Forever alone on Valentine's day

Talk about relationships in the context of Spiritual Enlightenment

Forever alone on Valentine's day

Postby Clouded » Fri Jan 31, 2014 5:00 am

If there is one day in the year where I am constantly being reminded that I have no one special in my life, it is on Valentine's day and I plan on staying at home all day so I wouldn't have to look at all the couples sharing their happiness and love for each other (cause that's what's expected on Valentine's day?) while I have no one to express those feelings to and pretend that it's just another day. When I see that most people have a certain thing and are happy with it, my mind makes me want to have it as well so I can be happy too. I just hate it when everyone else is experiencing happiness and I wish I could be happy to see so much love being expressed around me, but a part of me is very resentful because I find it unfair that no one picked me to be with them, I never even had my first kiss, I never had anything romantic happen to me and people seem to receive it so easily, I don't know how they do it. Then I start thinking about all the things that I hate about myself and wish that I could change, of all the unnecessary rude things that people did to me and I understand why no one wants to be seen with me, I don't even love myself, I don't know how anyone could love me like that when I have so many flaws.

This Valentine's day hate started 3 years ago when I noticed how many people are in a romantic relationship (there are quite a lot!). And during class, there was a huge gap of empty seats next to me and on both ends of my row, there were lovers who decided to attend the same class to keep their partner company because it was Valentine's day. Then someone came with bouquets of flowers and called out girls' names and I just sank lower into my seat and tried to keep myself from crying because I felt so unloved, so unappreciated, it's like I didn't exist in a physical form, no one notices me (wait they do, but they chose to avoid me!). I saw an overwhelming amount of girls receiving gifts from their boyfriends, couples kissing/cuddling/holding hands, and I felt hideous and undesirable because no one was showing romantic interest in me and I just wanted to disappear or be alone in an empty room and forget about other people being luckier than I am at life. The only male attention I got was from drunk guys or jerks who are horny and want to have sex with my body which has nothing to do with the person that I am and when I'd refuse their advances they'd get mad a me and invent all sorts of stories, where's the romance in that? I had trouble paying attention to my teacher because all I was thinking is that I repel people and that there must be something wrong with my personality/the way I interact with people. I went on a shopping spree that day to take my mind off this feeling of not being good enough for anybody and then came home crying. I don't want this to happen again, so I'm just avoiding going out on Valentine's day and having to re-experience that sadness and envy, it will be over in a couple of hours.
Last edited by Clouded on Fri Jan 31, 2014 5:26 am, edited 1 time in total.
"If you want to know what your were like in the past, look at your body today. If you want to know what your body will be like in the future, look at your thoughts today." -Deepak
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Re: Forever alone on Valentine's day

Postby rachMiel » Fri Jan 31, 2014 5:24 am

Why entertain these thoughts now? Valentine's Day is 2 weeks away. You don't know exactly how you'll feel when it actually happens, right? It's just an idea spinning around in your head.

It might be helpful to find out what secondary pleasures/benefits you get from dwelling on imagined suffering like this. Feeling better might mean letting these secondary pleasures go, not always an easy thing to do.
“At the still point of the turning world.” T. S. Eliot
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Re: Forever alone on Valentine's day

Postby Clouded » Fri Jan 31, 2014 5:48 am

I went to Target today and saw Valentine's day decorations/gifts and then went on youtube and saw a Valentine's day themed video in my subscription box and this reminded me about how much I hate Valentine's day, it's everywhere now. I can't run away from it, Valentine's day will happen whether I like it or not but I don't need to partake in it. I guess I worry about the future. I know for a fact that my parents won't live forever and I'm scared to spend the rest of my life alone, without a close nit family to make memories with. What happens if I get sick, who will take care of me if my parents are dead? Who will I call when I need someone to come home and get me something? Who will I go on a vacation with when most people go on vacation with their families? To start a family, I need to find someone who will want to be in a romantic relationship with me cause that's how social patterns are and I can't convince people who have no romantic/sexual interest in me to live with me till the end of time.

I don't enjoy thinking about this, I just worry that I am going to be even more lonely than I am now once my parents are gone forever and I fail miserably at finding a life partner to "replace" them. :(
"If you want to know what your were like in the past, look at your body today. If you want to know what your body will be like in the future, look at your thoughts today." -Deepak
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Re: Forever alone on Valentine's day

Postby peas » Fri Jan 31, 2014 1:20 pm

As long as you associate these thoughts and feelings with "I" they will feel overwhelming. Thought feeds the emotion which in turn feeds the thoughts. And the suffering spins around.

Try to say it differently from now on. This in no way changes the feelings, just the story.

Instead of "I'm scared to spend the rest of my life alone", try, "a feeling of fear is arising inside and it's trying to tell me that its scary to be alone."

Two things are removed:

1. Personalisation
2. Time

What have you got to lose? Try it.

Feel if there is a difference when you say it differently, removing the personalisation and the time. Make a sincere effort and see what happens. Even a tiny gap can start the ball rolling toward peace.
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Re: Forever alone on Valentine's day

Postby treasuretheday » Fri Jan 31, 2014 4:06 pm

Clouded wrote:If there is one day in the year where I am constantly being reminded that I have no one special in my life, it is on Valentine's day
Or...you could decide this year, Valentines Day will be just one of many days when you remind yourself of how special you are...as you are filled with Love! The 'conditioned requirements' that love must show up through a romance does not honor Love. Think about Love in a BIG, much broader sense! What if you thought beyond the conventions of conditioning, and enjoyed Valentines Day as a way to celebrate & honor the heart, and the flow of love throughout all of Life!

The truth is, no matter what others are doing, no matter whether or not you have a "partner," no matter what, you can experience unlimited Love! Direct the flow toward others...focus on that outward flow...rather than on what you are getting. I know that seems counterintuitive, but really, it matters so much more how much you are loving than how much you perceive yourself to be loved. Love is for giving...not for getting. Because the source of Love is within you...not in some other person outside of you.

Relationships are wonderful and important...but they are not as important as love. I can imagine that it could feel painful & be difficult to find yourself in the midst of the Valetine decor at Target or to see the starry-eyed lovers walking hand in hand, but at those times... remember your heart full of love! Let it flow! Direct your attention to something about the present moment that you love---pretty colors, beautiful artwork, a great song, the sunshine, a sweet dog or cat, an elderly neighbor.

Make it your Valentine's Day mission to find something or someone to love in every moment! Knock on someone's door, present them with a Valentine and share some Louise Hay type message like, "I Love Life and LIfe Loves me...Happy Valentines Day!" You never know how some random act of kindness like that could make another's day..or year!

I've always sent Valentines to my sisters, neighbors, friends, and I wish store clerks and anyone on my path a Happy Valentines Day! I've never viewed the day in a limited, purely romantic light. Start your own traditions... think out of the box, be the unique, expressive, full of life young person you are!

The important thing is to give, Clouded. Seize the opportunity to share your heart... whenever, where ever! You can Live the day (& LIfe!) from a stance of celebration, appreciation and gratitude, or from rejection-- a focus on "what's missing!" It's your choice. Look in the mirror, Smile and say Happy Valentines Day Clouded! Then spend the rest of the day greeting the world with your heart! Be everyone's Valentine!
Life itself is the proper binge.
-Julia Child
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Re: Forever alone on Valentine's day

Postby meetjoeblack » Sat Feb 14, 2015 9:12 am

I am not sure whether or not you are a guy or girl. I think for women, valentines day is harsher as it is expected a woman can attract a man. I also notice that there is pressure for women to marry in their twenties and begin thinking or having kids. Dating is kind of scary that way because a lot of women get baby fever or friends are getting married. There is pressure but, I do not want to be a utility to giving and being used especially with the current court and legal system. If asked a few decades ago where I would be now, like you, it would be married with children. This is not the case.

I approach lots of girls. What I come to notice is that, I have chemistry with some people and not others. Even my username is based upon the movie and coffee shop scene. There is no better feeling then meeting someone awesome with some cute little story to tell. For that reason, I have never been thrilled by the thought of online dating or tinder apps. It is something you could consider and try.

I have posted about different dates or experiences with girls. I admit my ego comes in and I romanticize in a experience creating something that is or is not there. I continue to go through experiences again and again. The results are usually the same. Some short term experience, a flicker of light like a shooting star, and like that, it is gone. When it is gone, I am not sad that it is over but, rather happy I felt something no matter how short term.

You want love but, what are you doing to get there? Temporary awkwardness when breaking the ice is well worth it then sitting back passively and regretting not taking a leap of faith. Most men and women do not have the courage to break social norms. Worse, you have videos like that cat call video which further put men in their head and make them out to be the bad guy twisting their mustache from their volcano lair like a James Bond villain.

Take a leap of faith; no reason why you are not enough. You got to believe in yourself, love yourself before someone will love you. Love the journey rather then chasing down some end point because you will get there and it will be hollow.
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Re: Forever alone on Valentine's day

Postby Clouded » Sat Feb 14, 2015 9:02 pm

My opinion about being single has changed. Rather than waiting for (or searching for) a guy to love me, I'm going to love myself right here and right now. Who else knows me better and understands me better than myself? I've made peace with the idea of being forever alone (I no longer dread it; there are worse things that can happen to me), and I can more easily brush off other people's comments about me being single at my age (usually older women, like my mom, worry about me being an old maid and not ''producing'' any offspring, like my sole purpose is to be a baby machine.) I don't feel comfortable using social media and apps to get a date, I prefer the old fashioned way; I want to get to know a guy first, without any expectations about dating and romance, establish a friendship with him, and then become best friends and lovers. I don't like the rush of dating and dating multiple people at once (that feels like cheating to me); I don't like the hook-up culture of today; I want to experience something more meaningful and lasting.

I used to worry that guys would stay away from me once they find out that I don't have any experience (when I was in my late teens, I used to be ashamed of never having never experienced my first kiss and I considered kissing strangers at night clubs so I could practice for the ''real'' thing but then I decided that I didn't want to waste the memory of my first kiss on some random guy who was probably drunk out of his mind and who doesn't give a crap about me.) I don't want to let my fear of what others think of me dictate what I do; I'll just be myself and if a guy doesn't like that about me, then he's not the one for me and this would save me a lot of trouble and heartbreak than if I were to pretend that I'm exactly what he wants the girl of his dreams to be.
"If you want to know what your were like in the past, look at your body today. If you want to know what your body will be like in the future, look at your thoughts today." -Deepak
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Re: Forever alone on Valentine's day

Postby blissrunn14 » Sat Feb 14, 2015 9:13 pm

You remind me a little of myself. I get the feeling (I could be wrong) you're a little rigid when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex and dating because of some past sexual experiences you had when you were a child. I can relate, I also read that you cover yourself up and hide some of your looks, I can also relate. I also get the vibe you're still very young based on some of your posts. You really shouldn't be worried about never meeting anyone your still so young and have years and years ahead of you, anything can happen in that time. I hope you can relax about it. I'm no expert I have my own problems, but I think you would feel better if you put on those dresses and heels you say you like to wear in private once in awhile and let your beauty shine and when someone asks you to hang out just go out for fun you'll start getting used to it. That doesn't mean you have to screw them or even kiss them, just look at is as an opportunity to go dancing or get free dinner and drinks and socialize with someone new. Some dates will pan out into more and many won't, but you'll still be getting out there and enjoying yourself. Just my 2 cents.
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Re: Forever alone on Valentine's day

Postby meetjoeblack » Sat Feb 28, 2015 1:07 am

Clouded wrote:My opinion about being single has changed. Rather than waiting for (or searching for) a guy to love me, I'm going to love myself right here and right now. Who else knows me better and understands me better than myself? I've made peace with the idea of being forever alone (I no longer dread it; there are worse things that can happen to me), and I can more easily brush off other people's comments about me being single at my age (usually older women, like my mom, worry about me being an old maid and not ''producing'' any offspring, like my sole purpose is to be a baby machine.) I don't feel comfortable using social media and apps to get a date, I prefer the old fashioned way; I want to get to know a guy first, without any expectations about dating and romance, establish a friendship with him, and then become best friends and lovers. I don't like the rush of dating and dating multiple people at once (that feels like cheating to me); I don't like the hook-up culture of today; I want to experience something more meaningful and lasting.

I used to worry that guys would stay away from me once they find out that I don't have any experience (when I was in my late teens, I used to be ashamed of never having never experienced my first kiss and I considered kissing strangers at night clubs so I could practice for the ''real'' thing but then I decided that I didn't want to waste the memory of my first kiss on some random guy who was probably drunk out of his mind and who doesn't give a crap about me.) I don't want to let my fear of what others think of me dictate what I do; I'll just be myself and if a guy doesn't like that about me, then he's not the one for me and this would save me a lot of trouble and heartbreak than if I were to pretend that I'm exactly what he wants the girl of his dreams to be.


Do what I do. Do everything in your power to change your circumstances. Approach a man you want to know. Talk to people. Start a okcupid account and tinder. Try actually going to speed dating or a spiritual dating site. Begin to expose yourself to various conditions and learn.

In short, much of our experiences is linked to our consciousness or lack there of it. I thought of exposing myself to new things. I am going to go out for a coffee date with one girl and drinks with another. I may in fact be forever alone but, I will do everything I can until my last breathe to change that fate. If that is what I am destined to experience, I accept that but, not sitting down. I will take action. I will read more books, I will travel to every country, I will risk rejection after rejection approaching different women. I will take everything I can from the experience. I will personalize nothing. I will learn. I will love. I will start myself.
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Re: Forever alone on Valentine's day

Postby Grzyby15 » Tue May 05, 2015 11:35 am

I think Valantine's Day is overrated. It's important to feel good with yourself and not to rely on other people when your mental well being is considered.
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Re: Forever alone on Valentine's day

Postby Baba Bozo » Thu Jun 04, 2015 2:28 am

Without reference to any particular person....

The real reason that so many are alone is not that others won't accept them, but that they won't accept others.

This is usually a quite unwelcome proposal as it deflates the ever popular victim pose, but for those rare serious individuals, it's really very good news because....

It means the sufferer is actually in control of their fate.
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Re: Forever alone on Valentine's day

Postby smiileyjen101 » Fri Jun 05, 2015 1:40 am

It means the sufferer is actually in control of their fate.


OOh that really stinks!! (maybe you really are the Great Flatulence :lol: )
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