Divorce and soul alignment

Talk about relationships in the context of Spiritual Enlightenment

Divorce and soul alignment

Postby Apolloislost » Sun Oct 08, 2017 2:49 pm

I have been married awhile and it’s been very difficult with loads of suffering on both sides. I realise that your partner is supposed to be your teacher, and the suffering is to draw you out of the ego kind. If all this is true - why do I want to get a divorce so I can have some peace and quiet?

Wouldn’t it be better for me to stay and work through all these difficulties and negativity? Isn’t that supposed to be the way to presence and be aligned to my soul’s journey?

Also it surprising that a number of people state I look unhappy, but surely that can’t be a fault of the marriage?
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Re: Divorce and soul alignment

Postby mz222 » Tue Oct 10, 2017 4:57 am

I'm going through the same thing... Not really a divorce, and she doesn't make a racket or anything but I do fancy other women and I've been trying to stifle this because of a misconception that it's somehow more "enlightened" to not have those desires/needs. The problem is she has a lot of presence but I find my own presence can't come forth when I'm around her.
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Re: Divorce and soul alignment

Postby meetjoeblack » Fri Oct 13, 2017 7:48 am

mz222 wrote:I'm going through the same thing... Not really a divorce, and she doesn't make a racket or anything but I do fancy other women and I've been trying to stifle this because of a misconception that it's somehow more "enlightened" to not have those desires/needs. The problem is she has a lot of presence but I find my own presence can't come forth when I'm around her.


I don't think marriage and monogamy is natural or better put, in our nature due to the desires we experience. I've always thought it was the way but, as time went on, I spent quite a bit of time single, and noticed something. When single, I want a gf and to feel love. When I am dating, i want to be single, and free. I am in a perpetual state of trying to get somewhere rather then just embracing the present moment.

After a recent spiritual trip, in one instant, I am in a dream, and the next second, my life is over. The next, I am back, alive, born again new, and in awe overcome with extreme gratitude for this life.

I am still not ready yet for that, for marriage, and being one with someone. I am constantly working on being one with myself hence the spiritual trip I embarked on. I think a enlightened individual living an ascetic lifestyle is more than capable of marriage. Even then, I think desire is there but, you see past it and the ego portraying that freedom is in that acquisition. I am far from enlightened. I can attest to living through one's craving time and time again. Needless to say, it doesn't end well and cravings continue to kick off sooner or later.
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Re: Divorce and soul alignment

Postby meetjoeblack » Fri Oct 13, 2017 8:02 am

Apolloislost wrote:I have been married awhile and it’s been very difficult with loads of suffering on both sides. I realise that your partner is supposed to be your teacher, and the suffering is to draw you out of the ego kind. If all this is true - why do I want to get a divorce so I can have some peace and quiet?

Wouldn’t it be better for me to stay and work through all these difficulties and negativity? Isn’t that supposed to be the way to presence and be aligned to my soul’s journey?

Also it surprising that a number of people state I look unhappy, but surely that can’t be a fault of the marriage?


It is something I have spent a great deal fearing the past few years. I am in that age where everyone is pairing up and getting married. Some are ready and others are following the beaten path. Something I have observed is that, a lot of women are told from a young age of this fair tale marriage, and that this is what they want. The same with postponing a family and chasing a career through government education when, you can declare bankruptcy on everything from a house, car, visa, line of credit etc. and anything but a STUDENT LOAN.

Society is always telling people what they want and need be it a marriage or a divorce, a career, and some sort of nonsense answer. Nobody can give you the answer. The thing that society doesn't show is that, marriage isn't all white dresses or two people running at each other on the beach like the movies, and the credits rolling as people live happily ever after. Its hard work, its fighting, and bills. Its childcare and managing a household between a career that is not so glamorous as society suggested.

I look at the stats of divorce and its scary. Its even more scary seeing the stats of divorce initiated and custody battles. Its not something I would ever want to be party of. I am still figuring out the whole LTR and marriage. Honestly, I don't believe marriage and monogamy is in our nature, that we are meant to be with just one person. I think someone enlightened living an ascetic lifestyle can and does. I know I am not ready for that let alone a serious LTR. My advice is probably not going to be all that useful but, I will give it a shot.

I think if you were to divorce seeking peace, you would find yourself more lonely, and much of the problems you've deemed a product of your marriage, you will find still present. It will then dawn on you that, it wasn't the marriage, that, the problems you thought are just life. Being with someone is a problem. Being alone is a problem. I feel like a trapped animal when someone is needy or wants a LTR. When single, I crave it, and I am in a constant state of motion having to be somewhere rather then just embracing what the moment brings.

I hope to get to that point one day. I just know, I have issues i need to resolve, and some meaning to be had before ever considering marriage as well as a family. Maybe not quite "enlightened" but, on that path at least working towards it.
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Re: Divorce and soul alignment

Postby turiya » Fri Oct 13, 2017 11:26 pm

I realise that your partner is supposed to be your teacher, and the suffering is to draw you out of the ego kind. - Apolloislost


Whether you're married, dating, or single... Life is your teacher, and any suffering is to draw you out of the ego. :wink:

Wouldn’t it be better for me to stay and work through all these difficulties and negativity? -Apolloislost


There will be difficulties and negativity whether you're alone or with someone.

So, you have a choice: 1. Stay and practice presence with your relationship difficulties and negativity with someone.... or 2. Split up and practice presence with your lack-of-relationship difficulties and negativity alone.
“We ourselves are not an illusory part of Reality; rather are we Reality itself illusorily conceived.” - Wei Wu Wei
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Re: Divorce and soul alignment

Postby meetjoeblack » Sat Oct 14, 2017 2:22 am

turiya wrote:
I realise that your partner is supposed to be your teacher, and the suffering is to draw you out of the ego kind. - Apolloislost


There will be difficulties and negativity whether you're alone or with someone.

So, you have a choice: 1. Stay and practice presence with your relationship difficulties and negativity with someone.... or 2. Split up and practice presence with your lack-of-relationship difficulties and negativity alone.


I can attest to this. I think its always better going through this crazy world with someone then alone but, I've gone through it alone so, I suppose I am biased.
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