Suicidal depression

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theend
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Suicidal depression

Post by theend » Tue Dec 13, 2011 4:57 am

I can't live with this suicidal depression anymore. Someone help me.

My name is Manoj and i have become 25 years old. I have read a lot of spiritual texts. Especially in the year 2010 Eckhart tolle, Krishnamurti, Allan Watts. I am doing nothing since 2009 when i dropped the idea of pursuing career studies in b/w due to extreme lack of interest. My life has been full of failures.

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Re: Suicidal depression

Post by theend » Tue Dec 13, 2011 6:34 am

Sorry i did not write about me well i know i sound awkward when i post something. What i want to ask is is there any way so that the depression loses power over me and i dont have to encounter any future suicidal attack i almost killed myself in my last suicidal attack. I don't know how i am saved all the time. Overcoming Sad moods and dislikings. I have practiced a lot intensely feeling the inner body to improve my life conditions. Once i was able to watch my reaction by putting attention while arguing with my elder brother. It was a strange experience. I sensed something burning in front my face like whirling energy. I can't explain it was strong sensation i know. After that i felt peace and a strong sense of spaciousnes around me for almost a week . Now i dont feel like that only ugly pain body attacks like before.

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Re: Suicidal depression

Post by Webwanderer » Tue Dec 13, 2011 7:21 am

It is only ego that thinks about suicide. Consider that deeply. While you may identify as ego, that is some mental structure of thought concept of self, you are not actually what you think you are. Everything you've read points to that truth. You are what is aware of that thinking. Be clear on that distinction.

The awareness that you are is an extension of Source Consciousness - Essential Awareness perceiving through the human form. Consider that for a moment. You cannot kill what you are, you can only destroy your body.

Your experience in this world has unique value to Source. Only you can perceive experience in the way that you specifically do. That unique perception is priceless, and only you can offer it, and you cannot fail. It's that way for everyone. You can get a clearer sense of that in your happier moments. The more happier moments you have the clearer this can become - if you look for it.

So, explore what makes you happy and move back towards alignment with Source. Do you enjoy nature? A cool breeze? Helping a friend, or even a stranger? Explore whatever makes you happy and do more of it. Ignore, as best you can, thoughts that depress you. Let them go, and go back to exploring happiness. Do this as a service to the Source that is your fundamental nature. Do it every day, every hour, every minute. And when you slip, it's okay, just start again, and again, and again. In time it will become automatic, test it out for yourself.

There is but one Life in the universe and we all are extensions of it. Study this, explore it and live from this greater perspective.

Life will offer challenges, and that is good. Source knows it's capable of overcoming great difficulties, even through the limited human consciousness it expresses as - as us. It is after all, the same Source that you and I are an extension of that created the whole of the universe. Find your enjoyment and you reconnect with, re-align with, your greater nature - Source. Let Source power your life to joy and happiness. It can, and it will. It all starts with a choice, a decision, to explore happiness.

WW

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Re: Suicidal depression

Post by rontant » Tue Dec 13, 2011 7:43 am

To some people, including myself, suicidal depression can easily come. I had also experienced it in the past. What I personally found effective to do during those period of depression is to go to sleep straight away. I give myself as much sleep as possible like 10-12 hours every night. I woke up around 5:30 (office started at 7am), so I went to bed between 6-8pm everyday. I also made sure that my body got plenty of energy during waking hours, so I took vitamin supplements.

I also found that problems seem to appear larger after sunset and would shrink after sunrise, so I would avoid dwelling with the problems during those hours. Three A.M is the worst.

Another thing I discovered myself is that my problems would get amplified as soon as I write about them in my diary (internet blogging wasn't there yet).

Next is to realize that depression, emotion, feelings, thoughts are just what they are and they are temporary in nature. By themselves they have no power and they have to derive the power from YOU (and only you). Deprived from power, they won't linger. If you nurture them and give them VIP treatment like writing a song and dance about them, write about them in your diary, created a dedicated blog about them, brag about them, etc, then they will stay and grow bigger and bigger. So whatever your thought is, whether good or bad, don't make any big deal out of it. Remember, tell yourself each time: "This too shall pass and it's alright".

Each time the thought that your life is full of failures come, just remember that this is just a thought, an idea. Maybe you set the bar too high for yourself? Maybe you forget to count your successes (or the blessings)?

As for the feeling of peace and strong sense of spaciousness that you experienced for a week, I would say, forget about them. Don't pursue or try to relive the experience. If they come, let them come. If they don't, it's alright too. That's the attitude I would advice you to take.

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Re: Suicidal depression

Post by theend » Tue Dec 13, 2011 10:42 am

Webwanderer

I have enjoyed nature a lot but i don't like cold becos i shiver terribly in a cold atmosphere while others are not.

Rontant
You are advising me to go to sleep which i have always done during these surge of negative thoughts. In fact i am a terrible sleeper. Sleeping is the thing which i like the most. I am also very lathargic and inactive. I don't like to do anything and i suffer for this. I have not yet decided what will i do in life. I think of helping people.

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Re: Suicidal depression

Post by Webwanderer » Tue Dec 13, 2011 3:50 pm

Theend,

Read your own last post. Look at how you discounted that which could be helpful. That's what negative focus does. Rontant gives good advise in that the more you think, write and talk about your negative and painful feelings the more you give them power. Don't beat your self up about your negative focus either, that's just more of the same.

Here's a simple mental tool that can begin to turn such negative focus. It's called "the wouldn't it be nice" game. Every time you begin to feel depressed or down (or anytime really) think thoughts that begin with "wouldn't it be nice", like wouldn't it be nice to see the good in this, or wouldn't it be nice to smile easily, or wouldn't it be nice have an exciting goal. Any idea that feels good to you will work.

Never mind how things are at the moment, it's not about present conditions, it's about present perceptions. The truth is it's never about actual conditions, and it's always about how we perceive them. That's why Rontant's suggestion is so important. Focus on pain and you strengthen your affinity for it. Focus on happiness and you strengthen your affinity for more happiness. It takes a little time to move the ship of long established habits, but they will respond if you just consistently feed in thoughts and feelings you want to strengthen and starve out thoughts and feelings you want to be rid of.

Any argument you make that such doesn't work for you will just strengthen the present negative focus. Find a moment of appreciation and sit with it in silent acceptance. There are endless reasons to be appreciative. Every time one comes to mind sit quietly and let it soak in. Appreciation is key to alignment with your Source nature. The more you feel appreciation, the stronger your alignment becomes. Test this out.

If you want to overcome your depression you must act on this. Appreciation is love manifest. If anything you read, here or in books, moves you toward happiness, appreciate it. Sit with it. Bask in it. Let it transform your experience. It is Source working through you. Remember you are Source, extended into this present experience for the purpose of exploring this physical reality. You are important and unique and no one can experience life quite like you. Become adventurous and explore even if it's as simple as exploring your fingers and toes. Everything, honestly pursued, has value as experience.

Let go of your focus on can't and whatever it is that limits you. Think only on that which feels expansive, and then rest in those expansive feelings. Let them become your exploration - always. "What makes me feel expansive?" You see that's what growth is - expansion. And no matter where you're at in life, expansion is always available. It comes through acceptance and appreciation. This opens the door for Source to grow through you into this physical extension that is you. Life can be enjoyable. It's meant to be. It's designed to be. Feel it deeply and watch life improve.

WW

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Re: Suicidal depression

Post by snowheight » Tue Dec 13, 2011 3:58 pm

theend,

I want to second what rontant said here:
rontant wrote:As for the feeling of peace and strong sense of spaciousness that you experienced for a week, I would say, forget about them. Don't pursue or try to relive the experience. If they come, let them come. If they don't, it's alright too.
That experience of inner-peace which lasts for a substantial period of time but is not permanent is a VERY common experience but just trying to re-capture it is futile ... that doesn't mean that it won't happen again, but (and there's a good chance you might have read this before ... but ...):

Joshu asked Nansen "What is the Tao?"
Nansen answered "Ordinary mind, that is the Tao."
Joshu asked "Then how do you get into it?"
"If you try to direct yourself toward it, you go away from it." Answered Nansen (or, "The more you seek after it, the more it runs away.")

theend wrote: I think of helping people.
THAT is a thought that you want to not only observe but deepen into ... but in order to help others it might be wise to pull back from this precipice that you describe.

I'm no psychiatrist or psychologist but I have had my bouts with depression and that occasioned me to pick up a few little scraps of tactic to deal with it that might help you:

1) Expose yourself to high levels of light in the morning. Go outside, and if you wake up when it's dark go to a place where you live with really bright lighting and make it a point to stand there. Drop your non-dual practice for now .... judge your thoughts and reject those with negative connotations and embrace those with positive ... yeah, that's no way to live in the long run but you are in a life and death situation.

2) My understanding is that depression is essentially rage turned inward. First try to identify the source of the rage and then ask yourself, what do you have to lose by expressing it outwardly if you have actually contemplated taking your life? You mentioned your older brother, is he the source of the oppression?

Have you spoken with anyone about this? Have you asked anyone for help other than these posts? Don't try to do this alone. Anyone who tells you you just have to drop your ego and this depression, along with all of your other problems will just melt away because they are not real is just selling you a concept. Eventually you might be ahead of the game, so to speak, if you revisit these teachings in the future but for right now run away from them as far and as fast as you can ... don't worry, they'll catch up with you again eventually.
Stop talking. Hear every sound as background. Look straight ahead and focus. Take one deep breath. This is you. This is Now.

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Re: Suicidal depression

Post by theend » Tue Dec 13, 2011 7:26 pm

Snowheight,

Unfortunately i am alone in all this and cannot speak about it to anyone becos everyone around me here is unconscious and uninterested to such matters including my family,friends n neighbours. People feel i am just a failure .You asked about my brother yes he is the primary source of oppression but he is not conscious of it so cannot be blamed. Its me projecting my demons on everyone. I stopped expressing myself and mixing freely with people becos of their uninterest and my own conditions during my awakening in 2008 and 09. After that i started becoming disconnected from social life and kept reading spiritual books and websites.

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Re: Suicidal depression

Post by theend » Tue Dec 13, 2011 7:49 pm

I don't know how to make a non spiritual person to a spiritual person.

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Re: Suicidal depression

Post by SevenSeconds » Tue Dec 13, 2011 8:13 pm

theend wrote:I don't know how to make a non spiritual person to a spiritual person.
theend wrote:Snowheight,

Unfortunately i am alone in all this and cannot speak about it to anyone becos everyone around me here is unconscious and uninterested to such matters including my family,friends n neighbours. People feel i am just a failure .You asked about my brother yes he is the primary source of oppression but he is not conscious of it so cannot be blamed. Its me projecting my demons on everyone. I stopped expressing myself and mixing freely with people becos of their uninterest and my own conditions during my awakening in 2008 and 09. After that i started becoming disconnected from social life and kept reading spiritual books and websites.
Yup, they are probably unconscious. But so are you. Maybe you are more aware than them, but you are still very unconscious.

It's also clear that your ego identified with being "spiritual person." --- become aware of this.
"during my awakening in 2008 and 09" ... whaaat? If you were really awakening, the problems you have right now wouldn't exist.

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Re: Suicidal depression

Post by hanss » Tue Dec 13, 2011 10:02 pm

Hi Manoj. I am often judging things as good or bad but trying to get rid of that habit. Because I know that I don't really know. I don't know what good or bad is. I don't know if I am a failure or not. Sure, if we are listening to others and follow their standards about failure and success which is often money in the bank when it comes to success. So this statement might be true if you follow their (or your own) standard:
theend wrote:My life has been full of failures.
But... let us say that 5 years from now you are feeling much better, working somewhere and a collegue has suicidal depression. With your experience, knowledge and support you save his life. Are you still a failure? Has your brother saved a life? My point is, you don't know what failure is. I don't know either. Our minds are judging and we believe those thoughts. As for your depression I would skip spirituality for awhile and try other methods that are designed for depression. Much of it you can do by yourself.
"In today's rush we all think too much, seek too much, want too much and forget about the joy of just Being."
(Eckhart Tolle)

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Re: Suicidal depression

Post by Midnight » Tue Dec 13, 2011 11:05 pm

SevenSeconds wrote:
theend wrote:I don't know how to make a non spiritual person to a spiritual person.
theend wrote:Snowheight,

Unfortunately i am alone in all this and cannot speak about it to anyone becos everyone around me here is unconscious and uninterested to such matters including my family,friends n neighbours. People feel i am just a failure .You asked about my brother yes he is the primary source of oppression but he is not conscious of it so cannot be blamed. Its me projecting my demons on everyone. I stopped expressing myself and mixing freely with people becos of their uninterest and my own conditions during my awakening in 2008 and 09. After that i started becoming disconnected from social life and kept reading spiritual books and websites.
Yup, they are probably unconscious. But so are you. Maybe you are more aware than them, but you are still very unconscious.

It's also clear that your ego identified with being "spiritual person." --- become aware of this.
"during my awakening in 2008 and 09" ... whaaat? If you were really awakening, the problems you have right now wouldn't exist.

How do you know these problems wouldn't exist? I'm sick of seeing people speculate so much about this stuff.

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Re: Suicidal depression

Post by SevenSeconds » Tue Dec 13, 2011 11:31 pm

Midnight wrote: How do you know these problems wouldn't exist? I'm sick of seeing people speculate so much about this stuff.
Try learning acceptance. Then you won't be sick anymore. :twisted:

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Re: Suicidal depression

Post by Midnight » Wed Dec 14, 2011 12:08 am

Right, or you could just answer the question.

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Re: Suicidal depression

Post by theend » Wed Dec 14, 2011 4:34 am

Sevenseconds,

You are saying that i am a very unconscious person and my ego is identified being a spiritual person. Yes what is written is appearing very egoistic of me but i don't intended that. I don't know how to express clearly.

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