Being intimidated/ being scared of sex

Forum rules
In this category please do not start new topics that aren't directly related to Awakening / Spiritual Enlightenment / Truth-Realization.

Being intimidated/ being scared of sex

Postby therock » Sat Mar 08, 2014 12:25 am

Hej people,
I am a 22 year old man.
I am a virgin.
I come from a problematic household ( My mum is the boss at home; my father is being conducted by her)
So I have already made progress when it comes to dating ..and I feel aroused by women in my imagination..but I figured that the imagination of me in bed with a nice girl intimidates me..I fear not being good enough...being judged..that it wont be that good...that I cant give her what she wants...that I wont be able to get it up etc...haha
So I think the reason I am actually afraid of it comes down to my upbringing where I saw women being the boss at home...but thats fine I wont blame anybody..

So my question to you is...is there sb with a similar background ? I really want to sleep with girls but there is this silly barrier of me being a massive chode ( you can see am a massive thinker )..
I feel that if I can come up with some good and positive thoughts on that I will not stand myself in the way and just enjoy life with sexuality to the fullest.
Any ideas ?
have a good weekend
therock
 
Posts: 21
Joined: Sat Feb 01, 2014 9:26 pm

Re: Being intimidated/ being scared of sex

Postby Webwanderer » Sun Mar 09, 2014 7:22 pm

Consider this: tell the girl you're with (in the appropriate moment) that you are a virgin - that if/when things go intimate that you are going to need some help and guidance. Don't even try to fake it at age 22 that you know what your doing. You don't. You know it, and it will quickly become evident. If you were 15, that might fly with an equally inexperienced girl. An older than teen girl will see through the BS and it will quickly go bad. Your awkwardness will lead to fear and mess up a potentially wonderful first experience.

Being honest will put things in an atmosphere of new exploration and fun without having to perform beyond your capabilities. If your partner is experienced, let her control the pace and direction. If not experienced, admit you're both somewhat clueless, and focus on having some 'fun together' exploring what's within your virgin experience limits. Be patient, take some time, and enjoy an experiential adventure. No quickies. Your first time will be a lasting memory. Make it a good one.

WW
User avatar
Webwanderer
Moderator
Moderator
 
Posts: 6164
Joined: Fri May 12, 2006 12:03 am

Re: Being intimidated/ being scared of sex

Postby KathleenBrugger » Sun Mar 09, 2014 7:52 pm

WW, I am often in awe of your posts but this one is particularly wonderful. Such good advice. Good luck therock.
We are ALL Innocent by Reason of Insanity
http://kathleenbrugger.blogspot.com/
User avatar
KathleenBrugger
 
Posts: 604
Joined: Mon Jul 22, 2013 5:18 pm

Re: Being intimidated/ being scared of sex

Postby therock » Sun Mar 09, 2014 11:46 pm

Thank you for your advice!
In my mind I feel all the time a rush of thoughts goin on..
Now instead of fightin them I will just let them be and see what positive message is behind them.
So in this case :' Yes I am a virgin and probably suck shit at my first time and I am okay with that.
With this mental attitude I will kick ass in life
therock
 
Posts: 21
Joined: Sat Feb 01, 2014 9:26 pm

Re: Being intimidated/ being scared of sex

Postby Webwanderer » Mon Mar 10, 2014 1:49 am

You won't suck if you engage with you partner with a sense of curiosity, appreciation and sharing. Have some fun with your newness. It's a whole lot better than rushing to it and through it with fear and anxiety. Don't keep score. Just be in the experience whenever it happens.

WW
User avatar
Webwanderer
Moderator
Moderator
 
Posts: 6164
Joined: Fri May 12, 2006 12:03 am

Re: Being intimidated/ being scared of sex

Postby Psychoslice » Sat Mar 29, 2014 7:23 am

You are seeing your mother in all girls that you meet, subconsciously you maybe afraid because having sex with a woman is like having sex with your mum, and also because she was so powerful you are afraid of women, your mother was probably judgmental with everything you did ?. You need to mediate or contemplate on this issue, try to see girls as not being your mother, try to see that we are all individuals, and your mother was just that, she doesn't represents every women out there, and she may have her own psychological problems that came from her own parents, you have to try to break this mould, for the benefit of yourself and the rest of the family that you may one day have, all the best.
User avatar
Psychoslice
 
Posts: 100
Joined: Sat Mar 29, 2014 3:47 am
Location: Australia

Re: Being intimidated/ being scared of sex

Postby ADecker » Wed May 28, 2014 1:24 am

Rock, I too was pretty scared about sex at your age. Four decades later I learn that maybe something else was going on. There may be many more alternatives than you suspect.

http://www.asexuality.org/home/

http://www.youtube.com/user/swankivy
"Only my skepticism keeps me from being an atheist." - Voltaire
User avatar
ADecker
 
Posts: 17
Joined: Mon Jun 10, 2013 12:09 am
Location: Dallas, TX

Re: Being intimidated/ being scared of sex

Postby Adi » Fri Jun 27, 2014 5:36 am

When you're a virgin sex seems to be such a big deal. So much pressure to do it from our peers, media etc. If we dont do it and we are not very self aware we may end up feeling inadequate in the same way we do if we dont end up being successful in other areas of our lives such as career.

The images we see of it are not even like the real thing anyway. For starters porn is completely void of emotion, smell, sounds, intimacy with and respect for another human. The media images we see such as fashion and movies are also very unrealistic.

The thing is there is no way to get past your barrier than just leaping off the edge and doing it. Who knows, it may be disastrous and that would be considered normal. Speak to people and most of them will tell you how horrible their first experience was. Its usually fumbling around with no idea what to do, what turns the other person on and either too inexperienced to know what you like and if you do know then too inhibited to ask for what you want. Hopefully with experience you will gain confidence and get better at it but some people remain inhibited, shy and lacking in experience.

Once you decide to get past this first hurdle you will realise that sex is nowhere near the big deal that its made out to be and in fact its very over hyped and over rated. Some people will try to make out that its some big spiritual experience but if you're really honest with yourself you will realise it is no such thing and is merely just an animalistic act albeit an enjoyable one. In some ways its like eating. You have a biological urge, you act on it, you feel temporarily satisfied, the end. Eating can bring you closer to another person though, so can sex.

If it really worries you that much my suggestion would be to find another virgin and experiment together. At least that way neither of you will have a clue and you can make mistakes together.

At the end of the day you will make mistakes, you may even have a problem getting it up at least once or twice in your life but you really just have to tell yourself its not a big deal and if a girl judges you because of that then do you really want to be with that kind of girl anyway.

Just relax, dont over think it, take your time and enjoy something that every human being is a result of.
Adi
 
Posts: 14
Joined: Fri Jun 27, 2014 4:11 am


Return to Awakening / Spiritual Enlightenment / Truth-Realization

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest