when something on a deeper level seems to resonate

Talk about relationships in the context of Spiritual Enlightenment

when something on a deeper level seems to resonate

Postby meetjoeblack » Sun Dec 14, 2014 10:53 pm

I met this girl I like. She made a very interesting first impression. I find her beautiful but, more importantly, she is nurturing, very ambitious, has a great personality, is genuine, and independent. I hear many women talk about being a independent woman and that feminist narrative about not needing a man. This woman is all that but, she does not carry that attitude. I have to say, she is in a great career, she has a lot going for herself, and she revealed she is single. I took this as a hint cause of the little flirt we seemed to be having. Instead of playing games, I just told her that we should go out sometime. Her immediate response was to give me her number. She told me because of her hectic schedule, she wont be free until ______. I like and respect that. I texted her later as I said. Instead of playing game, she immediately responded a few minutes later, and I intend to see this through.

When you meet someone you like, you feel like there maybe something there; on a deeper level, something resonates, how do you go about things? I would regret not having had the courage to pursue her. As a younger man, I never would have found it, and I know I have a pain body around relationships. I do not want to screw this up. There are beautiful women everywhere but, this is different and I can feel it. I can feel it in the way I breathe even.

For anyone with life experience willing to share, I am all ears. Thanks.
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Re: when something on a deeper level seems to resonate

Postby Enlightened2B » Mon Dec 15, 2014 3:50 am

meetjoeblack wrote: I do not want to screw this up.


I'm sure there are plenty with a whole lot more relationship experience than me. Actually, I'm not sure. I know there are. 8)

However, this mentality is built around fear. I can identify that immediately and here is why. Number one, I've been there myself, even recently.

One of my best friends is currently in a relationship with a girl and we were talking at dinner last night about how he is very scared to 'lose her'. Everything is going smoothly for him and he is deathly afraid of something going wrong. He basically says that it 'seems too good' right now. He's incredibly nervous about this. So, he told me that he's trying to focus on his work and other things in life which are important to him. I say this is not exactly the right approach. Because basically, he's just avoiding his feelings and suppressing them. Instead.....

These feelings that you have are an INCREDIBLE opportunity for you to look into yourself. This is why relationships are such an important tool for growth. See how this thought of 'not wanting to screw it up' makes you feel. If it makes you feel nervous and uneasy, that's great. But, try to inquire into why that is. Likely, it stems from deeper rooted conditioning in your life. Trust me, I've been through it too with my current relationship of 'being afraid to screw up'. It's insecurity and also stems from the ego perspective of wanting to attain something from someone else.

Here's my only advice to you. Be You. Be yourself. Most of all......honesty, honesty, honesty. Just be honest with your feelings and with her. But, you need to be honest with yourself before you can be honest with her. Honesty is the highest form of love. Don't try to be something you are not. Don't put on a mask to impress her. Be who you truly are. Not who you think you are. Even if it hurts to see this honesty/truth, that's good. It's easy to avoid the truth of who you are in place of the comforting mask we like to wear which is essentially a guard for us so that we don't get hurt. If she doesn't accept you when show her your true self, then that means, she's not the right match for you, or perhaps she's not ready herself to be in a relationship, or perhaps another reason. But, you can do no wrong when you are being honest to your own experience and in turn being honest and Love for someone else.

If I were you, I would question to myself, what is it about this girl that makes me want to be with her? Is is satisfying a particular need for yourself? Or do you merely want to show up and Be Love for someone else. Being Love means showing her your real side, who you truly are. This is an important distinction to make at this juncture. It's good that you've noticed this within yourself and you're willing to ask these questions here on this forum.

We fear the unknown and the unknown here for you, is not knowing how this situation will manifest. There is no screw up MJB. All is experience and experience itself is growth and evolution for you, as the Soul Perspective that you are.
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Re: when something on a deeper level seems to resonate

Postby meetjoeblack » Mon Dec 15, 2014 4:55 am

Enlightened2B wrote:
meetjoeblack wrote: I do not want to screw this up.


I'm sure there are plenty with a whole lot more relationship experience than me. Actually, I'm not sure. I know there are. 8)

However, this mentality is built around fear. I can identify that immediately and here is why. Number one, I've been there myself, even recently.


Bingo. I heard it referred to as scarcity.

My buddy said last summer, I need to date people who are ambitious, and have things going for themselves. I know what I mean because, people can bring others into their problems.

I think you are right about scarcity or fear. What I meant to say is that, my pain body is heavy when it comes to relationships, and I think I have some sort of residual anger here. A girl told me recently that I am the guy all her friends should date. She went on this big speech and it made me angry cause, she was painting me into the white knight mr nice guy box. I hate when women do that but, I also know it means we have no chance together in this life or the next. It is perfectly cool because, we had nothing in common and I wanted her to see another guy. Not me. I just notice I get mad when people paint me into something. Assume that I am this or that.

Enlightened2B wrote:One of my best friends is currently in a relationship with a girl and we were talking at dinner last night about how he is very scared to 'lose her'. Everything is going smoothly for him and he is deathly afraid of something going wrong. He basically says that it 'seems too good' right now. He's incredibly nervous about this. So, he told me that he's trying to focus on his work and other things in life which are important to him. I say this is not exactly the right approach. Because basically, he's just avoiding his feelings and suppressing them.


Well, I am working on a trade right now in a school. I want to start working immediately once I get it and then, begin building up clients for a business. I am really dedicated to this career path cause, it feels right for the first time in my life. Well, on house calls, I sometimes meet girls, and sometimes, they give out there number. I know its stupid to mix business and pleasure but, if it feels right, I want to see what is there.

Enlightened2B wrote:[Instead.....

These feelings that you have are an INCREDIBLE opportunity for you to look into yourself. This is why relationships are such an important tool for growth. See how this thought of 'not wanting to screw it up' makes you feel. If it makes you feel nervous and uneasy, that's great. But, try to inquire into why that is. Likely, it stems from deeper rooted conditioning in your life. Trust me, I've been through it too with my current relationship of 'being afraid to screw up'. It's insecurity and also stems from the ego perspective of wanting to attain something from someone else.


Thanks man. I think you are right. I think she seems different cause, she id doing well, is attractive, is not entitled or think she is better then everyone, and well, seems to have things going for her. I might be in the same mindset as your buddy. Like, "too good to be true." Partially, its the fact that I usually meet girls who are doing cocaine in the men's bathroom or sleeping around with multiple men. Well, I have met girls before, not texted or texted them so infrequently, they figured I am not interested, and they got mad at me. lol In this situation, she has stood out to me. I felt my heart race and I was mad at first to think I could possibly let her pass by without even trying. So, I did what I always do. I talk. We got talking and she told me stuff. I think she is pretty but, she seems nurturing and we flirted a bit. She told me she is single so, I took it as a cue of interest cause, why would that be important to tell me other wise? So, I suggested we go out sometime. She responded with telling me to take her number :D

She told me she got a new job so, she is occupied until _____ but, that we can hangout then. I am busy with school and work for the next bit but, the holidays will leave time to hangout. If it does not workout, I am oka cause, I had the courage to try. I can live with that. :D

Enlightened2B wrote:Here's my only advice to you. Be You. Be yourself. Most of all......honesty, honesty, honesty. Just be honest with your feelings and with her. But, you need to be honest with yourself before you can be honest with her. Honesty is the highest form of love. Don't try to be something you are not. Don't put on a mask to impress her. Be who you truly are. Not who you think you are. Even if it hurts to see this honesty/truth, that's good. It's easy to avoid the truth of who you are in place of the comforting mask we like to wear which is essentially a guard for us so that we don't get hurt. If she doesn't accept you when show her your true self, then that means, she's not the right match for you, or perhaps she's not ready herself to be in a relationship, or perhaps another reason. But, you can do no wrong when you are being honest to your own experience and in turn being honest and Love for someone else.


Thanks man. I am pretty shy or really reserve so, this forwardness was very unlike me. It was real and genuine so, I am glad I did not miss the opportunity. I was told by a friend that its like extending an olive branch. Someone accepts or doesn't. I am doing that. Maybe it happens or it doesn't but, its nice to feel something for a change. I rarely get to this point.

Enlightened2B wrote:[If I were you, I would question to myself, what is it about this girl that makes me want to be with her? Is is satisfying a particular need for yourself? Or do you merely want to show up and Be Love for someone else. Being Love means showing her your real side, who you truly are. This is an important distinction to make at this juncture. It's good that you've noticed this within yourself and you're willing to ask these questions here on this forum.


Its something I feel and I cannot explain. The best way I can describe it is, knowing that God exists. I cannot touch or taste it but, I feel it. I feel there is something there and maybe it will be reciprocated and maybe not. I am just being honest with my feelings and actually looking to put it out there free of any outcome. The most real thing I can do is to put my best foot forward by being genuine and sharing my interest.

Enlightened2B wrote:[We fear the unknown and the unknown here for you, is not knowing how this situation will manifest. There is no screw up MJB. All is experience and experience itself is growth and evolution for you, as the Soul Perspective that you are.


Thanks. I feel like I am on a unique journey. Its nice to intersect with different people. Its mind blowing to know that something insignificant like a little chat in a coffee shop could echo into something spectacular (or not).
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Re: when something on a deeper level seems to resonate

Postby Enlightened2B » Mon Dec 15, 2014 6:10 pm

meetjoeblack wrote:
Thanks man. I am pretty shy or really reserve so, this forwardness was very unlike me. It was real and genuine so, I am glad I did not miss the opportunity. I was told by a friend that its like extending an olive branch. Someone accepts or doesn't. I am doing that. Maybe it happens or it doesn't but, its nice to feel something for a change. I rarely get to this point.


I'm shy too. It's something I've been gradually breaking out of for over 30 years :)

Ultimately, it doesn't matter what the other person thinks of you or whether they accept you or not. What's more important for your growth and evolution is how you are in relation to that person. When you are honest, you are not attempting to manipulate another into loving you, by putting on a false persona. Can I tell you how many times in the past I've attempted to manipulate women into loving me because I was too afraid of merely Being Love itself for them? Neediness stems from fear. Fear is when we want to gain something from another whether it's perceived love or approval. Honesty on the other hand, is Being itself as Love. Two expressions of the same One Being/Love interacting.

So, with that said, just keep at it and see where it goes. But, it's easy to get caught up conceptually in whether something appears 'real' or not. Whether it leads to anything down the road or not, is irrelevant. It is very real right now for you, because it is happening. Even if she turns out to be someone you decide you wouldn't want to be with, the fact that you are interacting with her means that is real.

Thanks. I feel like I am on a unique journey. Its nice to intersect with different people. Its mind blowing to know that something insignificant like a little chat in a coffee shop could echo into something spectacular (or not).


Cause and effect. It's a beautiful thing, regardless of the outcome. Enjoy it. 8)
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Re: when something on a deeper level seems to resonate

Postby meetjoeblack » Tue Dec 16, 2014 2:40 am

Enlightened2B wrote:
I'm shy too. It's something I've been gradually breaking out of for over 30 years :)


It actually took me to learn about approaching. I am not thrilled by it but, I was less thrilled by not dating. Interestingly, "We should go out sometime" was a conditioned response. It was genuine. It was real. I meant every single word of it however, I have had practice dating others so, I am not as awkward as I would have been. make sense?

Enlightened2B wrote:Ultimately, it doesn't matter what the other person thinks of you or whether they accept you or not. What's more important for your growth and evolution is how you are in relation to that person. When you are honest, you are not attempting to manipulate another into loving you, by putting on a false persona. Can I tell you how many times in the past I've attempted to manipulate women into loving me because I was too afraid of merely Being Love itself for them? Neediness stems from fear. Fear is when we want to gain something from another whether it's perceived love or approval. Honesty on the other hand, is Being itself as Love. Two expressions of the same One Being/Love interacting.


I think you are correct. I think this is what people mean by "honey moon phase" where people are trying to impress. I do not try to impress although, I am sure I could be a little nervous seeing her. I recently was out with other women but, it just reinforced my like for this one I mentioned earlier. Whether or not it works out, I will learn from the experience, and continue to put my best foot forward.

Enlightened2B wrote:So, with that said, just keep at it and see where it goes. But, it's easy to get caught up conceptually in whether something appears 'real' or not. Whether it leads to anything down the road or not, is irrelevant. It is very real right now for you, because it is happening. Even if she turns out to be someone you decide you wouldn't want to be with, the fact that you are interacting with her means that is real.


I had a young girl mention my muscles a bit. I then retorted something that was fueled by ego. Yes, this feel real but, like I said in a previous thread, I felt something before. I was genuinely interested in a woman. I met her similar to the way Brad Pitt met a woman in a coffee shop. It sucks cause there are always walls, barriers, strangers, breaking the ice, and all the mental racket that follows. As I said there, I am happy I experienced the date, getting to know her but, she was not right for me nor I for her. I feel like, the more I date, the more I come closer to the woman I should be with. This current feeling is pretty powerful. I thought I saw her randomly a couple times.

Enlightened2B wrote:
Cause and effect. It's a beautiful thing, regardless of the outcome. Enjoy it. 8)


How did it come about with you and your gf? You mentioned the site but, you did not say much about the actual chemistry and how it came about?

By not ruining "this," I mean, not texting her too much or not enough. I have did stuff like this before. text too much. They become disinterested. text not much at all, they assume disinterest. The holidays are coming up. What I do notice is that, the ego and painbody seem to get the best of me here. Likely cause relationships, love, and matters of the heart are a vulnerable experience. No matter what, I choose to embrace the experience in love of life, of courage for going for what I want, and acceptance to what is.
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Re: when something on a deeper level seems to resonate

Postby Enlightened2B » Tue Dec 16, 2014 6:36 pm

meetjoeblack wrote:
How did it come about with you and your gf? You mentioned the site but, you did not say much about the actual chemistry and how it came about?


The chemistry was good obviously. I'm not sure what you want to know exactly. I mean, we kind of hit it off early and hung out a lot before she went away to India to study yoga. Met her on the first date at a starbucks and decided that I wanted to see her again. So, I called her for a second date and that's been it. We've talked once or twice a week for the entire time she's been gone in India and the communication has been really good for the most part. There have been times where I've questioned my reason for being with her (meaning, as a fear of being alone, or because I really want to have an opportunity for Love in a monogamous relationship) as there are certain things we don't have in common and additionally, I don't know if I personally want to be in a committed relationship as I enjoy my independence, but here I am. Ultimately, compassion and understanding are two of the main qualities I look for in another person before getting involved in a relationship. Are they going to accept me for who and what I am or are they going to try to change me to match their own image? So, thus far, I can say I've enjoyed the process of getting to know her and being with her, but I have no idea what will happen in the future and am perfectly fine if things don't manifest down the road.

By not ruining "this," I mean, not texting her too much or not enough. I have did stuff like this before. text too much. They become disinterested. text not much at all, they assume disinterest. The holidays are coming up. What I do notice is that, the ego and painbody seem to get the best of me here. Likely cause relationships, love, and matters of the heart are a vulnerable experience. No matter what, I choose to embrace the experience in love of life, of courage for going for what I want, and acceptance to what is.


Don't over think it. I don't think texting is the best route if you ask me, unless you're just confirming plans or something quick. If you really want to show interest in someone and get to know them, personally, I would pick up the phone and call them. But, that's just me. It can get you to face a lot of your fears as well. But, if you want to text her, then just text her. Make plans to see her and that's it.

Yeah, the holidays are thrown in our face from the media and everywhere else that it's centered around 'family and couples' and stuff like that. Just notice how the holiday time of year makes you feel and Be with it.
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Re: when something on a deeper level seems to resonate

Postby meetjoeblack » Tue Dec 16, 2014 7:06 pm

glad it worked out. I met a girl at a local pub after originally meeting in a coffee culture. it seemed like it was good but, it was just the anticipation of meeting and breaking barriers as strangers. That was the peak. As I said before, I was happy for the experience but, there was no chemistry. She said she was into everything I was but, it was mostly just a front to push common interests. I was out with a girl last week. We were just going to watch a movie and she came on very strong. I also sensed a lot of resistance and baggage as well as something else. I think she has a lot of hurt. Maybe I will see her again or maybe not. Its the girl who seems to resonate that I want to see. Its not looks though, I do fine her cute. there are beautiful women everywhere. She could be in a stadium and I would still like her and want to get to know her.

I am happy for you. you sound like me with your desire to be independent but, when something worth while happens, you see to it that you at least try. that way, you do not regret missing out on an experience. I think you are right about the whole calling over text thing. strange, I feel like a bit of anxiety when calling the first time. like, a bunch of unnecessary pressure or reaching for validation. do you meditate? I am also loving yoga preferably moon salutations for its relaxing properties. it seems like active meditation to me.
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Re: when something on a deeper level seems to resonate

Postby Enlightened2B » Wed Dec 17, 2014 2:17 am

meetjoeblack wrote: do you meditate? I am also loving yoga preferably moon salutations for its relaxing properties. it seems like active meditation to me.


I do meditate, although not so much recently. I practice yoga too.

Whatever works for you is all good.

If you get anxiety when calling a girl, just feel the anxiety and stay with it. Don't resist it. Just make it ok that it's there.

Mental suffering often comes from resisting. Anxiety is a form of mental suffering that stems from a fear of a particular situation. In this case, anxiety stems from the fear of 'what will happen' if I call her on the phone. You're projecting a potential 'what is' upon the very 'what is' that IS, if that makes any sense. 8)

Yoga is really good. I like it a lot. You don't have to do formal meditation. Just take notice of your feelings and thoughts throughout the day periodically, which is really the basis of mindfulness.
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Re: when something on a deeper level seems to resonate

Postby meetjoeblack » Thu Dec 18, 2014 8:30 pm

Enlightened2B wrote:
meetjoeblack wrote: do you meditate? I am also loving yoga preferably moon salutations for its relaxing properties. it seems like active meditation to me.


I do meditate, although not so much recently. I practice yoga too.

Whatever works for you is all good.

If you get anxiety when calling a girl, just feel the anxiety and stay with it. Don't resist it. Just make it ok that it's there.

Mental suffering often comes from resisting. Anxiety is a form of mental suffering that stems from a fear of a particular situation. In this case, anxiety stems from the fear of 'what will happen' if I call her on the phone. You're projecting a potential 'what is' upon the very 'what is' that IS, if that makes any sense. 8)

Yoga is really good. I like it a lot. You don't have to do formal meditation. Just take notice of your feelings and thoughts throughout the day periodically, which is really the basis of mindfulness.



Thanks. I am practicing mindfulness and being present. I was noticing myself getting overly attached and I know it is not healthy. Instead, I am spacing myself away a bit, I will do more meditation and yoga moon salutations, I will text her over the holidays, and call her to make plans. I feel something resonate so, I am compelled to take action. I am just okay with the experience no matter what comes of it. :D

My yoga instructor would say, ¨less is more.¨

Its funny that, people can come on too strong, and smother the fire that could be.

How is the holiday season treating you guys?
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Re: when something on a deeper level seems to resonate

Postby Enlightened2B » Thu Dec 18, 2014 10:55 pm

meetjoeblack wrote:Thanks. I am practicing mindfulness and being present. I was noticing myself getting overly attached and I know it is not healthy. Instead, I am spacing myself away a bit, I will do more meditation and yoga moon salutations, I will text her over the holidays, and call her to make plans. I feel something resonate so, I am compelled to take action. I am just okay with the experience no matter what comes of it. :D


Good

Its funny that, people can come on too strong, and smother the fire that could be.


If you're coming from a place of neediness, then yes. But, if you truly feel love, then I wouldn't be afraid to express that.

How is the holiday season treating you guys?


It's ok I guess. It's a festive time of year. I like the Christmas lights and how everything is lit up and jolly. So, it's going really, really, really quickly. I'll tell you that. Before you blink, it'll be January.
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Re: when something on a deeper level seems to resonate

Postby meetjoeblack » Fri Dec 19, 2014 3:42 pm

Enlightened2B wrote:
Good



If you're coming from a place of neediness, then yes. But, if you truly feel love, then I wouldn't be afraid to express that.



It's ok I guess. It's a festive time of year. I like the Christmas lights and how everything is lit up and jolly. So, it's going really, really, really quickly. I'll tell you that. Before you blink, it'll be January.


I feel like I am in a very great place in my life. Things are already awesome. I am not coming a place of need. I am more in a place of giving. Perfect timing eh????

So, at this point, it cannot be said I am texting her too much. Likely, not enough. I am hoping to see her today. Real soon regardless. Its been a busy time a year but, no perfect time but the present. Thanks so much man.


I am as always, happy just to be experiencing, and I enjoy the journey. I am not always trying to get somewhere and never enjoying where I am at.
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Re: when something on a deeper level seems to resonate

Postby ekidhardt » Wed Jan 07, 2015 1:02 pm

Joe,

This sounds like a good love story, but I'm going to be honest with you.


meetjoeblack wrote: I find her beautiful but, more importantly, she is nurturing, very ambitious, has a great personality, is genuine, and independent. I hear many women talk about being a independent woman and that feminist narrative about not needing a man. This woman is all that but, she does not carry that attitude.


This is all very romantic, but it's not real. You're idealizing. The let-down you experience, that you WILL experience, (it's not a question of IF you will)---will only be so deep as the level of unrealistic idealization.

She's nurturing, ambitious, genuine and independent? And you measured all of these traits upon first meeting?

This is an example of self-deception, because it's not true. She APPEARS to be that way. It's possible she is many of those things to certain extents, and others not. But I don't see you making room for anything but clear unrealistic idealization.

And what's the issue there?

The issue is that you'll eventually blame her for the disillusionment of your idealization. You'll feel a sense of betrayal when you realize that she is just human, like all of us. She's no holy angel come to rescue you from your history of relationship issues. (and you clearly have a history of this, which is explains why you are idealizing so strongly).

She will have a huge list of negative attributes, things you don't like, and if you want anything successful--make an attempt to see those right away.

I see this constantly actually--people do not see others for who they are, but who they idealize them to be, how they fantasize that they are.

But guess what? you don't see her. You see her through the lens of your unconscious, and it's making her something she is not. If you continue to do that, this experience will fail for you.



Englightened's Advice

"Just be honest with your feelings and with her. But, you need to be honest with yourself before you can be honest with her. Honesty is the highest form of love. Don't try to be something you are not. Don't put on a mask to impress her. Be who you truly are. Not who you think you are. "

I disagree. It's some strange notion that honesty is going to work in your favor when you're dating. It won't. I'm not saying to lie or deceive, but professing your emotions will be a trainwreck for you. If someone disagrees with that, it's pretty clear they don't know a whole lot about dating :)

"Don't try to be something you are not"

The unconscious will ensure that he tries to be something he is not. It's unconscious and not avoidable. He will put on a mask to impress her, even if he thinks he's not.

"be who you truly are"

He does not know who he truly is. This is a wishy washy statement that sounds nice but doesn't make any sense.

I don't mean to diminish your advice Enlightened I realize you mean well, but there is a certain amount of irony that your name is 'Enlightened' yet you give a mountain of advice in which you are completely unaware of the function, or, highly unconscious.

-e
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Re: when something on a deeper level seems to resonate

Postby dijmart » Thu Jan 08, 2015 3:07 am

ekidhardt wrote: there is a certain amount of irony that your name is 'Enlightened' yet you give a mountain of advice in which you are completely unaware of the function, or, highly unconscious.

-e


His name is Enlightened2B. You left off the 2B part, which really gives a different meaning.

You don't seem to be playing nice in the sandbox :? More like throwing sand in his face, why?
Take what you like and leave the rest.
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Re: when something on a deeper level seems to resonate

Postby Enlightened2B » Thu Jan 08, 2015 4:45 am

Couple of things I noticed here:

ekidhardt wrote:J
Englightened's Advice

"Just be honest with your feelings and with her. But, you need to be honest with yourself before you can be honest with her. Honesty is the highest form of love. Don't try to be something you are not. Don't put on a mask to impress her. Be who you truly are. Not who you think you are. "

I disagree. It's some strange notion that honesty is going to work in your favor when you're dating. It won't. I'm not saying to lie or deceive, but professing your emotions will be a trainwreck for you.


That bolded part above to me indicates that you don't understand what Unconditional Love is. If you're telling someone not to be honest, then how are you NOT telling them to lie or deceive? Telling someone to approach dating from anywhere BUT honesty, is basically asserting the notion of manipulation and conditional love which is not love.

You're suggesting that honesty does not work in dating. That's pretty telling about your own experience I feel and perhaps another place where this anger inside of you resonates from? Perhaps you need to manipulate people to get them to love you? Perhaps not, but I'd love to know what you mean by that statement, so we can understand each other better perhaps.

You've missed the entire exchange of conversation between Meet Joe Black and I previously and you're judging this exchange on a limited piece of information.

e, What does Unconditional Love mean to you personally?

What do relationships mean to you personally? What do you think the purpose of relating with another is?

Let me ask you something else....what does this statement mean to you?

"Honesty is the highest form of Love"

If someone disagrees with that, it's pretty clear they don't know a whole lot about dating :)


So, basically, your perspective is right and everyone else's is wrong. Gotcha. Boy, you'll fit in really well here on this forum 8)

I don't mean to diminish your advice Enlightened I realize you mean well, but there is a certain amount of irony that your name is 'Enlightened' yet you give a mountain of advice in which you are completely unaware of the function, or, highly unconscious.

-e


Actually, my username is Enlightened2B as dijmart indicated above. I don't claim to be enlightened (hence the 2B part) nor do I claim to know anymore about dating than the average Joe. And no, nothing you say diminishes anything I've already said. Just the fact that you would think your own perspective would diminish my own expression says a lot. My advice comes from my own personal experience from Love from the expression of this soul perspective. From honesty. I wonder where yours is coming from? What does honesty mean to you e?

Literally, you've come on this board today and done nothing, but judge, judge, judge others in your posts today. Why?

I wonder why you feel this deep anger and need to judge and criticize other people and where it stems from? Why have you chosen this forum today to take out your anger?

Could it be possible that my post above was written initially from a different context than you're taking it? Could it be that you and I have different life experiences that lead us both to have different perspectives in dating? Could it be that you've completely taken my post out of context and are merely judging it because it doesn't match up with your own experiences? Could it be that your own perspective is merely just that....YOUR own perspective, while mine is my perspective? If that's the case, and each of our perspectives are unique as there is no one true fundamental perspective, then do you still feel the need to lash out at this Eckhart Tolle Forum, when you can understand with Love that another perspective is equally of value to your own?

Anyway, I wish you well regardless.

Much love to you
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Re: when something on a deeper level seems to resonate

Postby ekidhardt » Thu Jan 08, 2015 9:12 am

Dijmart,

Thats was quick! Let's see.

The 2b does make a difference, I agree. It is bold to title oneself 'enlightened' anything in a forum about consciousness.

I am playing nice in the sandbox, I just don't agree with a certain amount of the advice being created into sandcastles. In the spectrum of advice, there can be good advice, and bad advice, and good appearing as bad and bad appearing as good--all kinds right?

Well, well intended bad advice that is thought to be good, is one of the most deceptive, and possibly destructive kinds. When I see advice that will result in a train wreck, I decide to point that out, because for me, I would rather not say anything than to give unknowingly, albeit well intentioned, destructive advice.

As I said, I realize that people mean well. Enlightened is indeed genuinely trying to provide good advice. But that doesn't mean it has any relevant bearing. (or it might also have lots of relevant bearing)---and what I see, is that some of the advice is not going to be effective.

For example "Just be honest."---it's a blanket statement that fails to account for the possible problems 'honesty' (also with the presumption that honesty is 'good') can create. Especially when just beginning a relationship.

Dijmart, notice that I go after the content, not the person. If people are throwing sand in a sand box, I go after the sand, not the person tossing it around. That is, I go after the ego.


Enlightened,

If you really want me to answer your questions, I can, but I don't believe unconditional love is relevant to the OP's circumstance, what it looks like is an egoic defensive reaction from you. If you'd really like me to dive into that topic, I can.

"You're suggesting that honesty does not work in dating"

Correct. I'm guessing you haven't thought so much about the interplay between ego, self deception, and honesty. The subjectivity of honesty, the self deception of honesty. Simple blanket statements 'this is right' or 'this is wrong'--it's called 'egoic splitting'.

"That's pretty telling about your own experience I feel and perhaps another place where this anger inside of you resonates from."
My anger? :mrgreen: --please explain your train of thought on how you came to a decision that this must be an anger issue.


"you're judging this exchange on a limited piece of information. "

I'm observing your exchange, this is not judgement.


"e, What does Unconditional Love mean to you personally?"

It's a concept that helps people cope with certain amounts of anxiety in their lives. Often tied in religion. It's egoic supply.


"What do relationships mean to you personally? What do you think the purpose of relating with another is?"

Part 1: very complicated. Part 2: even more complicated. Do you actually want an answer to those?


"Honesty is the highest form of Love""

It's naive and overly simple.

"So, basically, your perspective is right and everyone else's is wrong. Gotcha. Boy, you'll fit in really well here on this forum "

My dear Enlightened: there is no right, nor wrong.

"nor do I claim to know anymore about dating than the average Joe. "

That's ok. It doesn't slow you down from giving advice it seems though.

"my advice comes from my own personal experience from Love from the expression of this soul perspective"

Wishy-washy statement. Your soul perspective? what does that even mean?

"Literally, you've come on this board today and done nothing, but judge, judge, judge others in your posts today."

Please provide me with a single example where I was judging the person :) You won't find one. Remember that observation and judgement are different things.

You continue with a whole bunch of assertions that I could categorically tackle, but what's happening is that your ego is responding to what it perceives as a threat, which is me. And as such, you're just kind of making assertions that don't make a lot of sense. That'll be hard to swallow.

If you're really interested in me answering some of your questions, please let me know. Your ego won't like my responses, but my responses will be accurate, and honest. Ironically, it's the honesty that you won't like.

A few points though,

"Could it be that you've completely taken my post out of context and are merely judging it because it doesn't match up with your own experiences?"

Your advice does not match up with reality. You have idealizations which are clouding you from seeing reality and how people, and human nature, operates.

I could assert that my 'perspective' has shown me that singing a song and dancing a jig is the greatest form of love--and I could believe it very firmly, but that doesn't make it reality. It even sounds kind of pleasant--you know, doing a little dance and all. And sorry, two perspectives, are not equal. Both people have equal rights to their own opinions and perspectives, but that doesn't mean they both carry the same weight.

It's like getting a medical opinion on a heart condition from a 5 year old, and a doctor. Both will have their 'perspectives', which is more in line with reality you think?

"each of our perspectives are unique as there is no one true fundamental perspective"

sure, makes sense. But this doesn't mean they are the same value, or remotely related to being in line with reality.

"then do you still feel the need to lash out at this Eckhart Tolle Forum"

tsk tsk :) Is it ironic that it's actually the truth, which is the highest form of love right? is what is getting you so riled up?

-e

You can go ahead and tell me owls don't exist if you'd like.
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