MJB, what I'm trying to say is, can you affirm that all women are like this? I'm not saying you haven't met people like this nor am I saying that shows like Sex in the City are not impressionable on certain groups of women because I've met women too just like you describe. I'm just trying to get you to inquire into that belief that people are rarely genuine. I'm simply asking you to consider the possibility that some women are not like this and only certain women are. Just like the women who say that 'no good men are out there'. This too is a limited belief that people convince themselves of.
I cannot ascertain that anybody is any such way. In terms of dating, if I thought they were all, I would not bother. It is that I want to know. From my experience, I feel like there is less and less red pill women. I know that such a thing exists because of women like Amy Mullins among others. A woman who despite her circumstances, overcomes the obstacles she has in her life, and inspires. This is not what I see when I go out. I mentioned that I pulled a girl back from a bar to a party. As time went on, I stepped back, and away from her. We did not click. I watched another man talk about destroying her self esteem in order to have sex with her. It disgusted me but, the more and more he pulverized her self esteem, the more turned on she became. I am not suppose to be with that woman. I would not even bother indulging in reproducing the kind of behavior that would bring me around that kind of person. If there are red pill men out there, I must rest assure, there must be a female reciprocal to that. In very slim instances have I met that kind of person. I do acknowledge that this worldly experience likely keeps me further away from settling down. A life time of a particular experience likely echos in my dating experience. Again, I am always happy for having the experience no matter the outcome.
Enlightened2B wrote:Coming on too strong in what context? Coming on too strong as needy? Yes, that will most certainly turn anybody off, men or women. But, that's not what I'm talking about at all. I'm talking about having an understanding of your true nature prior to getting involved with a woman and not relying on a woman for your happiness. I'm talking about being confident in the sense that you are not afraid to show your vulnerable side to a woman early on the dating process, in a non-needy way will be GREATLY appreciated by many women, not all women, but many women.
I watched the movie Meet Joe Black. I love the coffee shop scene. Actually experiencing something like that is incredible but, real life is not like the movies. I know this. I think at times I am romanticizing in the idea of love and relationships. I know life gives us more of what we need and not necessarily more of what we want. I am not sure what you mean by showing a vulnerable side?? Outside showing actual interest to a woman in a cafe or coffee show, extending an olive branch in some way or another is how I act with a perfect stranger I want to see again. This is a vulnerable place to be. I do this often. In doing so, I date and see more girls but, I also notice immediately who I click with pretty quickly.
Enlightened2B wrote:Allowing a woman to see that you have fears, just like she does, without projecting them on to her, allowing yourself to be as you are, flaws and all, without trying to be a certain way on a first date, can be incredibly endearing to another person. But, if you're trying to play a game where you're afraid to 'come on too strong', then you're suppressing what you already are, and in turn, you're wearing a mask because of the belief 'women don't want guys to come on too strong'. You're generalizing ALL women, based on a certain group of women that you've encountered and this is your own limited belief.
I am not afraid to come on too strong. I compliment a woman and tell her to come out sometime is a pretty confident thing to do. Most guys dont have that courage outside being drunk and in a bar. There is traditionalism; passive and active dating roles. I appreciate you taking the time. As you have stated, you met your girl online; passive dating role. If you were going out to bars, clubs, pubs, cafes, coffee shops, and talking to lots of women, you likely would see life through a different lens. TV has really fucked people up. A lot of people are going through the motions and pretty much walking through life with their eyes closed. The next time you are out, actually talk to a random stranger, and see if noise is just coming out of their mouth or are you both having a conversation?
Enlightened2B wrote:Instead, try something different.
Go into a first date and simply observe your thoughts/feelings in RELATION to the person you are on the date with. Don't try to stop ANYTHING. If you're nervous...BE nervous. If judgemental thoughts about her pop up, LET THEM BE. Just watch and realize that underneath those judgements and fears, you are merely BEING itself as Love. If you DO happen to project on a first date on to the other person, simply allow it to be. Don't suppress or hide any part of you. Simply Be LOVE for anything and everything in that moment. You're not trying to gain something from the other person, nor trying to be in any way other than what you already are in that moment. But, before you can start dating consciously, you need to have a better understaning of your true nature as Awareness/Being.
I do not feel nervous anymore. I felt like there was something there with a woman I so, I got her number. We texted for a bit and when we got out, I realized that we had little to nothing in common. She was complaining about a lot of stuff. She tried to tell me about stuff we had in common but, there was nothing there. She talked about stuff like working out, martial arts, sports, and other things of interest but, it was an attempt to set a foundation. Again, I am happy for the experience. There are times to when I get busy with life and I do not text or text right away. Sometimes, women get mad then.
Enlightened2B wrote:Try looking at women with the rationale that women/men are no different than each other. If a woman appears a certain way to you, can you simply accept and love that woman (even in a non-romantic way) for the understanding that she is likely highly conditioned herself? Can you embrace a different perspective outside of your own?
I can accept I am different or that we are different. I do not like to be around certain personalities and people. I find it creates more noise or they do things to annoy me. Make lots of noise, attention seek, and even act crazy. I know there are good people out there but, I also know there are a lot of people to that I do not care to be around. As I said before, I like to connect with people, make new friends, and date.
Enlightened2B wrote:Two things:
You are either attracting the same types of people in your life over and over again OR (which I believe is more so the case), you are generalizing all women based on the belief that all women are kim kardashian types or whatever that even means. You're referencing social media, TV shows and media in general an awful lot. I think you're way too caught up in too many concepts of how things 'should be', instead just Being as you already are.
This is being as I am. I am not impressed with a lot of things. Rather than project onto women what I think they should be, I rather go out and be the strongest version of myself. With that said, I am not about to be around some of the women I have met just because I was taught about marriage and courtship.
Enlightened2B wrote:Start practicing some meditation MJB and start questioning some of the beliefs you have. I don't think mine nor Ekihardt's posts are going to be able to help you any further if you're still stuck in the limited perspective of your own beliefs. I know it's tough to go beyond, but it's a big step to open up and start to realize that everyone is conditioned a certain way and everyone's perspective is shaped by their own life experiences.
I do need to meditate more and I notice around Xmas time, my cravings get a bit out of control.
Enlightened2B wrote:There is no right/wrong perspective. You can go beyond that limited perspective by loving and accepting people as they are, including Kim Kardashian. You don't have to AGREE with her lifestyle, but can you merely embrace her own perspective as a different, unique perspective than your own?
There is love in the embracing/compassion/empathy of others, in the realization that we, ourselves are merely no different underneath the disguises and conditioned personalities we all wear.
I am finding myself distancing myself. I know separateness is an illusion but, I am feeling more and more alienated.