A Chuckle A Day Keeps The Doctor Away

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aquarius123esoteric
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Re: A Chuckle A Day Keeps The Doctor Away

Post by aquarius123esoteric » Sat Dec 22, 2018 3:13 pm

Thank you, dear WW, for sharing this tale with us. It's a good one and I hope you don't mind me adding it to my collection of Christmas stories.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you and your loved ones,

With love - Aquarius

* * *
So long as this you fail to see:
That death precedes re-birth!
A gloomy guest you’ll always be,
Upon this darkling Earth.

Goethe

You can find my writings and download
them free of charge from my website
www.raysofwisdom.com

* * *

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aquarius123esoteric
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Re: A Chuckle A Day Keeps The Doctor Away

Post by aquarius123esoteric » Sat Dec 22, 2018 3:30 pm

A Story For Christmas

If there had been three wise women instead of men,
the following would have happened:

• They would have asked directions.
• Arrived on time.
• Helped deliver the baby.
• Cleaned the stable.
• Made a casserole.
• Brought practical gifts.
• And there would have been peace on Earth.

The Season’s Greetings to everyone.

With love and light,
Aquarius

* * *
So long as this you fail to see:
That death precedes re-birth!
A gloomy guest you’ll always be,
Upon this darkling Earth.

Goethe

You can find my writings and download
them free of charge from my website
www.raysofwisdom.com

* * *

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aquarius123esoteric
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Re: A Chuckle A Day Keeps The Doctor Away

Post by aquarius123esoteric » Sun Dec 23, 2018 5:04 pm

Recipe For A Christmas Cake

Ingredients:
1. 2 cups flour
2. 1 stick butter
3. 1 cup water
4. 1 tsp baking soda
5. 1 cup sugar
6. 1 tsp salt
7. 1 cup brown sugar
8. Lemon juice
9. 4 large eggs
10. Nuts
11. 2 bottles wine
12. 2 cups dried fruit

Sample the wine to check its quality. Take a large bowl, test the wine again. To be sure it is of the highest quality, first pour one level cup of it and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it’s best to make sure the wine is still okay. Better try another cup.

Just in case, turn off the mixerer thingy. Break two eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the dried fruit. Pick the fruit off the floor. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the wine to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt or something. Check the wine. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table, then a spoon of sugar or some fink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don’t forget to beat off the turner.

Finally, throw the bowl out of the window. Finish the wine and wipe counter with the cat. Then walk to the nearest supermarket and buy a cake.

Bingle Jells and Merry Christmas to all.

Created by Anon.
Edited by Aquarius

* * *
So long as this you fail to see:
That death precedes re-birth!
A gloomy guest you’ll always be,
Upon this darkling Earth.

Goethe

You can find my writings and download
them free of charge from my website
www.raysofwisdom.com

* * *

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aquarius123esoteric
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Re: A Chuckle A Day Keeps The Doctor Away

Post by aquarius123esoteric » Wed Dec 26, 2018 2:47 pm

The True Background Of Santa And His Reindeer

The story about the true background of Santa Claus and his reindeer pulled sleigh was unknown to me until a friend recently drew my attention to it. Thank you for that, dear WW. It’s a tale that takes us back hundreds of years to times when Christianity and Santa Claus had never been heard of. In those days local Shamans every year brought mushrooms that contain a consciousness expanding substance to the people of the Russian and European north. The mushrooms to this day are known as Amanita Muscaria and are growing in autumn in spruce and fir trees forests. Their red caps with white speckles makes them into a most picturesque sight. We were told as children to enjoy looking at them, but never to touch them because they are highly poisonous.

However, the Shamans collected and placed them in the branches of trees so that Sun and wind could dry them. When they were ready, the mushrooms were collected and stored for the winter solstice, a time for celebrating the spiritual renewal of our world. In preparation of this event the Shamans delivered the mushrooms with the help of a reindeer pulled sleigh, the common form of winter transportation in that part of our world.

When the entrance door to a property was blocked by snow, the Shaman climbed onto the roof and dropped a parcel of his mushrooms into the chimney for those waiting below. Eating a certain amount of them provided them with an improved connection with the spirit realm which made it easier to celebrate together with their ancestors. As a sign of their appreciation, the people prepared food for their Shaman that would sustain him on his cold and often long journey home.

* * *

Extract from https://www.livescience.com/49118-magic ... rdens.html

Amanita muscaria is a bright red-and-white mushroom and is psychoactive when consumed. These fungi are known to grow near evergreen trees. They can also grow under deciduous trees, such as birch. The species is native to temperate and subarctic regions in the Northern Hemisphere, but it has also been introduced to the Southern Hemisphere. They are considered toxic to humans, but have been used in religious practices for their hallucinogenic properties, especially in Siberia, according to the book ‘Hallucinogens and Culture’ (Chandler & Sharp, 1976) by Peter T. Furst. The main psychoactive ingredient is the compound muscimol, which mimics the brain signaling chemical GABA, which inhibits neuronal activity. This results in feelings of relaxation and lessened anxiety.

Some scientists think these mushrooms were the inspiration for Santa Claus and other Christmas traditions, because Siberian shamans would give out bags of hallucinatory fungi as presents before the winter solstice. Growing under an evergreen tree, the red-and-white fungi could look like presents from Santa. In addition, some folklorists claim that the Christmas story about flying reindeer may have been a hallucination, since reindeer — who also consume the mushrooms — are common in Siberia. However, not all experts agree with the Santa-shamanism theory.

Edited by Aquarius

* * *
So long as this you fail to see:
That death precedes re-birth!
A gloomy guest you’ll always be,
Upon this darkling Earth.

Goethe

You can find my writings and download
them free of charge from my website
www.raysofwisdom.com

* * *

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Webwanderer
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Re: A Chuckle A Day Keeps The Doctor Away

Post by Webwanderer » Fri Dec 28, 2018 6:47 am

More fun with mushrooms in religious history:

Psychedelic mushrooms have played a large role in the history of most religions. That includes Christianity. Oh, what is hidden in plain sight of religious art. Here's a site, quite long in its narrative, depicting just some of what's been in front of us all along. Even if you don't take the trouble to read it all, enjoy the interesting art work. Be sure to scroll down and look close. Very revealing. :shock:

https://mushroomstone.com/

Enjoy,
WW

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Re: A Chuckle A Day Keeps The Doctor Away

Post by Webwanderer » Fri Dec 28, 2018 6:54 am

One more little addition to my little Christmas story of the Shamans of the Russian north. The mushrooms began blooming in the spring and then again in the fall. In late March and early April they would grow underneath the bows of spruce and fir trees. Young children would be employed to look under the branches to find the multi colored mushrooms. Today at that time of year, we hold Easter egg hunts. Coincidence?

WW

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Re: A Chuckle A Day Keeps The Doctor Away

Post by Webwanderer » Fri Dec 28, 2018 7:13 am

Alright, this is just too much fun. One more story.

We're all pretty much familiar with the old phrase of shock: Holy cow!, and its cousin holy shit! We mostly know that cows in India are much considered holy and allowed to run free in towns across the country. The 'rest of the story' is that the magic mushroom psilocybe cubensis, one of the most potent and psychedelic, grows primarily in cow manure. As it is considered a conscious enhancing aid to spiritual awakening, the cow is considered holy - as is... well you get the idea.

WW

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Re: A Chuckle A Day Keeps The Doctor Away

Post by kiki » Fri Dec 28, 2018 4:51 pm

That was quite revealing about the mushrooms, WW.
"Miss Kelly, perhaps you'd like this flower. I seem to have misplaced my buttonhole ... Miss Kelly, you know, when you wear my flower you make it look beautiful." Elwood P. Dowd
---

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aquarius123esoteric
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Re: A Chuckle A Day Keeps The Doctor Away

Post by aquarius123esoteric » Fri Dec 28, 2018 5:00 pm

Thank you for sharing these things with us. Very interesting indeed! Have you any more goodies in store for us?

With love - Aquarius
So long as this you fail to see:
That death precedes re-birth!
A gloomy guest you’ll always be,
Upon this darkling Earth.

Goethe

You can find my writings and download
them free of charge from my website
www.raysofwisdom.com

* * *

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aquarius123esoteric
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Re: A Chuckle A Day Keeps The Doctor Away

Post by aquarius123esoteric » Fri Dec 28, 2018 5:12 pm

Christmas Letter To God

Dear God,

I am an 83 year old widow and living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had £100 in it and that was all the money I had until my next pension payment. Coming Sunday is Christmas and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. But without that money, I have nothing to buy food with and I have no family to turn to. Yyou are my only hope. Can you please help me?

Yours sincerely – Edna

A postal worker found this letter and was touched. He showed it to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few pounds. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected £96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.

A few days after Christmas another letter to God came from the same old lady. The workers gathered around while it was opened. It read:

Dear God,

How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told them of your kindness. By the way, the amount was four dollars short. I think it might have been those rotters at the post office who took it.

Yours sincerely – Edna

* * *
So long as this you fail to see:
That death precedes re-birth!
A gloomy guest you’ll always be,
Upon this darkling Earth.

Goethe

You can find my writings and download
them free of charge from my website
www.raysofwisdom.com

* * *

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Re: A Chuckle A Day Keeps The Doctor Away

Post by Webwanderer » Fri Dec 28, 2018 5:14 pm

aquarius123esoteric wrote:
Fri Dec 28, 2018 5:00 pm
Have you any more goodies in store for us?
Stay tuned. I have some chuckles in mind and maybe some more 'enlightening' tidbits.

WW

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aquarius123esoteric
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Re: A Chuckle A Day Keeps The Doctor Away

Post by aquarius123esoteric » Fri Dec 28, 2018 6:08 pm

I will - stay tuned and am looking forward to them.
So long as this you fail to see:
That death precedes re-birth!
A gloomy guest you’ll always be,
Upon this darkling Earth.

Goethe

You can find my writings and download
them free of charge from my website
www.raysofwisdom.com

* * *

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aquarius123esoteric
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Re: A Chuckle A Day Keeps The Doctor Away

Post by aquarius123esoteric » Sat Jan 12, 2019 6:27 pm

I Am Thirsty!

A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later: ‘Da-ad.’

‘What?’

‘I’m thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?’

‘No, you had your chance. Lights out.’

Five minutes later: ‘Da-aaaad.’

‘WHAT?’

‘I’m THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water?’

‘ I told you NO! If you ask again, I’ll have to smack you!!’

Five minutes later: ‘Daaaa-aaaad.’

‘WHAT!’

‘When you come in to smack me, can you bring a drink of water?’

* * *
So long as this you fail to see:
That death precedes re-birth!
A gloomy guest you’ll always be,
Upon this darkling Earth.

Goethe

You can find my writings and download
them free of charge from my website
www.raysofwisdom.com

* * *

User avatar
aquarius123esoteric
Posts: 3364
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2007 4:08 pm
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Re: A Chuckle A Day Keeps The Doctor Away

Post by aquarius123esoteric » Sun Jan 13, 2019 2:54 pm

Growing Old With A Smile

Actress/vocalist, Julie Andrews, born 1st October 1935, to commemorate her birthday made a special appearance at Manhattan’s Radio City Music Hall for the benefit of the AARP. One of the musical numbers she performed was ‘My Favourite Things’ from the movie ‘Sound Of Music’, in which she played the leading role. These are the lyrics she used:

Botox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up with string,
These are a few of my favourite things.

Cadillacs and cataracts, hearing aids and glasses,
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favourite things.

When the pipes leak, when the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
I simply remember my favourite things,
And then I don’t feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favourite things.

Back pain, confused brains and no need for sinnin’,
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin’,
And we won’t mention our short shrunken frames,
When we remember our favourite things.

When the joints ache, when the hips creak,
When the eyes grow dim,
But I remember the great life I’ve had,
Then I don’t feel so bad.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Try singing it – that makes it particularly funny!

Ms Andrews received a standing ovation from the crowd.
It lasted over four minutes and repeated encores were asked for.

P.S. AARP, Inc., formerly the American Association of Retired Persons, is a United States-based non-governmental organization and interest group, founded in 1958 by Ethel Percy Andrus, PhD, a retired educator from California, and based in Washington, D.C. It is a membership organisation for people age fifty and over.

Created by Anon.
Edited by Aquarius

* * *
So long as this you fail to see:
That death precedes re-birth!
A gloomy guest you’ll always be,
Upon this darkling Earth.

Goethe

You can find my writings and download
them free of charge from my website
www.raysofwisdom.com

* * *

User avatar
aquarius123esoteric
Posts: 3364
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Re: A Chuckle A Day Keeps The Doctor Away

Post by aquarius123esoteric » Thu Jan 17, 2019 6:31 pm

Please accept my apologies for offering this more than somewhat belatedly,
but it's so funny that I hope you will nonetheless enjoy it now.

Please follow the link below to take part in a

‘Christmas Dinner For The Elderly’

https://www.youtube.com/embed/TX9EAavxrus

* * *
So long as this you fail to see:
That death precedes re-birth!
A gloomy guest you’ll always be,
Upon this darkling Earth.

Goethe

You can find my writings and download
them free of charge from my website
www.raysofwisdom.com

* * *

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