Parent's egos starting to feel exposed and threatened?

Talk about relationships in the context of Spiritual Enlightenment

Parent's egos starting to feel exposed and threatened?

Postby davidm » Thu Jan 30, 2014 6:51 pm

Hi everyone. I've been reading Tolle's books for around 2 or 3 months. Before that I had a violent relationship with my father and a nonexistent relationship with my mother. For around two or three years my dad and i would go at it daily, screaming and very rarely getting in physical fights. Things for my false self got really bad and the life situation was unbearable.

Ever since I began awakening I have really calmed down. It's working.. I "get it". Now my parents egos are really confused. As where before we got in violent fights regularly and they didn't really think there was a problem, now I'm finding a silent strength and suddenly there is an issue with them. As I improve and become friendlier, their egos are freaking out. My Dad threatened to burn my books. He claims that he loves me and that he does so much for me (trust me he's a narcissist we haven't connected in our entire lives - he's repeated this thought pattern in the past).

Today during the first big argument in weeks or months, I said something along the lines of "You don't care about me, I'm only an extension of yourself and you claim to care about me only because you're maintaining your 'good dad' identity". His face was puzzled and speechless. He became like a small child who just got caught playing with his privates. He weakly muttered "that's what all parents do".. So there we have it, the ego has been directly exposed. I also caught his ego directly the other week when he said "I'm not going through this again".

NOW, he is telling me I'm "f*cking up" this family whereas when I punched him in the face over a year ago, everything was fine the next week. So what I'm seeing is his ego making some hilarious and absurb conclusions to protect itself.

I realize I'm still quite unconscious, but much more conscious than I was. I'm on the right track. Does anyone have any insights? I know I need to stop resisting their egos. But they say really harsh things to me and it's difficult. It's hard to not identify them with their egos because they are very strong.

Any insights? thanks so much
-david
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Re: Parent's egos starting to feel exposed and threatened?

Postby rideforever » Thu Jan 30, 2014 9:00 pm

Have compassion. They are ... also good inside.

Be firm in your inner resolutions, do not waver for one second. The more you are awake the more you are able to be a force for the good in this situation, to respond appropriately.

Perhaps one day your wings will be big enough that they can wrap around these people too. They are suffering.
I was proud, and I demanded the finest teacher
.. .. and when he appeared
.. .. .. .. I was so small
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Re: Parent's egos starting to feel exposed and threatened?

Postby peas » Fri Jan 31, 2014 8:44 am

davidm wrote:Ever since I began awakening I have really calmed down. It's working.. I "get it".


Just stop there for a second.

If you don't add the next bit then you are beautifully in the zone of evolving consciousness. What's wrong with staying there for a little while?

Are you ever meant to delve into the egoic ruminations of other people, especially people you have a long history with? Eckhart says these 'long history' relationships, like parents and partners, are essentially booby-trapped (paraphrasing) because of the unresolved emotion and piles and piles of mental expectations followed by judgments.

I have come to realise that my parents are to be left as they are, moreso than any other person in my life situation. That includes not trying to explain or share in any way what is happening for me. They can observe but I don't need to add commentary. Chances are, any explanation I give would, especially in the early stages of awakening, be coming from a hopeful place of "if only they could be freed from suffering too."
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Re: Parent's egos starting to feel exposed and threatened?

Postby davidm » Fri Jan 31, 2014 6:53 pm

peas wrote:
davidm wrote:Ever since I began awakening I have really calmed down. It's working.. I "get it".


Just stop there for a second.

If you don't add the next bit then you are beautifully in the zone of evolving consciousness. What's wrong with staying there for a little while?

Are you ever meant to delve into the egoic ruminations of other people, especially people you have a long history with? Eckhart says these 'long history' relationships, like parents and partners, are essentially booby-trapped (paraphrasing) because of the unresolved emotion and piles and piles of mental expectations followed by judgments.

I have come to realise that my parents are to be left as they are, moreso than any other person in my life situation. That includes not trying to explain or share in any way what is happening for me. They can observe but I don't need to add commentary. Chances are, any explanation I give would, especially in the early stages of awakening, be coming from a hopeful place of "if only they could be freed from suffering too."


You speak the truth. I guess my ego went on a rant there..
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Re: Parent's egos starting to feel exposed and threatened?

Postby rainwilds » Wed May 07, 2014 12:43 pm

I would think that with learning to be non-reactive in your family this is changing the way things normally operate within it. If you've always had arguments in the family that became the way the system has always operated. When one person within the family begins recovering and stabilizing this becomes threatening to the entire system. It becomes unstable. So you become the source of whatever problem arises. Also, you may be influencing the relationship your parents have with each other. Because you exist with your parents in a kind of triangle; what you do has an affect on them also.

It is inevitable that your family will respond as it is. Eventually, hopefully, new relationships can be formed where you are seen as a separate adult individual rather then part of the whole family drama. Awakening in my own life saw a similar thing happen in my family. It now has rebalanced with healthy adult relations. The family system is like a live organism that constantly seeks to balance itself out. As you continue to find presence and come into your own you will feel less pull from them to engage. Lastly, it helps to remember that they react the way the do because of their own suffering and childhood conditioning. This should never be a reason to dismiss abuse, they should be accountable for that if it has ever happened. It is in everyone's (including your own) interest to remain compassionate where possible. Staying with compassion will provide a starting point for presence to be noticed.
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Re: Parent's egos starting to feel exposed and threatened?

Postby sumbrero23 » Mon Jun 09, 2014 10:16 am

I think it is totally common to see this. When you are still, you can easily watch other ego's pop-up. And even more in well-known people a family members, friends. Just remain present, and you'll gradually get more and more peace for you and others. I have experienced the same thing. And there's nothing else one can do when someone is yelling and being aggresive to you, than to be present. They are trying to grab you into their mental egoic patterns.
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