Marriage and Divorce

Talk about relationships in the context of Spiritual Enlightenment
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Nutkins2
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Joined: Wed Apr 16, 2008 10:38 pm

Marriage and Divorce

Post by Nutkins2 » Fri Apr 18, 2008 5:40 pm

Hi there everyone,

Is it just my perception or does it seem that people here are quite easy with the thought of getting divorced?
I have read a few posts where a poster is having problems with a certain aspect of their marriage and the answer seems to me to be, 'Well if it isn't working, move on!'.
Since becoming enlightened or becoming a believer as St. Paul would say, i feel that i want to be alone without any pressure from husband or family ties but that is probably the ego, wanting to be alone so that i can travel!!!!! and using my new belief as a good excuse!!!!!
How does one cope with the needs of a husband who is be a needy person and staying in the Now.
St. Paul also says if you have an unbelieving husband or wife, let them decide if they wish to stay with you or not but the believing one must not separate and also if the believing wife or husband leaves, let them remained unmarried or be conciliated to them. Of course i understand that this is if the situation is tolerable not intolerable!
Any thoughts!
Nutkins2

meaname
Posts: 90
Joined: Fri Apr 11, 2008 5:46 am

Re: Marriage and Divorce

Post by meaname » Sat Apr 19, 2008 4:03 am

Hello Nutkins2,

Wow, what a question. Do not let anyone sway your decision, it is yours alone. What does your true Self say? Does it say to open your heart and love unconditionally with full acceptance of what is? Needy or not your husband can cause you no discomfort, no suffering. My wife is not as conscious and aware as I. I would not leave her. However, if she chose to leave I would not argue but let her go in peace with my eternal love. Staying with her will only bring her closer to the Truth of this that is, however close her level of consciousness allows. I can not talk to her about enlightenment, she must find it herself. All I can do is be Present and guide her from where she is now, at every now and accept who she is, see past the ego and to the true Self with unconditional love.

Peace and Love...

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Sighclone
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Re: Marriage and Divorce

Post by Sighclone » Sat Apr 19, 2008 7:19 am

In my experience (two divorces), the lure and appeal of travel falls way short of a reason to divorce. Even great bundles of other reasons are not enough to grab some new spiritual viewpoint or internet forum as an excuse and file papers. More traditional counseling is certainly called for well before any decisions. That said, if you can say with the unequivocal authority of full self-realization, fully stabilized in Presence, fully or almost entirely free of ego...then lots of counseling is still a pre-requisite - lots of effort to communicate unmet needs. Divorces need to be earned. Part of enlightenment is learning acceptance.

If there are children, even more reason to respect the marriage.

No entry or group of entries on this forum or any internet forum is adequate reason to divorce.

Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce

Nutkins2
Posts: 81
Joined: Wed Apr 16, 2008 10:38 pm

Thankyou both for your wisdom

Post by Nutkins2 » Sat Apr 19, 2008 12:55 pm

Hi there meaname and sighclone,

Thankyou for your wisdom!
I totally agree with you both.
The ego (devil) wanting whats it wants is no excuse to end something precious and is worth more than a few fleeting experiences that will surely end.
The ego (devil) is so persuasive.
I was diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder which now i can see was allowing the ego to win every time. But i must have been somewhat enlightened as i didn't believe the things it was telling me and i felt that the thoughts didn't somehow belong to me!
Godbless
Nutkins2

innerhike
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Re: Marriage and Divorce

Post by innerhike » Sat Apr 19, 2008 6:14 pm

From http://eckhart-tolle-forum.inner-growth ... f=4&t=3949:
Many people when they experience a few moments of "enlightenment" may wish to quit their job, straighten out their partner or leave the relationship, etc.

I have done this in my own life many times. It is not always the right thing to do.

If the Force has taken over your life so strongly that nothing can be done but to allow the Force to do its thing, then there is no need for these questions and answers.

However, if your ego is still operating and you are asking questions based on concerns and hopes, then I would counsel avoiding knee-jerk reactions to the perceived disparity between your "enlightened inner state" and the "unenlightened outer state".

Some people may tell you that you ought to leave a relationship or job because now you are "superior" to those situations, or because you have "outgrown" those situations. I counsel the opposite. My advice is that people who think they are enlightened should continue to work in the butcher shop and continue to be in the unenlightened relationships that they have been in for a long time. This is not easy. This causes the ego to resist, thereby allowing more of the stored unconsciousness to show up instead of remaining hidden. Bring light to wherever you are. Shine from the inside out instead of seeking Light from the outside.

This is of course only something to consider. If you find a situation to be completely untenable, to be completely out of line with your feelings and hopes, then of course you need to focus on creating a change that is appropriate for you.

The way to peace is always based on clarity and simplicity. Not necessarily simple outer reality, but simple thinking.

One may be juggling many things, dealing with many unpleasant details, and yet be completely centered. There are moments in my life when I am like this but for the most part I fantasize about stabilizing in this place. I am though always upping the ante to see how much more discomfort I can tolerate. Now this is not something everyone is going to agree with on this forum.

First be in peace, in happiness, in centeredness. Then do whatever you want. And focus on what little you can do, create or control. Do not focus on what is out of your control.

Notice I say nothing about your "significant other" in any of this. That is because the road to peace is paved with self responsibility.

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Kato
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Re: Marriage and Divorce

Post by Kato » Sat Apr 26, 2008 5:21 am

If your child was experiencing life unconsciously, would you ponder leaving your child?

Perhaps you must be the one to bring presence into your relationship. Perhaps that is the only way your spouse will ever begin to experience presence. Relationships are a spiritual practice. If you leave one for another there will be new challenges in the next. However, if you are unhappy with an unconscious partner you must accept that very unconsciousness in yourself and move on. Your spouse also deserves the opportunity to seek a more aware person.

Kato
"The Inner Voice of Kato Kaizen"
http://katokaizen.wordpress.com/

meaname
Posts: 90
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Re: Marriage and Divorce

Post by meaname » Sat Apr 26, 2008 3:54 pm

Kato,

Good morning to you in the endless rising sun. One could not have said this more beautifully.

Peace, Love and Eternal Bliss...

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RHRippere
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Spouse and Child

Post by RHRippere » Sun Jul 13, 2008 10:33 am

If your child was experiencing life unconsciously, would you ponder leaving your child?
...but my spouse objects to being compared to our child.

___________________

Pointing out the "unawareness" and "asleepness" in my spouse is RESISTING what is - it INSPIRES more resistance and "asleepness" in my spouse - ahh...and in me.

Do I "deserve" an awake spouse?

Does my spouse "deserve" my being aware? Unconsciousness produces pain produces reaction produces some more pain...until I am at the end of my wit, the end of my own ability, my own strength, my own (crappy) relating "skills".

Eckhart has pointed out that two who are awakened need not necessarily remain together - sometimes a commitment has become an egoic construct that can be dismantled together (in joy).

Maybe every marriage deserves a Duplex so that the children can pass back and forth... (I haven't figured this detail out yet.)

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