Romantic love - what is it??

Talk about relationships in the context of Spiritual Enlightenment

Romantic love - what is it??

Postby imago dei » Fri Mar 13, 2015 3:53 pm

Dear friends,
I wrote some posts here in the past, thought a lot about what love is, made many mistakes with some men, but now i might have found the key.
Well, i am personally avoiding all kinds of sexual adventures and "committed relationships" too - damn, i hate these labels and names. I am avoiding everything because i need to know what i want. And i might have found it.
Im not looking for sex but for love, true love (i mean in a "romantic" way so to say). Actually i do think that my whole life is full of love, i love the present moment, my friends, my city and many others things....
But still: it's now 2 years that i am avoiding sentimental relationships, im still scared of the traditional vision of "relationship", i am afraid that someone could take too much from me, like a parasite (had a long term relationship with an "emotional parasite", this term explain very well his personality).
Last year i used to have ONS in order to avoid the danger of being "taken", eaten, possessed, destroyed. But that's not the right path, i'd like an authentic relationship.
I dont want to avoid any man, and this is my vision of love: love is loving and accepting each other the way he is, with no obligations, no expectations, not pretending "you must be with me, you cant take time for yourself, you gotta do this and that".
If i loved a man, i would give him total freedom (not referring to sexual one), i wouldnt get angry if he doesnt call me for 2 weeks, i would love him the way he is without having any expectation, and vice versa of course. No obligation, just feeling and freedom. Of course with some compromises, which are only a choise.
I see most people continuosly demanding for contact, attention, then getting revenge...just like beggars.
I even went to a psychologist and he said that it's egoistic and narcisistic, men are often angry at me coz after 2-3 meeting i happen not to call for 5 days for exemple, and they get angry.
I actually think all these people are crazy, demanding and begging all the time.
Your opinion about it????
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Re: Romantic love - what is it??

Postby imago dei » Fri Mar 13, 2015 4:29 pm

Is love for a partner based on obligations and expectations, in your opinion????
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Re: Romantic love - what is it??

Postby Enlightened2B » Fri Mar 13, 2015 9:22 pm

As you said, love IS accepting of each other, the way they are. But, love is already your nature. Meaning, learning to accept life as it is, is aligning yourself with your nature. However, you can accept someone for the way they are, and still not want to be in a committed relationship with them. There's a big difference.

Let me give you an example. In my last relationship, I very much accepted my girlfriend the way she was and supported her to pursue her own unique lifestyle, and the more I wanted her to be her own unique expression without my interference, meaning, the more I stepped back and allowed her to be with Love, the more I realized that I didn't align with her and that our lifestyles were just far too different and that I no longer wanted to be in a relationship with her.

Point being....just because you accept someone (which you should do for everyone) does not mean they are necessarily going to be the right romantic partner for you. If you're going to be living with someone especially, if two people are on two completely different pages in life, then that could be difficult. You can always compromise on smaller aspects of yourself. However, larger things should never have to be compromised as I see it.

The key note here. Relationships to me, are 100 percent about how you relate to another, as opposed to how long or what the relationship brings to you. How you are, in relation to another, is our entire existence in physicality. We are Oneness individually experiencing the dream of separateness by means of relationship of all kinds. Therefore, I believe relationships are supposed to be complements to what you already are instead of encompassing your whole life. Relationships will last as long as two people feel the relationship still serves them. There are many who stay together in relationships/marriages because of vows they make. Even if they feel that relationship no longer serves them, they try and try and try to make it work, even if it involves altering their life to support the relationship.

I have a different view. I say, the relationship itself will naturally evolve as you evolve, even if/when that means two people have gained what they can from the relationship and are ready to go their separate ways because they realize that the relationship no longer serves them. That's just my own personal view which is always changing with more experience. Whether it lasts a week or a lifetime, is not important to me. It's how I relate that's important. You don't need a monogamous relationship to be/feel complete. They are just one potential avenue to explore and when it's over, you move on to the next chapter of your life. I still talk to my ex and she moved to China. We are on very good terms, but both amicably realized we weren't right for each other right now. I still tell her I love her through email, but it's a different kind of love which I know she understands.....

So, love for your partner, is the same as the love for your neighbor or even your enemy. Love is free and flowing and unconditional at its core. There are no obligations nor expectations in monogamy other than the idealistic ones that we create in relationships. Use relationships for their intended purpose as Conversations with God states, for the purpose of relate-ing. Allow your partner to be the unique expression they are, even if you don't agree with their lifestyle. If you find, you don't align with him/her, then you move on. That's all. All other stuff including outcomes, how long the relationship should last, obligations and expectations are mind driven from the personality, and not from the Soul, which is what you are. That's why it's so important for two people to be on the same page in a relationship, in order to both understand what the relationship's purpose is and what they want out of a relationship. Meaning, if one person is using a relationship as a spiritual tool in relating from Love with another person with no anticipation, while the other party is using it to fulfill all of their idealistic expectations and needs, then one party will likely suffer.

I hope this helps somewhat. Ask more questions if you need, but understand that this is just my own perspective and nothing more.
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Re: Romantic love - what is it??

Postby imago dei » Sat Mar 14, 2015 1:08 am

Enlightened2B wrote:As you said, love IS accepting of each other, the way they are. But, love is already your nature. Meaning, learning to accept life as it is, is aligning yourself with your nature. However, you can accept someone for the way they are, and still not want to be in a committed relationship with them. There's a big difference.

Let me give you an example. In my last relationship, I very much accepted my girlfriend the way she was and supported her to pursue her own unique lifestyle, and the more I wanted her to be her own unique expression without my interference, meaning, the more I stepped back and allowed her to be with Love, the more I realized that I didn't align with her and that our lifestyles were just far too different and that I no longer wanted to be in a relationship with her.

Point being....just because you accept someone (which you should do for everyone) does not mean they are necessarily going to be the right romantic partner for you. If you're going to be living with someone especially, if two people are on two completely different pages in life, then that could be difficult. You can always compromise on smaller aspects of yourself. However, larger things should never have to be compromised as I see it.

The key note here. Relationships to me, are 100 percent about how you relate to another, as opposed to how long or what the relationship brings to you. How you are, in relation to another, is our entire existence in physicality. We are Oneness individually experiencing the dream of separateness by means of relationship of all kinds. Therefore, I believe relationships are supposed to be complements to what you already are instead of encompassing your whole life. Relationships will last as long as two people feel the relationship still serves them. There are many who stay together in relationships/marriages because of vows they make. Even if they feel that relationship no longer serves them, they try and try and try to make it work, even if it involves altering their life to support the relationship.

I have a different view. I say, the relationship itself will naturally evolve as you evolve, even if/when that means two people have gained what they can from the relationship and are ready to go their separate ways because they realize that the relationship no longer serves them. That's just my own personal view which is always changing with more experience. Whether it lasts a week or a lifetime, is not important to me. It's how I relate that's important. You don't need a monogamous relationship to be/feel complete. They are just one potential avenue to explore and when it's over, you move on to the next chapter of your life. I still talk to my ex and she moved to China. We are on very good terms, but both amicably realized we weren't right for each other right now. I still tell her I love her through email, but it's a different kind of love which I know she understands.....

So, love for your partner, is the same as the love for your neighbor or even your enemy. Love is free and flowing and unconditional at its core. There are no obligations nor expectations in monogamy other than the idealistic ones that we create in relationships. Use relationships for their intended purpose as Conversations with God states, for the purpose of relate-ing. Allow your partner to be the unique expression they are, even if you don't agree with their lifestyle. If you find, you don't align with him/her, then you move on. That's all. All other stuff including outcomes, how long the relationship should last, obligations and expectations are mind driven from the personality, and not from the Soul, which is what you are. That's why it's so important for two people to be on the same page in a relationship, in order to both understand what the relationship's purpose is and what they want out of a relationship. Meaning, if one person is using a relationship as a spiritual tool in relating from Love with another person with no anticipation, while the other party is using it to fulfill all of their idealistic expectations and needs, then one party will likely suffer.

I hope this helps somewhat. Ask more questions if you need, but understand that this is just my own perspective and nothing more.

Thank you for your answer.
I undestand what you mean and i mostly agree with you. But its all so teorethical, i try to give some exemples.
For exemple: i like and totally love a man, we respect and understand each other, we have similar points of views about life, but still:
- i like going out with friends;
- i need to stay alone for 5 days or go on vocation alone;
- i dont want to stay every day all the time with him.

People say its egoistic and narcisistic, i think its quite the opposite. If i love a persona, i'd allow him to have his spaces and to do whatever makes him happy, this is healthy and this is Love, imo.
But still most people look at me so critic when i say it, then start labelling me as "person who just want to have fun" ecc....is mankind crazy?! Im starting to think it...
I'd allow my beloved to do whatever makes him happy, and still sharing much with him, if the relationship has solid basis.
Thanks!!
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Re: Romantic love - what is it??

Postby Enlightened2B » Sat Mar 14, 2015 5:25 am

So, what's the problem then? Unless I'm missing something, I don't see anything at all wrong with what you're saying. If anything, I have a similar approach these days to romance.

It sounds to me like you're confusing how you feel with what you believe others expect of you to feel, which is just your own thought processes which you can observe if you allow it to be.

Who cares what other people say or think? If they think you're a narcissist, then let them. That's their own perception and yours is yours. But, you can open your perspective up by allowing their perspective to be in Love. I find myself agreeing less and less with conventional views on things, but at the same time, I also understand why things are the way they are. I'd say, the only thing of importance which you need to look out for when entering a romantic situations, is that you and your partner are on the same page. Otherwise, another person can get hurt by a mis understanding of your perspective on love compared to theirs. Relationships are also about understanding that we all come from different conditioned backgrounds and therefore have unique perspectives on things. You need to understand that many people still enjoy the traditional sense of romantic relationship and there's nothing wrong with that as it's just another perspective. Personally, I find it too limiting for me, but that's just me. You and I might not agree with it, but can you feel compassion and love towards those that do? Can you understand that your view might not be understood by many people who still hold perhaps a different view on relationships than you? or a different view on how love should/should not be? Therefore, before pursuing a relationship, make sure you're on the same page with your partner.

Stick to what feels right for you and stop being concerned by what others think about you. You'll be fine.
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Re: Romantic love - what is it??

Postby imago dei » Sat Mar 14, 2015 10:19 am

Enlightened2B wrote:So, what's the problem then? Unless I'm missing something, I don't see anything at all wrong with what you're saying. If anything, I have a similar approach these days to romance.

It sounds to me like you're confusing how you feel with what you believe others expect of you to feel, which is just your own thought processes which you can observe if you allow it to be.

Who cares what other people say or think? If they think you're a narcissist, then let them. That's their own perception and yours is yours. But, you can open your perspective up by allowing their perspective to be in Love. I find myself agreeing less and less with conventional views on things, but at the same time, I also understand why things are the way they are. I'd say, the only thing of importance which you need to look out for when entering a romantic situations, is that you and your partner are on the same page. Otherwise, another person can get hurt by a mis understanding of your perspective on love compared to theirs. Relationships are also about understanding that we all come from different conditioned backgrounds and therefore have unique perspectives on things. You need to understand that many people still enjoy the traditional sense of romantic relationship and there's nothing wrong with that as it's just another perspective. Personally, I find it too limiting for me, but that's just me. You and I might not agree with it, but can you feel compassion and love towards those that do? Can you understand that your view might not be understood by many people who still hold perhaps a different view on relationships than you? or a different view on how love should/should not be? Therefore, before pursuing a relationship, make sure you're on the same page with your partner.

Stick to what feels right for you and stop being concerned by what others think about you. You'll be fine.

Well, the problem is not really what "people" say or how they judge me, i dont care much i have to say. I basically think everyone is looking for someone similar concerning point of views, values, interests (i didnt say anything new).
The problem is: since 95% of people i know claim love is committment, obligations, expectations, "contract",i am damn confused. Not one single person understands what i mean, in real life, and the say if you want time for yourself, if you're not always available for the other, you're an egoist.
What's wrong with them??? I find it egoistic to pretend love and attention, space. I actually find it creepy and hell alike.
But its not the point either.
My vision leads to lots of misunderstandings with men. Plz give me a suggestion.
-When i say "i am not looking for a traditional relationship" they automatically think im looking for sex and i have no heart, which is "bad" in the western society.
- When i dont say anything, but i happen to disappear for 4-5 days, men take revenge on me, being aggressive and hostile;

So, its now 5 months that i say "im not looking for a relationship nor for an adventure", but it still doesnt match what i want. They get angry and hostile all the time, even with those that i didnt even kiss.
I have the feeling that if you're going out for a date with someone, just to talk and build something deep, the "contract" is gonna beginn. If you dont call every day you're narcisistic.
What i want is authentic love, giving love, communication, empathy, good time, and not one single time being possessed, controlled, submissive.
I am not obliged to tell a man where i am going and what i am doing, what do i do in my spare time. And it has nothing to do with sex.
Sorry but im suffering a bit, seeing the majority of people living with these kinds of contracts, as a prison, where you are pointed as "egoist" if you defend your freedom, which is all we have.
I want to love and maybe being loved, with no written rules, its not part of me and i reject it, there's nothing i can do.
People say im a "ingenuous" coz i could have much more from life, i am relatively young (29), pretty, full of life....but losing my freedom for a compromise, a prison, is something i simply can't accept.
Btw: what should i tell a man (if i will ever find someone i like) in order to be clear about my vision? Should i say it soon, the first day?? Believe me i only get misunderstandings and aggressivity, cant stand at it anymore....
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Re: Romantic love - what is it??

Postby Enlightened2B » Sat Mar 14, 2015 6:10 pm

imago dei wrote:Well, the problem is not really what "people" say or how they judge me, i dont care much i have to say.


The problem is: since 95% of people i know claim love is committment, obligations, expectations, "contract",i am damn confused. Not one single person understands what i mean, in real life, and the say if you want time for yourself, if you're not always available for the other, you're an egoist.
What's wrong with them???


Well, these two statements above contradict each other and I think you very much do care what these people say. Otherwise, you wouldn't be confused. And it sounds to me that you're trying to convince the other people, that your view is right. If that's their view, then let it be their view. If 100 percent of the people you know, claim that love is a 'contract', then let it be. I'd also ask yourself....can you be sure that 95 percent of the people you know believe love is a contract? Or is this just your own belief based on your own perception?

I have the feeling that if you're going out for a date with someone, just to talk and build something deep, the "contract" is gonna beginn. If you dont call every day you're narcisistic.


imago dei, it all depends on what type of people you're looking to get involved with. I'm saying that you need to expand your horizons with people you date perhaps and find a partner who at least is somewhat more aligned with your views. I'm not 100 percent sure what you're looking for.

If you want a partner in your life, because you want an opportunity to express love within the parameters of the monogamous relationship, then allow it to happen naturally, by partaking in activities that you enjoy and seeking out like minded people who are aligned with a similar perspective on life as you. But, if you just want a partner for the sake of wanting a boyfriend because you feel lonely, then you need to distinguish between the two. Because I'm not really sure that you're clear on your intent. You need to figure that out for yourself. Ask yourself....what are my motives for wanting a partner in the first place? Because monogamous relationships do take work back and forth. You can't just say.....I'm in a monogamous relationship with Johnny, but then go two weeks without contacting Johnny at all, and doing your own thing and expecting Johnny to understand this. If you seriously want that kind of relationship, then you need to find a partner who ALSO wants that kind of relationship.

Understand that you don't owe Johnny anything in a relationship, nor does Johnny owe you anything. It's not about contracts and being trapped. It's about relating. Are you relating to Johnny from Love or are you relating to Johnny from fear? As far as the parameters of the relationship, you and Johnny can establish that before hand. And if it becomes too constricting for you, then it's not for you. You don't owe it to Johnny to stay in the relationship for any amount of time, nor does Johnny owe it to you to stay within the relationship. That's why relationships serve their purpose for the time we feel they serve us. When you're ready to move on, you move on. Perhaps, you'll decide that you want to stay with Johnny forever. And so be it. Monogamy is not the only type of a relationship and you're never stuck in one forever, and might not even be the most natural. But, it's just another avenue to explore. It's a very challenging experience, but one worth the risk at some point in your life I'd say. But, it does indeed take some sort of commitment to each other and effort as well and most of all, openness, honesty and communication on some level. But, every relationship is different. And again, you and your partner establish before hand the parameters of the relationship.

I want to love and maybe being loved, with no written rules, its not part of me and i reject it, there's nothing i can do.
People say im a "ingenuous" coz i could have much more from life, i am relatively young (29), pretty, full of life....but losing my freedom for a compromise, a prison, is something i simply can't accept.


Then, are you not doing that right now? Why do you feel that you need a monogamous relationship in order to do this? Point being, again, you need to ask yourself, what is my intent on finding a partner? Why do I want a partner in the first place if I am so fearful of being trapped? Can I not be just as happy being single or in an open relationship?

Also ask this question......what does unconditional love mean to me? And what/how does a monogamous relationship serve me or my potential partner at this time?

Ask yourself these questions through some inquiry and find out what your real intent is.
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Re: Romantic love - what is it??

Postby imago dei » Sat Mar 14, 2015 7:55 pm

Enlightened2B wrote:
imago dei wrote:Well, the problem is not really what "people" say or how they judge me, i dont care much i have to say.


The problem is: since 95% of people i know claim love is committment, obligations, expectations, "contract",i am damn confused. Not one single person understands what i mean, in real life, and the say if you want time for yourself, if you're not always available for the other, you're an egoist.
What's wrong with them???


Well, these two statements above contradict each other and I think you very much do care what these people say. Otherwise, you wouldn't be confused. And it sounds to me that you're trying to convince the other people, that your view is right. If that's their view, then let it be their view. If 100 percent of the people you know, claim that love is a 'contract', then let it be. I'd also ask yourself....can you be sure that 95 percent of the people you know believe love is a contract? Or is this just your own belief based on your own perception?

I have the feeling that if you're going out for a date with someone, just to talk and build something deep, the "contract" is gonna beginn. If you dont call every day you're narcisistic.


imago dei, it all depends on what type of people you're looking to get involved with. I'm saying that you need to expand your horizons with people you date perhaps and find a partner who at least is somewhat more aligned with your views. I'm not 100 percent sure what you're looking for.

If you want a partner in your life, because you want an opportunity to express love within the parameters of the monogamous relationship, then allow it to happen naturally, by partaking in activities that you enjoy and seeking out like minded people who are aligned with a similar perspective on life as you. But, if you just want a partner for the sake of wanting a boyfriend because you feel lonely, then you need to distinguish between the two. Because I'm not really sure that you're clear on your intent. You need to figure that out for yourself. Ask yourself....what are my motives for wanting a partner in the first place? Because monogamous relationships do take work back and forth. You can't just say.....I'm in a monogamous relationship with Johnny, but then go two weeks without contacting Johnny at all, and doing your own thing and expecting Johnny to understand this. If you seriously want that kind of relationship, then you need to find a partner who ALSO wants that kind of relationship.

Understand that you don't owe Johnny anything in a relationship, nor does Johnny owe you anything. It's not about contracts and being trapped. It's about relating. Are you relating to Johnny from Love or are you relating to Johnny from fear? As far as the parameters of the relationship, you and Johnny can establish that before hand. And if it becomes too constricting for you, then it's not for you. You don't owe it to Johnny to stay in the relationship for any amount of time, nor does Johnny owe it to you to stay within the relationship. That's why relationships serve their purpose for the time we feel they serve us. When you're ready to move on, you move on. Perhaps, you'll decide that you want to stay with Johnny forever. And so be it. Monogamy is not the only type of a relationship and you're never stuck in one forever, and might not even be the most natural. But, it's just another avenue to explore. It's a very challenging experience, but one worth the risk at some point in your life I'd say. But, it does indeed take some sort of commitment to each other and effort as well and most of all, openness, honesty and communication on some level. But, every relationship is different. And again, you and your partner establish before hand the parameters of the relationship.

I want to love and maybe being loved, with no written rules, its not part of me and i reject it, there's nothing i can do.
People say im a "ingenuous" coz i could have much more from life, i am relatively young (29), pretty, full of life....but losing my freedom for a compromise, a prison, is something i simply can't accept.


Then, are you not doing that right now? Why do you feel that you need a monogamous relationship in order to do this? Point being, again, you need to ask yourself, what is my intent on finding a partner? Why do I want a partner in the first place if I am so fearful of being trapped? Can I not be just as happy being single or in an open relationship?

Also ask this question......what does unconditional love mean to me? And what/how does a monogamous relationship serve me or my potential partner at this time?

Ask yourself these questions through some inquiry and find out what your real intent is.

I wondered a lot about it, read a lot and now i try to give answers. Thanks for your ideas btw, very interesting. I try to be as clearer as possible:
- i want a monogamous relationship and not an open one coz sex is not really important for me, it's not for me doing it with many people, not now;
- i would like to find a wonderful person to have a deep connection with (well, i have a collegue who match my "ideal" a lot, i totally like him as person;
- i simply would like a wonderful rapport, relationship, bond, call it as you want (i never liked labels);
- for me unconditioned love is loving and letting the other person be the way he is, never imposing anything, with no limitations to freedom;

I read a nice story written by Osho i guess, very brief: a man found his dream woman, madly fell in love with her, they got married and she said "we will live separated in 2 distant places of the garden, and we will meet "casually". (of course i dont remember exactly the words).
Damn that's my dream of life, thats true Love imo, free and pure.
Tell me your opinion about this.
Would i share it soon with an eventual person that i feel compatible with me??
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Re: Romantic love - what is it??

Postby imago dei » Sat Mar 14, 2015 7:59 pm

Even easier: i want a deep connection and total freedom (not sexual). Thats it.
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Re: Romantic love - what is it??

Postby Enlightened2B » Sat Mar 14, 2015 11:39 pm

I read a nice story written by Osho i guess, very brief: a man found his dream woman, madly fell in love with her, they got married and she said "we will live separated in 2 distant places of the garden, and we will meet "casually". (of course i dont remember exactly the words).
Damn that's my dream of life, thats true Love imo, free and pure.
Tell me your opinion about this.
Would i share it soon with an eventual person that i feel compatible with me??


That's a nice quote and I can resonate with it. Similar to the type of relationship that I would 'ideally' like. I just wouldn't stress about it, if I were you. I really don't know the type of men you usually meet nor the places you go to meet men. But, if you'd like to meet more people you better align with relationship wise, you can always try that in spiritual circles where you find a more a diverse crop of people. You can also try spiritual meet up groups, spiritual dating sites (where I met my ex girlfriend) or just take part in activities that you enjoy and meet people naturally that way and allow the relationship to develop and don't put so much stress on whether or not the relationship is the type of relationship you want or don't want. Instead, focus on the relating part for now I'd say. The best relationships I find start off as friendships. Therefore, just get to know people and don't worry about where the relationship leads. Don't pidgeon hole yourself into a very narrow idealistic image of an ideal mate because you'll end up meeting no one. Relationships are all about loving the other person for exactly who they and what they are. Instead, just allow whatever relationships take place in your life to happen naturally on all levels including friendships and maybe something more will develop. And if you feel that the other person wants something much stronger than what you're looking for, honesty is always the best path. You're never trapped. Only in your mind.

You ask if you will share it soon. I really don't know. I'd say, don't worry about whether it happens soon or not. Just live your life and do things that you find enjoyable. Work on your spiritual practice. Heal yourself if needed (all of us need healing) and put the intent out there to meet someone that you align with and also put the attention on being proactive as that can help as well by expanding your horizons with people you date. Stop making it into a problem, and don't make it your life's mission whether you find a compatible partner or not. You already are whole and complete whether you meet someone or not.
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Re: Romantic love - what is it??

Postby imago dei » Sat Mar 14, 2015 11:52 pm

Enlightened2B wrote:
I read a nice story written by Osho i guess, very brief: a man found his dream woman, madly fell in love with her, they got married and she said "we will live separated in 2 distant places of the garden, and we will meet "casually". (of course i dont remember exactly the words).
Damn that's my dream of life, thats true Love imo, free and pure.
Tell me your opinion about this.
Would i share it soon with an eventual person that i feel compatible with me??


That's a nice quote and I can resonate with it. Similar to the type of relationship that I would 'ideally' like. I just wouldn't stress about it, if I were you. I really don't know the type of men you usually meet nor the places you go to meet men. But, if you'd like to meet more people you better align with relationship wise, you can always try that in spiritual circles where you find a more a diverse crop of people. You can also try spiritual meet up groups, spiritual dating sites (where I met my ex girlfriend) or just take part in activities that you enjoy and meet people naturally that way and allow the relationship to develop and don't put so much stress on whether or not the relationship is the type of relationship you want or don't want. Instead, focus on the relating part for now I'd say. The best relationships I find start off as friendships. Therefore, just get to know people and don't worry about where the relationship leads. Don't pidgeon hole yourself into a very narrow idealistic image of an ideal mate because you'll end up meeting no one. Relationships are all about loving the other person for exactly who they and what they are. Instead, just allow whatever relationships take place in your life to happen naturally on all levels including friendships and maybe something more will develop. And if you feel that the other person wants something much stronger than what you're looking for, honesty is always the best path. You're never trapped. Only in your mind.

You ask if you will share it soon. I really don't know. I'd say, don't worry about whether it happens soon or not. Just live your life and do things that you find enjoyable. Work on your spiritual practice. Heal yourself if needed (all of us need healing) and put the intent out there to meet someone that you align with and also put the attention on being proactive as that can help as well by expanding your horizons with people you date. Stop making it into a problem, and don't make it your life's mission whether you find a compatible partner or not. You already are whole and complete whether you meet someone or not.


Of course you dont know me enough, i never looked for any kind of relationship in my life. I just happened last year (for exemple) not to tell what i want, and it led to lots of problems, those men had expectations and became angry at the "disappointing" (for exemple just for not calling for 3 days). I dont want to give illusions and its what happens most of the time, the majority has a kind of "contract" about how the relationship must be. Thats why i wonder whats better not to hurt other people.
The point is that i met my current collegue who is fantastic, different from me by some points of views, but we have a deep connection, he's beautiful, never ordinary, original....almost what i ever dreamt of (of course the ideal doesnt exist).
So, i have the feeling he could be a person with whom i could share a lot, he's opened minded and, lets say, just my type. I often dream of him and he likes me a lot.
So, i never look for anything unlike the majority where i live, for whom "being single" is a tragedy, im very the opposite. But this person is worth and maybe my ideal of love could come true.
We always met as collegues and with no obligations, but i dont want to do mistakes, i want him to know my vision of life and love (well, he already knows a lot), i would like to make it clear. I told him that i dont like traditional relationships and made a couple of "naughty jokes" (telling him that he's so damn attractive and stuff), but i never want him to think im just looking for fun, not at all.
I think i always loved him, but im not gonna submit any kind of contract. I must find a way to make it clear i guess.
Know thyself.
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Re: Romantic love - what is it??

Postby Enlightened2B » Sun Mar 15, 2015 7:16 am

Well good luck to you with your co worker. If it works out romantically, great. If it doesn't, then it doesn't and maybe you have a good friend instead.
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Re: Romantic love - what is it??

Postby imago dei » Sun Mar 15, 2015 9:58 am

Enlightened2B wrote:Well good luck to you with your co worker. If it works out romantically, great. If it doesn't, then it doesn't and maybe you have a good friend instead.

Tnx!!
Now the "problem" is (of course is not a problem), clearly telling him what i want...it might be that he thinks i want a open relationship/friends with benefits/affaire, but its definitely not this way. Those are only names and labels.
I just want the purer form of Love: love without expecting anything back. This is my dream.
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Re: Romantic love - what is it??

Postby Enlightened2B » Sun Mar 15, 2015 7:08 pm

You have to communicate that to him. Tell him you feel. Being up front is always a better path in my opinion.
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Re: Romantic love - what is it??

Postby imago dei » Sun Mar 15, 2015 8:52 pm

Enlightened2B wrote:You have to communicate that to him. Tell him you feel. Being up front is always a better path in my opinion.

I have to find the right moment. How, when, where?? I cant deny im a bit afraid. I madly like him and i have the feeling he is the right person for me with my vision. I dunno how to communicate it.
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