Rejecting the ego but I don’t want to reject him

Talk about relationships in the context of Spiritual Enlightenment
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Sunlaien
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Rejecting the ego but I don’t want to reject him

Post by Sunlaien » Sat Jan 04, 2020 2:53 pm

I am torn between hoping my partner will awaken with me and realizing his journey is much more difficult than mine. He is having trouble letting anger go. And I am moving beyond the pain body. But when he lashes out at me, it triggers my pain body. I feel I am at the point I see his anger as a manifestation of his ego and thoughts. But at what point does accepting the anger and acknowledging it and identifying it for what it is become condoning the anger. I reply “you don’t mean that, it’s your anger talking” or I ask him “are those thoughts your own right now?”

Sometimes he’ll awaken and realize. But not after he’s said very angry things. And the anger is very much inside him. I can see how I am not doing anything to warrant it. His pain body is threatened by my lack of reaction now. We fed off one another for a long time and were very unhappy. I asked him to leave for awhile so we can reflect. Now he wants us to come together again but just in the conversations about him coming home, he has gotten angry. he said he’d come Friday and then changed his mind. Then he was going to get up early to drive home Today and now it’s not until this afternoon. My old pain body would tell me that’s because he doesn’t care or tell me his not coming is because he doesn’t think this will work. So he’s putting it off. I know those are my negative thoughts talking. So I took a step back and realized his not coming was simply his not coming. And when I Asked him about pushing back coming home, he snapped at me that I’m picking a fight and that maybe he just shouldn’t come back. I calmly asked him if he meant that because it didn’t sound like him. He later admitted it was his anger. But I feel I’m condoning those responses. As well as his delaying a return. Do me that still means something. Even if I don’t tie my ego to it.

We are seeing a therapist for this as well but to me we’ve come to a point I can be in contact with his conscious self and he is so happy and we are very compatible and then his ego pops back up and we are miserable. I know this has to be a journey he takes for himself but I’m afraid if I reject the ego, I will be rejecting the being he is as well. He will lose his job if he doesn’t come home. But I don’t want him to come home until he is more conscious. So I feel this pressure to let him return. Knowing he will return with the ego still there albeit at the beginning of awakening.

I’m done with the pain body. My own. And his. So I told him to leave and he did. And hes asked to come home. So I gave him these teachings. And he really seemed to connect. But now that he must actually practice it with me, he is reverting to the pain again.

I am asking myself, am I going to reject the ego and therefore the man? Or will I accept him as he is now and give him time to awaken, knowing I may go through the loss of him if he cannot.

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Webwanderer
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Re: Rejecting the ego but I don’t want to reject him

Post by Webwanderer » Sat Jan 04, 2020 4:01 pm

I know all relationships are unique, but in my experience if two people cannot get along and enjoy their time together when living apart, living together is unlikely to be an improvement. There is simply too much stress from unresolved issues. For me, a good rule of thumb is do we look forward to the times of being together when we live apart? If it has to be forced then there is a definite message in that.

Maybe find some consciousness workshops, or seminars to go to that are interesting to both of you. Not just therapists, but something less personally intrusive and more stimulative. Again, people are unique. This is just my take on it.

WW

Sunlaien
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Re: Rejecting the ego but I don’t want to reject him

Post by Sunlaien » Sat Jan 04, 2020 4:35 pm

WW

Thank you for your response. I really appreciate it. That is my concern as well. Since he left we have talked on the phone, via email, texts and FaceTime and they were all very aware conversations and hopeful and happy. It is this final step in his actually physically returning he is becoming so resistant about. Which made me question whether that’s his ego putting too much pressure on us seeing one another again. I have tried to remind him the fear is in us. And that his return does not have to be this huge area of pressure. It’s like his fear is keeping him from taking that step because it could fail and his pain body has a very long history of things not working out. I accept if he is not ready and have told him this. But I know the external pressures of returning home for work may be causing him some anxiety. We will see if he returns today or not.

I think what has been most empowering for me is to see that I can be okay if he goes. Not that I want to be. I miss him because he is a light in my life and brings out the best in me. But I can bring that out in myself as well. I care deeply for him, himself- not his physical self or what his physical presence means for me in terms of safety and financial stability and intimacy. But his inner self, is who I fell in love with. And over time I feel like this fears have risen and turned to anger and he let his mind get wholly in control and I did too.

Thank you for letting me post here. I will accept what is. I just struggle when he tells me in moments of clarity he loves me, I am his world, his everything, he would choose me over and over and doesn’t want to lose this relationship- but when he is clouded with anger, will doom us and say we won’t work out. But to me that seems to be the pain body. The ego talking.

I have much to think about.

Sunlaien
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Re: Rejecting the ego but I don’t want to reject him

Post by Sunlaien » Sat Jan 04, 2020 8:07 pm

Well, he called and told me that he isn’t coming. He’s not ready.

It hurts. It makes me sad. But I have to accept he’s not in a place where we will reconcile now. Or maybe ever. He said his gut tells him we’re not in the cards. I did ask if that’s his pain body or ego talking but he said no, this is how it is.

I had hope and I feel disappointed but I can’t make something happen that isn’t ready. I have to live in the moment and right now, he isn’t coming home and I will be okay by myself and living my independent life without worries or regrets.

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Webwanderer
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Re: Rejecting the ego but I don’t want to reject him

Post by Webwanderer » Sun Jan 05, 2020 6:27 am

When one door closes, another opens. Be okay with where you're at and live in the belief that good things are coming your way. When you do you set the energy to attract just that.

WW

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DavidB
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Re: Rejecting the ego but I don’t want to reject him

Post by DavidB » Wed Jan 08, 2020 12:19 pm

I have to admit, I'm a stickler for truth and clarity.

So, I feel compelled to point out that the Ego is the Conscious aspect of the mind, the part that we use on a daily basis and constitutes a healthy personality. The Ego can become unhealthy, and can only become healthy again through acceptance and reintegration of those parts of the personality that have become maladjusted. But Never though Rejection. Rejection will likely only cause greater trauma and a greater Pain Body.

The Unconscious, or the shadow self, is what Eckhart refers to as the pain body.

The pain body is an accumulation of past trauma, poor parenting, misunderstanding and maladjustment.

Correcting the pain body is done through the healthy reintegration of the Ego, never through rejection.
“Wisdom is knowing I am nothing, Love is knowing I am everything, and between the two my life moves.” ― Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

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