when something on a deeper level seems to resonate

Talk about relationships in the context of Spiritual Enlightenment

Re: when something on a deeper level seems to resonate

Postby Enlightened2B » Thu Jan 08, 2015 5:53 pm

e,

I just had an entire post typed out to you, but that was before I just read your post to Jack (enterzen) in the other thread. Wow. I think I have a much, much different outlook on your perspective now. It seems that you pretty much didn't understand my comment about soul perspective, hence your reply of 'what does soul perspective even mean'? I think you and I are talking two completely different languages. Mine stemming from my own experience and my research in the exploration of the non physical realms, while yours more from a psychoanalytical perspective and both are perfectly fine as is. This comment of yours about the soul perspective along with your post to Jack in the other thread really makes a lot of sense to me about where you are coming from. Let me tell you a little more about myself so you understand where I am coming from.

My posts stem from my own deep personal experience in the exploration of Pure Unconditional Love/Being through this human perspective known as E2B. My posts stem from what has worked well for me in the opening to all aspects of myself here including my relationship with my current girlfriend.
For the first time in my life, I chose to allow myself to be available emotionally in a relationship/dating process. And I observed how I felt while I did this. I allowed my girlfriend to see my vulnerable side early on during the dating process, including my fears (which were not projected on to her, but were made known) and it has been intensely liberating for me and I have never ever had this close of a relationship in my life before with anyone. No neediness, no expectations. Just pure Love from two soul perspectives stemming from the same One Unconditional Love. No idea if it will last, but don't care. It's a wonderful learning journey for me right now. This would not have been the case if I had tried to be anything OTHER than honest with my girlfriend early on, in the dating process. She has appreciated me THAT much more for being so open with her early on and not hiding who I was. Dating is not a game unless you believe it to be. It's only a game for those looking for a prize. On the other hand, if you're looking to express what you already are (Love) to another soul perspective, and Being that Love for them, then dating has an extremely different approach where honesty is the only way.

Understand that being open and honest doesn't mean professing needy false emotions to someone in hopes that they love you back. Absolutely not. What it does mean, it is most of all, being honest with YOURSELF prior to getting involved with another person. Asking yourself why you want to date someone in the first place? Is it out of Love or is it out of fear (neediness). And I highly recommend for people to be single and take time for self inquiry and spiritual work to come to the realization that no one needs anyone to complete them prior to entering into a dating situation. Only when you realize that you are whole and complete already as Pure Love, can you then enter into the dating process consciously, because otherwise, it will likely manifest into an unconscious mess. It also needs to be understood that ego is common in every single one of us. Therefore, we will forget at times that we are Unconditional Love, and we will project from fear (ego perspective) and anyone who claims they don't is either a robot or dead. But, being Loving to yourself and accepting this is very important.

Understand that all of this that I post here is from my own personal experience in awakening and what has worked for me. You are absolutely more than allowed to have a different perspective than me and I would love you the same just for that.

Jack's post in his thread stem from his own exploration through a form of channeling in his journey in the astral realms. You likely reject these notions off the bat which makes any conversation with you, highly unlikely to go anywhere. Mind you, I don't blame you for that. I felt the same exact way as you when I first grasped Eckhart's message and prior to my research in the study of near death experiences. Since then, my perspective is ever expanding and only when you let go of your own bias on how things should or should not be, with your persepective come closer to the Unlimited.

I apologize to you if my previous post came across 'egoic'. It was not intended at all. I only come to you with Love. However, that you did view my post that way I would say is your own problem in seeing 'other's egoic reactions' through your own colored perspective. Perhaps it is your own ego that is keeping a lookout for other's 'egoic reactions'. As I've seen you post this a couple of times now in this forum. Playing the ego card is far too easy for all of us. After all, we all have egos and often times, ego will rear its head for all of us. And understandably, all of our perspectives are limited here in human form, so there is always a form of bias or ego or conditioning in everyone's posts including your own and my own. But, pointing out other's ego on multiple occasions is merely a sign of your own ego at play that is looking for drama. Just a point to consider.

The only thing I can advise to you is to open up a bit if you're going to post on this board and to question what you don't understand instead of assuming. Your post to Jack was FILLED with assumptions and judgments and you know absolutely nothing about Jack or his experience.

I wish you well

Much Love to you
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Re: when something on a deeper level seems to resonate

Postby dijmart » Fri Jan 09, 2015 2:04 am

ekidhardt wrote: That is, I go after the ego.


Oh dear, the job of ego hunter has been filled! The person in the position at this time is Phil2, perhaps he needs an assistant? However, at this time he's going down in flames in another thread, so perhaps there will be an opening in the near future. :lol:
Take what you like and leave the rest.
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Re: when something on a deeper level seems to resonate

Postby ekidhardt » Fri Jan 09, 2015 10:12 am

Enlightened2b,

"It seems that you pretty much didn't understand my comment about soul perspective,"

Correct.

"Mine stemming from my own experience and my research in the exploration of the non physical realms, while yours more from a psychoanalytical perspective and both are perfectly fine as is"

Yes, there's not a lot of me that strays into the realm of the mystical. I'm a results kind of person. I'm open to entertaining any ideas though.

"This would not have been the case if I had tried to be anything OTHER than honest with my girlfriend early on, in the dating process"

It's good that this has worked for you. Success will be contingent on a huge number of factors--which won't be present for almost anyone. Kind of like with ET's books--one has to be in the right place in order to be able to digest much of the content.

Much of the nearsightedness in the advice I see is along the lines of the following "I'm going to give you advice that worked for me". Which fails to recognize the circumstance of the other person and their ego/context. Often, advice givers just want to indirectly put their success on display. "well, what made me incredibly happy was..."--more egoic pursuit.

As you said "Understand that all of this that I post here is from my own personal experience in awakening and what has worked for me."

The advice usually takes the stance of "if I were in your place, I would do this"--which sounds really normal right? right. That's why advice is generally pretty bad. If instead, advisers thought not 'what would I do if I were them' but 'what should they do, that would suit THEM, not ME".

Your advice has suited you, and is almost definitely not applicable to the OP's circumstance. And you're not seeing that. In fact, your advice in most cases, will be disastrous. Your approach will take a certain kind of person in your very specific circumstance, and the other person, has to be a very very specific person to be open and supporting of such an approach. There's just an endless amount that's being missed in this case. It's a quick path to failure. Is that what you want for this person? Because that's what you're giving them.

The concept of your approach is not hard to understand--it makes good sense. For the right person, in the right circumstance, but his is not one of those cases.

"being open and honest doesn't mean professing needy false emotions"

The unconscious thrives off of self deception. BELIEVING that one is open and honest has little bearing on truth and reality. This is being completely missed--as though honesty represents truth. Most of the lies I hear are people who believe they are being honest.

"Jack's post in his thread stem from his own exploration through a form of channeling in his journey in the astral realms."

This is an observation: you don't have enough experience in mental health to see what you're missing in Jacks circumstance. This is very clear.

"I apologize to you if my previous post came across 'egoic'. It was not intended at all. I only come to you with Love."

It seems like you like to *say* that you come to people with love, but love isn't what is demonstrated.


"Your post to Jack was FILLED with assumptions and judgments and you know absolutely nothing about Jack or his experience."

It's funny you think that you, or I, or anyone needs a certain amount of experience with another person to be able to evaluate them accurately. We, humans, are less divided than most people think. We all share common interests, common fears, common dreams. That being said, Jack is not so different from me, nor you from me, nor anyone, from anyone else. And I do know human nature very well.

A point I hope you see is that you're tripping over my observations but you see observations-you believe they are value judgments.

Here is the irony: that one person say has a 'disorder', or pathology, this does not make it inherently bad, or them bad. You believe that if those things are said, then those people who they are said to--are also bad. Why? Because when someone says 'schizophrenic', *you* think it's a bad thing. You're projecting your idealism towards me, as though *I* think it's a bad thing. And I don't. In the end, you're reacting as though I share the same judgmental perspective.

Which is the irony of the situation--you're actually judging yourself because you think I see a disorder as much of a 'bad' thing as you do.

Does this make sense?

Dij,

Your interactions with me are only going to leave you a little upset, why do you think you continue to engage me?
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Re: when something on a deeper level seems to resonate

Postby Enlightened2B » Fri Jan 09, 2015 5:51 pm

ekidhardt wrote:A point I hope you see is that you're tripping over my observations but you see observations-you believe they are value judgments.


No. Your own perspective is your own perspective. Some of what you say might be construed as an observation. However, this statement alone is the judgement of all judgments:

Your advice does not match up with reality.


As if to say there actually IS an objective reality that YOU know. What you are calling reality here is merely YOUR own interpretation of reality. Basically, in other words, my advice does not match with YOUR version of reality. Reality is subjective consisting of co-creative perspectives. There is no objective reality that anything needs to match up to. Reality will be whatever you perceive it to be through the coloring of your own perspective. This shines through greatly in your comment about giving advice as if "I were in your shoes". News flash. This isn't a psychology forum where we are giving advice based on what is right textbook wise psycho analytically. This is a spiritual forum where we go by our own personal experience and give advice on what has worked in OUR OWN personal experience and yet you're criticizing people for doing as such as you deem this method 'unconscious' by giving this advice from their own personal experience because you believe there is an objective reality out there where advice needs to match up to and this is your own limited perspective merely and merely YOUR own issue. This is exactly why you keep finding fault in other people's egoic reactions, because it is merely YOUR own ego that is looking for something that feeds it.

You'll continue to find fault with people on this forum, unless you learn to embrace other people's experiences and stop trying to pscyho analyze everyone in a way you THINK they should be responding or giving advice. I'm not perfect and I realize there are times when my advice will not be suitable for everyone and that's absolutely fine. There are times where I give advice such as 'Be Honest' and I hope the person receiving it takes it the same way I take it. But, it's a written internet forum. We can only communicate so much to other before stuff gets taken out of context. Yet, all I can do on this forum is express to people what has worked for ME and that is all ANY of us do here on this spiritual forum. None of us are therapists nor we claim to be. This is a community where we share our experiences. Sure, there are some who like to 'think' they are more enlightened than others. So, let them think that. Who cares? And if it bothers you that much, that people on this forum share their personal experiences in the manner that they do when giving advice, then maybe this is not the right place for you. Because it seems like it sure does bother you! Hence, you created a whole thread about it in the general discussion forum.

Often, advice givers just want to indirectly put their success on display. "well, what made me incredibly happy was..."--more egoic pursuit.


If you believe this to actually be true, then it will be true for you and this is how you will go about viewing life, always on the lookout for other people's egos instead of appreciating that we all come from different conditioned backgrounds and Loving them just for that as we each perspective wise co-create together the greater totality of Being.

Telling someone you know nothing about that they have psychosis is YOUR assumption. And you're right. I don't know enough about Jack to say whether or not he does have psychosis or not. I never said he doesn't nor did I ever say he does. However, you never even considered the route that millions of people channel every single day within the astral realms exactly as Jack has displayed because your mind is automatically closed off to it. And many of those people are misdiagnosed with psychosis. You can only understand this if you open your perspective. We fear that which we don't understand.

t seems like you like to *say* that you come to people with love, but love isn't what is demonstrated.


That's likely because you believe Love to be something else. Love is your nature. Unconditional Love is merely what we already all are at the core. There is nothing that is NOT Love. How can I NOT feel Love towards you even if I very much disagree with you? And I would hope that you only feel Love for me. After all, we are one and the same at the core. 8)

Take care e and much Love to you.
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Re: when something on a deeper level seems to resonate

Postby ekidhardt » Sun Jan 11, 2015 8:12 pm

Lost an almost finished response due to a computer crash, yuck.

Since this post has been hijacked from the original question, I'll make this my last for this thread.

"this statement alone is the judgement of all judgments:"

Dramatic people are super entertaining :) This is a logic issue that you're failing to see because of emotion. But that's okay--there is entertainment value.

" my advice does not match with YOUR version of reality."

No, with the reality of human behavior. You're confusing objective reality with subjective reality. If there is a plane crash and no one survives--the reality is that there are no survivors. If 99/100 people took your advice about honesty in the OP's scenario, it would result in the other person probably thinking they're a little weird, which wouldn't help. Your advice is coming from a good place, but fails to see outside of your own experience, which is a key failure.

On dealing with reality, I would suggest you read Tolle's material from 'a new earth'. He talks about this, it's possible you've not read that chapter.

"How can I NOT feel Love towards you even if I very much disagree with you? And I would hope that you only feel Love for me. After all, we are one and the same at the core."

It's a nice notion that you believe you embody--it's a start I suppose. I don't have any particular love for or against you. I would agree at the core, we are both humans with human interests.
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Re: when something on a deeper level seems to resonate

Postby Enlightened2B » Sun Jan 11, 2015 10:56 pm

ekidhardt wrote:
Dramatic people are super entertaining :) This is a logic issue that you're failing to see because of emotion. But that's okay--there is entertainment value.
" my advice does not match with YOUR version of reality."


Ah. Playing the ego card again. Not realizing that referring to someone as 'dramatic' is equally your own ego at play labeling, judging once again and fighting back. I find it highly amusing and ironic reading your posts. Going after other people's egos.....with your very own ego. At least I don't deny that I (just like every other person in existence) have a more narrow perspective at times more so than other times (in other words...ego), perhaps even in my replies to you at one point or another in this thread. But, it's you, that loves to point out everyone else's emotional reactions, which of course, just like me and just like everyone else, is merely your own ego feeding itself with drama and entertainment as you claim, and yet, there is a beautiful harmony in the individuation of our unique perspectives within the totality of Being that we both are.

No, with the reality of human behavior. You're confusing objective reality with subjective reality. If there is a plane crash and no one survives--the reality is that there are no survivors. If 99/100 people took your advice about honesty in the OP's scenario, it would result in the other person probably thinking they're a little weird, which wouldn't help. Your advice is coming from a good place, but fails to see outside of your own experience, which is a key failure.


I don't see any confusion nor does the example you gave above relate in any way to an interpretation of a phrase such as 'Be Honest'. The 'what is' is that I typed the words 'Be Honest'. Everything else and I mean EVERYTHING else about the phrase is merely an interpretation including how you interpreted it, how I did and how the OP or anyone else would interpret it.

Just like in your case above, the 'what is' is that there was a plane crash. However, If you asked 100 different people to interpret the plane crash, you would ultimately get 100 different interpretations with some being similar to each other. Meaning, each of our perspectives including the perspectives of the plane including the particles that make up the plane and the particles that make up each person and the grass on the ground where the plane crashed and the trees surrounding the plane and the air surrounding the plane wreck, co-create what you call 'objective reality'. It's a different idea and understandably foreign to many, but something well worth considering. There really is no objective reality. There is only subjectivity. Reality is a co-creation of perspectives including yours and including mine. Only from the greater totality of Being, which is the co-creation of all perspectives, can we fully grasp the big picture.

Now relating that to your initial point about my post to the OP, see below:

As for the bolded part, that's another major assumption on your part, that 99/100 would infer my advice in the way you suggest. You really never understood the context of my initial post in the first place, nor did you care to ask what my reference was. Just like how certain teachings can be taken out of context, anything we say here can have multiple contexts, which means attempting to understand that we all come from different experiences, is what shapes our perspectives and therefore shapes our posting as well on this website. Meaning, there is no objective way to interpret 'Be Honest'. Your way is your way, while another person's is another person's. In the context I was using the term, 'Being Honest' means Being Love and because you and I have some VASTLY different perspectives on Unconditional Love, you did not grasp what I meant by 'Being Honest' and I don't blame nor judge you for not grasping that, nor would I blame nor judge the OP if he didn't grasp it. I'm not a therapist. I only share with others my own experience and that is what I was sharing with the OP in my post.

On dealing with reality, I would suggest you read Tolle's material from 'a new earth'. He talks about this, it's possible you've not read that chapter.


Actually, it was the first book of his I read back in 2012 and have read it again since. To be honest, I resonate with Eckhart's main teachings of understanding your true nature as Awareness, but I've delved off on my own since as I've explored other areas of spirituality. As seen on this board, there is a danger in taking any teaching at face value such as the sillyness going on with the 'ego' on this board. No, I don't resonate with Eckhart's teachings on the ego anymore. But, that's fine too.

Anyway, thanks for allowing the conversation to take place e

much love to you
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Re: when something on a deeper level seems to resonate

Postby meetjoeblack » Wed Jan 14, 2015 5:36 am

ekidhardt wrote:Joe,

This sounds like a good love story, but I'm going to be honest with you.


Thanks. I like you taking the time.

ekidhardt wrote:This is all very romantic, but it's not real. You're idealizing. The let-down you experience, that you WILL experience, (it's not a question of IF you will)---will only be so deep as the level of unrealistic idealization.


I was telling my friend, i am ready, i want this, and i want to experience something more real. I want something genuine. i am more like Mosby or Ross from friends. I want love. I want marriage, a wife, children, a family, and I am okay with that not materializing. He told me I am more like Stinson but, he is teasing me. He is right. I am infatuated with the idea and i continue to romanticize in the experience. It is unrealistic. You are correct.

ekidhardt wrote:She's nurturing, ambitious, genuine and independent? And you measured all of these traits upon first meeting?


We have known for a bit. Timing was not right or I was dating someone else.

ekidhardt wrote:This is an example of self-deception, because it's not true. She APPEARS to be that way. It's possible she is many of those things to certain extents, and others not. But I don't see you making room for anything but clear unrealistic idealization.


We are in different places. Something I find troublesome is that, there is a growing number of promotion in social media and television of promiscuity. The growing number of divorces, the high number of failed marriages in western society, and a unjust court system is scary. It seems to be a barrier to some of the things I want in this life. I am in the age where many people are getting married. Some have been through not so good divorces and they become such miserable people.

ekidhardt wrote:And what's the issue there?


Fear. I have barriers. Invisible walls in front of me. I romanticize in the idea time and time again. I feel a flicker of something, I don't know what but, it all seems so hollow in the end.

ekidhardt wrote:The issue is that you'll eventually blame her for the disillusionment of your idealization. You'll feel a sense of betrayal when you realize that she is just human, like all of us. She's no holy angel come to rescue you from your history of relationship issues. (and you clearly have a history of this, which is explains why you are idealizing so strongly).


I know that. The thing is that, I have always been a Ross G like in friends or Mosby from HIMYM. I am in love with the idea of love. As time went on, I became more confident, and fearless only after I had lost essentially everything in my life almost. Now, I take a more YOLO approach to life cause I know how fragile everything is. You can look at my former posts for an idea of the dark place I once was in. I have overcome a lot of that and while I am sure I have skeletons in my closet; I am moving forward. I am not sad anymore. I am not lonely. I will say, the experience time and time again is repetitive. I experience the high of anticipation and ego. It never lives up to the anticipation. The coffee shop experience girl I met and dated was an example. We simply stopped talking to one another. She also tried to make it like we had more in common then we did and she complained about some tv program. It was annoying. I am not mad at her or for the failed relationship. I am happy for the experience. As I said, I was more of a Mosby or Ross, sexless, and now, women actually proposition me. Its kind of nice being wanted but, I want more then just sex. I know things seem to be more common and morally acceptable today but, I suppose I want something longer lasting.

ekidhardt wrote:She will have a huge list of negative attributes, things you don't like, and if you want anything successful--make an attempt to see those right away.


Yeah. I have these invisible barriers; walls that seem to get in the way of me and having a relationship. I was listening to a Elliot Hulse video and basically, it is my own doing is what he says. If I have these walls that I feel are up then, the woman can feel it too. I am trying to be a better man not for her or a wife but, I want to leave something behind when I go. I want the world a better place than when I came into it. I want to help people the way people helped me when I was in such a dark place.

ekidhardt wrote:I see this constantly actually--people do not see others for who they are, but who they idealize them to be, how they fantasize that they are.


In PU, they refer to it as oneittus. Its no infatuation. I just had a experience where after getting the girl's number, a woman the following the experience asked me to coffee which turned into watching a movie at her place. She brought up wanting to have children now at her age (she is still in her 20s) and she grabbed IT! It was too much for me. After that, I met another woman out who wanted a gangbang and orgy while doing cocaine by a toilet. I was disgusted. It amplified the desire to want to see that girl I mentioned even more.

ekidhardt wrote:But guess what? you don't see her. You see her through the lens of your unconscious, and it's making her something she is not. If you continue to do that, this experience will fail for you.


I watched HIMYM. In a ep, Barny was attacked for having a poor batting average when dating women. This is what people do. They attack or make people feel bad. I am at a wonderful place in my life. My lie is already great. It would be great to share it with someone and someone share it with me but, I am okay if that does not happen. I get rejected a fair bit. Some girls who would not date me in my teens are quite eager now. It is so strange. My point is that, I do not care about rejection or the coffee shop date that did not workout. I am happy for the experience and if there is a chance I could find love along the way, I will not give up on that. I understand that there is still a lot of ego going on so, I am working on doing some yoga savasana meditation. I found that the holidays really gets my ego going.


ekidhardt wrote:Englightened's Advice

"Just be honest with your feelings and with her. But, you need to be honest with yourself before you can be honest with her. Honesty is the highest form of love. Don't try to be something you are not. Don't put on a mask to impress her. Be who you truly are. Not who you think you are. "


As it stands now, I am single, meeting girls, and optimistic about love. The thing is that, I am always happy for the experience I have no matter what happens. I think you may have misunderstood me. There is no impressing going on here. This is me; take it or leave it. I am not a dancing monkey. I am not a wallet or looking to buy a dozen roses. I am not Mr Dress up. I am not putting on a performance. I show genuine interest when talking to people. I make new friends. Sometimes, I meet a girl and I feel something maybe there. In that experience, I extend an olive branch, and I am unattached to what happens.

ekidhardt wrote:I disagree. It's some strange notion that honesty is going to work in your favor when you're dating. It won't. I'm not saying to lie or deceive, but professing your emotions will be a trainwreck for you. If someone disagrees with that, it's pretty clear they don't know a whole lot about dating :)


I know. I watched a man get told by a woman that he has no game. The man turned to me and told me; the way to get these kind of bar woman is you pretend to be a lumbar jack and you start chopping down her self esteem. I thought he was kidding. Nope. He starts talking shit at her. Starts shutting her down. He becomes a royal asshole with her. She started flashing him. She began pursuing him now. She was straddling him. She was getting naked. It was crazy. I never seen anything like it.

It is disheartening to watch. I have always showed genuine intention. I like to take a woman out. I like to court. Here, the man just attacked her self esteem and she would have sex with him. I could never do that in order to get a woman. I am not suppose to be with that woman. And that is okay. I am more about showing genuine intentions through my actions rather than being vocal the way tv or the movies.

ekidhardt wrote:"Don't try to be something you are not"


again, I think you are reaching or misunderstanding.

ekidhardt wrote:The unconscious will ensure that he tries to be something he is not. It's unconscious and not avoidable. He will put on a mask to impress her, even if he thinks he's not.


I think with dating, everyone has a persona; a mask in which they vocalize and project from. The mask comes off and we see true faces. Most times, things do not take long for the real you to come out. As I stated, I have always like to court women. I have learned the hard way that this is not always the smartest move.

ekidhardt wrote:"be who you truly are"


?
ekidhardt wrote:He does not know who he truly is. This is a wishy washy statement that sounds nice but doesn't make any sense.

I don't mean to diminish your advice Enlightened I realize you mean well, but there is a certain amount of irony that your name is 'Enlightened' yet you give a mountain of advice in which you are completely unaware of the function, or, highly unconscious.

-e


I think he gave great advice. I think you jump to a conclusion way too fast. I am curious for you to share your relationship experiences. I continue to date but, I have definitely not found love YET.
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Re: when something on a deeper level seems to resonate

Postby meetjoeblack » Wed Jan 14, 2015 5:53 am

Enlightened2B wrote:
ekidhardt wrote:
Dramatic people are super entertaining :) This is a logic issue that you're failing to see because of emotion. But that's okay--there is entertainment value.
" my advice does not match with YOUR version of reality."


Ah. Playing the ego card again. Not realizing that referring to someone as 'dramatic' is equally your own ego at play labeling, judging once again and fighting back. I find it highly amusing and ironic reading your posts. Going after other people's egos.....with your very own ego. At least I don't deny that I (just like every other person in existence) have a more narrow perspective at times more so than other times (in other words...ego), perhaps even in my replies to you at one point or another in this thread. But, it's you, that loves to point out everyone else's emotional reactions, which of course, just like me and just like everyone else, is merely your own ego feeding itself with drama and entertainment as you claim, and yet, there is a beautiful harmony in the individuation of our unique perspectives within the totality of Being that we both are.


Ekid, I have to disagree with you. It would seem you read a line or two and jumped to many conclusions. I feel like Enlightened gave me some of the best advice I could possibly have had. More importantly, if ego is needed, I need to entertain or win a person with my money or something else that is not me, it would not last. I am not suggesting that I verbalize everything from the start but, I am fearless in expressing my intentions and desires. I again let my actions speak for themselves.

No, with the reality of human behavior. You're confusing objective reality with subjective reality. If there is a plane crash and no one survives--the reality is that there are no survivors. If 99/100 people took your advice about honesty in the OP's scenario, it would result in the other person probably thinking they're a little weird, which wouldn't help. Your advice is coming from a good place, but fails to see outside of your own experience, which is a key failure.


Enlightened2B wrote:I don't see any confusion nor does the example you gave above relate in any way to an interpretation of a phrase such as 'Be Honest'. The 'what is' is that I typed the words 'Be Honest'. Everything else and I mean EVERYTHING else about the phrase is merely an interpretation including how you interpreted it, how I did and how the OP or anyone else would interpret it.


Exactly. I feel it was misinterpreted from my OP as well as what I stated (which could be my fault for not being so clear) and mistakenly taking what I said out of context. Enlightened, you have been nothing but honest and helpful in several threads and posts. I am appreciative and I hope you continue to do so. I think Ekidian is off the mark but, there is some truth there in regards to ego and my anticipation of what she is or what is there. I am human. I experience these peaks of highs and lows. I continue too. I am not sure I will ever become beyond ego. I am just again happy to experience.
Just like in your case above, the 'what is' is that there was a plane crash. However, If you asked 100 different people to interpret the plane crash, you would ultimately get 100 different interpretations with some being similar to each other. Meaning, each of our perspectives including the perspectives of the plane including the particles that make up the plane and the particles that make up each person and the grass on the ground where the plane crashed and the trees surrounding the plane and the air surrounding the plane wreck, co-create what you call 'objective reality'. It's a different idea and understandably foreign to many, but something well worth considering. There really is no objective reality. There is only subjectivity. Reality is a co-creation of perspectives including yours and including mine. Only from the greater totality of Being, which is the co-creation of all perspectives, can we fully grasp the big picture.

Now relating that to your initial point about my post to the OP, see below:

Enlightened2B wrote:As for the bolded part, that's another major assumption on your part, that 99/100 would infer my advice in the way you suggest. You really never understood the context of my initial post in the first place, nor did you care to ask what my reference was. Just like how certain teachings can be taken out of context, anything we say here can have multiple contexts, which means attempting to understand that we all come from different experiences, is what shapes our perspectives and therefore shapes our posting as well on this website. Meaning, there is no objective way to interpret 'Be Honest'. Your way is your way, while another person's is another person's. In the context I was using the term, 'Being Honest' means Being Love and because you and I have some VASTLY different perspectives on Unconditional Love, you did not grasp what I meant by 'Being Honest' and I don't blame nor judge you for not grasping that, nor would I blame nor judge the OP if he didn't grasp it. I'm not a therapist. I only share with others my own experience and that is what I was sharing with the OP in my post.


And I appreciate it from you both taking the time. I am sure I get the whole romanticizing and expecting love to be " " or " " is in fact erroneous. It does in fact take courage to be so honest and genuine to put forth this kind of effort. I am really busying myself and I am noticing it makes meeting people all that often. Essentially, most people choose from lets say tinder or social circle, maybe work or from friends of friends (blind date). It takes courage to go up to a random stranger. It takes bravery to so honest to show that you want to go out with someone. We are not taught to be so honest. We are taught that there is something wrong with honesty, that we need some excuse or method, that we need smoke and mirrors. Men are taught to buy dinners, pay for dates, and a bunch of stuff that is counter productive.

On dealing with reality, I would suggest you read Tolle's material from 'a new earth'. He talks about this, it's possible you've not read that chapter.


Enlightened2B wrote:Actually, it was the first book of his I read back in 2012 and have read it again since. To be honest, I resonate with Eckhart's main teachings of understanding your true nature as Awareness, but I've delved off on my own since as I've explored other areas of spirituality. As seen on this board, there is a danger in taking any teaching at face value such as the sillyness going on with the 'ego' on this board. No, I don't resonate with Eckhart's teachings on the ego anymore. But, that's fine too.


I have met those who rant about ego and interesting enough, they tend to create a ego out of pointing out other people's ego. Instead of looking from within and seeing it in themselves, they create the "teacher" ego and everyone else is "the student." It is only more separateness. With Eckhart, he has helped me but, there have been other spiritual gurus, some mainstream and others I know personally. It feels awesome. I saw what Eckhart thinks of materialism and money however, I also seen him with his new iphone during a yahoo interview. I take everything with a grain of salt.

Enlightened2B wrote:Anyway, thanks for allowing the conversation to take place e

much love to you


Thanks for sharing. I am still single and dating. I am happy for you and your gf. I do not envy you. I don't feel man should envy another man but, I admire you and the place you seem to becoming from. You seem really genuine. The world needs more people like that Enlightened. I hope I have a story worth sharing that holds a bit of longevity in the near future :D
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Re: when something on a deeper level seems to resonate

Postby Enlightened2B » Thu Jan 15, 2015 2:10 am

Thanks for the kind words MJB. In all fairness, I do think ekidhardt gives some really good advice, not only to you, but in other threads if you want to take a look especially in his words of embracing fear. He's pretty spot on with that. Ironically enough, which gets lost here, I've agreed with a lot of what he said to you in this thread, aside from his views on honesty and dating.

When I say honesty, I mean synonymous with Love, but I also realize that I didn't necessarily articulate that too well, nor did I take other people's perspectives into consideration when I used that term which ekidhardt pointed out to me and I realize that now a bit, how it can be vastly taken out of context. Love and honesty are already what you are as your nature as I see it. So, approaching dating from a standpoint of 'Be Honest' means not trying to make dating into a game of winning or losing a prize. Not trying to make dating into something you are trying to attain, that you can eventually lose. But, merely approaching another person from a standpoint of two perspectives of the same One Love. Honesty is observing your fear and embracing your fear and allowing your experience to be without unconsciously projecting it in the form of fear on to another person. It doesn't mean to express unconsciously your feelings of insecurity. That would be unconscious projection which is very different than making them consciously known.

On the other hand, I went to a singles event over the summer through a meet up group in NYC and it was a sexual oriented meet up group for singles and people in open relationships. We went into a room where we all sat around and different people were called up on stage and we had to go around the room with complete strangers and express our deepest fears and feelings on sexuality. It was one of the most uncomfortable (at the start of the night) experiences and turned into one of the more liberating experiences. Afterwards, everyone mingled in a social/singles mixer form. The focal point here of this dating event? Honesty, right from the start. There are PLENTY, PLENTY, PLENTY of women who want this in a man and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. People who tend to approach dating from a place of something other than honesty, are often looking to manipulate a person or situation in fear of how they will be perceived. This is what you will see in mainstream dating blogs and stuff like 'The Game' which you've mentioned to me already. It's not wrong mind you, but it often stems from fear from what I've seen.

I think if more people were open this way on initially meeting each other, there would be a whole lot more sincerity in dating, without egoic manipulation of trying to 'act a certain way' just to gain someone else's attention.

Of course, if you're at a bar and trying to pick up a girl just to sleep with, well, that's quite different. She doesn't need to necessarily know about your bowel patterns or your deepest fears right off the bat. 8)

But, I think that's perhaps where ekidhardt and I were differing in our perspectives. We were both approaching dating from two different regions. Mine more from a soul to soul perspective of openness and Love and his (seemingly at least) from a modern day mainstream dating perspective of dating being more of a 'game'. Ultimately, neither are wrong. Just different interpretations.

So, take what you will from each of us, because there's good advice on both sides as you've already noticed.

Much love to you to MJB and feel free to further share your experiences here.
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Re: when something on a deeper level seems to resonate

Postby meetjoeblack » Fri Jan 16, 2015 1:00 am

Enlightened2B wrote:Thanks for the kind words MJB. In all fairness, I do think ekidhardt gives some really good advice, not only to you, but in other threads if you want to take a look especially in his words of embracing fear. He's pretty spot on with that. Ironically enough, which gets lost here, I've agreed with a lot of what he said to you in this thread, aside from his views on honesty and dating.


I feel you both made some valid points. I also feel like you guys addressed interesting points in my flawed logic. I appreciate you both taking the time. I do feel some of the messages seemed to be a bit off or reaching. Well, I am embracing fear in order to put myself out there and date. The experiences bring new insights but, the outcomes are similar. Simply, it is not happily ever after. I don't think that exists.

Enlightened2B wrote:When I say honesty, I mean synonymous with Love, but I also realize that I didn't necessarily articulate that too well, nor did I take other people's perspectives into consideration when I used that term which ekidhardt pointed out to me and I realize that now a bit, how it can be vastly taken out of context. Love and honesty are already what you are as your nature as I see it. So, approaching dating from a standpoint of 'Be Honest' means not trying to make dating into a game of winning or losing a prize. Not trying to make dating into something you are trying to attain, that you can eventually lose. But, merely approaching another person from a standpoint of two perspectives of the same One Love. Honesty is observing your fear and embracing your fear and allowing your experience to be without unconsciously projecting it in the form of fear on to another person. It doesn't mean to express unconsciously your feelings of insecurity. That would be unconscious projection which is very different than making them consciously known.


I try my best but something Ekid states about verbalizing seems to be spot on. People are rarely genuine enough to embrace actual interest. They want banter and ego. I don't always get the girl and sometimes, my mind creates scenarios where there is longevity. This is rarely the case. Things are short lived. Something I have come to notice is that, every time A girl stops texting, there has always been another man involved. I had a instant where, a girl was texting, talking sexual, even sending nudes. Out of nowhere, she suddenly stops texting, no response or one word answers; none of which illustrate any interest level. A month or four weeks later, she starts texting, and wanting to hook up. Instead of saying, "I was sleeping with another man," she says she was busy and makes up a lie to excuse her. Simply put, my ego got the best of me. I was okay with fooling around but, I was not okay with being a cuckold or having her as my next gf. My friend would later go onto telling me that, I pretty much gave in, and she still got her way. She can always say she still got me. Every time I go out or see her, she comes to me as if I am her safety net. I stopped talking to her. I don't hate her but, I don't care to be with someone like that.

Enlightened2B wrote:On the other hand, I went to a singles event over the summer through a meet up group in NYC and it was a sexual oriented meet up group for singles and people in open relationships. We went into a room where we all sat around and different people were called up on stage and we had to go around the room with complete strangers and express our deepest fears and feelings on sexuality. It was one of the most uncomfortable (at the start of the night) experiences and turned into one of the more liberating experiences. Afterwards, everyone mingled in a social/singles mixer form. The focal point here of this dating event? Honesty, right from the start. There are PLENTY, PLENTY, PLENTY of women who want this in a man and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. People who tend to approach dating from a place of something other than honesty, are often looking to manipulate a person or situation in fear of how they will be perceived. This is what you will see in mainstream dating blogs and stuff like 'The Game' which you've mentioned to me already. It's not wrong mind you, but it often stems from fear from what I've seen.


I know you are a right. The difficult thing is that, having been the Ross from friends or Mosby from HIMYM like man my whole life, patterns begin to get noticed. Being a "good guy" seems to be less sexually attractive to women. A lot of women like assholes. I watched this when a man talked about getting laid by pretending your a lumberjack and hacking down female self esteem. I could never be that man. I just feel like a sucker if I am courting a woman and she is sleeping around. You are correct about the game. The thing is that, i do not try to be that nor do I care to be that kind of man. I do have a level of appreciation. I learned to date more because of overcoming my fears of approaching and the anxiety involved. The thing about the game was that, it made getting a number like the be end all. A lot of women give numbers and flake. Some even go home and sleep with other men.


Enlightened2B wrote:I think if more people were open this way on initially meeting each other, there would be a whole lot more sincerity in dating, without egoic manipulation of trying to 'act a certain way' just to gain someone else's attention.


What if someone were to take a positive away? Instead of meeting through work, social circle, friends of friends or online, people actually just talked to one another? I talk and I see who I have chemistry with. When I feel like there maybe something there, I don't think about it, and go home to masturbate. I act upon it because there is nothing more real and genuine then taking action. I assure you, it does not always materialize, and I know this because I am single. I don't care if it is a few moments, a day, a week, a year or forever. I am just happy to have had a near life experience.

Enlightened2B wrote:Of course, if you're at a bar and trying to pick up a girl just to sleep with, well, that's quite different. She doesn't need to necessarily know about your bowel patterns or your deepest fears right off the bat. 8)


I do both. Sometimes, guys pretend it is their gf and sometimes it actually is. Usually, it is some girl they like who barely acknowledges their existence and so, they get very mad. I enjoy sex but, I would prefer to have something more long term. For now, I am just going to meet more people until something actually sticks. I am not so sure it ever will or will they way I was taught. I am just happy to be experiencing.

Enlightened2B wrote:But, I think that's perhaps where ekidhardt and I were differing in our perspectives. We were both approaching dating from two different regions. Mine more from a soul to soul perspective of openness and Love and his (seemingly at least) from a modern day mainstream dating perspective of dating being more of a 'game'. Ultimately, neither are wrong. Just different interpretations.


Well, if you watched HIMYM, the player gets attacked for having a "poor batting average." If you walk up to X # of women, how many will like you? Love you? Have sex with you? The truth is that, it does not matter but, mainstream promotes not having the courage to go for the things you want. Long term, I would want to see something take and experience something significant in a relationship. I am okay if it never happens the way I thought it would. I will keep on. I acknowledge your relationship with your gf took on a different element. You both seemed to have been genuine from the start. I notice that, if I were to meet a woman in a coffee shop, genuine seems to take better than lets say, meeting in a bar or club. I don't care. I am as I am. Some woman will like me and some wont. I am not suppose to be with everyone. Everyone is not suppose to be with me. I want to be with the woman that I like and likes me. That just makes sense but, most people like to chase after people who don't want them.

Enlightened2B wrote:So, take what you will from each of us, because there's good advice on both sides as you've already noticed.

Much love to you to MJB and feel free to further share your experiences here.


I was talking to a friend. I thought I would have a family by now, a wife, children, married, career. I also thought my dad and sister would be alive. I think I will find love one day but, I also think it will come in a way I did not expect or think existed too. It seems so commercial now a days.
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Re: when something on a deeper level seems to resonate

Postby Enlightened2B » Fri Jan 16, 2015 5:00 am

A couple of quick points here

meetjoeblack wrote: People are rarely genuine enough to embrace actual interest. They want banter and ego.


This is your own assumption. That's not to discount the experiences you might have had with people who might appear that way. But, to say people are rarely genuine is a generalization and just your own belief. Look at the way that you are perceiving others. If you're expecting people to be a certain way, to act a certain way, then likely you'll see this perception in people you meet, rather than accepting and loving that people are the way they are. Accepting and loving that we all come from different backgrounds and experiences and there is beauty in that. Some more conditioned and limited, while others less conditioned, less limited and more genuine appearing. Even for those that you meet that are not as genuine, can you accept that they, themselves are likely operating out of fear and in that, there is instant compassion and empathy? Building a real relationship takes effort, but also takes honesty on your own part in looking at yourself and looking at your own perception in relation to others. Otherwise, you're going to be going after girls from an idealistic perspective where girls need to match up with the image you have created. You'll always see the flaws in others. That image largely a result of your own life experiences which have formed beliefs that you likely hold very strongly to. Honesty is not strictly telling another how you feel. It's also being able to look at yourself and question how you are perceiving your own experience.

I had a instant where, a girl was texting, talking sexual, even sending nudes. Out of nowhere, she suddenly stops texting, no response or one word answers; none of which illustrate any interest level. A month or four weeks later, she starts texting, and wanting to hook up. Instead of saying, "I was sleeping with another man," she says she was busy and makes up a lie to excuse her.


Again, your expectations of others seem to me, to be unrealisitic. You're expecting someone in a text relationship that you barely know to be, act, think in a certain way. You want them to act in a way that matches how you think they should act, not realizing that once again, we all come from different like experiences and as a result have our own unique perspectives on life. You're not monogamous with her. You're merely texting with her.

Being a "good guy" seems to be less sexually attractive to women. A lot of women like assholes. I watched this when a man talked about getting laid by pretending your a lumberjack and hacking down female self esteem. I could never be that man. I just feel like a sucker if I am courting a woman and she is sleeping around. You are correct about the game. The thing is that, i do not try to be that nor do I care to be that kind of man. I do have a level of appreciation. I learned to date more because of overcoming my fears of approaching and the anxiety involved. The thing about the game was that, it made getting a number like the be end all. A lot of women give numbers and flake. Some even go home and sleep with other men.


Again, this is where questioning a lot of those thoughts can really come in handy. Is it true? Can you know it to be true? The notion of good guy/asshole are just more concepts for your mind to toy with. The notion that she really wants this which only he can give to her and I can never be that is just more thought. Instead, ponder this MJB.....Who are you at the core of your Being? Are you merely a person trying to live up to an image of a certain characteristic that you see in others? or are you something more? Are you not existence itself? You keep referencing TV shows and I don't know why. Perhaps you're trying to compare your life to the characters on the TV shows, but the TV shows are not real. What you perceive yourself to be though, IS VERY real. Does it really matter if she is honest or not with you or whether or not she lies to you? Does it really matter if certain people are attracted to certain things while others are attracted to other things? Can you acknowledge once again that many of these people you are talking about have conditioned patterns in their life just like you and I? Gently and lovingly look at these thoughts, embrace them and just allow them to be as they are. You are not merely your thoughts. Use this material here as a platform to work with. And keep posting about your experience.

Question to yourself.....why do I even want a girlfriend or to find a girl to love? What does love mean to me most of all? Am I not complete already? And if I do meet someone I click with, am I going to constantly be judging her and expecting her to be a certain way? Can I not merely love her exactly as she is, as conditioned as she might be? Can I not love that her and I are both two conditioned aspect of the same one Being, me, with my perspective and her, with hers? Is there not true Love in that? True Love in the sense that there is no bar to meet, no requirements, not mask to put on, no impression to make? But, merely complete and utter acceptance of each other exactly as we both are, imperfections and all?

Ultimately, the more you limit yourself via your own beliefs about others and about yourself, this will ultimately be true for you. You are....what you perceive yourself to be. The more you open yourself up and realize that your thoughts are just thoughts, then you can start to see that there is nothing separate from you, until thought is believed and then the world seems ever so scary :D
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Re: when something on a deeper level seems to resonate

Postby meetjoeblack » Fri Jan 16, 2015 8:33 pm

Enlightened2B wrote:A couple of quick points here


This is your own assumption. That's not to discount the experiences you might have had with people who might appear that way. But, to say people are rarely genuine is a generalization and just your own belief.


Not been my experience. They want the games or a male playing the asshole role. I cannot be bothered to do that even if it is effective in getting laid. Similar to what Ek stated, coming on too strong way too fast pushes women away. They want that bullshit they see on tv. What is a huge turn off is movies like fifty shades or sex and the city; promote promiscuity and being everything that contradicts marriage but, lets end with a fairytale wedding and roll the credits. Wear a white dress in sex and the city? It just seems ridiculous and the more I am turning away from such a possibility. Unlike food and water, it is not a necessity. I think women are taught to want it from a young age. What is alarming is that, more times the not, it is women who walk out on their marriage, and family.

Enlightened2B wrote:Look at the way that you are perceiving others. If you're expecting people to be a certain way, to act a certain way, then likely you'll see this perception in people you meet, rather than accepting and loving that people are the way they are. Accepting and loving that we all come from different backgrounds and experiences and there is beauty in that. Some more conditioned and limited, while others less conditioned, less limited and more genuine appearing. Even for those that you meet that are not as genuine, can you accept that they, themselves are likely operating out of fear and in that, there is instant compassion and empathy? Building a real relationship takes effort, but also takes honesty on your own part in looking at yourself and looking at your own perception in relation to others. Otherwise, you're going to be going after girls from an idealistic perspective where girls need to match up with the image you have created. You'll always see the flaws in others. That image largely a result of your own life experiences which have formed beliefs that you likely hold very strongly to. Honesty is not strictly telling another how you feel. It's also being able to look at yourself and question how you are perceiving your own experience.


The other day, a young woman cut me off and walked in front saying "ladies first." Another words, I want traditionalism. I responded by telling her, "the kitchen is upstairs. Make me a sandwich!" Here response was to call me an asshole lol I have learned that verbal jabs are better then passively tolerating bratty behavior and entitlement. She was being a brat. I responded accordingly to be a bit of a dickhead. I show genuine interest in instances where I feel it. That way, there is no ambiguity or wondering, what do I mean. If she is not interested (different woman), that is okay. With others, I have no patience for attitude or preteen girl behavior in fully grown adult women.

Enlightened2B wrote:Again, your expectations of others seem to me, to be unrealisitic. You're expecting someone in a text relationship that you barely know to be, act, think in a certain way. You want them to act in a way that matches how you think they should act, not realizing that once again, we all come from different like experiences and as a result have our own unique perspectives on life. You're not monogamous with her. You're merely texting with her.


I got texted from women for dinners and date. In many instances, these women were in fact fucking around with different men. As a male who grew up conditioned to court women, I feel I was sort of crippled from the start, and I learned to break away from this way of thinking. A woman can like me for me not what I have in my bank account or the car I drive. Sadly, this is how men are taught. A man is of course disposable in society after providing children. A link in the paper showed a man who was court ordered to pay for child support and spousal support after a woman filed for divorce when in fact, 3/4 children were shown not to be his by DNA testing.


Enlightened2B wrote:Again, this is where questioning a lot of those thoughts can really come in handy. Is it true? Can you know it to be true? The notion of good guy/asshole are just more concepts for your mind to toy with.


I cannot speak on the account for your life experience. I can speak from my own experience and observation.

Woman had her parents go away. Instead of texting anybody worth while, she followed up with a dude known to chuck women. Not say, he is just out to have fun and despite the multiple warnings other women gave her, she learned the hard way. I have observed it throughout my teens and 20s. From a social media, a lot of these women now victimize themselves as single mothers, and rant about how terrible things are. We are all responsible for our choices.

Enlightened2B wrote:The notion that she really wants this which only he can give to her and I can never be that is just more thought. Instead, ponder this MJB.....Who are you at the core of your Being? Are you merely a person trying to live up to an image of a certain characteristic that you see in others? or are you something more? Are you not existence itself? You keep referencing TV shows and I don't know why.



To give a visual. I was taught about courtship. This pretty much is a crippling way to date.


Enlightened2B wrote:Perhaps you're trying to compare your life to the characters on the TV shows, but the TV shows are not real. What you perceive yourself to be though, IS VERY real. Does it really matter if she is honest or not with you or whether or not she lies to you? Does it really matter if certain people are attracted to certain things while others are attracted to other things? Can you acknowledge once again that many of these people you are talking about have conditioned patterns in their life just like you and I? Gently and lovingly look at these thoughts, embrace them and just allow them to be as they are. You are not merely your thoughts. Use this material here as a platform to work with. And keep posting about your experience.

No longer sure we are talking about the same subject anymore. She lies, how can this be a gf or potential mother of my future child? The truth is that, the current system in courts are not all that favorable so, I would like to find a woman who is genuine. This was not one of them. We hooked up but, it was more ego driven. I did it and then, I sort of regretted it after. We don't talk any more and I do not care to even though, she will try to pursue me when she sees me out. She shared her story and it is a pretty destructive family upbringing that likely brought this on from what she said. I notice people rarely escape that.

Enlightened2B wrote:Question to yourself.....why do I even want a girlfriend or to find a girl to love? What does love mean to me most of all? Am I not complete already? And if I do meet someone I click with, am I going to constantly be judging her and expecting her to be a certain way? Can I not merely love her exactly as she is, as conditioned as she might be? Can I not love that her and I are both two conditioned aspect of the same one Being, me, with my perspective and her, with hers? Is there not true Love in that? True Love in the sense that there is no bar to meet, no requirements, not mask to put on, no impression to make? But, merely complete and utter acceptance of each other exactly as we both are, imperfections and all?


I think I continue to romanticize in the ideas of love or what I was socially conditioned to believe. I can't love a woman like a Kim Kardashian who essentially prostitutes herself out for money in the form of a sex tape. I wont be a cuckold the way Kanye is who marries her. I am content to continue to date and meet women but, I must admit, I feel like the tires are just spinning or I am going in circles. The women are different but the experiences are similar. These new women I have met usually want wedding bells to settle down. It has to have meaning. I can get there but, everything seems to be about some incentive.

I have met and been able to meet women like that but, in rare instances. She is just a genuinely awesome person. Sadly, when I look around or engage in meeting people, I see zombies everywhere. Most women have been brain washed by third wave feminism. Promoting ideas like, "I don't need a man" of course until she wants children and marriage. Not promotion of independence. I know I have some hangups. lol

Enlightened2B wrote:Ultimately, the more you limit yourself via your own beliefs about others and about yourself, this will ultimately be true for you. You are....what you perceive yourself to be. The more you open yourself up and realize that your thoughts are just thoughts, then you can start to see that there is nothing separate from you, until thought is believed and then the world seems ever so scary :D


Thanks man. You are in a relationship so, you must have something figured out. I am not sure I will ever get to where you are. I am content to continue as I am.
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Re: when something on a deeper level seems to resonate

Postby Enlightened2B » Fri Jan 16, 2015 9:26 pm

meetjoeblack wrote:Not been my experience. They want the games or a male playing the asshole role. I cannot be bothered to do that even if it is effective in getting laid. Similar to what Ek stated, coming on too strong way too fast pushes women away. They want that bullshit they see on tv. What is a huge turn off is movies like fifty shades or sex and the city; promote promiscuity and being everything that contradicts marriage but, lets end with a fairytale wedding and roll the credits. Wear a white dress in sex and the city? It just seems ridiculous and the more I am turning away from such a possibility. Unlike food and water, it is not a necessity. I think women are taught to want it from a young age. What is alarming is that, more times the not, it is women who walk out on their marriage, and family.


MJB, what I'm trying to say is, can you affirm that all women are like this? I'm not saying you haven't met people like this nor am I saying that shows like Sex in the City are not impressionable on certain groups of women because I've met women too just like you describe. I'm just trying to get you to inquire into that belief that people are rarely genuine. I'm simply asking you to consider the possibility that some women are not like this and only certain women are. Just like the women who say that 'no good men are out there'. This too is a limited belief that people convince themselves of.

Coming on too strong in what context? Coming on too strong as needy? Yes, that will most certainly turn anybody off, men or women. But, that's not what I'm talking about at all. I'm talking about having an understanding of your true nature prior to getting involved with a woman and not relying on a woman for your happiness. I'm talking about being confident in the sense that you are not afraid to show your vulnerable side to a woman early on the dating process, in a non-needy way will be GREATLY appreciated by many women, not all women, but many women. Allowing a woman to see that you have fears, just like she does, without projecting them on to her, allowing yourself to be as you are, flaws and all, without trying to be a certain way on a first date, can be incredibly endearing to another person. But, if you're trying to play a game where you're afraid to 'come on too strong', then you're suppressing what you already are, and in turn, you're wearing a mask because of the belief 'women don't want guys to come on too strong'. You're generalizing ALL women, based on a certain group of women that you've encountered and this is your own limited belief.

Instead, try something different.

Go into a first date and simply observe your thoughts/feelings in RELATION to the person you are on the date with. Don't try to stop ANYTHING. If you're nervous...BE nervous. If judgemental thoughts about her pop up, LET THEM BE. Just watch and realize that underneath those judgements and fears, you are merely BEING itself as Love. If you DO happen to project on a first date on to the other person, simply allow it to be. Don't suppress or hide any part of you. Simply Be LOVE for anything and everything in that moment. You're not trying to gain something from the other person, nor trying to be in any way other than what you already are in that moment. But, before you can start dating consciously, you need to have a better understaning of your true nature as Awareness/Being.

Try looking at women with the rationale that women/men are no different than each other. If a woman appears a certain way to you, can you simply accept and love that woman (even in a non-romantic way) for the understanding that she is likely highly conditioned herself? Can you embrace a different perspective outside of your own?

Two things:

You are either attracting the same types of people in your life over and over again OR (which I believe is more so the case), you are generalizing all women based on the belief that all women are kim kardashian types or whatever that even means. You're referencing social media, TV shows and media in general an awful lot. I think you're way too caught up in too many concepts of how things 'should be', instead just Being as you already are.

Start practicing some meditation MJB and start questioning some of the beliefs you have. I don't think mine nor Ekihardt's posts are going to be able to help you any further if you're still stuck in the limited perspective of your own beliefs. I know it's tough to go beyond, but it's a big step to open up and start to realize that everyone is conditioned a certain way and everyone's perspective is shaped by their own life experiences.

There is no right/wrong perspective. You can go beyond that limited perspective by loving and accepting people as they are, including Kim Kardashian. You don't have to AGREE with her lifestyle, but can you merely embrace her own perspective as a different, unique perspective than your own?

There is love in the embracing/compassion/empathy of others, in the realization that we, ourselves are merely no different underneath the disguises and conditioned personalities we all wear.
Last edited by Enlightened2B on Fri Jan 16, 2015 9:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: when something on a deeper level seems to resonate

Postby dijmart » Fri Jan 16, 2015 9:32 pm

meetjoeblack said-

They want the games or a male playing the asshole role.

They want that bullshit they see on tv.

I think women are taught to want it from a young age.

What is alarming is that, more times then not, it is women who walk out on their marriage, and family.

These new women I have met usually want wedding bells to settle down.

Most women have been brain washed by third wave feminism.

Promoting ideas like, "I don't need a man" of course until she wants children and marriage.


All of these ideas you have of women are just that ideas, opinions, judgements. Some even conflict with one another which I found interesting? Hmmm...
Take what you like and leave the rest.
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Re: when something on a deeper level seems to resonate

Postby Enlightened2B » Fri Jan 16, 2015 9:40 pm

Building on what Di said above which I agree with her with, this is why I recommend meditation to you MJB. But, doesn't have to be regular, formal, sitting meditation. Just start to take notice of your thoughts.

Check out the book 'Meditation, now or never' by Steve Hagen. I always recommend it to people, because it's a small little simple book, that worked so well for me.
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