Self-realization and work in development aid

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Melkmeisje
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Joined: Mon Nov 15, 2010 9:56 pm

Self-realization and work in development aid

Post by Melkmeisje » Mon Jun 26, 2017 5:29 am

Hi everybody,

It has been a while since I posted here, but I feel I'm on a crossroad and I would love to have some guidance on this topic...

As long as I can remember, I always wanted to help 'poor' people in development countries. As a child, I was planning to become a famous actress so that I could give all my money to poor children in Africa and later on I studied development studies and lived for different time-periods in South America. A few years ago I permanently moved to South America to live with my boyfriend (now husband) and since then I've worked in different development projects. Although on paper they were my 'dreamjobs' and I often did like the work itself, at the same time it caused me a lot of energy and stress due to long working hours (working extra time is often expected and also necessary in order to meet the deadlines) and long hours in traffic. Although I have the luxury to live just outside a capital city in a little village with a big garden, this also means that in rush-hour it takes around 2 to sometimes even 3 hours to get to the office. Also the capital itself feels like a very energy absorbing place, especially during rush-hour when millions of inhabitants are stuck in traffic on their way to work. During the week, I was often very tired and I felt I did not have a life besides work, since the moment I got home I had to go to sleep again in order to wake up early for work.

At this moment I am unemployed and I have to start looking for another job again, but I feel a strong resistance to apply for jobs or even contact my network. This is not only due to long working hours and rush-hour, but also because I have realized that many projects - although they are set up with the intention to help people or the environment - are not able to make a real difference due to their temporary character and the existence of more structural problems in the country. At the same time, there is a lot of bureaucracy involved, with having to prepare many detailed reports and other paperwork for donor organizations and the government (which is a large part of my work). Although I have always received positive feedback about my performance, I do not always feel it goes 'fluently' or 'effortless'. Most of the time, I have to work behind a laptop, which requires a lot of mind involvement and tends to lead me into a 'unconscious' state: I often start to bite nails or prognosticate by searching the internet. However, it is not that I really dislike the work, the work does interest me and I like learning new things. Also the end-result is often well-received, because when the deadline approaches I feel enough pressure to finish the work. Still, I sometimes wonder how writing documents and reports, monitoring indicators and objectives, really makes a difference in the world. When I watch spiritual videos about this issue, I realize that suffering is part of human evolution and that real change only can come from spiritual enlightenment.

If I would not have an alternative, I would probably look for a job in the city and use it as an opportunity to practice presence as much as possible. However, there has presented another opportunity for obtaining income (organizing weddings in our garden), which would enable me to work mostly from home (and from the garden) and will require less work behind a laptop and enable me to be more creative. I feel this would give me more space in my daily life to practice presence then working in the city everyday, which I feel would probably pull me more quickly into unconsciousness. At the same time, it would be much easier to combine with (future) children and travelling to my home country.

However, and this is probably my ego talking, I still have doubts about this decision because 1) It is not what I have studied all these years (Bachelor and Master) and won’t require the same ‘intellect’ 2) It is not what I’m really interested in, although I would not dislike organizing weddings (but I’m afraid I will miss a challenge after a while), 3) I’m afraid if I leave this career for too long, I won’t be able to come back to it (due to lack of experience etc.). And if one day we would have to leave our home, I would not be able to obtain income from weddings anymore and I might not be able to obtain a job again in the development sector, and 4) Working from home won’t enable me to meet new people (because I don’t have my own family or friends here, I sometimes feel a little bit lonely).

I am aware that most of the arguments above probably come from my ego, but I’m afraid that maybe it is also my ego talking when I feel I should work from home, since I tend to be a little shy and during my last work experience I had some issues with my boss which diminished my 'ego self confidence'. It is of course much easier and safer to work from home and be my own boss.

When writing this down, I’m starting to see more clearly that I’m trying to make a decision by using my mind, which goes of course from one decision to another. Although I would still love to read your ‘thoughts’ and maybe some guidance about this situation, I realize that I just have to become still in order to have more clarity.

Thank you so much.

Love,
Melkmeisje

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aquarius123esoteric
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Re: Self-realization and work in development aid

Post by aquarius123esoteric » Wed Jun 28, 2017 3:11 pm

If you follow what your inner guidance tells you, you will never go wrong. My own life has taught me that what was right at one time, may no longer be valid during another stage of our development. The most important thing, in my view, about any earthly lifetime is to gather as many different experiences as possible. The more we learn, the more we grow.

All the best. My inner guidance tells me that whatever you decide, it will work out well in the end.

With love - Aquarius

Alizeh
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Re: Self-realization and work in development aid

Post by Alizeh » Thu Sep 07, 2017 9:56 am

Don't be satisfied with stories, how things have gone with others. Unfold your own myth. :)

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aquarius123esoteric
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Re: Self-realization and work in development aid

Post by aquarius123esoteric » Wed Sep 20, 2017 9:32 pm

Alizeh wrote:Don't be satisfied with stories, how things have gone with others. Unfold your own myth. :)
I couldn't agree more! :-)

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