A discussion community revolving around Eckhart Tolle but not limited to him
ekidhardt wrote:well well...
I think you're actually missing quite a bit, tons in fact.
" In the end I see that when there is no contradictory in the ways things are I am happy and joyful. '
This is basically the core operation of passive aggression. If one does not have any conflict or dissonance--then all is well! --if you don't get challenged, then..all is good! So then, the logic must be that if you exclude people who aren't in agreement with your way of thinking--then you'll be happy! perfect!--by the way, present does not equal happy.
Except, yeah it doesn't make much sense.
You're clearly identified with your own mindset. You think your beliefs are correct, and others are wrong. You don't have enough ego-strength (self confidence) to tolerate differing ways of thinking.
And I would say, you're not as happy as you claim. You just identify with the notion of being happy if you can isolate yourself with your own mind and those who support it. In psychology it's called 'egosyntonic'--those things which support how you want to see yourself.
Being present is also the inclusion of non-judgement and acceptance of what is. You don't do those things. Instead you judge, diminish, and separate yourself. You don't see and create authentic bonds through commonality, but instead you nurture select relationships through exclusion an division. This is the complete opposite of Tolle's teachings.
You've clearly missed the core of Tolle philosophy, and I think you probably have a certain level of narcissism. You're searching for the 'right' mindset? Psst, there is no right mindset. Nor wrong either.
You don't suffer much or at all when someone leaves you?
Well, if you believe you are superior to another, then there is no loss is there right? You've lost something of little value--thus, no loss.
I'm going to guess that you're on here fishing for unconscious reinforcement for your own superiority, but at the same time, you recognize there is an issue with it, which is why you're actually here (but you're not aware of that). Your egoic self is looking for reinforcement, to *invalidate* a tiny little piece of you that is saying 'wait, why are people leaving me? is it possibly me that is the issue?"--yet that little piece of you is actually your authentic self trying to poke through.
I see also that you intellectualize and rationalize your circumstances, which are defense mechanisms of the ego to preserve itself. More evidence of what I asserted above.
"How come no one cannot leave you in away you feel abandoned? "
You're asking why you don't feel abandoned, you're not actually interested in the experience of others. The reason you don't feel abandoned is because you are highly unconscious, and you don't realize it. Unfortunately, you're probably a smart enough person to rationalize your own correctness, so you effectively convince yourself.
And the second part of your question, if someone leaves me
Again, you're not actually here to get those questions answered, but to reinforce your own sense of superiority.
So, instead, why don't you actually ask some questions
Enlightened2B wrote:Interesting reply eki,
I'm not sure if you're right in your assessment of the OP or not.
Regardless, I do see very often in the spiritual community (especially since finding this website a few years back) that there are some who miss the point of relationships and relating.
Often one will believe they have discovered the Self (which I too did initially) and think they are immune to life. I personally felt no need to wrap myself up in meaningless relationships when relationships only lead to heartbreak and suffering.
Of course this was my own limited view at the time. Passive aggressive indeed. I'm learning more and more about embracing that which is different than me. Relationships of all kinds are about growth and learning about who we are.....in relation to another. Relationships are the most valuable tool we have here and they are our most valuable asset in our growth. Growth in the sense of going from passive/aggressive manipulative beings to our true nature as Beings of Love and Light. To the understanding that all perspectives are of value to the whole. To the understanding that each of us is conditioned differently.
I think when you start to widen your view and see life from a different grander perspective, relationships of all kinds will serve you better. 'Conversations with God' has been a great asset for me.
In response to the initial Op's question of 'do you still feel abandoned after someone leaves you'. Abandoned is a strong word that implies a personal assault on you. Its implications are that the other person who left you, did something wrong, in that they 'abandoned you'. I would word it a bit differently. While, feeling 'sad' about someone leaving is perfectly understandable. Especially if you shared a bond with that person. But, in a deeper sense, all relationships serve their purpose for the time that they exist. It's only our belief that relationships 'should perhaps never end' which might keep us in the feelings of 'abandonment' that something is 'wrong' when a relationship ends. People grow apart and people die. Take what you will from each situation and see yourself in relation to that person or thing.
In the end, all is good.
So once again here is my question: How come no one cannot leave you in away you feel abandoned?
Second question which I would like to know after this is do you still feel abandoned if someone leaves you?
I then become blind
". I have had and probably still have hard time with people that aren't in the same page with me"
Conflicts have felt so bad to me that I have seen them where there haven't been any and I have created them and avoided them.
"Well this is a harsh way of saying things, but I see you say it based on my post, not that you really know me even when this seems to me like you seem to do so."
I must say that I didn't read my earlier post when I read yours, because I just don't feel it in me; the right mindset thinking. It brings a bit of shame to me so I don't want to
"I have had this problem that I have been thinking true happiness to be some sort of feeling. I don't see it as that anymore. I see it as this awareness that witnesses all the feelings."
"Well yes, you are right, I think. This is kind of weird to me how I don't feel threatened by what you say. Later in my life I would have felt that and probably would have fought and again run away. I just don't want to do that again and why should I, you are right."
"I can't believe I have said that I am superior to anyone (still not reading my earlier post) and it is hard for me to grasp the logic in your question. "
"My egoic self have been seeking validation for it to be right. The reason for validation is in me that I am now exploring. It seems that when I try to get closer of being vulnerable I seem to awaken the fear in me and the presence is hard to attain. I then become blind."
"Now I feel that this is changing, but I still seem to fear and I even fear this fear in me. I fear that it ruins the opening of my heart."
So the idea is that you should separate YOU (who you are)--from the content of what you think. Once you separate the two, then the "you" will never be under attack--only the perspective that the 'you' is saying.
Separate your own value from what you believe, and you will never feel threatened by another perspective.
I would suggest to expose yourself intentionally (condition yourself) to the things which you fear. You'll see, absolutely, that the fear will dissipate.
It sounds like you're in a chaotic stage---the stage where you're internally conflicted because your conscious and unconscious are colliding. That's pretty normal for everyone as those two collide. I ran into the same circumstance with dishes hah "
This was very helpful to hear. I truly was in a chaotic stage but it has gotten easier now. I am so glad that I saw those behaviors in me and so many of them which was driven by fear. Even if the fears aren't dissolved it is ok, because now I have the awareness to see them, to notice them. I trust more to the process.
"After reading what you describe, I'm not sure I agree with you on the cause---which you're describing as control/conflict aversion (which is a pretty close though)---but I'd say what it is is not fear of others controlling YOU, but it's actually a fear of your own loss of control over the situation (which could allow others to control it and you as a byproduct). It looks like you are not control/conflict averse--but you're avoiding vulnerability.
The problem is encountered which generates anxiety, is when the world doesn't meet your expectations.
The core problem is that unconsciously, you believe that whatever anxiety and control issues that exist, will be resolved if the terms of your idealization actually occur.
the anxiety wouldn't even exist if the control didn't exist; that they create eachother.
To figure out what you've identified with, ask yourself "what am I afraid to lose?" Those things you're afraid to lose, will point towards the things you'll make efforts to control.
Try this: stop blaming YOURSELF and others, for things you didn't know but you know now. It doesn't make any sense at all to waste energy feeling guilty or placing blame.
51sth wrote:The headline is probably little provocative because I don't feel I suffer much or sometimes at all if someone leaves me in a way or another. The reason for searching for right mindsets is that I have experienced certain ways of thinking very beneficial for enjoying life. In the end I see that when there is no contradictory in the ways things are I am happy and joyful. I have also noticed that we people have some crazy and really contradictory believes which lessen our ability to be in the present moment or should I say happy. So I am very interested to see and find is there something which I haven't fully "understood" so that I don't feel the contradictory part, but that I could stay in the present moment. One of these things which I have been thinking is that how come one could not leave you? This is a bit weird question I think, but this is just a point where to begin the journey to dissolve the thoughts. So once again here is my question: How come no one cannot leave you in away you feel abandoned? Second question which I would like to know after this is do you still feel abandoned if someone leaves you?
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