Without even knowing it, your secret memory mourned your loss of each other. While your clay selves wandered for thousands of years through the Universe, your longing for each other never faded. This metaphor explains [tries to render an explanation] how in the [first] moment of friendship, two souls suddenly recognise each other. ‘It could be a meeting in the street, or at a party, a lecture or just a simple, banal introduction, then, suddenly there is the flash of recognition and the embers of kinship of ancient knowing. Love opens the door of ancient recognition. You enter. You come home to each other, at last. As Euripides says: ‘Two friends, one soul.’’
In addition to this, another feeling I have is that this person has come into my life for a reason, maybe to support me in my process of awakening, quicken the pace of this process. For many years, the story I have been identifying myself with has been heavily influenced by 'social situations'. The self-image I have of myself is that I'm an insecure person, who is not able (allowed) to be spontaneous and self-secure around other (self-secure and spontenous) people, because that does not fit the image I have of myself. In the last few years (I'm now 27), I have had different experiences with 'being present', during which I could see very clearly that my self-image is an illusion and that I should not believe in this. Although there are periods during which I'm still heavily identified with my thoughts, when I practice presence and listen to spiritual leaders, I'm able to feel more and more the space inside me and let go of these thoughts. Nevertheless, I (my ego) still tends to avoid certain social situations because it requires a change in me. At one hand, when I'm not present enough during a social occassion, I tend to suffer because I feel insecure and unhappy with myself, which confronts me with my limited self-image and the need to awaken from this. On the other hand, when I'm present enough, there is space within myself that allows me to let go of my limited thoughts and interact more freely with people. Although the latter feels ofcourse very good because I feel connected to myself, the ego is still afraid of these experiences because it actually proves
that my self-image is an illusion. Therefore, my ego prefers to avoid these situations because then I can just remain identified with my self-image, without suffering too much.
The reason why I somehow feel this person has come into my life for a reason, is because he is the opposite from me in this regard. For me, he is the most social person I know, he has many friends and he interacts very freely with anybody who comes on his way. As a result, there are many social occassions in his daily life, since he gets invited to almost every party and event. And I know that, if I would live with him, I would have to go to many of these social occassions as well, where I would be surrounded by people who normally make me feel the most insecure (on a superficial level, these people tend to be very self-secure, successful, rich and beautiful). This means that I would be confronted on a regular basis with the most unconcious aspect of myself, which may lead to more suffering, but may also provide the strong motivation I need to awaken from my story. Especially when I realize that the love between us is something real, something I should choose over the illusionary story that I have created of myself.
That is why I'm not sure if my ego is involved in creating a story of 'true love', or if maybe there is
true love between us. Because on the one hand, I can feel that my ego would very much like it if I would stay in my own country and live a very quiet and normal life, where I would not be confronted too much with my own suffering. But there is something that tells me that I should go anyway, despite my insecurities and fears, because the love between us might be something real, something I should choose above my illusionary story.
However, I know that when I'm together with this person again, I need to be very honest with myself in order to see if the deep connection between us is still there, and if it is actually something real and not an imagination of the mind. If it is not there anymore, or if my intuition tells me to move on any way (let go without attachment), I know that is what I should do. And I know I will be oke whatever happens