Where do I find friends? Do I need them?

Talk about relationships in the context of Spiritual Enlightenment
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Out of My Mind
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Where do I find friends? Do I need them?

Post by Out of My Mind » Mon Feb 25, 2008 3:16 am

I'm happily married. New to this part of the country (near Houston, TX) and somewhat incapacitated by a fairly recent hip & knee joint replacement, I haven't been "out there," forging friendships. Except for two friends (one in Chicago and another in San Diego), I have none. Just today, I got off a thread I had formed two years ago on SparkPeople, a site for losing weight. Today, I divorced myself from those relationships. Why? Just to chatty over irrelevent "stuff" and tons of misery to deal with every day. I had enough.

Considering the teachings of ET, I feel embarrased to need -- now that's a clue! I don't need friends, but I do want them. Why? To feel connected.

Writing to people who have awakened (or in the process) has helped me to see that the "disconnect" I feel comes from not being really awake at the moment. When I am (there have been episodes), I feel completely and totally connected to all people -- even inanimate (sp?) objects.

Maybe I should use this sense of loss I have today to bring out presence. Loss is a lovely vehicle for that. I guess I won't TRY to find friends. But I had better immediately start practicing what I have learned from ET. (I hear the desparation of my own words.) I was going to add, "How pathetic," but then I remembered how judgmental that is.

Is there anything you can tell me that would be helpful to me just now?

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kiki
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Re: Where do I find friends? Do I need them?

Post by kiki » Mon Feb 25, 2008 6:23 am

In my own journey I went through many years feeling lonely. That all changed when I realized that what I was seeking in others I already had in presence. I literally haven't felt "lonely" in more than 7 years - not one day, not one hour, not one moment. As presence becomes more familiar and takes root you'll find that loneliness disappears too. After all, what is it that creates such feelings? Only something that sets itself apart from everything else - it arises solely from a personalized viewpoint, and in presence that viewpoint has dissolved.

Keep returning again and again to the immediacy of what's real and true right here in this moment - that is your salvation from all sense of loneliness and alienation.
"Miss Kelly, perhaps you'd like this flower. I seem to have misplaced my buttonhole ... Miss Kelly, you know, when you wear my flower you make it look beautiful." Elwood P. Dowd
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lakeswimr
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Re: Where do I find friends? Do I need them?

Post by lakeswimr » Sat Mar 08, 2008 4:49 am

I'm not present all the time so sometimes I get lonely but for the most part it doesn't happen to me much anymore. It is very rare. I have moved many times and had to start new friendships in each place. I remember the painful feelings I had right after some of my moves to new places. I was always feeling that happiness and fun were 'out there'--outside myself. I also often felt that others were all having fun and that I was somehow left out or missing out. I don't know how exactly but somehow reading TPON, etc I just realized mentally *and* internally (since for me I usually 'get things' mentally before they really sink in to how I live, etc) that fun is not 'out there'. Everything I wanted was in my all the time. :) Feeling lonely is now something that usually makes me look within and surrender to the feelings, to this present moment, etc. :)

And somehow now that I don't any longer chase friendship or thing fun is outside myself and that I have to do or have certain things to have fun/be happy I have lots of friends. It is strange. I have more friends than ever before. There are more people I know who would like to spend time with me than I could really spend time with. I enjoy them and appreciate them but I know they are not where my fulfillment lies. And there is a great peace and freedom in knowing that.

All that said, if you would like more friends there is certainly nothing wrong with that. I think if you practice Tolle's advice and accept how you feel and then take action from that place of acceptance you will create many new friendships. You feel lonely sometimes or oftentimes. That's fine. Don't judge yourself. Feel that feeling and some space should be there around it. And then think of ways to meet more people. Maybe try starting your own Eckhart Tolle group or having an event at your local library and post notices around town about it for people to talk about Eckhart Tolle and/or watch one of his DVDs, etc. Maybe check his website to see if a local group already exists near you. Or join other groups that have to do with things you enjoy--gardening or reading or exercise, etc. You will naturally meet people who like things you like.

:)

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aquarius123esoteric
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If you feel the need for friendships, go with those feelings

Post by aquarius123esoteric » Sun Mar 16, 2008 2:56 pm

‘I feel embarrassed to need -- now that's a clue! I don't need friends, but I do want them. Why? To feel connected.’

Dear Friend,
I cannot see any reason why should you feel embarrassed about your need for friendship and love in your life, other than that of your family. If you feel the need for them, then your inner self is telling you that you should go out and seek them. To my mind, wanting friendships in our lives is a very normal and healthy human reaction and certainly nothing to feel badly about.

To understand those feelings better, it may help you to know that some of us need friendships and other people in our lives more than others. Being an astrologer, it is a fact of life to me that some people are more gregarious and outgoing than others. For example, Virgos and Capricorns, on the whole, are solitary creatures. The Air signs usually are people people who want and need the company of others; they need to be mingling with others. Leos and Sagittarians, on the other hand, need people around them for a different reason, mainly so that they can shine and be noticed. What’s the worth of the best performance without spectators, admiring or otherwise?

It may also help you to know that our lives move in approx. two and a half year cycles. And if you reflect on this for a moment, you may be able to recognise this has been working in your own life, thus far. I can tell you from first hand experience, not only as an astrologer but as a very ordinary human being who has similar experiences to everybody, that every two and half years our energies change and with it our interests and personal needs do the same, because different life lessons are drawn into our orbit.

There are times in everyone’s life when one feels the need to be quiet, reflective and still much of the time; when all one wants to do is retreat as much as possible from the humdrum of everyday life into the inner sanctuary, to converse with one’s soul and the Universe. When that has run its course, there comes a major rebirth and a forging ahead into the world again, gathering all manner of new experiences through fresh contacts that come our way from seemingly nowhere.

At certain other times all one’s interests are focused around the home; when all one wants to do is to stay there and be as snug and as comfortable as possible. When that is over, slowly and imperceptibly feelings sneak in of wanting to be out into the world more, to be seen and heard again. The accompanying feelings in all such situations will gradually get stronger, until they can no longer be neglected. Why? Because we are good and ready for life lessons of a different kind.

TO EVERYTHING, THERE IS A SEASON
And a time for every purpose under the Sun:
A time to be born and a time to die;
A time to plant and a time
To pluck up that which has been planted;

A time to kill and a time to heal;
A time to tear down and a time to build up;
A time to weep and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones and
A time to gather stones together;

A time to embrace and
A time to refrain from embracing;
A time to lose and a time to seek;
A time to tie up and a time to untie;

A time to rend and a time to sew;
A time to keep silent and a time to speak;
A time to love and a time to hate;
A time for war and a time for peace –

He has made everything beautiful, in its time.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-11

With Love and Light,
Aquarius
So long as this you fail to see:
That death precedes re-birth!
A gloomy guest you’ll always be,
Upon this darkling Earth.

Goethe

You can find my writings and download
them free of charge from my website
www.raysofwisdom.com

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Webwanderer
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Re: Where do I find friends? Do I need them?

Post by Webwanderer » Sun Mar 16, 2008 4:35 pm

If you want to have a friend, then be a friend.

If you want to experience love, then express love.

There is no "I did it for awhile and it didn't work for me".

These are gifts without expectation of return; but in the natural course of life, energy attracts like energy.

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aquarius123esoteric
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Re: Where do I find friends? Do I need them?

Post by aquarius123esoteric » Sun Mar 16, 2008 6:52 pm

Sound advice, webwanderer! It's because of Universal laws that this happens - the law of Karma - what we send out into the world does come back to us. Any bread cast onto the waters of life, any love and friendship given, will always return to us - the same as everything else that we give out. This hardly ever happens through the same people, but return it will and it must! With love - Aquarius
So long as this you fail to see:
That death precedes re-birth!
A gloomy guest you’ll always be,
Upon this darkling Earth.

Goethe

You can find my writings and download
them free of charge from my website
www.raysofwisdom.com

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shivak
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Re: Where do I find friends? Do I need them?

Post by shivak » Sun Mar 16, 2008 10:29 pm

You say
"I don't need a friend, but I do want them"...

This sounds to me that you do feel like you need one or several friends :P
I consider myself not to have any friends or alternatively, everyone is my friend.

Sure there is a couple of people I can talk to,
some of them talking with is more superficial than the other person.



But back to you, the reason you feel like you need one or several friends...
and basically the reason people experience themselves as a "unenlightened person" is this.
Quote from Nisargadatta's book "I am That"

Nisargadatta:
The person is merely the result of a misunderstanding. In reality, there is no such thing. Feelings, thoughts and actions race before the watcher in endless succession, leaving traces in the brain and creation an illusion of continuity. A reflection of the watcher in the mind creates the sense of "I" and the person acquires an apprently independent existence. In reality there is no person, only the watcher identifying himself with the "I" and the "mine". The teacher tells the watcher: you are not this, there is nothing of yours in this, except the little point of "I am", which is the bridge between the watcher and his dream. "I am this, I am that" is a dream, while pure "I am" has the stamp of reality on it. You have tasted so many things - all came to naught. Only the sense "I am" persisted - unchanged. Stay with the changeless among the changeful, until you are able to go beyond.
"The mind is there to show you what is not real." - Nisargadatta Maharaj

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Re: Where do I find friends? Do I need them?

Post by heidi » Mon Mar 17, 2008 12:50 am

You don't need them, but it's so nice to have them in your manifested life. :)
Heidi
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wonderment on the third wave

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