Page 1 of 1

Feeling trapped

Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2015 10:47 am
by oak tree
Recently, I reunited with an ex boyfriend. We started living together.
This situation has quickly turned into a nightmare. We have totally different personalities and lifestyles.
I find him too aggressive and angry. If feels like everything I do is wrong. There is no peace in this living situation. A couple of nights I went to an all night coffee shop just to escape. It's impossible to leave for financial reasons I'm feeling trapped and desperate.

Does anyone have any advice how i can apply eckhart's teachings to this situation.

Re: Feeling trapped

Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2015 4:50 pm
by Webwanderer
Trust your instincts. You don't have to buy into financial reasons to stay in a relationship that feels wrong. Be true to yourself. Believe there are alternatives and they will reveal themselves to you.


Re: Feeling trapped

Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2015 10:11 pm
by Manyana
Hi oak tree,
It is not completely clear if you want to leave the relationship. If you do maybe there would be a way you could continue to live together as non-partners. If you want to stay in the relationship, then you could look more at yourself within that. As Eckhart has said as we change often those around us do too. And whilst you are still in the relationship, you can use it to help make you more conscious, as difficult situations often cause us to go deeper into acceptance and presence because it is too painful not to.

Re: Feeling trapped

Posted: Sun Jul 05, 2015 2:35 am
by smiileyjen101
Dear Oak Tree - the 'feeling' is an interpretation of your reality - is it actually your reality? Unlikely that you are trapped by anything more than your thoughts and feelings about it. (hugs)

So what ET's teachings might provide is clarity & integrity in the thoughts about the feeling and the situation.

Absolutely expectation and reality may be at odds and need some reconciliation. But is the reality something you actually want to continue to experience?

Look at the three different ways you've experienced the reality, and the way you've expressed the experiences -
I find him too aggressive and angry.

It feels like everything I do is wrong.

There is no peace in this living situation.
This is a kind of mismatch of logic.

The first - I find him too aggressive and angry - there's obviously a distance between your expectations of his behaviour and his actual behaviour - reconciliation and honesty required - what's yours is yours (expectation) what's his is his (personality expressions). It might be helpful to find out if he's aware of his expressions impact on you - is that what he intends / means to express?

The second - It feels like everything I do is wrong - one cannot argue with what you are feeling, but one can ask if it's an accurate interpretation feeding into the experience. Are you doing 'everything wrong?' or just not to his way of doing them? Negotiation may illuminate if reconciliation is possible - with both of you maintaining your dignity and value in and to the relationship.

The third - There is no peace in this living situation - is this true? Is this fair, is this honest? If so, and changing that is not an option then acceptance would be out of the question, the only sane response would be to say, ooops, sorry, I made a mis-take - and remove your self from the situation.

I really like Neale Donald Walsch's wisdom on these issues - if the current form of relationship does not serve both of you, and your higher selves, then we can only change, suffer or remove ourselves from it with love - not making an enemy out of the other, that's ego at work. Love does so with gratitude and generosity - if a 'mistake' thank you for the opportunity to see who I am not, and find my balance and harmony again, if an over-reaction - thank you for niggling the sensitive parts of me that I mistakenly believe to define who I am, and who you are, and realise that I am not that, and neither are you.

If it is an abusive situation leaving earlier rather than later is always the best response. The only thing worse than bemoaning staying in an abusive situation for three weeks, is staying in it for three weeks and one day.

So be honest - about both the reality and the expectations. Get clear on which is which. Make loving decisions - not selfless or selfish, but harmonious loving decisions and be honest, open, frank and authentic, both with yourself and with your partner.

I think it's interesting also that you mentioned that he was once an 'ex' boyfriend - was there a reason for that?

Re: Feeling trapped

Posted: Mon Jul 06, 2015 11:49 pm
by oak tree
Thanks for all the responses.

Its impossible to have an honest conversation with him because he is usually drunk. If he's not drunk he is too irritable to talk to.

I agreed to live with him because i have no income. I became an unpaid carer and couldnt pay the rent on my apartment. So i moved in with him because it seemed like the only option.

Re: Feeling trapped

Posted: Tue Jul 07, 2015 5:25 pm
by Manyana
Yes it does sound difficult , but as Eckhart says those very situations/challenges can become our spiritual practice/ teacher. Have as much inner vigilance as you can so as to not develop a 'poor me' identity, practice presence and hopefully you will start to find a little bit of peace soon. x x

Also, solutions often arise once we accept the situation we are in rather than wishing it were different.

Re: Feeling trapped

Posted: Wed Jul 08, 2015 12:04 am
by smiileyjen101
So i moved in with him because it seemed like the only option.
Saying 'seemed like' suggests you're aware of a wider perspective. If you step back what other options do you see?

Re: Feeling trapped

Posted: Thu Jul 09, 2015 3:13 pm
by oak tree
Smileyjen, I don't see see any other options.

Manyana, i will look at the situation as a spiritual teacher, thank you.