Self Deconstruction

Forum rules
In this category please do not start new topics that aren't directly related to Awakening / Spiritual Enlightenment / Truth-Realization.
Post Reply
alchemizt
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Jun 18, 2018 1:43 pm

Self Deconstruction

Post by alchemizt » Mon Jun 18, 2018 4:19 pm

I see the profound changes that have happened like I've stopped judging people, stopped caring what people think of me, been liberated from rigid concepts, beliefs and thoughts. I'm well aware that these waves of depression and suffering are powerful catalysts for these shifts to happen, and it feels like whats really shifting is I'm disidentifying from my emotions and thoughts and becoming "less of a person". I say becoming less of a person because gradually (its happening in a way I only see the changes in retrospect, kinda like hair growing) I have less to defend. I have nothing to prove to others anymore, I'm not so interested in becoming something anymore. I can't (or won't) go on any ego pursuits, chasing some imaginary rainbows hoping to find a magical pot of gold that will take away all my troubles. Been there, done that, had enough.

I'm still obviously trapped in a dream which has become a nightmare, the despair is mounting. Suicidal thoughts pop into my head but with them "what's the f***ing point if physical deaths an illusion that's not gonna wake me up from the dream". I've become immune to a lot of psychological suffering but its the unconscious that's getting me, the repressed emotions and thoughts that pass below the level of my conscious awareness. I stopped reading all spiritual books cuz I lost interest in conceptual things. The only desire left is to awaken and I don't even know what awakening is, even that desire is losing its energy.

I experienced seeing through the veil of separation so many times and in so many synchronistic ways that I see this 3D world of separation like a dream but that understanding hasn't seeped into the deepest parts of my psyche (although it seems to be seeping pretty deep). Is it always a difficult and painful process undoing your illusory "self", does it have to involve pain and suffering like this or is there another way?

User avatar
Webwanderer
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 6443
Joined: Fri May 12, 2006 12:03 am

Re: Self Deconstruction

Post by Webwanderer » Mon Jun 18, 2018 5:21 pm

alchemizt wrote:
Mon Jun 18, 2018 4:19 pm
The only desire left is to awaken and I don't even know what awakening is, even that desire is losing its energy.
Awakening is kind of a byproduct to an approach to life that strives for authenticity. I'm not talking about a thought based authenticity that flows through our accumulated beliefs about ourselves, but one flowing from our Essence and that can only be felt. When you are reading or listening to Tolle, or some other clear source of aligned thought, the quieting of our mind is the path to a feeling alignment with/as the Source of our being.

Consider, the problem with awakening as a goal is that it can become an either-or possibility. And that can lead to frustration and feelings of failure if not satisfactorily achieved. Authenticity as a conscious being is more of a developmental process. We are all programed with a lifetime of beliefs - about ourselves and life in general. The focus on authenticity of being as a priority allows us to find our way through established beliefs to our true nature. Awakening comes with the understanding that there is more to us than this human expression.

The point is, strive for authenticity first. Clarity and the awakening process will follow.

WW

alchemizt
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Jun 18, 2018 1:43 pm

Re: Self Deconstruction

Post by alchemizt » Mon Jun 18, 2018 8:25 pm

I was wondering today how to relinquish the desire to awaken. Maybe that's the way? I don't know what exactly you mean by authenticity or how to strive for it.

User avatar
Webwanderer
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 6443
Joined: Fri May 12, 2006 12:03 am

Re: Self Deconstruction

Post by Webwanderer » Mon Jun 18, 2018 10:13 pm

alchemizt wrote:
Mon Jun 18, 2018 8:25 pm
I don't know what exactly you mean by authenticity or how to strive for it.
Do you honestly want to know who and what you are? Deeply? Truly? Honestly? It's not for me, nor anyone else, to tell you what or who you are. It's only pointers and words at best. Recognition is what matters. Sit quietly and feel your true nature, your true being. Without words. Breathe deeply. Relax. Get a feel for who you are as consciousness. Be that deep seated presence you find when words and labels are not present. Let go of everything you think, or have thought, you were. What is left? Conscious awareness? Be authentically you free of any labels.

It's easy to say these things to you, but being authentic, rather than living through programming takes some effort. Those conditioned beliefs and behaviors are ever ready to influence the context of our perspective. Can you see beyond the programming? Without judging it as right or wrong? Can you be honest about what personality traits are the result of programming and what is free of such influence? What is authentically you?

This can take some practice as the ego has had a lifetime to crystallize as an identification, and it's become the default perspective. With a little consistency however, you'll begin to perceive the distinction between thought identity and fundamental being - what you think you are, and what your true nature is. Then, observing your own thought and actions becomes quite a bit easier. Your actions will become more authentic in terms of originating from your true nature rather than exclusively from ego.

WW

User avatar
aquarius123esoteric
Posts: 2517
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2007 4:08 pm
Location: United Kingdom
Contact:

Re: Self Deconstruction

Post by aquarius123esoteric » Tue Jun 19, 2018 2:09 pm

I wonder whether the following could be of interest to you:

Good Thoughts

The essence of a teaching from the White Eagle group of spirit guides that appeared in ‘The Triumph of Spirit Over Matter’ by Anna Hayward in Stella Polaris April/May 2018: ‘God is as much with you as you are with God and the same powers that are in God are also in you. As good and kind, constructive, loving and positive thoughts have their origin in your higher or Christ nature, they are God thoughts. Not many in earthly life are as yet aware of the vital importance of changing their thought patterns to this mode. When you do, with the passing of time, your physical body transforms itself into a celestial body that is the dwelling place and temple for the living God within, the Jesus part of your being. The more you use and apply the power of thought to your own life, you are not only recreating your whole being and you are also doing your share of transforming your world into a more pleasant and agreeable place for everybody.

‘Goodwill is the white healing magic of the Universe. Good, kind and loving thoughts are Christ thoughts. When your actions and reactions to the events of your daily life have their origin in such thoughts, everything you do is a Christ action that flows from the heart of the living God within you into your world. And that is the only right way of living for aspiring healers and lightbringers because good actions are the spontaneous reaction to good thoughts. Your thoughts decide your actions and the vibrations of your physical body are speeded up by them and that is true for each spoken as well as written word.

‘And when ever more of you are conducting their lives in keeping with this knowledge, the whole of your planet will gradually become not only more beautiful to look at but also to live upon because its matter is changing into a finer, more delicate and ethereal substance. All matter in the whole of Creation is in a constant process of spiritualisation through that which inhabits it.’

With love - Aquarius

Post Reply