relationship advice

Talk about relationships in the context of Spiritual Enlightenment

relationship advice

Postby lotusflower » Sat Apr 12, 2014 7:44 pm

Hi All

I feel like some things are transforming in my life but my relationship feels stuck in an old pattern. this is where i crave intimacy but am also feel fearful of it. my husband can be preoccupied with other things such as TV and internet and we dont have as much quality time as i would like. this causes me a lot of pain but i try to accept the situation as i think that might be a way to transform it but i am not there yet and i end up lashing out. then, other times he is very attentive to me and i don't like it. it makes me feel uncomfortable and i need space and to maintain some distance. can anyone give any advice on how to deal with this situation?
lotusflower
 
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Re: relationship advice

Postby peas » Sat Apr 12, 2014 11:33 pm

The push/pull pattern is very common. It's the anti-stillness of 'relationships'. The thing to do is to observe how the mind wants to focus on this thing called a 'relationship'. It's an obsession that minds have. As if there is something magical waiting to happen, if only you got it just right. In actual fact, the only thing is you. That's the main game. Pay complete attention to you. Work on you. Words don't describe what that means. But its a matter of paying utmost attention to yourself. Open up to that. The rest takes care of itself.
peas
 
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Re: relationship advice

Postby lotusflower » Sun Apr 13, 2014 11:50 am

thanks peas - really helpful. this is what i really want to do but i find it hard to put into practise. when i am sat with him and he is not paying me attention i feel such pain. i don't think this is just about him, it stems in childhood as my father was pretty inattentive. so what is the best approach? bring my awareness to how i feel?
lotusflower
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Sun Apr 06, 2014 10:21 am

Re: relationship advice

Postby peas » Sun Apr 13, 2014 3:53 pm

Wow, that is pretty advanced to zero in straight away to a father relationship thing. Celebrate that, in a mini way. It's no big deal, but seems very hard for most people.

The answer in all things, and this is no different in your specific case, is to lose the 'individual'. That means, let go of anything that used to make you feel like a separate person.

That's hard to describe to most people but somehow I think you'll work it out.

How it manifests is that when you are sitting with your partner you are more in tune with him. Actually, you're more in tune with the totality. Instead of expecting him to be more in tune with you. Magic happens. Maybe sexually, but in other ways too. You truly become one, and purely from your own presence. Cause otherwise, you would have expected more from him. And been trapped by that expectation. Which is a mind thing.

This way you truly take care of the situation in presence. Joy is the result, for both of you.

Who would have thought that one person's presence results in two people's joy. That's the miracle of the universe.
peas
 
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