Not knowing how to be

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fortune
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Not knowing how to be

Post by fortune » Sun May 27, 2012 2:34 pm

I don't know what behaviour i should have or what is the right one. I'm not a christian or muslim but the bible and koran at least give you a sort of code to live by or how you should be. And also how do you be a dominant person but passive at the same time. I consider myself to be very passive but i feel i need to be more dominant or more dominant without ego. Being dominant has always kind of put me off because i see a lot of dominant people with big ego's always offending people. Spiritual teachers talk a lot about letting things be but that doesn't really fit in with dominance.

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rideforever
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Re: Not knowing how to be

Post by rideforever » Sun May 27, 2012 3:58 pm

Sure it does. You let go into action.
I was proud, and I demanded the finest teacher
.. .. and when he appeared
.. .. .. .. I was so small

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smiileyjen101
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Re: Not knowing how to be

Post by smiileyjen101 » Sun May 27, 2012 11:02 pm

fortune, I'd learn the difference between dominant and assertive one seeks to control others the other does not.
I'd also learn the difference between judgement/judging and discernment/discerning, these too are different by resonance and you'll know the difference when you are at peace with what is and working within it rather than against it.
Our rights start deep within our humanity; they end where another's begin~~ SmileyJen

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Webwanderer
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Re: Not knowing how to be

Post by Webwanderer » Sun May 27, 2012 11:12 pm

fortune wrote:I don't know what behaviour i should have or what is the right one. I'm not a christian or muslim but the bible and koran at least give you a sort of code to live by or how you should be. And also how do you be a dominant person but passive at the same time.
Is it dominate you want to be, or indomitable? One is more about control of others, the other is about clarity of self. The key real clarity is to be true to your self, and that is less likely if you're going to look outside yourself for a code to live by. Books and scriptures may have some value as pointers, but can also be a distraction if you depend on them for answers. You have everything you need to guide you in life within your own being and consciousness; but you have to be willing to make some mistakes in finding that internal clarity - and there is nothing wrong with mistakes, they are natural in this environment.

The truth is that you have a built in guidance system available if you will hazard its exploration with an open mind and honest intent. It is not your mind, which is prone to a life of conditioning from misdirected thought processes, it is your feelings and emotions that are the true guide to internal clarity. When faced with a choice or decision, whether upcoming or one already made, explore how you feel about it. Be honest. It's only you that can know the fullness of what went into your choices.

If you feel uncomfortable or bad about a decision, consider what alternatives were/are available. Once you feel a perspective that is better than what you have made, you have gained some clarity that was not there before you felt it out. Act in the direction of the better feeling perspective/choice/thought. (There may be many steps in ever better feeling perspectives, each adding clarity.) Now, faced with the two options, which are you willing to stand behind? Which makes you feel more indomitable/steadfast/secure - that which feels right by your own internal compass, or that which can be pointed to in a book?

Passivity comes from recognizing the way things are, learning what you can from them, and letting them go. If you know in advance that whatever arises, you will take what you can from it an move on, then conditions that arise will have no strong hold on you. You are ever ready to make peace with the way things are to the degree you can do nothing about them. You may not be able to change the way things are, but you can always effect the way you experience them. To do that however, requires an active relationship with your internal guide. The good news is that this feeling/emotional guide is also your an indicator of your connection with Source. Expanding clarity within you is the expanding being of Source in form.

WW

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ashley72
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Re: Not knowing how to be

Post by ashley72 » Sun May 27, 2012 11:13 pm

Fortune,

“Be still like a mountain and flow like a great river.” (Lao Tzu)

Golf
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Re: Not knowing how to be

Post by Golf » Mon May 28, 2012 11:02 am

Webwanderer wrote: The truth is that you have a built in guidance system available if you will hazard its exploration with an open mind and honest intent. It is not your mind, which is prone to a life of conditioning from misdirected thought processes, it is your feelings and emotions that are the true guide to internal clarity. When faced with a choice or decision, whether upcoming or one already made, explore how you feel about it. Be honest. It's only you that can know the fullness of what went into your choices.
"There is a radar in my heart
I should have trusted from the start"
-Depeche mode :D
If you feel uncomfortable or bad about a decision, consider what alternatives were/are available. Once you feel a perspective that is better than what you have made, you have gained some clarity that was not there before you felt it out. Act in the direction of the better feeling perspective/choice/thought. (There may be many steps in ever better feeling perspectives, each adding clarity.) Now, faced with the two options, which are you willing to stand behind? Which makes you feel more indomitable/steadfast/secure - that which feels right by your own internal compass, or that which can be pointed to in a book?

Passivity comes from recognizing the way things are, learning what you can from them, and letting them go. If you know in advance that whatever arises, you will take what you can from it an move on, then conditions that arise will have no strong hold on you. You are ever ready to make peace with the way things are to the degree you can do nothing about them. You may not be able to change the way things are, but you can always effect the way you experience them. To do that however, requires an active relationship with your internal guide. The good news is that this feeling/emotional guide is also your an indicator of your connection with Source. Expanding clarity within you is the expanding being of Source in form.
This is such an excellent post, I'll try to keep it in mind always...

But I also think there's often a big misperception in people's minds to this way of "accepting what is". I've noticed that many people (incl. myself in the past) try to "resign themselves" to "accept" something that "is just the way it is" (let's say some social injustices, lasting problems inside family, inequalities, work situations etc.). But all the time inside of them, they're slightly resentful, but they (and their whole environment) continuously try to repress their resentfulness by trying to convince themselves that "you can't do nothing about it".

I'm sure that their life situations might have been heavily conditioned in the collective psyche of their environment, and that they actually don't know what exact steps to do in order to improve their situation, and don't really know anyone who actually succeeded in it. And then the whole prospect of making change, actually doing many practical steps that come after choices are made, seems so overwhelming that they recoil from ever trying to understand their situation and doing something about it. In other words they're conditioned by fear and learned helplessness.

It seems to me that the natural outcome of this mindset are then psychosomatic illnesses, resorting to alcohol, depression, anxiety, or just general "lifelessness" and numbness, persons being just shadows of what they could be.

But the first resolute step towards change is also very liberating and will take you to places you would be terrified to be in before (I'm personally in such a place now :oops: :mrgreen: )
"If you're so smart, how come you're working at a gas station?"
-"It's a service station. We offer service, there is no higher purpose."
8)

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Webwanderer
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Re: Not knowing how to be

Post by Webwanderer » Mon May 28, 2012 6:30 pm

Golf wrote:But I also think there's often a big misperception in people's minds to this way of "accepting what is". I've noticed that many people (incl. myself in the past) try to "resign themselves" to "accept" something that "is just the way it is" (let's say some social injustices, lasting problems inside family, inequalities, work situations etc.). But all the time inside of them, they're slightly resentful, but they (and their whole environment) continuously try to repress their resentfulness by trying to convince themselves that "you can't do nothing about it".
Thanks for your response Golf. Consider if you will, your paragraph above. If this hypothetical one is feeling (slightly) resentful and he/she is repressing resentfulness, is he/she truly accepting what is? This is what I mean by relying upon feelings to be guiding lights. If one is having negative feelings about some issue or condition, it is an indication that there is a better way in which to perceive it. It's obvious in the conditions you cite that there is a bit more work to be done in the perception of what is.

It can be difficult while in the weeds of an experience, with the mind pouring judgments upon perceived injustices, to see an acceptable resolution. But the real life issue is less the actual perceived injustice than our perception and resulting experience of it. How does condemnation and resentment feel? Do these feelings not suggest that we are not in alignment with a greater perspective in which one can live judgement and condemnation free? I suggest that acceptance isn't real until resentment is released.

Maybe having a little different goal could be helpful. Rather than looking to accept concerning conditions, which sometimes feels like giving up on what's right, look to make peace with what is. The idea is to get free of one's own self-induced pain. If one can't do anything about an unwanted condition, that one is only hurting themselves by living in resentment.

It's unlikely that one person can change another. Beneficial change comes from self reflection and insight. That reflection is often stimulated by the pain of our experience; but doesn't that pain and reflection simply reinforce how our feelings are our best guides to a happier life. The difference is in whether one is aware of the inherent guidance potential that feelings/emotions offer, or that the ego mind just uses such feelings to solidify its perspective of misperceptions and judgments. Clarity on this issue is life changing.

There is always a greater view to life's issues, and a greater view (to whatever one is currently held) will always be accompanied by a greater, better feeling, sense of being. This is the very nature of the expansion of consciousness. It is the heart of the evolution of being in human form.

WW

Yutso
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Re: Not knowing how to be

Post by Yutso » Tue May 29, 2012 10:23 pm

:) Move through life like a cloud, a butterfly,or a bulldozer? Perhaps all three, the one chosen arising from the deepest inside out.

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smiileyjen101
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Re: Not knowing how to be

Post by smiileyjen101 » Tue May 29, 2012 11:49 pm

Golf wrote:
But I also think there's often a big misperception in people's minds to this way of "accepting what is". I've noticed that many people (incl. myself in the past) try to "resign themselves" to "accept" something that "is just the way it is" (let's say some social injustices, lasting problems inside family, inequalities, work situations etc.). But all the time inside of them, they're slightly resentful, but they (and their whole environment) continuously try to repress their resentfulness by trying to convince themselves that "you can't do nothing about it".
Resentment and acceptance cannot coexist. One is of ego making enemy, obstacle, means to an end of a thing. The other is awareness of what is and recognising response ability.


passive = not participating readily or actively; inactive
Acceptance in an enlightened state is not a passive state of being, it's full of the love of creation as the discerned appropriate response to something not that you've abdicated to do anything about within your ability to respond, but when you have discerned that it is the only sane response in the flow of creation at that moment and you embrace it actively, knowingly.

Being unable to change something in this moment does not mean that it will not be changed in some form in another moment.

Acceptance is the emptying of the ego from a situation that allows love and wisdom to flow in. ET says in a 'for this moment, this is what is' and the only sane response is to become one with it.

When we do accept, become one with a situation we see it with an unclouded perspective and with all the energy of creation unfolding as it really is.
Only then can we ride on the flow of creation energy.

We can implement the Serenity prayer not with passivity, but with enthusiasm (as defined by ET in ANE) -
grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change
This is a buzzing energy of nowness, a stillness of great depth and power - not a passive 'defeated' state

grant me the courage to change the things I can
Ego can and does make excuses for not employing the courage to change the things we can, within our ability to respond but that is not in the flow of 'accepting' that is in the flow of making 'enemy, obstacle, means to an end' of a thing, situation or person.

The courage to change the things we can is riding the flow of creation in love and responsive awareness.

I'd add a notion here - when one uses the word can't it's helpful to notice if the real meaning is can not, or choose not to. No choice is wrong, it just brings a different experience. But honesty to self and others is the highest expression of love.

and the wisdom to know the difference.

The wisdom to know the difference is also more clear when we empty out resistance to a thing. Amazing solutions to things can be found in wisdom, amazing love (serenity) for one or a thing once thought of as an unchangeable enemy can be found in wisdom, once you employ the wisdom free of egoic interference you can peacefully accept that which can not be changed, or change that which can with the highest regard of love.

So, if you are discerning with awareness that a thing is not within your ability to change you will have no resentment towards it and that... is acceptance.

Where 'acceptance' rings hollow and resentment emerges it is either where we are resisting reality; or
where we are trying to choose for another who may have the ability to respond in a situation where we do not; or
where we are abdicating our ability to respond but don't want to admit it to ourselves or others

- so then we are not applying wisdom we are applying ego to make an enemy, obstacle or means to an end of a thing, person or situation.

There is nothing passive about living in an awakened state.
There is nothing to resent in an awakened state.
There is only the conscious application of love in all moments each as they are unfolding.
Our rights start deep within our humanity; they end where another's begin~~ SmileyJen

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Donna
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Re: Not knowing how to be

Post by Donna » Tue Jun 05, 2012 7:48 pm

Golf wrote: I'm sure that their life situations might have been heavily conditioned in the collective psyche of their environment, and that they actually don't know what exact steps to do in order to improve their situation, and don't really know anyone who actually succeeded in it. And then the whole prospect of making change, actually doing many practical steps that come after choices are made, seems so overwhelming that they recoil from ever trying to understand their situation and doing something about it. In other words they're conditioned by fear and learned helplessness.
Particularly if one is raised by control freaks, like I was. Seems it was a process or life I needed to go through, because here I am feeling much better than those younger years. When one is constantly conditioned that they don't know what's best for them, where I was scared shitless later in life in trusting myself in making my own decisions...second-guessing and wondering if I'm ever making the 'right' ones... it's only by having that opportunity to go down that rocky road that I am where I'm at now.

I agree with WW...learn what is that inner guide and learn to trust it, go with it. And even if so-called mistakes happen...there are really are no mistakes. ;-)
~*~*~*~* I love to live and live to love. *~*~*~*~

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