How to live in the world after "awakening"??? (lost)

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How to live in the world after "awakening"??? (lost)

Postby kwes » Mon Mar 11, 2013 11:46 am

I am feeling a bit lost and asking for help regarding experiencing an awakening to non-dualty and how to live in the world after this happens.
Let me explain:

Last summer I experienced some kind of awakening that caused a complete shift in my perspective. I feel it was analagous to the end of the matrix when Neo sees the underlying "code" in the matrix. Once I saw it, it was impossible to act as if I had not. These are some of the results of that shift (non of the following were forced or prescribed - they all came naturally as a result of my shift in perspective):

    + I stopped driving and started spending my days biking and walking around instead.

    + I was most content being in nature and was extremely happy just sitting and being next to a tree or staring at a flower.

    + My diet instantly changed, but I didn't even think about it. I just suddenly did not want certain foods. I spent most days eating just avocados, oranges, and beets. It was not forced at all.

    + Nothing was forced. I was riding life in the moment and yet it was the most synchronus time of my life. i.e. I would show up at the train station without checking times or schedules and the train would pull up 30 seconds later...

    + I was completely truthful and honest about everything all the time. From my perspective, it didn't make sense not to be.

    + I was overtaken by compassion - for everything. I could no longer see myself as separate from anything which made the world a completely different place.

    + All my actions and motives changed naturally. I no longer needed to become something because I already had and was everything that moment. This ended any striving, goal-setting, dwelling, fear, regrets, etc. The world was no longer something to figure out and/or conquer. It was enough just "to be".

    People asked about my motives for my change in actions: "Will this make you happy?" "Who are you trying to help?" -but these things didn't make sense in my perspective because they came from an identiy of separation. They also didn't understand my answer of "It is not about me or other people, it is simply about being in harmony with everything." It was no longer about being happy, successful, or even helping "other" people. Self help books didn't make sense to me any more and books by Osho and Lao Tzu made sense on a deeper level than ever before.


Then after several months like this, a few things started to bring me out of this state:

    1. During this time my compassion had taken over. At first I was ok with everything, but after a few months certain elements of disharmony in the world started to make me sad and angry. i.e. people abusing other people, animals, the environment. My compassion was starting to make me feel ill at ease in this world and it bothered me that everywhere I looked people were living in a dog-eat-dog manner.

    2. After months of what others perceived as me "floating" around, people started getting concerned about me, especially my family. I was neglecting things (like making money and striving for personal success) which they saw as important. At first I didn't care or even notice this, but after I started to come down from my "awakened honeymoon", it became more and more evident, and helped bring me further out of my awakened honeymoon state.


Now I am feeling a bit lost in this world. These are the reasons why:

    - I can never go back to before I saw "the code". I have already seen it and I can't even comprehend not knowing it now. However, I feel lost at how to live my life now - mainly because of relationships to other people. One part of me feels content just sitting around staring at flowers all day while another part wants to help the world become more in harmony with itself and doesn't want to abandon family and friends.

    - I feel hesitant with doing anything now. Almost every activity that is "normal" in todays society seems ego-based or separation-based with no real purpose to the whole.

    - I don't like setting goals anymore, and it has been hard to function in society while not moving towards anything and not wanting to.

    - I get caught up with the amount of disharmony in the world. I know instantly now when someone is lying to me or trying to manipulate me for personal gain. This has made me very sensitive to other people because most people act this way without even knowing it - its just a natural part of the mentality of someone that feels "separate". Many aspects of this world truly disgust me now and I find myself getting caught up in these things and not knowing where I fit in.


I am going through the motions (bare minimum) to maintain my relationships and place in this world, but honestly I feel lost on a daily basis now. I really don't feel like I know how to live here anymore. I kind of wish I could just disolve back into the whole ;p

I have been living this way for quite a while now. I haven't encountered anyone with experience that I could talk to about this. I am not sure why I didn't think to come online and post this sooner, but here I am now...


Can anyone offer me advice on how to live in the world after awakening to "the underlying code"?
Last edited by kwes on Mon Mar 11, 2013 6:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: How to live in the world after "awakening"??? (lost)

Postby Webwanderer » Mon Mar 11, 2013 2:01 pm

I suggest that you incarnated in this human experience for a reason. While the personality you know as you may not be clear on it, the greater you, your whole being knows. There is a great deal of opportunity in this physical life for exploration and experience. Look to your inner guidance through insight and inspiration in how to proceed. It may be that you have to prime the pump a little and experiment to get engaged in life in a way that you find satisfying. Follow your curiosity when insight is not readily present. It will likely lead you in the most fruitful directions.

Where ever you are now, there is always more and greater understandings yet to unfold. Life is eternal. Enjoy the journey.

Welcome to the forum.

WW
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Re: How to live in the world after "awakening"??? (lost)

Postby rideforever » Mon Mar 11, 2013 2:21 pm

You have had a major breakthrough, but I sense the journey is not over.

Here's a question : if you are everything then can feel what you need to do now ?

There must be some further journey to be taken. And let's not forget that the body can take time to settle into this new being.

Another question : if you are one, then are you able to accept the disharmony as part of the one ?

Perhaps doing some research on the great masters might help. How they responded to their breakthroughs might be useful for you.

I seem to remember that Buddha remained sitting under a tree for 7 days, and then felt nobody would believe him and he was going to go into the mountains ... but eventually he taught.

Gurdjieff used to say that while you are transforming don't be afraid to "play a role" with people in order to get along in the world. Just concentrate on your inner work, but with the outside it's ok to "play a role" until you are more clear. The whole of society is playing a role, so it's not a betrayal.

The other thing is that although you are lucky enough to feel the Truth; recognise that the world is a mad and dangerous place. Jesus said "if they kill me for my beliefs, they will certainly kill you". This is also a reality that needs to be faced.

My understanding that if you continue with the inner work eventually everything is complete.

Many good people are or have been where you are and listening to their testimony might be useful - there is a good company of friends with you in this place.
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Re: How to live in the world after "awakening"??? (lost)

Postby kwes » Mon Mar 11, 2013 5:45 pm

Webwanderer wrote:I suggest that you incarnated in this human experience for a reason. While the personality you know as you may not be clear on it, the greater you, your whole being knows. There is a great deal of opportunity in this physical life for exploration and experience. Look to your inner guidance through insight and inspiration in how to proceed. It may be that you have to prime the pump a little and experiment to get engaged in life in a way that you find satisfying. Follow your curiosity when insight is not readily present. It will likely lead you in the most fruitful directions.

Where ever you are now, there is always more and greater understandings yet to unfold. Life is eternal. Enjoy the journey.

Welcome to the forum.

WW


Great points. There was definitely more intuition and less "seriousness" during those several months.
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Re: How to live in the world after "awakening"??? (lost)

Postby kwes » Mon Mar 11, 2013 5:50 pm

rideforever wrote:You have had a major breakthrough, but I sense the journey is not over.

Here's a question : if you are everything then can feel what you need to do now ?

This is a great question. During those months I didn't question anything. I always knew what to do, but it was a knowing in the sense that there was no thought put into it.

There must be some further journey to be taken. And let's not forget that the body can take time to settle into this new being.

Another question : if you are one, then are you able to accept the disharmony as part of the one ?

Another great point. And what is so interesting is that it wasn't until I started coming out of my awakened state that I started judging and resisting again...

Perhaps doing some research on the great masters might help. How they responded to their breakthroughs might be useful for you.

I seem to remember that Buddha remained sitting under a tree for 7 days, and then felt nobody would believe him and he was going to go into the mountains ... but eventually he taught.

Gurdjieff used to say that while you are transforming don't be afraid to "play a role" with people in order to get along in the world. Just concentrate on your inner work, but with the outside it's ok to "play a role" until you are more clear. The whole of society is playing a role, so it's not a betrayal.

The other thing is that although you are lucky enough to feel the Truth; recognise that the world is a mad and dangerous place. Jesus said "if they kill me for my beliefs, they will certainly kill you". This is also a reality that needs to be faced.

My understanding that if you continue with the inner work eventually everything is complete.

Many good people are or have been where you are and listening to their testimony might be useful - there is a good company of friends with you in this place.

In fact, just putting my thoughts done in writing (putting up this post) as well as both replies so far, I have already started to see what has happened and how my mind has taken over again albeit in a different context.

I have also since read this article which was helpful as well: http://www.spiritualawakeningprocess.co ... -lost.html
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Re: How to live in the world after "awakening"??? (lost)

Postby kwes » Tue Mar 12, 2013 6:51 am

So...I would still like to hear from anyone that has had an awakening experience and then felt lost in daily life. And what did you do about it?
(this could sum up the whole original question heh)

Maybe it is just my ego fighting to get back in control (even through feelings of compassion). As hard as it seems, it is possible I just need to let go and allow things to fall away if they do (including money, material things, family, friends, etc...)...
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Re: How to live in the world after "awakening"??? (lost)

Postby rideforever » Tue Mar 12, 2013 8:49 am

If you make an act of Will; are you able to put yourself back in the place you were in ?
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Re: How to live in the world after "awakening"??? (lost)

Postby SandyJoy » Tue Mar 12, 2013 7:27 pm

You are at the place where the Child returns to Live Again.

First the "old man', the conditioned, adulterated, indoctrinatied mistaken sense of self dissolves. The personality falls away, we see the Light of truth, the Light and we are purified by that Light. We walk around in that Light for time, being this Pure Witness, one with total Oneness, we sort of leave the world for time, or 'think' we left for a time.

But, that dissolving in the discovery of Oneness is not the end of it.

After this state of "no thing" and our time in denial of the world calling it all "illusion" -----Then, well, if you are lucky, then! Glory Be! We find our personality returns to us! We come back --and this time, It is not 'bad' ---It is so glorious and All so very Good.

Here, is the third step of journey we find our Self again and It is the Original Self we always were---Its like we walked through the purifying fires, lost the self we were not and never were--we were turned to ash by the fire of Truth--- and then, by the Grace of God, out of that death, purified and --- And resurrected, born again, Here we find Our Self this fresh and alive and new born babe,---you find the One you have always been---find the Self you are.

You are at the place where you can turn around and come back to Your Self--You, this time the Real You-- The Child again is right there wanting to come up and out and to Live Again.

Don't try to smother this flame of Your Self, Let It come to full fire and let yourself come Alive again.

This is the third stage, where we find the Mountain again, but this time we understand, this time we know what we are looking at when we walk through this world, live in the world---this time we see and understand.

Don't try to be rid of this stage of the journey, it is actually the most important part of it. This was the 'goal' the whole time, to come back to Here and Now, to find This World Again that never leaves or forsakes us. Here I am, and though we did not know it, we were always Here.

We thought the 'enlightenment' was the second step--to be 'empty and nothing' --we thought it was to be 'the witness just pure witnessing of Awareness"---we thought it was to be without a self, without me there --- but no, that is part of it, that is the purifying place ---

--- but really, it is the Return to the Self that is final Wonder of we are given to See and Be.

And then, the Joy of Joy--- when you find your self again, you will know what you are here to do and how to do it. You will be connected to the Divine Light and You will have always, this divine connection, this Knowing Presence with Life and It is like a Line that tethers you directly to The Light of Truth Always, and you can be You, not afraid to be YOU and Now Again, God's Grace let's you find Your Self and Love this Blessed Self.

It is so wonderful to come back, but you will see, you are not the same person that was left in the dust, the old coat fell off and now you are exposed and fresh and naked and Here right up close to God's Self Knowing Being of Love and Life.

Now you know you are the deathless Self, the Life of Eternal the Child of Isness and Love--and you know there is no threat to be this body and this form, this time in the world--- Now you are awakened to Who You Are, and You are beyond all this time-space world, while you are YOUR Self, your true self--- you are not defined by the form or personality, but you are a very dear personality that Loves Life.

You are free, you are free now to be alive. Really, I guess it is mostly about freedom now, here is freedom. You are free to Live again but somehow this time you are not bound to your body or time, or not so concerned with it-- you are like a little kid, like a child running and skipping and delighted with the whole wide wonder of the Infinite Light of your vast Selfhood as the Whole wide World Itself.

Out of the fire of dissolution, comes this New Born Self, but You will know this one who arises again, you will know your self, you will recognize your self, It is familiar, and it will feel like you have come home, like you have found a long lost love, and it is YOU.

This is the most extraordinary part of the Truth and the Awakening. It is the part that no one tells about, and I do not know why. I only know that you do come back and when you do you will be over joyed as You begin to bloom again, sprout anew. It unfolds slowly, with time, but you will see yourself again fully as God sees you. And now your heart will understand and Love will be your guide and everything comes alive again, and heaven is seen right here as this very world we walk through.

It is as if a new dimension is added. You are open, tender, vulnerable, and you will be so happy to be your self again--a most delightful self, the one you were before Abraham, before this world was. You will find yourself and you will fall in love again in all ways--you will fall totally in Love with Life

I hope you trust your self and keep going, and let your self come back to being Your Self again. Just remember You, the Child of You-- and you will see and you will find and you will run with It!

I recommend you read the book titled "The Child Within Us Lives!" by William Samuel. He wrote it as guide for exactly these times you are in now. He explains this point of the journey in terms that will give you the confidence to trust yourself by understanding this part of the unfoldment.
You are not finished, until you play in that meadow and live there. You can, you know. But only you can take yourself there.
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Re: How to live in the world after "awakening"??? (lost)

Postby Sighclone » Wed Mar 13, 2013 6:09 am

Welcome kwes!

Something very similar happened to me in February, 2008, and I stumbled onto this forum which was an instant watershed. Many members helped me through the period of "disorientation."

1) What happened to you is very real and very big.

2) You will slowly adapt (mountains will become mountains again, etc...the tenth bull of Zen is a return to society.) Your integration will be progressive and complete.

3) Many of the writings of the ancient sages will suddenly cause big smiles because you have an actual experience to relate to them. The language of nonduality is mumbo-jumbo or just, as you say, pretty poetry until your shift begins.

4) You will learn how to discuss this with others (not frequently and very carefully).

5) You will become a mentor.

6) Your life will never be the same.

7) The concept of "death" will be nothing to fear.


I recommend you review the past posts of one of our fine moderators, "kiki" -- his stuff is unique and very accessible.

Deep gasshos -- namaste....welcome again!!

Andy
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Re: How to live in the world after "awakening"??? (lost)

Postby randomguy » Wed Mar 13, 2013 2:54 pm

Nice post kwes. I can relate.
The way of human society is absolutely insane and what is more thoughts thrive in abundance that the insanity is some great accomplishment. It is both hilarious and tragic.
States come and go of course. The honeymoon is just that. I find it is nice to continue noticing.
Do the yellow-rose petals
tremble and fall
at the rapid's roar?
- Basho
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Re: How to live in the world after "awakening"??? (lost)

Postby kwes » Sat Mar 16, 2013 5:46 pm

@rideforever: Good question, I'm not really sure at this point...

@SandyJoy: Thanks for the reply! I didn't mention this, but it did feel like a returning to myself as a child, but with older eyes. I will definitely check out that book.

@Sighclone: Thanks for the reply. I feel like I am already going through all those steps ;) I will definitely check out kiki's posts.

@randomguy: Well said and thanks for the perspective.

I find that I am very sensitive to the world around me now. It seems that this stage may just be the old man returning to the child and now becoming the "old child" :)
I feel I need to let this transition happen and just be cautious and aware of when the mind tries to step back in and take control.
If I let go of my attachments, judgements, and resistance in the moment and allow myself to even feel the move into this new direction (based in large amounts on compassion and freedom), I again feel at ease and one with everything around me...

And of course "serendipitously" I found this question to Osho where he says:
http://www.osho.com/main.cfm?Area=Magazine&Sub1Menu=HaveATaste&Sub2Menu=TheOtherMyself&Language=english&CFID=9119857&CFTOKEN=63253360

It will go on happening: the more you find yourself, the more you will find yourself responsible for many things you have never cared about.

Let that be a criterion: the more you find yourself responsible for people, things, existence, the more you can be at ease that you are on the right track.


Well maybe I am on the right track then...
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Re: How to live in the world after "awakening"??? (lost)

Postby Sighclone » Sun Mar 17, 2013 1:35 pm

Let that be a criterion: the more you find yourself responsible for people, things, existence, the more you can be at ease that you are on the right track.


And the opposite is also true: "The less you find yourself responsible..."

Because it all just flows anyway. "You" have nothing to do with it. There is no "you" to be responsible for any of it. "You" can't "do" anything to affect it because there is no "doership." A leaf moves in the wind. A typist keys these words, a reader reads them. The sun rises until it doesn't.

Andy
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Re: How to live in the world after "awakening"??? (lost)

Postby kwes » Sun Mar 17, 2013 3:04 pm

Sighclone wrote:And the opposite is also true: "The less you find yourself responsible..."


Haha, yes indeed!
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Re: How to live in the world after "awakening"??? (lost)

Postby kwes » Sun Mar 17, 2013 3:52 pm

To clarify, I would say that after this experience, I felt 'happier' than I have ever felt in my life, but in a different way.
It wasn't happiness like we get sometimes from getting a new thing, reaching a goal, or drugs/entertainment. It was a deeper happiness based on a knowing and feeling of the oneness of all things.
Searching, self-improving, and personal gain went out the window with the illusion of separation and compassion for the whole took over.

This has caused me to see that much of humanity seems to be working backwards in the name of personal interest, which is totally unnecessary.

I've also been noticing since I posted this, that a lot of this is noticing more that other people have a problem with me now (which makes my problem other people's problem with me right?) heh.

It has been very troubling especially for family, but also friends and associates that I am no longer motivated, impressed, or controlled by the same things. I have noticed that my lack of judgements and attachments, my lack of concern for societal roles, and living and speaking my truth at all times can make people feel uneasy around me. Lifestyle change has been a big issue for those around me as well. I don't need much at this point and I really just want to live simply and spend my time in harmony. This does not bode well with most people around me, especially since I was somewhat of a "successful" lad before this and it does seem that family and friends are "let down" or fearful about how my change will affect them.

It used to be all about dealing with myself and now that I 'found' myself again, its all about how to deal with the people around me.
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Re: How to live in the world after "awakening"??? (lost)

Postby Sighclone » Tue Mar 19, 2013 6:26 am

...And how about the telly! Television was basically impossible for me to watch for about six months. I think that once the personal ego is eviscerated that the conflagration of a jillion other egos is just so much busy noise. As I mentioned, I had the luxury of essentiallyy sitting on a park bench for six months, living off savings and investments. I do no know what your situation is (as kiki would say, "in form," referring to the body-mind-personality known as kwes.) Do your best to be friendly. Do not urge someone..." you just have to read this...or this...or this." Even if you know it to be a truth you want them badly to perceive. OK, I've said that...but I did that anyway. Finally I apologized to a few folks...I was never really a pest, just an eager puppy. Try not to make any enemies.

Do not try to make anyone understand...just tell them you are "going through an important personal phase." Do not drop out if you can possibly help it, and definitely keep up with any personal committments you have made. "Spiritual bypassing" is a phrase originated by John Welwood (johnwelwood.com) and it refers to using spirituality as an excuse for dropping out of life's responsibilities. ET lived on savings and family money for a period.

But eventually integration happens, as the mind gets used to seeing and experiencing through a new, much wider lens. The sad and fruitless pursuits of others seem to distance themselves from you...I think Grace/the Universe brings people who are shifting satisfactory stations they can survive in. Gary Weber ("Happiness Beyond Thought") finally quit a huge corporate job...even Rupert Spira started teaching nonduality full time...no more pottery. But you don't have to end up as a guru, even if nonduality and its implications are the only topic you really care about. I read over 200 books in about three years but still managed to keep house and home and a job together. You will integrate and find a way.

Andy
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There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce
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