What being social is like.

Talk about relationships in the context of Spiritual Enlightenment

What being social is like.

Postby sumbrero23 » Mon May 05, 2014 2:35 am

I don't want to go deep into techniques, theory or anything like that.
Don't you observe, that, when you speak to another people, for example: in a party, it's just pure bla bla bla?
I mean, words have not any real meaning at all for most people, what's important is your confidence.
Im introvert and I realized how ridicule is. There's a belief on one having or not having ''social skills'. But there's no such kind of thing.
It's just about saying whatever comes into your mind, Kinda dumb isn't it?
With confidence, standing on your feet, with a clear voice and looking straight into the eyes.
What makes interesting a conversation is just your presence. Well, I think I'm saying this to myself, because I was very shy.


But ok, what you think? Besides that to me seems like personal relationships are merely superficial.
And it's okay to have some fun. I can party and joke around but at some degree, most of parties are like 10 hours of loud music and noises.
How the f&&%ck you can stay awake? (drugs maybe?) :lol: my ears will start of bleeding after 2 hours, or maybe 3. That's when my antisocial mode is activated.
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Re: What being social is like.

Postby Clouded » Mon May 05, 2014 3:59 am

Of what use are parties when you don't find them enjoyable? To me, house parties are a place for gossiping, taking recreational drugs, get wasted, take lots of pictures to show off how much fun it was on Facebook (don't forget the tagging) and clubbing is a place for when you felt horny but needed someone to accompany you to the bathroom and help split the taxi bill. I agree that most conversations there (if there are any) are of a superficial nature. There was a time in my life in which I was also a part of that fakeness so I could fit in with everyone; at first glance, I'd act really happy to see these people (it was almost an exaggeration) and so were they but I could tell it was all for show, these people wouldn't even hug me and tell me how glad they are that I came if they saw me at school. I also felt as a +1 when I went on night outings. I feel that when I'm with a larger group of people, not a lot of personal, more meaningful information is exchanged between us.
"If you want to know what your were like in the past, look at your body today. If you want to know what your body will be like in the future, look at your thoughts today." -Deepak
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Re: What being social is like.

Postby sumbrero23 » Mon May 05, 2014 4:19 am

Clouded wrote:Of what use are parties when you don't find them enjoyable?

And so were they but I could tell it was all for show, these people wouldn't even hug me and tell me how glad they are that I came if they saw at school. I also felt as a +1 when I went on night outings. I feel that when I'm with a larger group of people, not a lot of personal, more meaningful information is exchanged between us.



Hahah.. I could never fake.. it is hard to me to smile without any real reason to do it.
But I find that going out regulary is good to express myself and have human contact.
Although parties and clubs are definetly not my enviroment.
Sometimes I want to scream or joke around out of the blue :lol: people can find me ''weird''
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Re: What being social is like.

Postby sumbrero23 » Mon May 05, 2014 4:22 am

Clouded wrote: There was a time in my life in which I was also a part of that fakeness so I could fit in with everyone; at first glance, I'd act really happy to see these people (it was almost an exaggeration)



So at that time you were hanging-out frecuently? and now what?
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Re: What being social is like.

Postby Clouded » Mon May 05, 2014 4:51 am

I hanged out with those people because they were my best friend's new 'clique' and at the time, she was my only real friend and I didn't want to lose her friendship and be lonely so I dragged myself anywhere she went just to keep up with her because I knew that as soon as I would let go, she'd just forget about me and that's just what happened. Now I just hang out in libraries/book stores/clothing stores and cafés and just like you, sometimes I want to say something in the moment or I won't remember it later and be listened to and when that happens, I call my parents at work and have a little chat with them. Sometimes, I am able to make small talk with the people working there, I'm not entirely comfortable with this but I made progress over the months.
"If you want to know what your were like in the past, look at your body today. If you want to know what your body will be like in the future, look at your thoughts today." -Deepak
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Re: What being social is like.

Postby sumbrero23 » Mon May 05, 2014 5:13 am

Clouded wrote: Sometimes, I am able to make small talk with the people working there, I'm not entirely comfortable with this but I made progress over the months.


If I may say, I think you shouldn't feel uncomfortable. What's the reason?..
For example I can speak and be nice to others when I have the impulse to do it, otherwise i'll be pretending my intentions.
Simply as that. It feels good when people are able to understand your way of being, but not necessary for sustain your existence.
You must have felt liberating when you recognized that you relationships with your old friends, were dependant relationships.
I had to get out too, from almost all of my past social ties, for the same reason. I was not getting any spiritual progress from those relationships.
.......relationships
.....relationships
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Re: What being social is like.

Postby Clouded » Mon May 05, 2014 5:40 am

I think that I regress to a lower self when I am in the company of other people because I have to divert most of my attention to someone else's thoughts/feelings and most of the time I am not myself or my egoic self, but a copy of their egoic selves. For example, I agree with them (even if I have no opinion) because I want to avoid disagreeing with them and put strain in our relationship. I have to put this mask on because I am afraid of rejection and it's exhausting to keep this up. I also can't be silent around them, they'll think that I'm weird and lose interest in being friends with me because they'll think I'm boring. I always have to think of what I should say/do next to keep them entertained. It's hard to find someone who will unconditionally accept you. I don't know if my former friends were fake with me as well, I can only speak for myself. That's why I love animals so much, they don't judge you as much as humans tend to do! So how are you doing in the social department now that you have cut ties with former relationships? Have you met some kindred spirits (do people interested in spirituality exist outside of this forum?) or did you come to the conclusion that spiritual growth is better done alone?
"If you want to know what your were like in the past, look at your body today. If you want to know what your body will be like in the future, look at your thoughts today." -Deepak
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Re: What being social is like.

Postby sumbrero23 » Wed May 07, 2014 12:39 pm

Clouded wrote:I think that I regress to a lower self when I am in the company of other people because I have to divert most of my attention to someone else's thoughts/feelings and most of the time I am not myself or my egoic self, but a copy of their egoic selves. For example, I agree with them (even if I have no opinion) because I want to avoid disagreeing with them and put strain in our relationship.

! So how are you doing in the social department now that you have cut ties with former relationships? Have you met some kindred spirits (do people interested in spirituality exist outside of this forum?) or did you come to the conclusion that spiritual growth is better done alone?



You know... we tend to rationalize and think about things too much. And you'll never, NEVER going to have an answer that fullfils your doubts.
The ultimate answer to everything is this: your true self (presence/awareness/consciousness...)
We suffer so much, because we forget who we truly are. Our real self doesn't need to ask anything. It finds the answers by itself.
So everytime we feel bad, don't play the game! don't listen to your mind, go to your heart...


Changing the subject... I cannot say that I have 'friends'. That word meaning have totally shifted to me. But I'm not alone.
Sometimes I meet people from my past. And it is a very good challenge. Because my ego can easily pop up. So it is a good challenge to me...
I also spend time with family members. But most of the time, I'm alone, and I really enjoy it, because I can do whatever I want! :lol:
I can see how my past relationships were just about interests... and not this deep connection im looking for.
But that's okay, real friends will come by themselves. :)
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Re: What being social is like.

Postby Clouded » Wed May 07, 2014 2:46 pm

Yeah, I feel like meeting old friends is more of a challenge than meeting new people because old thought patterns about your past relationship with those people arise whereas you can start fresh with strangers because you have no memories associated with them. I have trouble staying present with both types of encounters though.
"If you want to know what your were like in the past, look at your body today. If you want to know what your body will be like in the future, look at your thoughts today." -Deepak
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