imago said: how would a guy interpret these words: "I find you special, im not looking only for sex/fun, but i dont want something too tight either, but i wont have sex with others".
I don't know how a guy would interpret it imago, but it sounds confusing to me.
Like... I want to put conditions on the relationship & you & me, but I don't want you to put conditions on the relationship & me
I don't think love comes from a shopping list it comes from harmony with the truth. What defines a relationship is the behaviours of the partners towards them self, each other and the relationship as it unfolds.
I get conflicts and misinterpretations all the time, gotta find a solution....If i find someone special, don't want to lose him but never want to be oppressed.
Honesty in responding - in body, mind and voice - arises naturally when we don't distort the truth. If we are honest with our self and others then we do no thing that we do not desire in our own heart - we stay in balance with it.
We distort the truth out of fear, never out of love for self and others.
You can never be oppressed if you think, speak and act in accordance with your own values when the moment arises to do so.
If you 'lose' connection with someone who is not in balance / harmony with your own truth you have lost nothing that would bring you, or them, more joy than angst.
There is a difference between 'fitting in' to a relationship (or social group) and feeling like you 'belong' in a relationship (or social group). Belonging embraces and accepts all of you (& all of the other), its where love is (gratitude & generosity are the primary energies at work) and it causes no angst or harm.
Fitting in on the other hand is where you feel you need to adjust aspects of who you are, or who others are, or what a relationship is in order to be acceptable. 'Oppression' is felt when who we really are is restricted or constricted in judgement either by our self or by others whose opinions we value more than our own heart's truth.
Your conflict seems to be saying you want to fit in to a relationship to avoid being single. As a means to an end you will therefore 'trade' aspects of who you really are and make conditions of trade in the relationship, rather than authentically just 'be' who you really are in the natural conditions.
The fear of not being accepted or 'enough', or belonging, creates the conditions for trading rather than being.
If i find someone special, don't want to lose him but never want to be oppressed.
Recognise your own 'special'ness, and you won't lose you, or trade yourself into oppression --- and at the same time oppress or turn another into an oppressor ( a most unkind thing to do).