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Passive agressive behaviour

PostPosted: Sun Jul 30, 2017 10:02 pm
by mirta
Dear all,

I have been in a relationship with a man for 13 years. We both work on becoming more and more conscious.
We both have become aware of something new that is really disturbing and limiting in our relationship. Sth which has been there for a long time but we now want to work with. This is the story:

I am a open, friendly person who loves being with others. I talked a lot and I have a lot of fun with people. I feel connexion with them. I love to joke and offer my support. I enjoy being with people, I become really energetic and talk lots. My boyfriend doesn't enjoy that I talk so much. He says that I take all the space. During a meeting with friends of family he never says much, he is mostly in silent, and he gets angry at me when I talk more than I should (in his perspective). He doesnt say that to me at the moment, he keeps silent and keeps distance from me in an emotional way. It feels terrible. It feels like hate but from e someone who seems really calm.. though when I look into his eyes, I see the truth.
I usually ignore this, it feels like sth who tries to stop me from being who I am, from having fun. He always say that I take all the space, but again, he says this afterwards when we go home and he has been in silence for hours. This hurt me so much. I would really appreciate it if he would speak to me at the moment and say sth like: will you talk a little bit less? or take it easy, you are talking too much... But he says nth, then we go home and we have a fight, I feel he has betrayed me... he has a face of "nothing is wrong"and friends and family believe this...He doenst show to them what he carries inside. I am the only person who knoww this. I am angry at this fact.

I personally dont think I take all the space, people have conversations with me and if they would ask me to talk less because they really want to say sth and I am not aware of this (this has never happened) I would totally say sorry to them and give much more space to everybody. I just dont think this is the situation. I have also talked to friends about this and they said and they didnt have the experience that I took their space.

So... my boyfriend says he feels awful and he doesnt like himself at the moment when this thing happen. He doenst accept what he feels and he becomes as he becomes: cold and distance. I describe it as passive agressive: he doesnt say he hates me but I feel it. He has a lot of difficulty confronting people with their behaviour, he avoids them mostly. He still have a lot of issues with his mum, quite a dominant person who also talks lot.

So, what should I do? what should he do? I feel sad and trapped... I dont want someone to stop my inner joy that I want to express to others.

All advice is welcome.