I find someone interesting, plz give me a suggestion

Talk about relationships in the context of Spiritual Enlightenment

I find someone interesting, plz give me a suggestion

Postby imago dei » Mon Sep 01, 2014 3:22 pm

Hi all friends,
as i wrote in other threads, i'm an individual who puts freedom above all, and i don't want strings attached in a relationship. I don't want it and i have 10000 reasons not to want it now, that i won't explain.
Btw i have now a collegue who is really nice and since the first moment we immediately understood each other, he's also good looking and i like talking to him, we have many things in common. I like and appreciate him the way he is, and he tells me many beautiful things like he likes me too much and he always thinks of me.
I don't like playing with feelings and with persons, i have respect for other people....so every time he tells me he likes me too much i answer "me too i like you and i want to know you better (...) freedom is everything for me, i'm an independent individual". Then he says nothing anymore, and doesn't write to me either.
How could he interpret my words?? They are authentic and i can't lie, yes i like him a lot and want to spend some time more with him, but don't forget that freedom comes first for me....I don't want a traditional relationship that's it (but i didn't use these words with him).
Saying "i like you a lot but freedom is too important for me", how can it be interpreted?? As i said, i can't lie and i don't want to fool and hurt anyone.
Thanks for the attention!
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Re: I find someone interesting, plz give me a suggestion

Postby dijmart » Mon Sep 01, 2014 7:37 pm

You answered your own question. :wink:

Question- (last line of your post)

Saying "i like you a lot but freedom is too important for me", how can it be interpreted??


Answer- (first line of your post)

i'm an individual who puts freedom above all, and i don't want strings attached in a relationship. I don't want it ...
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Re: I find someone interesting, plz give me a suggestion

Postby imago dei » Mon Sep 01, 2014 7:40 pm

dijmart wrote:You answered your own question. :wink:

Question- (last line of your post)

Saying "i like you a lot but freedom is too important for me", how can it be interpreted??


Answer- (first line of your post)

i'm an individual who puts freedom above all, and i don't want strings attached in a relationship. I don't want it ...

But i didn't use those words with him, not to hurt him.
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Re: I find someone interesting, plz give me a suggestion

Postby dijmart » Mon Sep 01, 2014 8:17 pm

imago dei wrote:
Saying "i like you a lot but freedom is too important for me", how can it be interpreted??



But i didn't use those words with him, not to hurt him.


So, I'm confused, I've been posting on your other thread to you and this is what you said-

imago dei wrote:To my co-worker it didn' t clearly say "i don't want a committment", i used the words: i like you very much but in general i'm a person who puts freedom first". I have no idea how he interpreted it, i said it twice coz i don't want to give illusions, he just didn't say one single word.


First, you said, on the thread that you told him you didn't want a commitment, then you said you used the words above, not once, but twice. Now, you're saying you didn't use those words either?

Then, you said, you didn't want my opinion, because I'm a woman...nice. Well, actually, you said you wanted the opinion of men, but I can take a hint, since you said it after asking me if I was a woman.

So, I'm out, I don't know what your deal is.
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Re: I find someone interesting, plz give me a suggestion

Postby imago dei » Mon Sep 01, 2014 8:21 pm

dijmart wrote:
imago dei wrote:
Saying "i like you a lot but freedom is too important for me", how can it be interpreted??



But i didn't use those words with him, not to hurt him.


So, I'm confused, I've been posting on your other thread to you and this is what you said-

imago dei wrote:To my co-worker it didn' t clearly say "i don't want a committment", i used the words: i like you very much but in general i'm a person who puts freedom first". I have no idea how he interpreted it, i said it twice coz i don't want to give illusions, he just didn't say one single word.


First, you said, on the thread that you told him you didn't want a commitment, then you said you used the words above, not once, but twice. Now, you're saying you didn't use those words either?

Then, you said, you didn't want my opinion, because I'm a woman...nice. Well, actually, you said you wanted the opinion of men, but I can take a hint.

So, I'm out, I don't know what your deal is.

Damn!!! Its easier than what you think!!!
I told him "i like you very much, i want to know you better but in general i'm a person who puts freedom above all"...i said it twice. Read better.
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Re: I find someone interesting, plz give me a suggestion

Postby dijmart » Tue Sep 02, 2014 2:01 am

imago dei wrote:Damn!!! Its easier than what you think!!!
I told him "i like you very much, i want to know you better but in general i'm a person who puts freedom above all"...i said it twice. Read better.


Actually, I think you mis-understood my other post I suspect, so let's go over it again.

dijmart wrote:You answered your own question. :wink:

Question- (last line of your post)

Saying "i like you a lot but freedom is too important for me", how can it be interpreted??


What I'm saying here is that your question to the forum is "how can what you said be interpreted?", meaning what you said was ""i like you a lot but freedom is too important for me" and how can one interpret this?

Answer- (first line of your post)

i'm an individual who puts freedom above all, and i don't want strings attached in a relationship. I don't want it ...


Then, I posted the above statement of yours, not as what you said to him, but as an answer to your question. Another words, your statement (to him the first quote) could be interpreted as "you are an individual who puts freedom above all, and you don't want strings attached in a relationship. You don't want it ..". That is how one could interpret you saying "i like you a lot but freedom is too important for me".

So, I read well, but in this case you seemed to misunderstand me a post or two back, which then lead to the confusion.

When you said, "But i didn't use those words with him, not to hurt him." You thought I meant what I posted as the "answer", but I was referring to the "question", which was what you actually said to him or so you said, at that time.
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Re: I find someone interesting, plz give me a suggestion

Postby imago dei » Tue Sep 02, 2014 1:46 pm

dijmart wrote:
imago dei wrote:Damn!!! Its easier than what you think!!!
I told him "i like you very much, i want to know you better but in general i'm a person who puts freedom above all"...i said it twice. Read better.


Actually, I think you mis-understood my other post I suspect, so let's go over it again.

dijmart wrote:You answered your own question. :wink:

Question- (last line of your post)

Saying "i like you a lot but freedom is too important for me", how can it be interpreted??


What I'm saying here is that your question to the forum is "how can what you said be interpreted?", meaning what you said was ""i like you a lot but freedom is too important for me" and how can one interpret this?

Answer- (first line of your post)

i'm an individual who puts freedom above all, and i don't want strings attached in a relationship. I don't want it ...


Then, I posted the above statement of yours, not as what you said to him, but as an answer to your question. Another words, your statement (to him the first quote) could be interpreted as "you are an individual who puts freedom above all, and you don't want strings attached in a relationship. You don't want it ..". That is how one could interpret you saying "i like you a lot but freedom is too important for me".

So, I read well, but in this case you seemed to misunderstand me a post or two back, which then lead to the confusion.

When you said, "But i didn't use those words with him, not to hurt him." You thought I meant what I posted as the "answer", but I was referring to the "question", which was what you actually said to him or so you said, at that time.

Ok, now it's clear and i understand.
Btw yes this is your opinion about the way he might have interpreted it...of course we're not sure though (but i guess he can perceive that i meant no strings attached).
Honestly, it would be too beautiful to find someone with the same vision of life, but i gave up, people i know are "all or nothing". So, i should decide if total loneliness or a traditional relationship.
In the last 2 days i haven't said the word "freedom" anymore, not one single time....he seems to be very in love with me and always looks for my attention...let's see...tomorrow we will have dinner together, let's see what happens. I wouldn't like to lose him complitely btw, that's why i don't want to talk about freedom for a while, he would only run away.
But i have contrasting feelings, kinda an inner conflict, it's not pleasant.
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Re: I find someone interesting, plz give me a suggestion

Postby far_eastofwest » Tue Sep 02, 2014 3:05 pm

This is a simple one.
Define what freedoms you require.
Mine for example are
freedom to spend time with my kids
to have my pets, play tetris, go horseriding when i wish
to go out once a year with a guy friend who visits from out of town (no flirting lol)
to be able to sell stuff on ebay, renovate the home (this ones a bit tricky), study 'stuff', have a job if i want one, go on a holiday on my own for a few days if i can afford it, do lots of gardening, read books, visit my family and friends.
So all i need in a partner (besides the attractions/love) is a person who won't stop me enjoying the above 'freedoms'. Not so hard then when its defined?

I never would say "I need freedom", as its too vague/undefined, put it that i like doing x, y, z, and a, b and c are important in my life and if its a choice between him or the cats, well i will miss him. (what man would ask you to give up your cats?).

So you may need to sit down and work out which things you want to be 'free' to do in a relationship and put them forth, else sound like a contrary child that just want to be able to 'do whatever they want' even if its things they have no wish, desire or oppotunity to ever do.

As soon as someone says 'but' it generally negates what was said before
i like you alot ....... but........ (doesn't really matter what you put after, it has negated the like you a lot bit)
i like you alot........ but i am married/you are too old/i am leaving the country/we have different religions/i only like bald men/my mother wouldn't approve....
see, when you say 'but' you have already dismissed the 'i like you a lot', it doesn't matter WHAT you say after it.
So basically you are telling him you like him but it aint gonna happen between the two of you, so naturally he backs off, then you say you would like to spend more time with him?
You want to spend more time with this guy but you want him to piss off and leave you alone when it suits you so you can be independent? Does that sum it up?
It sounds like the byline of the Passive aggressive person: " Be there for me but don't get too close. "
Want the love, but feel suffocated by it.
so theres some stuff to think about
:)
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Re: I find someone interesting, plz give me a suggestion

Postby imago dei » Tue Sep 02, 2014 5:54 pm

far_eastofwest wrote:This is a simple one.
Define what freedoms you require.
Mine for example are
freedom to spend time with my kids
to have my pets, play tetris, go horseriding when i wish
to go out once a year with a guy friend who visits from out of town (no flirting lol)
to be able to sell stuff on ebay, renovate the home (this ones a bit tricky), study 'stuff', have a job if i want one, go on a holiday on my own for a few days if i can afford it, do lots of gardening, read books, visit my family and friends.
So all i need in a partner (besides the attractions/love) is a person who won't stop me enjoying the above 'freedoms'. Not so hard then when its defined?

I never would say "I need freedom", as its too vague/undefined, put it that i like doing x, y, z, and a, b and c are important in my life and if its a choice between him or the cats, well i will miss him. (what man would ask you to give up your cats?).

So you may need to sit down and work out which things you want to be 'free' to do in a relationship and put them forth, else sound like a contrary child that just want to be able to 'do whatever they want' even if its things they have no wish, desire or oppotunity to ever do.

As soon as someone says 'but' it generally negates what was said before
i like you alot ....... but........ (doesn't really matter what you put after, it has negated the like you a lot bit)
i like you alot........ but i am married/you are too old/i am leaving the country/we have different religions/i only like bald men/my mother wouldn't approve....
see, when you say 'but' you have already dismissed the 'i like you a lot', it doesn't matter WHAT you say after it.
So basically you are telling him you like him but it aint gonna happen between the two of you, so naturally he backs off, then you say you would like to spend more time with him?
You want to spend more time with this guy but you want him to piss off and leave you alone when it suits you so you can be independent? Does that sum it up?
It sounds like the byline of the Passive aggressive person: " Be there for me but don't get too close. "
Want the love, but feel suffocated by it.
so theres some stuff to think about
:)

I'm complitely confused, it's all so automatic and inconscious, sometimes i'm shocked by my own behaviour, it's complitely spontaneous. And i often don't even know what i want.
The guy is lovely and very nice, i seduced him, gave him lot of attention, i am really lovely with him, he says i' m an angel. But he lives 70 km from me, and i feel like "out of danger". So i tell him i like him, i want him , i want to spend more time with him, and it's all true. But i don't know what would happen if i would spend with him 6-8 hours a day evry single day with him (well at work we have very less contact).
in general what i require is:
- not to be judged on my own life choises;
- not to be controlled about my money, or what i do during the day - i don't like 10000 questions about me;
- i like going out with friends in the weekend;
- i like flirting only for joke;
- i'm not so sure that i'm faithful, but i try to do my best not to have adventures; i probably succeed in it.
This is all i ask.
I probably wouldn't feel suffocated and i'd be very happy if someone accepted my vision and let me be myself without complaining and hurting me.
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Re: I find someone interesting, plz give me a suggestion

Postby dijmart » Tue Sep 02, 2014 7:27 pm

imago dei wrote:Btw yes this is your opinion about the way he might have interpreted it...of course we're not sure though (but i guess he can perceive that i meant no strings attached)..


Well, ya know, that's all ya get on a forum is opinions, really. I didn't even give you "my" opinion really, I just took what you said yourself, about yourself and used that for your answer. Isn't that more fitting. :wink:
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Re: I find someone interesting, plz give me a suggestion

Postby imago dei » Tue Sep 02, 2014 8:16 pm

dijmart wrote:
imago dei wrote:Btw yes this is your opinion about the way he might have interpreted it...of course we're not sure though (but i guess he can perceive that i meant no strings attached)..


Well, ya know, that's all ya get on a forum is opinions, really. I didn't even give you "my" opinion really, I just took what you said yourself, about yourself and used that for your answer. Isn't that more fitting. :wink:

There could be different ways to interpret it, i guess, just hearing the sentence "i put freedom first".
I remind you that the guy never heard the sentence "i dont want strings attached and i have to do what i want". He just knows that i put freedom first, so the interpretations can be many. Is it clear now??!
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Re: I find someone interesting, plz give me a suggestion

Postby dijmart » Wed Sep 03, 2014 2:40 am

imago dei wrote:
I remind you that the guy never heard the sentence "i dont want strings attached and i have to do what i want". He just knows that i put freedom first, so the interpretations can be many. Is it clear now??!


Actually, I don't need "reminded" the guy never heard that...I knew that! Again, I was saying it was simply a "possible" answer to your question, that he could have taken what you said in that way. Ultimately, your original question is too vague. Which means you are telling guys something so vague, it could mean anything, but they know it isn't good news for them.

Why are you asking me "is it clear now?" I've been clear in my understanding, but I can't say the same for you.
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Re: I find someone interesting, plz give me a suggestion

Postby imago dei » Wed Sep 03, 2014 8:06 am

dijmart wrote:
imago dei wrote:
I remind you that the guy never heard the sentence "i dont want strings attached and i have to do what i want". He just knows that i put freedom first, so the interpretations can be many. Is it clear now??!


Actually, I don't need "reminded" the guy never heard that...I knew that! Again, I was saying it was simply a "possible" answer to your question, that he could have taken what you said in that way. Ultimately, your original question is too vague. Which means you are telling guys something so vague, it could mean anything, but they know it isn't good news for them.

Why are you asking me "is it clear now?" I've been clear in my understanding, but I can't say the same for you.

You sound to be defensive every single time, i dunno what's going on with you, what is your problem :/
First you said that OBVIOUSLY my sentence "i put freedom first" means of course "i don't want strings attached"...and i explained that i think it can be interpreted in numerous ways.
Anyway it doesn't matter, it's extremely boring to feed polemics here, we are here to discuss and not push polemics and conflicts, we really don't need it!
You see? We both agree that my sentence can be interpreted in many ways, and not necessarily "no strings attached". So what's your problem now i don't understand.
Btw i invited the guy today evening to have dinner with me, let's see, i 'll be honest coz i can do no other than being honest, and i'll tell him i want a free relationship, this means we don't need to be together every single day and everyone has the right to own his own space.
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Re: I find someone interesting, plz give me a suggestion

Postby dijmart » Wed Sep 03, 2014 5:58 pm

I don't know, I think you don't understand a lot of what I say. Its too frustrating trying to communicate with you. So, good luck with it all. Peace out.
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Re: I find someone interesting, plz give me a suggestion

Postby Boni » Tue Sep 16, 2014 2:48 pm

imago dei wrote:and i'll tell him i want a free relationship, this means we don't need to be together every single day and everyone has the right to own his own space.

Rather easy, you are a typical modern western person who wants freedom and prefers a L.A.T. relationship.
If the other side share's your vision about that then ik can work out (for a while).
On the other hand, since you are here on a awareness forum, it's interesting to think about why you are afraid loosing your freedom when living together with a partner you love. You lived together with your parents as well didn't you?
- If everything is God’s Will, then there is a ‘total acceptance of what is’.
- Events happen, deeds are done, but there is no individual doer thereof.
- Words reduce reality to something the human mind can grasp, which isn’t very much. (E.T.)
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