Ego in marriage

Talk about relationships in the context of Spiritual Enlightenment

Ego in marriage

Postby Lilili » Fri Oct 06, 2017 9:40 pm

Hello to everyone, after a long time i am again on this forum. I am so glad.

My situation is like this. I am married to a wonderful man, we have a kid, everything what i wanted. When we are in peace, everything is OK. But when ego comes around problems start and sometimes escalate. My husbund is a great guy, but when his ego is strong, and that becomes when i get angry at him, he can not put up with that i am not talking to him and that i am accusing him always for something, he changes. He is not anymore that person that i know, he transform himself to aggressiv person, not fizicaly to me, but with a LOT aggressiv energy that many times i was scared. He would yell in front of me and our baby like a crazy person with a crazy look in his eyes. And that hurts me a lot, the fact that we are doing that in front of our child, my heart hurts unberaeble. That is one thing.

The other thing is me and my ego. My husbund starts to be like that only for one reason, and that is when i am accusing him, judging him, ignore him coz everyday life (to tell you the truth if its not sad and scary it would be funny about what we are fighting). Than he transforms himself and i see i am only partly responsible for that transformation. Reasons lay deeply in his childhood, but he doesnt see that clearly.

OK, back to me. What i have learnt from Echkart is that i can not be responsible for consciousness of my husbund and demand him to be always consciousness when I myself am not doing that. That is why i always forgive him coz i know that is just an ego. And yelling in front of our child, she is so little to understand something still is so painfull, i understand i am provoking that. If i am nicer to my husbund that would never happen. So I know that if i want to solve this i shouldnt demand anything from him, but to change myself. But there is a thing, i dont know how, changing is SOOO hard. I am most of the time reacting automaticly, since many years that is so hard to change that. And i start everyday with a thought that i wont judge anyone no matter how big pressure is, and i end up in yelling, totally in ego situation, like i didnt learn anything. I know everything in theory , but in real life is so hard. I feel pissed off at the end of the day thinking why i always repeat same pattern, WHY, like i am drug or alkoholic addict...
So i ask how to start this change....
Lilili
 
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Joined: Mon May 30, 2011 9:33 pm

Re: Ego in marriage

Postby meetjoeblack » Sat Oct 14, 2017 6:12 am

i don't know much about marriage but, sex is a great outlet. I am single and wanting to learn the karma sutra and tantra. I think there are levels one can achieve single but, there are levels that the unity of marriage can bring a man and woman. That symbolism of the two becoming one is pretty powerful stuff. There is ego between individuals and collective ego. There is little getting around it. When you are that close to someone, you know their soft spots, their buttons, and how to push them. When you get right down to it, the only enemy is ego which creates separation between presence and being. It seeps into the space of harmony and chaos. We are constantly walking that tight rope. It is ideal to find someone with a non reactive ego but, its just as important to practice presence. See ego in yourself before seeing it in another. Its easy to see it in your husband but, catching it in yourself and reacting to it is that point of no return. You can find a divorce, a new relationship or a boyfriend on the side. Sooner or later, it will become tainted, toxic, and egoic.

Have you ever seen the movie, Revolver? Its a great watch with Jason Statham. I think you could pull something away from it.
meetjoeblack
 
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Joined: Mon Aug 01, 2011 3:49 am


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