I'd suggest http://www.couplestherapyinc.com/gottma ... pocalypse/
and, being completely honest with yourself.
What is, is.
No if, but or maybe.
The agreements you made as the foundation for your relationship are broken.
That relationship is broken - band aids will not put it back together or help it to heal.
Putting a band aid over a wound without cleaning the wound out first is just masking the 'infection'.
A new relationship is required taking into account both of your realities - awareness, capacity, willingness.
New agreements are required. New boundaries and new agreed consequences are required - and maintained.
With the thoughts - ask - is this true, is this necessary, is this kind. (to you)
If not let them go.
Then in September I discovered he also had a full on sexual affair which lasted about 6 months. Also discovered a porn addiction.
If you were to put an ad in a paper for a suitable partner would these things be included?
Write the advert for the person you'd like to be in a relationship with
Write the advert for the person you are in a relationship with - the actions, behaviours, described above need to be included.
The difference between them is the distance between your expectations and your reality. Our suffering, our disappointments are always in the distance between our
expectations and our
It may be that our expectations (in a certain situation, or with a certain person) are unreasonable. I don't mean they're unreasonable to want them, I mean unreasonable to expect another to be that if it is not within their awareness or capacity as much as in willingness - one may be willing, but incapable, one may be capable but unaware.
Facing reality requires abject honesty - on both your parts.
Honesty is the highest form of love - for self and others.
There are many threads here on unconditional love - for self and other that may be helpful.