Staying present while someone is being unconscious

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Staying present while someone is being unconscious

Postby ali_empire » Tue Nov 14, 2017 5:17 pm

Hi everyone. I am new to this forum and first would like to thank everyone who makes it possible, including the contributors. I am very appreciative to be able to talk to others who share Tolle's teachings.

I am wondering if anyone has any tips on how to get better at staying present when someone is being "mean"? I usually need to walk away from the situation, be upset for about a day, and then my consciousness returns and I am able to see things clearly. But I would really love to get better at staying present while the person is being mean, maybe even being conscious enough to pull them up to consciousness with me. Eckhart tells the story of his ability to be present around his ill mother-in-law, so much that her illness would subside in his presence. I would love to be in that place. Has anyone out there been able to do this? Any advice?

Thanks again!
Ali
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Re: Staying present while someone is being unconscious

Postby Webwanderer » Tue Nov 14, 2017 10:47 pm

Ali_empire, welcome to the forum. My suggestion to staying present when someone is being 'mean' is to not see them as mean. See them as something else that doesn't bother you so much. See them as something you're okay with regardless of their apparent words or demeanor. When a young child gets angry and throws a fit, an understanding and wise parent doesn't have a bad day over it. Why? Because they have a larger vision of what this young person truly is.

People are subject to their lifelong programming and conditioning until they wake up to their true nature - a nature which is inherently loving. See that truth in others when they are acting in a lessor and restricted way due to that programming. The greater benefit to this is that you have to get in touch with your own greater nature to employ such loving perspective. And that's what the 'path' is all about. How cool is that?

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Re: Staying present while someone is being unconscious

Postby moniquedepique » Wed Nov 15, 2017 11:46 pm

I have a similar situation.
I have a very... unconscious... neighbour. He is someone that picks a fight with me, my other neighbour and my other neighbour. I find it completely impossible to have a conversation with him. Everything he does, seems to have the objective to overthrow other people. He screams and shouts at me in the supermarket and every conversation seems to evolve around power. His goal seems to get me in a submissive position. He is also very quick in his aggressive behaviour, in such a way that you get overwhelmed and don't get the time to prepare for the situation. He triggers in people - in me - what is called a fight or flight response and I have to admit that the fight response is a little bit stronger in me. I get very angry, and I mean very, very angry. Last time I wanted to hit him. I might have lost being a woman and all, but I wanted to nevertheless.

So much for the impression. I think you get it by now. Point is, it is an acute and an extreme situation. When I rethink (can I use that word for convenience sake?) the situation I still don't know what I should have done: make a stand, or turn the other cheeck?

I suppose a question like mine and that of the TS, is a question that comes when reflecting on these extreme situations. An ordinary conflict I can handle. The only fair thing I can say about a situation like this, is the reminder that I haven't reached enlightenment yet.
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Re: Staying present while someone is being unconscious

Postby Webwanderer » Thu Nov 16, 2017 8:09 am

moniquedepique wrote:The only fair thing I can say about a situation like this, is the reminder that I haven't reached enlightenment yet.

May I suggest that 'enlightenment' is more verb than noun. Enlightenment is available to anyone who sees it as an expansion of consciousness even though it be in small increments. Sure there are those who have big time awakenings, but those mostly come after a series of smaller ones. The thing is, expansion of consciousness comes through inclusion of things/ideas/conditions that we either were not aware of or that we were in resistance to.

I can't say much about your experience with your neighbor, but finding a way for it to be inclusive will bring more insight than will resistance. I suggest you consider options in the context of how they feel. The better ones will feel expansive and inclusive. Others will more likely feel like conflict and isolating. Be prepared with a plan before you run into him again. Not so much as to win something, but to find a way to improve your feelings through the experience.

Ample amounts of mentally quite time will be helpful in working your way through it. Hold a desire to be your best in any contact.

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Re: Staying present while someone is being unconscious

Postby moniquedepique » Thu Nov 16, 2017 12:33 pm

Webwanderer wrote:
moniquedepique wrote:The only fair thing I can say about a situation like this, is the reminder that I haven't reached enlightenment yet.

May I suggest that 'enlightenment' is more verb than noun.

I agree.

I can't say much about your experience with your neighbor,

I realize that I did not provide you with accurate information. I also don't think that's the point. The point is, that any hypothetical situation would do. That is, a situation where your 'composure' is tested to it's limits. You could also imagine much worse situations than the one I'm discribing.

[..] but finding a way for it to be inclusive will bring more insight than will resistance. I suggest you consider options in the context of how they feel.

I'm sorry. Who's they?

The better ones will feel expansive and inclusive. Others will more likely feel like conflict and isolating. Be prepared with a plan before you run into him again. Not so much as to win something, but to find a way to improve your feelings through the experience.

It's not so much that I disagree with it, it is more that I find that a huge challenge, maybe even too big of a challenge.

Ample amounts of mentally quite time will be helpful in working your way through it.[...]

That is one of the better things I can say about the whole experience, because I do have those moments.
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Re: Staying present while someone is being unconscious

Postby Webwanderer » Fri Nov 17, 2017 1:18 am

[..] but finding a way for it to be inclusive will bring more insight than will resistance. I suggest you consider options in the context of how they feel.

I'm sorry. Who's they?


Not a 'who' but a what. Sorry I wasn't clearer. I do try. The 'they' is a reference to the options I suggested in that sentence that you consider. How those options feel when you think about them. It's just one potential path to working through problems. I have often found it useful to consider challenges in this way. You may not.

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Re: Staying present while someone is being unconscious

Postby turiya » Fri Nov 17, 2017 3:27 am

Here's a Rupert Spira video that has been very helpful for me... (about staying present in any situation):

https://youtu.be/G7ny0zQXKTc

Hope you find it helpful too. :)
“We ourselves are not an illusory part of Reality; rather are we Reality itself illusorily conceived.” - Wei Wu Wei
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Re: Staying present while someone is being unconscious

Postby turiya » Fri Nov 17, 2017 3:56 am

Here's an Eckhart one:

https://youtu.be/UX8HY82GUQY

:wink:
“We ourselves are not an illusory part of Reality; rather are we Reality itself illusorily conceived.” - Wei Wu Wei
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Re: Staying present while someone is being unconscious

Postby moniquedepique » Fri Nov 17, 2017 3:40 pm

@Webwanderer, Thank you for your elaboration. I understand what you mean and yes, that is quite something you mention. The ability to compare the density (when thinking about my neighbour) with space, does already imply the ability for space to arise when 'thinking' about my neighbour.

@Turiya, I've watched both. Never hear of Rupert before, but that's good. Thank you.
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Re: Staying present while someone is being unconscious

Postby ali_empire » Sat Nov 18, 2017 5:35 am

You are all awesome! Thank you for the help and the video links. The specific person with whom I am having trouble staying present is a coworker, and I realized that this person is just triggering a strong ego response that I have learned and have been practicing for many years. You are so right moniquedepique...it is a great reminder of where my ego still has a lot of control. I will just keep working on losing my ego, and I hope that the more my ego dissolves, the better I will be at maintaining that state around others!
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