Resistance to Online Dating Profiles

Talk about relationships in the context of Spiritual Enlightenment
Post Reply
User avatar
Mystic_Life
Posts: 8
Joined: Tue Feb 09, 2010 8:09 am
Location: Bay Area, California
Contact:

Resistance to Online Dating Profiles

Post by Mystic_Life » Wed Jun 02, 2010 2:17 am

Warm Greetings,

I've recently been looking at online personals at places such as spiritualmatchmaking.com, match.com, eharmony.com, and so forth...and I am noticing resistance within me.

I'm sure that if I found a profile that resonated, the resistance would dissipate. However, I feel that it somewhat drains my energy to read people's profiles and see the kind of things that they identify with. It feels like sifting for gold, I suppose, and perhaps takes more patience than I currently have.

I was wondering if anyone else felt anything similar in any past or present relationships searching. I agree with what Tolle wrote in The Power of Now regarding most relationships being full of drama and ego...but that if partners can be willing to communicate about pain-bodies they can help each other grow. I've spent a great deal of time alone the last 7 months, and although I'm relatively content in my aloneness, I do feel drawn towards finding a conscious relationship.

Peace,
Chris
http://ropi.net/me.html
http://Unification.com - Pathways to Healing Yourself

User avatar
Sighclone
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 6391
Joined: Wed Feb 13, 2008 6:22 pm

Re: Resistance to Online Dating Profiles

Post by Sighclone » Wed Jun 02, 2010 7:25 am

I was wondering if anyone else felt anything similar in any past or present relationships searching.
After my second marriage ended, I began another search...but a very careful one which combined spontaneously responding to whatever was arising in my life, a review of the single women I knew, and some online searching. I discovered that the long-distance deal did not work...so I concentrated on the locals. I kept a list of everyone I dated in my sock drawer. One day I counted the names - there were 49. And only two did not have lines drawn through them. So I called one of them and visited her. It had been two years since I had seen her, but we had some common friends. Then we dated for two years before marrying...but she was clearly open to non-religious spirituality. Eventually, after we were married for six years, she handed me a copy of PON...she had started it. My life changed forever.

Don't know exactly what to say to you, ML, except to look around the corner...your partner may be there, or across the street....yes the hype in the online profiles is tedious...! Look nearby...look hard. You are where you are for a reason...let life show it to you.

Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce

runstrails
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 2228
Joined: Wed Feb 10, 2010 12:33 am

Re: Resistance to Online Dating Profiles

Post by runstrails » Wed Jun 02, 2010 3:21 pm

Also, maybe join an activity where you will meet flesh and blood like-minded people. For example, a hobby group (running, other sports, book club). How about a local spirituality group?

User avatar
Webwanderer
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 6850
Joined: Fri May 12, 2006 12:03 am

Re: Resistance to Online Dating Profiles

Post by Webwanderer » Wed Jun 02, 2010 10:58 pm

Most communities have local singles clubs. At least everyone knows why they are there.

WW

mmy
Posts: 108
Joined: Mon Oct 20, 2008 2:45 am

Re: Resistance to Online Dating Profiles

Post by mmy » Wed Jun 02, 2010 11:27 pm

Mystic_Life wrote:...and I am noticing resistance within me.
I understand where you are coming from. I would pay attention to that resistance. I had the same thing and instead of honoring it I leap in again and found the same things I found before. It left me even more confused and disappointed. I want "milk" so why am I trying to find it in a "hardware store".

The "success stories" make me want to scream. I have looked long and hard and all it has left me with is sadness, frustration, and a yo-yo of incessant thoughts. I'm sounding pretty negative and egoic, that's where I am right now. What hasn't happened hasn't happened, but I keep moving with life and what's here.

Peace

User avatar
Kimmeke
Posts: 18
Joined: Sat Oct 03, 2009 8:25 pm
Location: Belgium

Re: Resistance to Online Dating Profiles

Post by Kimmeke » Thu Jun 03, 2010 9:59 am

Hi,

I recognise your story as I used to look for someone who was spiritual.
I like the phrase "life will bring you excactly what you need, that might not always be what you want/like." There is a spiritual lesson in everything. Now, I try to see the lesson, before I only looked for the answer.
Live your life, do what you really like, take care of your body and everything you need will come to you. Is it falling in love with a non-spiritual person, then find the lesson in that, is it being without someone, find the lesson in that. Try to find what it is that you have to learn. I fell in love once with someone whom I thought to be "awakened" :D I learned a huge deal from this, but we are no longer together. Are you willing to accept that you might even lose the love that you have with a spiritual partner? Other people are merely reflections of your own thinking. I love Tolle, but sometimes I need it explained in a different way to really understand it deeper.
Katie Byron's book on the four questions is helpfull. I also like the story of "the kitchen", it is posted somewhere here. I like to read the questions and the answers here, as they give different insights and perspection. True love by Thich Nath Hanh, also nice....
No self, no problem! :lol:

Be well,

Kim

User avatar
Mystic_Life
Posts: 8
Joined: Tue Feb 09, 2010 8:09 am
Location: Bay Area, California
Contact:

Re: Resistance to Online Dating Profiles

Post by Mystic_Life » Thu Jun 03, 2010 10:17 am

Thanks to all of you for your replies.

I'm feeling a little less resistance than when I first posted. I did a very specific search on match.com choosing search filter qualities that reflected my preferences clearly. I rec'd 2 replies from women I wrote, and even if they go nowhere...I'm feeling more hopeful that I can find some people with whom I resonate.

I also feel less isolated because the replies on this thread show that others can relate, which is comforting. I think I'll be utilizing this forum more often. As Kim stated there is much to be learned from the questions and answers of others. I've been watching and rewatching Tolle's dvds for awhile, and I love them...but I would benefit from the perspectives of others. I have some esoteric beliefs related to physical immortality that are different than Tolle's, and I also feel more optimistic about humanity and where we are at as a whole :)

I do believe that what I need comes to me to a point...but I also believe I receive guidance to take action sometimes. In my case, because I work from home it is not likely that I'll meet people automatically, so I do feel guided to take action through putting myself out there on dating profiles. However, I do feel it's important to not RUSH the process and therefore I'll be honoring my feelings. I haven't done any looking in the last day, and I think that I'll work on only searching to meet new people when I feel authentically drawn to that kind of action.

Peace,
Chris
http://Unification.com - Pathways to Healing Yourself

User avatar
Kimmeke
Posts: 18
Joined: Sat Oct 03, 2009 8:25 pm
Location: Belgium

Re: Resistance to Online Dating Profiles

Post by Kimmeke » Thu Jun 03, 2010 4:57 pm

I meant "perspective" instead of perspection...mhhh, have to do everything in English here, leads to funny words!! :D (I had an English boyfriend once, now I finally know why! :mrgreen: )I too like to talk with people whom I resonate with, but the more I read, talk, think (yes think!! :lol: )
the more I realize how my ego is envolved in that too. Not that I won't talk with somebody if I found someone with the same ideas...
There is nobody in my immediate environment whom I can resonate with. There is only this website. (basically I think you all are not real and I am only talking and responding to myself :lol: )
But that too might have a reason?? I think Tolle says somewhere that one has to be aware of "talking - discussing" about "this"...
on the otherhand you can both grow into it...


something tricky there...


Be well,

Kim

rachel100639
Posts: 99
Joined: Wed May 26, 2010 6:46 am

Re: Resistance to Online Dating Profiles

Post by rachel100639 » Tue Jun 22, 2010 7:30 am

Mystic,
I have given up on online dating. I don't feel dissapointed in the least. I simply found it to be very time consuming (although I have met some nice people) to try and find someone online who is on the same path as I am. I really do not believe it is a productive way to find a person whose primary goal in life is to awaken/stay conscious. It seems to be like trying to find the proverbial needle in a haystack. The more important consciousness becomes to me, the less interest I have in looking for someone online. Could it be that you are not "resistant" to online dating but rather your intuition is telling you it is just a difficult, round-about way to meet someone? Perhaps I am projecting my own experience of it into your thread. I just now keep myself open to the possibility of meeting someone while I am living my life which is quickly changing for the better every day.
Rachel

User avatar
Mystic_Life
Posts: 8
Joined: Tue Feb 09, 2010 8:09 am
Location: Bay Area, California
Contact:

Re: Resistance to Online Dating Profiles

Post by Mystic_Life » Wed Jul 07, 2010 1:59 am

Could it be that you are not "resistant" to online dating but rather your intuition is telling you it is just a difficult, round-about way to meet someone? Perhaps I am projecting my own experience of it into your thread.
Hi Rachel,

I'm feeling less resistance than when I first posted. I believe part of was the need to develop a "system" of how to do specific searches, and the stress of figuring out multiple sites. At this point I find spiritualmatchmaking.com to be the most promising due to its spiritual focus (there are a lot of "non-traditional" type people on there.

I might be more inclined to just wait for people in my real life to arise...but since I work from home and all of my friends are spread throughout the country (I don't have a good local community) I have a feeling that using the Internet is going to lead to contact when it is meant to be.

In having had some time to analyze my resistance, I feel that it was also about my ego interfering by paying too much attention to profiles that were not compatible. By shifting my attitude towards a neutral stance regarding profiles that say "I love travel, wine tasting and fine dining" it feels like a less abrasive process. It's kinda like the Elvis Costello song "The Angels Want to Wear My Red Shoes" in which he says, "I used to be disgusted, now I try to be amused."

Peace,
Chris
http://Unification.com - Pathways to Healing Yourself

Post Reply