But I think you can't still describe what makes a person to be loved more then an other person, so that you prefer that person more then somebody else as your lover.
Good point here. In form, the "little me", the separate self has preferences for everything, food, ambient noise, firmness of mattress, reading material, color of clothing, recreational activities, etc. And it also has a preference for attractive women. But I have experienced a deep shared wonder and love with women and men to whom I am not physically attracted. Not a shared sexual love, mind you, but more a shared interest in something like music or literature.
But I can still recognize that physical attraction to certain women when it surfaces to my attention. The question becomes what priority to give it...or, from a more nondual perspective, when I answer "yes" to everything that appears in my life (loving what is), am I ready for a "quality no" from the other person? Or can I honor the other elements of my life, like my marriage, and not pursue the other woman?
In general, my perspective on "lila in maya" or the game /theater/ dream of life in form is that we should fully engage it, but not take it too seriously...shit does happen. But the more risks we take, the more opportunities appear...nothing ventured, nothing gained. Even if the "thing that is gained" is a transient illusory ripple in the field of pure awareness.
This topic is important and under-discussed. Romantic love seems to demand full attention, "blinding" us to many things. I think, either from a unity perspective or an egoic one, that we need to acknowledge any "blinders" which may be appearing -- if they are real, they are limitations and they will change.
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce