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Doubts about this relationship

Posted: Mon Sep 14, 2015 10:50 pm
by presenttense
Hello all,

Im a little bit confused with a guy I met some months ago. We are in a relationship for about 4 months but I feel him distant a lot of times. It seems he avoid to go out with me, and he prefers to go out with his Family and friends. I asked a few times about it but he refuses to talk about our relationship. Last week I told him im involved and I asked what he wants with this relationship..
I want a companionship, honesty, love...someone who wants to grow up with me. I mean, in life... I told him what I am feeling and asked if he wants to talk something about it because I would like to hear from him ...or if he just wants someone to spend some nights, sex, whatever...Because I feel he is not connected with me...
He answered he dont want to talk about it.

Is it better wait his decision ...I should accept his silence or ask him to talk to me again?

Thanks

Re: Doubts about this relationship

Posted: Tue Sep 15, 2015 12:43 am
by presenttense
I just want to add that his behavior makes me feel sad and I told him...however I feel good when I am in his company...I think Im in love and he is just spending his free time with me...this is how I feel..and he does not want to talk about it.

Re: Doubts about this relationship

Posted: Tue Sep 15, 2015 12:47 am
by dijmart
It's hard to give relationship advice over the internet, but I would say if he doesn't want to talk to you about the relationship AND doesn't want to spend any "quality" time with you, then that's not a good sign, imo. You may want to consider moving on... or let him know you will move on if he can't even talk to you about what's going on. Don't be a doormat.

Re: Doubts about this relationship

Posted: Tue Sep 15, 2015 6:47 pm
by presenttense
Thank you dijmart.

I do not know if he is practicing the silence because this is the best thing to do.
Maybe because he is not sure about what to tell me or about his feelings for me...so I am not able to see if he is waiting for my decision to continue or to move on...or if he really does not know what to do.

Re: Doubts about this relationship

Posted: Wed Sep 16, 2015 12:43 am
by dijmart
Those are a lot of variables, seems they are all about him? What about what you want and how you feel?

Re: Doubts about this relationship

Posted: Wed Sep 16, 2015 6:55 pm
by presenttense
I would like to continue the relationship. But he is so distant. I do not know if I must be quiet and wait...
Im tired of fighting for relationships...it is always me...i am doing the best i can...everything to please the other person and i feel it means nothing to him. I feel like i am just another girl he met...nothing Special..

Re: Doubts about this relationship

Posted: Wed Sep 16, 2015 9:17 pm
by dijmart
presenttense wrote:I would like to continue the relationship. But he is so distant. I do not know if I must be quiet and wait...
Im tired of fighting for relationships...it is always me...i am doing the best i can...everything to please the other person and i feel it means nothing to him. I feel like i am just another girl he met...nothing Special..
Then I would ask you, why do you want to continue a relationship with someone so distant, having to always try to please him, when you feel it means nothing to him and you're just another girl and not special?

Does that make any sense? Are you clinging to something that isn't there?

Re: Doubts about this relationship

Posted: Sat Sep 19, 2015 2:19 am
by meetjoeblack
If you are open and honest, I would expect that you want that in return. If you put honesty out and he dismisses it, what are you building with this person? He is lucky to be with someone so honest.

Re: Doubts about this relationship

Posted: Sat Sep 26, 2015 5:17 pm
by presenttense
We had a conversation again...I mean, I was the only talking about what I feel again...he refuses to talk, he said he does not want to say something because things change..
I was waiting all these weeks, months... because I was just going with the flow. I was not expecting so much but now I am tired. He is becoming distant at each day, with less time to spend with me. At the same time, he is always calling me when he wants...only the time he wants. When i ask him to go to some place with me, he refuses to go. Everytime he has some other thing to do...some party at work, some birthday party...some meeting...every weekend, at night and after these meetings he comes to see me. But then is late and he is tired and do not want to go out.

He said he do not want to create expectations and he wants to decide what to do at the same day. But sometimes, we need to plan a trip or a dinner...something like that...but he does not want to schedule anything.

Re: Doubts about this relationship

Posted: Mon Sep 28, 2015 2:43 am
by CaiHong
Present tense,
imagine it was someone else, not you, that started this thread. What would you say to the person, what advice would you give? From what is written it seems pretty obvious that the guy doesn't want the level of commitment and intimacy that you want, yet you hang in there hoping it will change.

Caihong

Re: Doubts about this relationship

Posted: Wed Sep 30, 2015 3:54 pm
by presenttense
I know Caihong,

I was just trying to see it in a diferente way...

thank you.

Re: Doubts about this relationship

Posted: Thu Oct 01, 2015 7:02 am
by meetjoeblack
You expressed interest and your feelings. If they are not matched, go share with someone who feels the same as you do. Approaching a lot, I see patterns, and it is frustrating at times. I notice a lot of girls like men who are seemingly distant. What will it take to leave? Do you need to see him with another girl? Girls? Do you need children first? What about the same disinterest if pregnant? Sadly, even then, a lot of girls don't change. Why be a statistic?

A girl gave me her number. She text and sent nudes then she stopped. We hooked up a month later. As it would turn out, she was sleeping with someone distant, and guess who she called when he found his new conquest i don't know her anymore. Why would I want to? If I give time to someone and they don't really care, why not approach others and see who will match that kindness?

Re: Doubts about this relationship

Posted: Wed Oct 14, 2015 1:45 am
by presenttense
thank you

First, it is not easy to "find" someone "free" where I live. And for years I was alone.
Now, when I was not expecting anything, this guy came into my life...and I think Im in love now. I really do not know why I am so involved...maybe because he is not. I want because I do not have, maybe is something like this. But the point is that when I am with him...I feel better than when i am alone.
We are still in contact but only in the weekends. During the week he stopped to talk with me.. when I send him a message he answers it but he never starts a conversation with me.
I feel he is distant and I know he does not loves me. He is still healing himself from an old love, as he told some days ago.
I am trying to accept that he does not love me, but it is difficult because he knows I like him a lot. So every day we spent together, when I come back home I feel sad, because I do not know if I should continue or if would be better to finish this relationship.
But than, I can see this pain as my ego. I feel bad because he does not love me like I want. And now I do not know if he feels sorry for me and maybe this is the reason why he is with me? I really dont know what to do.
Sometimes I think I should let things flowing and see what happens...but I am suffering because I am expecting his love some day. Despite knowing that it may never happen...

Re: Doubts about this relationship

Posted: Sun Oct 18, 2015 3:11 pm
by presenttense
Hi all,
I really need an advice if possible...thank you in advance.

Re: Doubts about this relationship

Posted: Sun Oct 18, 2015 4:00 pm
by dijmart
Maybe you are clinging to this relationship, so that you are not alone? Maybe you are to him a rebound relationship? He may be hanging onto you until he finds someone he does really love? If you except these terms then eventially you will not only feel pain, but will also be alone again. Seems to me it's probably a lose-lose for you. At least from how you yourself describe him and your relationship. You could end it now, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and find a "real" love relationship or wait for this relationship to crumble by his doing. The choice is yours.