self realization barrier

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self realization barrier

Postby Maynard » Fri Jul 15, 2011 11:58 pm

Hello, I have been trying to experience self realization for a while now. I get very deep in my meditation. I either use the present or the silence as a portol. As i focus on either one I feel like i am traveling into my own conciousness. I get so deep and I feel like I am so close to popping through or something, but for some reason I cant. I literally feel my body disolving and i seem to cave into myself, but i am stuck at this point. Any tips..
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Re: self realization barrier

Postby Ananda » Sat Jul 16, 2011 1:32 am

Hello Maynard,

This sounds very interesting, and I wonder if you can explain for me your meditation in more detail, and elaborate more on what you mean when you say 'travelling into my own consciousness' and 'cave into myself'. Can you describe for me your experience, at that point, in terms of where your attention is focused, the condition of your mind, and any insights that you have gotten so far up to this point?

If you can give me more information I'll be able to give you some feedback.

Thanks


:)

Ps- Welcome to the forum.
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Re: self realization barrier

Postby kiki » Sat Jul 16, 2011 4:59 am

What is it that you think or sense is about to "pop through"? Can you be more specific about "my consciousness"? What does that mean? How is it you know that meditation is "deep", and what do you mean by deep meditation?
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Re: self realization barrier

Postby Webwanderer » Sat Jul 16, 2011 6:15 pm

I suggest that if you can get to this 'space' with regularity, then simply rest in it. Trying to 'pop' into something else may just get in the way of a cognizance that that comes more in a dawning. Rest there awhile, explore/know the experience intimately. Whatever may happen next is not likely something you can push through, but rather something that is simply allowed.

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Re: self realization barrier

Postby Maynard » Sat Jul 16, 2011 11:07 pm

how nice, thanks for the replies everyone. I was pretty vague, i apologize. I will attempt to explain myself a bit better.

As I listen to inner silence, I can feel my state of conciousness shift. As I continue listening to the silence, It will begin to feel like I am moving through space or something, I see i used caving into my own conciousness as a description in my frist post, which is confusing. I read once that when in meditation the conciousness will sort of cave in on itself, so i used that as a description. But, anyways, I feel like i am traveling through space, and i can feel my body dissolving or becoming numb or something. I say it feels like i am traveling through space, but it also feels like my awareness is moving from whereever it normally is to inside my body or head. Like it will sometimes literally feel like my awarenss is inside of my stomach, and i can clearly feel all of my stomach sensations and what not. I continue to focus on teh slience or which ever method i am using, sometimes a mantra. And its like the walls cave in, and i feel like i get snug, there at this time is tremendous pressure, like kundalini energy type pressure, and i feel like i am going to pop, meaning my body, myself feels like its on the verge of poping into something or out of something. Kind of like my body and myself is being condensed into a little ball of some sort. I thought if i could pop into or out of whatever, i would have that self realization initial experience, where i feel myself as part of the whole and not the "me." Oh geez that probably sounds much more confusing than my first post. I dont know.

Im hesitant to say that its some mind ego game being played. When i have this experience, i usually feel very much in the now and present afterwards, like i did a lot of cleansing or something, so my results point to a successful experience, but as i read my post i realize i ahvent heard anyone else describe it like this. So, i dont know.

I am a bit frustrated, i so badly want self realization. I had a spontaneous kundalini awakening 3 years ago and was a mess, but after reading all of toles books, i have been able to really get my symptoms under control and actually feel really great a lot of the time, super in tune and loving and present, so i feel like i am going to have the self realization experience soon. I understnad my desire to have it so bad is simply a barier. I dont actually let it becomea big part of my life, but i really want it and i feel im close.

Thank you all for responding though i truly do apprecaite the prompt responses.
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Re: self realization barrier

Postby Maynard » Sun Jul 17, 2011 5:57 pm

I figured out what it is that is happening to me. I belive that what i was attempting to describe is me bringing presence into a blockage. My desire to pop out is a desire to completly dissolove the blockage. I actually bring my conciousness into the blockage as Tole advises. Its uncomfortable and restricting feeling, but i always feel better afterwards, and i think thats because i actually transmuted a portion of the emotional or whatever type of blockage it was.

Thanks anyways guys. I truly do apprecaite the attempts to understand what i was trying to communicate. I hope there wil come a time when i can return the favor. God bless
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Re: self realization barrier

Postby ashleywells2417 » Mon Dec 02, 2013 7:02 am

Take your time, ask friends and family for their idea and really look into yourself to see what your personal self barriers are.
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Re: self realization barrier

Postby Psychoslice » Sat Mar 29, 2014 6:59 am

The thing is not to try to experience realization, who is trying ?, the mind ?, of course it is, and because of this you will never so call experience realization, just give up trying and rest in the silence, only there will you ever realize what is beyond the mind.
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