Porn, masturbation and spiritual awakening

This is the place to post whatever questions you have related to the teachings of Eckhart Tolle. The rest of us will do whatever we can to help you achieve a better understanding :)
Post Reply
Kush
Posts: 3
Joined: Sat Nov 24, 2018 10:52 am

Porn, masturbation and spiritual awakening

Post by Kush » Sat Nov 24, 2018 11:19 am

Hi guys,

As I continue to awaken, I feel conflicted with habit of watching porn and masturbating. And I can see this conflict is getting stronger.

Many times I have fully stopped and gone back again into habit of masturbating with porn. I now watch porn that is not the typical crazy fuck fest but love making between two lovers. However, I know that it’s still a porn and I want to fully step away from it.

I know my past pain of heartbreak ( 2years ago) by ex continues to live with me, along with huge self pity and loneliness. Some days, it is so bad that when I wake up in morning I feel this burden, and intense longing to be with opposite gender. Traumatic memories of my last relationship continues to live within me and when I don’t masturbate, they intensifies with loneliness, self pity, hatred for ex and deep longing.

Also, when I go on online dating profiles, again loneliness, self pity and deep longing arises.

Does anyone experience their pain body more intensely if they don’t masturbate? Any suggestions?

User avatar
Loffe
Posts: 11
Joined: Thu Nov 08, 2018 6:24 am

Re: Porn, masturbation and spiritual awakening

Post by Loffe » Fri Nov 30, 2018 2:48 pm

Try to be in presence when orgasming not losing yourself. Use inner body feeling. And yes, sometimes painbody is connected to sexuality and why not use masturbating to locate and feel and thus recognize it. But that's only my opinion, I don't know how or what effect it gives. Certainly, it's better than suppressing sexuality.

cobra22
Posts: 25
Joined: Mon May 04, 2009 11:18 am

Re: Porn, masturbation and spiritual awakening

Post by cobra22 » Wed Dec 05, 2018 12:02 am

Sounds like you are using porn and masturbation as a form of escape from the emotions associated with the breakdown of your relationship with your ex. Whilst these activities seem to be giving you temporary relief over your symptoms, I would suggest actually minimizing these activities for now in order to give yourself a chance to actually face the emotions and try to work through them.

Kush
Posts: 3
Joined: Sat Nov 24, 2018 10:52 am

Re: Porn, masturbation and spiritual awakening

Post by Kush » Thu Dec 06, 2018 10:48 am

I am using them to get relief from deep loneliness and longing to be with opposite gender. When I don’t masturbate, the natural physical need intensifies and add pain to the pain body. Then comes the thought of ex and other traumatic memories. Then comes fear to be losing time and youth.

I know that it’s all thoughts but they seem to be very strong.

User avatar
Webwanderer
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 6506
Joined: Fri May 12, 2006 12:03 am

Re: Porn, masturbation and spiritual awakening

Post by Webwanderer » Thu Dec 06, 2018 3:44 pm

Here's the problem with watching porn and masturbating. You are programing yourself for sex over relationship. When you do meet someone, it's highly likely that the desire for sex will distort your view of the partner you're considering. You'll make allowances and lower standards that you wouldn't otherwise make because of the overwhelming and conditioned desire for sex.

That's how big time mistakes are made. You end up with a partner that is incompatible with many of the important considerations in your life. The newness of sex will wear off in time. But if you haven't chosen a partner that is greatly valued beyond the sex it is destined for problems. Maybe the same problems you've already experienced.

WW

Kush
Posts: 3
Joined: Sat Nov 24, 2018 10:52 am

Re: Porn, masturbation and spiritual awakening

Post by Kush » Mon Dec 17, 2018 12:51 pm

@ webwanderer

Yes, to a point. I do value relationship as well. But what do you suggest I should do?

Being sexually and emotionally deprived does distort my choices. But I never been able to separate sex with emotions.

I have alway chosen people beyond their looks. But as I continue to fail, I really don’t know what is the reason. Is it my awakening? Being conscious that scares people away? Or I am deluding myself?

I went out twice with this girl I met online. She practiced meditation, does yoga and we had a great two dates. But I could see her interest dropping in texts. And today she sent text that she doesn’t want to see me again. I feel this unpleasantness feeling of loss, lonely and failure.

My pain body is reminding me of my past with ex which is creating more pain and also fear that I will never have relationship.

I am being aware to this, but the storm is too strong and I might drag into it by my mind.

PureLand
Posts: 7
Joined: Mon Dec 10, 2018 9:28 pm

Re: Porn, masturbation and spiritual awakening

Post by PureLand » Mon Dec 17, 2018 3:32 pm

Kush wrote:
Sat Nov 24, 2018 11:19 am
Hi guys,

As I continue to awaken, I feel conflicted with habit of watching porn and masturbating. And I can see this conflict is getting stronger.

Many times I have fully stopped and gone back again into habit of masturbating with porn. I now watch porn that is not the typical crazy fuck fest but love making between two lovers. However, I know that it’s still a porn and I want to fully step away from it.

I know my past pain of heartbreak ( 2years ago) by ex continues to live with me, along with huge self pity and loneliness. Some days, it is so bad that when I wake up in morning I feel this burden, and intense longing to be with opposite gender. Traumatic memories of my last relationship continues to live within me and when I don’t masturbate, they intensifies with loneliness, self pity, hatred for ex and deep longing.

Also, when I go on online dating profiles, again loneliness, self pity and deep longing arises.

Does anyone experience their pain body more intensely if they don’t masturbate? Any suggestions?
As I Know Eckhart said in his one speech that there is nothing wrong with temporary celibacy completely. You can temporarily break this habit(Come on,even If I did this everyone can do it LOL)..Then you will be able to observe the pain body when in comes in more intensely. You feel more pain but you'll move forward more quickly in spirituality. Then you can do it less and eventually become free from the habit (temporarily) without feeling that you're suppressing your emotions. But in order to succeed in this and not feel like you're suppressing your emotions etc..you have to practise mindfulness(presence) most of the day and put effort in it. If your life doesn't allow this, forget it. These things are physical acts and maybe make the awareness temporarily weak but do not stop your growth in spirituality. Feeling like a sinner etc.. is harmful. I live in a society/culture that is based on suppressing emotions and deeply unconscious, narcissistic and believing in dogmas, nonsense and glorifying and admiring wrong people and thoughts. Spirituality's purpose is to make people free from all of these nonsense and lead you to disidentify from all of the belief systems.

User avatar
Webwanderer
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 6506
Joined: Fri May 12, 2006 12:03 am

Re: Porn, masturbation and spiritual awakening

Post by Webwanderer » Mon Dec 17, 2018 5:58 pm

Kush wrote:
Mon Dec 17, 2018 12:51 pm
Yes, to a point. I do value relationship as well. But what do you suggest I should do?...

...I have alway chosen people beyond their looks. But as I continue to fail, I really don’t know what is the reason. Is it my awakening? Being conscious that scares people away? Or I am deluding myself?
First I suggest you choose a new context in which to view your situation. You referred to your relationships in terms of 'failure'. Consider, what makes you view a relationship or potential relationship that didn't blossom into something deeper and long term a failure? I'm not making a judgment here. I'm only suggesting that you look inside to understand the processes that brings you to the conclusion that it's a failure rather than something else. Could it actually be in your best interest in ways that you're not recognizing? Strong emotions can mask valuable truths based on how we characterize and judge things.

I've stated in this forum many times that our emotions are primary messages (gifts), generated in our human perspective, that we are out of alignment with our greater nature. If you are on the path of awakening, could these emotional messages be arising to help you better align with that true nature that awakening represents? Something that in the long run will significantly aid you in your fundamental growth?

From a practical standpoint, entering into a potential new relationship, especially one through a dating service, should be more like a job interview than simply an opportunity to obtain a mate. And it's an interview that goes both ways. It's not just getting hired (being accepted), it's also - "how does this person fit my needs?" You're both applicant and employer in this metaphor. Step back and don't be too amenable until you get to know each other. There is far too much at stake.

A measure of discernment is necessary here. An active relationship with porn can distort one's discernment through sexual neediness making it easy to make mistakes. Of course there are other types of neediness that can influence us too, such as loneliness. Together they can make us ripe for mistakes or feelings of failure.

On the other side, people who do employ a reasonable discernment can feel it when the potential partner is 'needy'. That makes it dangerous to continue past a first couple of contacts. Neediness tends to grow as the possibility of 'failure' begins to loom. It's not a pleasant feeling, and again is a message that we are not in alignment with our true nature. Be okay always, with how things are. That's being inclusive and expansive, and is an important component in our alignment.

Remember, there is no failure that we don't create by our own judgment. There is only learning and growing opportunities. Knowing and applying this will make any of us a better person.

WW

Post Reply