A Chuckle A Day Keeps The Doctor Away

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aquarius123esoteric
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Re: A Chuckle A Day Keeps The Doctor Away

Post by aquarius123esoteric » Tue Nov 06, 2018 4:49 pm

Fun With Languages

Isn’t English a crazy language? Let me illustrate this with a few examples. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell.

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And, by the way, why doesn’t ‘Buick’ rhyme with ’quick’?

There also is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is ’UP.’ It’s easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ?Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special. A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP !

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don’t give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP. When it doesn’t rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but I’ll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so it’s time to shut UP!

And now it’s UP to you what you do with this.

Created by Anon.
Edited by Aquarius

* * *
So long as this you fail to see:
That death precedes re-birth!
A gloomy guest you’ll always be,
Upon this darkling Earth.

Goethe

You can find my writings and download
them free of charge from my website
www.raysofwisdom.com

* * *

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aquarius123esoteric
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Re: A Chuckle A Day Keeps The Doctor Away

Post by aquarius123esoteric » Mon Nov 12, 2018 3:17 pm

‘Happy Animals At Play’

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P-Wm3vEGbLU

* * *
So long as this you fail to see:
That death precedes re-birth!
A gloomy guest you’ll always be,
Upon this darkling Earth.

Goethe

You can find my writings and download
them free of charge from my website
www.raysofwisdom.com

* * *

User avatar
aquarius123esoteric
Posts: 2990
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2007 4:08 pm
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Re: A Chuckle A Day Keeps The Doctor Away

Post by aquarius123esoteric » Wed Nov 14, 2018 4:18 pm

The Badge

A US Drug Enforcement Administration Officer one day stopped at our farm and told me: ‘I need to inspect your farm for growing illegal drugs.’

‘Okay,’ I replied, ‘but don’t go in that field over there.’

Exploding with rage, the Officer replied: ‘Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!’ Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he brought out his badge and with a growl shoved it into my face: ‘See this badge?! It means I am allowed to go wherever I wish. On any land! No questions asked or answers given! Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?’

Nodding politely, I apologised and went about my chores. It didn’t take long until I heard a loud scream. When I looked up, I saw the Officer being chased by my big old mean bull. He was running for his life, but with every step the bull was gaining ground and it was very likely that the man would get gored before he could reach safety. He looked so terrified that I threw down my tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of my voice: ‘Your badge, show him the badge!’

* * *
So long as this you fail to see:
That death precedes re-birth!
A gloomy guest you’ll always be,
Upon this darkling Earth.

Goethe

You can find my writings and download
them free of charge from my website
www.raysofwisdom.com

* * *

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aquarius123esoteric
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Re: A Chuckle A Day Keeps The Doctor Away

Post by aquarius123esoteric » Sun Nov 18, 2018 2:44 pm

Last Will And Testament

Paddy is on his deathbed and knows that his end is near. A nurse, his wife, his daughter and two sons are with him at his home in Belfast. He asks for two independent witnesses to be present and a camcorder to be put in place so he can record his last wishes. When everything is ready he begins to speak:

‘My daughter Geraldine, I want you to take the apartments in Malone Road.’

‘My son Seamus, I give to you the houses in Cultra.’

‘My son Patrick Junior, to you I give the offices in the City centre.’

‘Bridget, my beloved wife, I want you to take the residential properties on the Upper Lisburn Road .’

The nurse and witnesses are amazed. They had no idea of how wealthy a man Paddy had been. As he slips away, the nurse says to his wife: ‘Mrs O’Shaughnessy, my deepest condolences. Your husband must have been a very hard-working man to have accumulated such a lot of property.’

His wife replied: ‘Property? All he ever had was a window cleaning round.’

* * *
So long as this you fail to see:
That death precedes re-birth!
A gloomy guest you’ll always be,
Upon this darkling Earth.

Goethe

You can find my writings and download
them free of charge from my website
www.raysofwisdom.com

* * *

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aquarius123esoteric
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Re: A Chuckle A Day Keeps The Doctor Away

Post by aquarius123esoteric » Tue Nov 20, 2018 5:26 pm

Who Needs God?

One day a long time ago, a group of Darwinian scientists got together and because they had decided that humankind had come a long way, there was no longer any need for God. So they picked one of them to act as their speaker to go and tell Him so. No sooner said than done! The Darwinian walked up to God and said: ‘God, we have decided we no longer have any use for you. Humankind has reached the point where we can clone people and do many miraculous things ourselves, so why don’t you just leave us alone and let us get on with it?’

God listened very patiently and kindly to the Darwinian and when the man had finished talking, replied: ‘Very well, how about this? Let’s have a people-making contest.’ Happily, the Darwinian agreed and God added: ‘Shall we do this just like I told you in the legend of Adam and Eve?’ The Darwinian replied: ‘Sure, no problem.’ Bending down, he grabbed a handful of soil. God looked at him and shook his head: ‘Oh no, that’s not the way. From now on you have to make your own soil!’

* * *
So long as this you fail to see:
That death precedes re-birth!
A gloomy guest you’ll always be,
Upon this darkling Earth.

Goethe

You can find my writings and download
them free of charge from my website
www.raysofwisdom.com

* * *

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aquarius123esoteric
Posts: 2990
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Re: A Chuckle A Day Keeps The Doctor Away

Post by aquarius123esoteric » Sat Nov 24, 2018 4:41 pm

The Latest About Brexit

Please follow the link below to the video that tells you all about it.

‘Brexit’
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=svwslRDTyzU

* * *
So long as this you fail to see:
That death precedes re-birth!
A gloomy guest you’ll always be,
Upon this darkling Earth.

Goethe

You can find my writings and download
them free of charge from my website
www.raysofwisdom.com

* * *

User avatar
aquarius123esoteric
Posts: 2990
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2007 4:08 pm
Location: United Kingdom
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Re: A Chuckle A Day Keeps The Doctor Away

Post by aquarius123esoteric » Mon Nov 26, 2018 11:16 pm

From The Police Report

A policeman calls the station on his radio: ‘Hello, is that you Sarge?’

‘Yes?’

‘We have a case here. A woman has shot her husband for stepping on the floor she had just mopped clean.’

‘Have you arrested the woman?’

‘No sir. The floor is still wet.’

* * *
So long as this you fail to see:
That death precedes re-birth!
A gloomy guest you’ll always be,
Upon this darkling Earth.

Goethe

You can find my writings and download
them free of charge from my website
www.raysofwisdom.com

* * *

User avatar
aquarius123esoteric
Posts: 2990
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2007 4:08 pm
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Re: A Chuckle A Day Keeps The Doctor Away

Post by aquarius123esoteric » Tue Dec 04, 2018 6:39 pm

The Beginning Of Humankind

When God had just about finished creating human beings, he had two parts left. As He couldn’t decide how to split them between Adam and Eve, He decided to give them the choice. He told them that He had two things left and that one of them would allow its owner to pee while standing up.

‘It’s a very handy thing,’ God told them, ‘and I was wondering whether one of you has a preference for it.’

Well, Adam jumped up and down and begged: ‘Oh, please give it to me! It seems like just the sort of thing I should have. Pleeease! Give it to me!’ On and on he went in this vain in his excitement.

Eve merely smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly, he could have it. So God gave Adam the thing that allowed him to pee standing up.

Adam was so excited that he started whizzing all over the place, first on the side of a rock, then he drew patterns in some nearby sand and finally he tried to see if he could hit a tree stump ten feet away. All the while he was laughing with delight.

God and Eve watched him with amusement and after a while God said to Eve: ‘Well I guess you’re kind of stuck with the last thing I have left.’

‘What is it called?’ asked Eve.

‘Brains,’ replied God.

* * *
So long as this you fail to see:
That death precedes re-birth!
A gloomy guest you’ll always be,
Upon this darkling Earth.

Goethe

You can find my writings and download
them free of charge from my website
www.raysofwisdom.com

* * *

User avatar
aquarius123esoteric
Posts: 2990
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2007 4:08 pm
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Re: A Chuckle A Day Keeps The Doctor Away

Post by aquarius123esoteric » Wed Dec 05, 2018 5:51 pm

Pregnancy Questions And Answers

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children are enough.

Q: I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, immediately after it finishes college.

Q: What is the most reliable method of determining a baby’s sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that her behaviour sometimes borders on the irrational.
A: So what’s your question?

Q: My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’m going to feel during labour, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: When you find out you’re pregnant.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act something like normal again?
A: When your children are in college.

* * *
So long as this you fail to see:
That death precedes re-birth!
A gloomy guest you’ll always be,
Upon this darkling Earth.

Goethe

You can find my writings and download
them free of charge from my website
www.raysofwisdom.com

* * *

User avatar
aquarius123esoteric
Posts: 2990
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2007 4:08 pm
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Re: A Chuckle A Day Keeps The Doctor Away

Post by aquarius123esoteric » Thu Dec 06, 2018 3:49 pm

The Sick Note

Dear Sir,

I write this note to inform you of my plight
And at the time of writing I am not a pretty sight.
My body is all black and blue, my face a deathly gray
I write this note to tell why Paddy's not at work today.

While working on the fourteenth floor, some bricks I had to clear
And to throw them down from off the top seemed quite a good idea.
But the gaffer wasn't very pleased, he was an awful sod.
He said I had to cart them down the ladder in me hod.

Well clearing all those bricks by hand, it seemed so very slow,
So I hoisted up a barrel and secured the rope below.
But in my haste to do the job, I was too blind to see
That a barrel full of building bricks is heavier than me.

So when I had untied the rope, the barrel fell like lead
And clinging tightly to the rope I started up instead.
I took off like a rocket and to my dismay I found
That half way up I met the bloody barrel coming down.

Well the barrel broke my shoulder as on to the ground it sped
And when I reached the top I banged the pulley with me head.
I held on tight, though numb with shock from this almighty blow
And the barrel spilled out half its load fourteen floors below.

Now when those building bricks fell from the barrel to the floor,
I then outweighed the barrel so I started down once more.
I held on tightly to the rope as I flew to the ground
And I landed on those building bricks that were scattered all around.

Now as I lay there on the deck I thought I'd passed the worst,
But when the barrel reached the top, that's when the bottom burst.
A shower of bricks came down on me, I knew I had no hope
And in all this confusion, I let go the bloody rope.

The barrel being heavier, it started down once more
And landed right on top of me as I lay on the floor.
It broke three ribs and my left arm, and I can only say
That I hope you'll understand why Paddy's not at work today.

‘The Sick Note’
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=66cxc9emQgY

* * *
So long as this you fail to see:
That death precedes re-birth!
A gloomy guest you’ll always be,
Upon this darkling Earth.

Goethe

You can find my writings and download
them free of charge from my website
www.raysofwisdom.com

* * *

User avatar
aquarius123esoteric
Posts: 2990
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2007 4:08 pm
Location: United Kingdom
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Re: A Chuckle A Day Keeps The Doctor Away

Post by aquarius123esoteric » Tue Dec 18, 2018 4:48 pm

Christmas

It was Christmas Eve on a Friday.
The shops were full of cheer,
With tinsel in the windows
And presents twice as dear.
A thousand Father Christmases,
Sat in their little huts,
And folk were buying crackers
And folk were buying nuts.

All up and down the country,
Before the light was snuffed,
Turkeys they get murdered
And cockerels they got stuffed,
Christmas cakes got marzipanned,
And puddin’s they got steamed,
Mothers they got desperate
And tired kiddies screamed.

Hundredweights of Christmas cards,
Went flying through the post,
With first class postage stamps on those,
You had to flatter most.
Within a million kitchens,
Mince pies was being made,
On everyone’s radio,
‘White Christmas’, it was played.

Out in the frozen countryside
Men crept round on their own,
Hacking off the holly,
What other folks had grown,
Mistletoe on willow trees,
Was by a man wrenched clear,
So he could kiss his neighbour’s wife,
He’d fancied all the year.

And out upon the hillside,
Where the Christmas trees had stood,
All was completely barren,
But for little stumps of wood,
The little trees that flourished
All the year were there no more,
But in a million houses
Dropped their needles on the floor.

And out of every cranny, cupboard,
Hiding place and nook,
Little bikes and kiddies’ trikes,
Were secretively took.
Yards of wrapping paper
Was rustled round about
And bikes were wheeled to bedrooms
With the pedals sticking out.

Rolled up in Christmas paper
The Action Men were tensed,
All ready for the morning,
When their fighting life commenced,
With tommy guns and daggers,
All clustered round about,
‘Peace on Earth - Goodwill to Men’
The figures seemed to shout.

The church was standing empty,
The pub was standing packed,
There came a yell: ‘Noel, Noel!’
And glasses they got cracked.
From up above the fireplace,
Christmas cards began to fall,
And trodden on the floor, said:
‘Merry Christmas, to you all.’

Pam Ayres

* * *
So long as this you fail to see:
That death precedes re-birth!
A gloomy guest you’ll always be,
Upon this darkling Earth.

Goethe

You can find my writings and download
them free of charge from my website
www.raysofwisdom.com

* * *

User avatar
aquarius123esoteric
Posts: 2990
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2007 4:08 pm
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Re: A Chuckle A Day Keeps The Doctor Away

Post by aquarius123esoteric » Wed Dec 19, 2018 3:52 pm

Christmas In Our Time

The Rocking Song
Little Jesus, sweetly sleep, do not stir.
We will lend a coat of fur.
We will rock you, rock you, rock you.
We will rock you, rock you, rock you.

Fur is no longer appropriate wear for infants, both due to risk of allergy to animal fur, and for ethical reasons. Therefore faux fur, a nice cellular blanket or perhaps micro-fleece material should be considered a suitable alternative.

Please note, only persons who have been subject to a Criminal Records Bureau check and have enhanced clearance will be permitted to rock baby Jesus. Persons must carry their CRB disclosure with them at all times and be prepared to provide three forms of identification before rocking commences.

* * *

Jingle Bells
Dashing through the snow,
In a one horse open sleigh,
O’er the fields we go,
Laughing all the way.

A risk assessment must be submitted before an open sleigh is considered safe for members of the public to travel on. The risk assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly if passengers are of larger proportions. Please note, permission must be gained from landowners before entering their fields. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we would request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.

* * *

While Shepherds Watched
While shepherds watched
Their flocks by night,
All seated on the ground,
The Angel of the Lord came down
And glory shone around.

The union of Shepherd’s has complained that it breaches health and safety regulations to insist that shepherds watch their flocks without appropriate seating arrangements being provided, therefore benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available. Shepherds have also requested that due to the inclement weather conditions at this time of year that they should watch their flocks via CCTV cameras from centrally heated shepherd observation huts.

Please note, the Angel of the Lord is reminded that before shining his / her glory all around she / he must ascertain that all shepherds have been issued with glasses capable of filtering out the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and Glory.

* * *

Little Donkey
Little donkey, little donkey on the dusty road.
Got to keep on plodding onwards with your precious load.

The RSPCA have issued strict guidelines with regard to how heavy a load that a donkey of small stature is permitted to carry, also included in the guidelines is guidance regarding how often to feed the donkey and how many rest breaks are required over a four hour plodding period. Please note that due to the increased risk of pollution from the dusty road, Mary and Joseph are required to wear face masks to prevent inhalation of any airborne particles. The donkey has expressed his discomfort at being labelled ‘little’ and would prefer just to be simply referred to as Mr. Donkey. To comment upon his height or lack thereof may be considered an infringement of his equine rights.

* * *

We Three Kings
We three kings of Orient are
Bearing gifts we traverse afar
Field and fountain, moor and mountain
Following yonder star

Whilst the gift of gold is still considered acceptable – as it may be redeemed at a later date through such organisations as ‘cash for gold’ etc, gifts of frankincense and myrrh are not appropriate due to the potential risk of oils and fragrances causing allergic reactions. A suggested gift alternative would be to make a donation to a worthy cause in the recipients name or perhaps give a gift voucher.

We would not advise that the traversing kings rely on navigation by stars in order to reach their destinations and suggest the use of RAC routefinder or satellite navigation, which will provide the quickest route and advice regarding fuel consumption. Please note as per the guidelines from the RSPCA for Mr Donkey, the camels carrying the three kings of Orient will require regular food and rest breaks. Facemasks for the three kings are also advisable due to the likelihood of dust from the camels hooves.

* * *

Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
had a very shiny nose.
And if you ever saw him,
you would even say it glows.

You are advised that under the Equal Opportunities for All policy, it is inappropriate for persons to make comment with regard to the ruddiness of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr R Reindeer from the Reindeer Games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence. A full investigation will be implemented and sanctions – including suspension on full pay – will be considered whilst this investigation takes place. Don’t worry about old age. It doesn’t last that long.


* * *

Merry Christmas, in spite of all that.

* * *
So long as this you fail to see:
That death precedes re-birth!
A gloomy guest you’ll always be,
Upon this darkling Earth.

Goethe

You can find my writings and download
them free of charge from my website
www.raysofwisdom.com

* * *

User avatar
aquarius123esoteric
Posts: 2990
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Re: A Chuckle A Day Keeps The Doctor Away

Post by aquarius123esoteric » Thu Dec 20, 2018 4:31 pm

What I have for you today is not a chuckle, but a very moving tale. Hope you'll enjoy it as much as I do.

The True Story Of Rudolph, The Red-Nosed Reindeer

Depressed and brokenhearted, a man named Bob May one dark and cold December night looked from his drafty apartment window. His four year old daughter Barbara sat on his lap and was quietly sobbing. Her mother, Evelyn, was in hospital dying of cancer and the little girl couldn’t understand why she would never see her again. Looking up into her Dad’s eyes she asked: ‘Why isn’t my mummy like everybody else’s? Why can’t she be here with us?’

Bob’s jaw tightened and his eyes welled with tears. Barbara’s question flooded him with waves of grief and also of anger. The story of his life had been that he was different and never fitted in anywhere. As a child he had often been bullied by the other boys. He was too small to compete in sports and his companions often called him names he would rather not think of, now.

Having completed college, he found a loving wife and was grateful to get a job as a copywriter at Montgomery Ward during the Great Depression. Then the Universe blessed their loving union with a little girl. But their happiness was short-lived. Evelyn’s cancer stripped them of all their savings, so that in the end Bob and his daughter had to make do with a two-room apartment in the Chicago slums.

Evelyn died just days before Christmas in 1938. Bob struggled to give hope to his child and he couldn’t even buy her a Christmas present. Well, if he couldn’t buy a gift he was jolly well going to make one! The idea for a storybook came to him about an animal character, whose story he told his little girl to comfort her and give her hope. Time and again, Bob repeated the tale and each time he embellished it a bit more.

Who was the character and what was the story all about? In fable form Bob told the story of his own life – it was an autobiography. It’s main character was a small reindeer with a big and shiny nose that made it a misfit and an outcast, just like Bob had always been. The book was finished just in time for Christmas and that’s what he presented to his little girl.

However, our story doesn’t end there. The general manager of Montgomery Ward got to know about Bob’s story and offered him a nominal fee for the rights to print it in book form. They called the book ‘Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer’ and it was given to the children who came visiting Santa Claus in their stores. By 1946 Wards had printed and distributed more than six million copies of this book.

That same year, a major publisher wanted to purchase the rights from Wards to print an updated version of the book. In a gesture of kindness, the CEO of Wards returned all rights to Bob May and the book became a best seller. Many toy and marketing deals followed and Bob May, now remarried with a growing family, became wealthy from the story he had once created to comfort his grieving daughter.

And still the story doesn’t end with this. Bob’s brother-in-law, Johnny Marks, wrote a song about Rudolph. In spite of the fact that it was turned down by singers like Bing Crosby and Dinah Shore, the singing cowboy, Gene Autry, performed the song ‘Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer’. It was released in 1949 and became a phenomenal success that sold more records than any other Christmas song, with the exception of ‘White Christmas.’

This is how the gift of love that Bob May once created for his daughter kept on coming back to him, to bless him over and over again. And that’s how life itself taught Bob May the invaluable lesson that being different isn’t so bad after all and that for those who work with it and do the right thing, when their heart tells them to, their differentness can indeed turn into a great blessing.

Created by Anon.
Edited by Aquarius

* * *
So long as this you fail to see:
That death precedes re-birth!
A gloomy guest you’ll always be,
Upon this darkling Earth.

Goethe

You can find my writings and download
them free of charge from my website
www.raysofwisdom.com

* * *

User avatar
aquarius123esoteric
Posts: 2990
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2007 4:08 pm
Location: United Kingdom
Contact:

Re: A Chuckle A Day Keeps The Doctor Away

Post by aquarius123esoteric » Fri Dec 21, 2018 2:16 pm

More About Rudolph, The Red-Nosed Reindeer

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer of each year. The males drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually in late November to mid-December. The females, however, keep their antlers until after they have given birth in spring. Therefore, according to the historical presentations of Santa’s reindeer, every single one of them, from Rudolph to Donner and Blitzen, could only be a female. Let’s face it, they alone would be willing to drag a fat old man in a red velvet suit round our whole world in one night without getting lost.

This is how it came about that Santa Claus has a team of flying reindeer that pull his sleigh and help him deliver Christmas presents. Their names are Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen. The last two names are the German words for Thunder and Lightning. The names are based on those used in the 1823 poem ‘A Visit from St. Nicholas’ which is commonly known as ‘The Night Before Christmas’. And that is the origin of the reindeer’s popularity as Christmas symbols.

Merry Christmas to everybody.

Created by Anon.
Edited by Aquarius

* * *
So long as this you fail to see:
That death precedes re-birth!
A gloomy guest you’ll always be,
Upon this darkling Earth.

Goethe

You can find my writings and download
them free of charge from my website
www.raysofwisdom.com

* * *

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Re: A Chuckle A Day Keeps The Doctor Away

Post by Webwanderer » Fri Dec 21, 2018 4:44 pm

While we're talking about reindeer and Santa, here's a story that doesn't often get told.

In the Russian and European north, hundreds of years ago, the local Shaman would collect magic mushrooms that frequently grew in the fall under the spruce and fir trees as the trees and mushrooms had a symbiotic relationship. The Shaman would often employ the help of children as they were small enough to get between the low hanging branches to collect the mushrooms. They would then place the mushrooms all red with white speckles in the branches of the trees to dry in the wind and sun. Looked quite decorative.

After drying for a couple of weeks, the Shaman would collect them in large sacks. Then at the winter solstice, a time of great celebration and especially spiritual renewal, he would take the sacks of mushrooms and distribute them to all the people in his charge. As it was now winter and snow was deep, delivery was made by sleighs pulled by reindeer as was the common form of transportation in those areas.

In some places the snow was so deep that entry doors were blocked, so the packages of mushrooms for the celebration of spiritual renewal would be dropped down the chimneys to the waiting people within. The people would then consume the mind altering mushrooms on the solstice eve for an enhanced connection with spirit for the celebration of renewal.

The people would often give the Shaman food to sustain him on his long cold journey, or just gifts of home made sweets as a sign of appreciation. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

Cookies and milk anyone?

WW

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