Pain Body Attack

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Pain Body Attack

Postby barbarasher » Sat Mar 12, 2005 10:33 pm

My Thoughts Haunt Me

Most of the day I am busy, working, tennis, family, friends or sleep. I run around like an energizer bunny and then keel over at night.

Generally, life is pretty good and getting better and better both in regard to outside circumstances and internal being.

I know that my life satisfaction does not have anything to do with outside circumstances. Among other reasons, I know this, because I have achieved almost every goal that I have set and they are impressive.

My problem is that often my mind continually dredges up thoughts of garbage from the past or future things to worry about.

To be specific, for example, it happens every day when I blow dry my hair. OK, I know this sounds ridiculous. But I spend about 15-20 minutes a day doing this. It involves looking in the mirror with no distractions to occupy my mind. My thoughts attacks then.

Particularly popular are thoughts of past betrayals, or money that people owe me, or how 2 of my favorite employees sued me for severance they weren't due ( I have had over 100 employees). I won one case and am about to win the other, but I took 4 years. Or a client that owes me money. Now when moving office I thought to give away the contents of the old one to charity, but first offered it to my neighbors, and the work men heard and they got in on it. To make it short, they gutted the place, taking things off the walls that they shouldn't. I don’t care, so much. It is not the money or the "what to do". I do not need help with that. It is the obsessive thoughts that repeat in my head when I don't watch.

The thoughts are about "what they did", "how I was taken advantage of", "how everyone is bad" and "how I will fight in the future".

It is ridiculous, since many of these thoughts are about things that are over, or I know how to handle or about imagined scenarios of what could happen.

I can't help but call this the Pain Body. But it keeps attacking me. Especially when I do my hair.

Help.

I know the hair part sounds funny, but I am serious.
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Postby erict » Sat Mar 12, 2005 10:49 pm

Welcome to the club! :) It's a pretty big one, with just about all members of the human race in it.

I have more to say, but it's late and I have a big day ahead of me tomorrow in the holy city of Jerusalem :)

I'm actually very glad to have you as a member and participant in the forum, as someone who has made it. Having a life situation that is just the opposite, filled with problems and difficulties, I often wonder just how much my inner state depends on the outer circumstances of my life... anyway, I really need to go to sleep. I will elaborate later.
"Be sincere; don't ask questions out of mere interest. Ask dangerous questions—the ones whose answers could change your life."
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Postby kiki » Sun Mar 13, 2005 2:48 am

Hi barbara,

Yup, sounds like the mind playing its usual game, looking for something to do. If you cut your hair short so you didn't need to spend so much time blow drying it, the mind would find some other time to 'remind' you of perceived problems. Outer circumstances bad? ok, so what can I do to correct/fix things so I'll be happy. Outer circumstances good? ok, so there must be something I can find to occupy my time with; after all, I've got to 'do' something. Such is the reasoning of the mind.

Keep going back to what mind arises in, that's what you are. As awareness, see the mind for what it is, a sometimes nit-picky whiner which always looks for more, wants certainty, looks for justification for its actions, looks to label and judge what it sees. Not seeing it for what it is invites energy to be invested in keeping it going, to follow its conditioning and its story of 'me.'

It sounds to me like there is some identification with the mind as belonging to 'you' - this can easily happen since this has pretty much been the case until now. But you are not the mind, you are what mind arises within. Just as an experiment, see what happens when you no longer feed the mind by believing anything it comes up with. Simply let there be an acknowledgement of mental activity, but don't fight with it, that would only keep it going. A past scenario playing out? oh, just another story. A future possibility to fear? oh, just a fiction that can't be truly believed, another story of what 'might' happen. It's stories, stories, stories for the most part. Stop believing in any story. You are not your story, you are what stories arise in.

If there is some physical sensation within the body that is 'uncomfortable' simply observe it without attaching a story to the sensation. Just observe how the sensation manifests in the body, how it changes, where it is felt - just watch it without any agenda to do anything with it. Don't label the sensation in any way, just observe it. This gives it the opportunity to fully express itself and then dissipate its energy charge. This has the effect of undercutting the storyline associated with a particular sensation.

Observe the sensation as though it's a movie and you're watching to see what happens next. Whatever the sensation is, you know that it will not stay forever, that it will change and eventually disappear (it must, since within the manifested world nothing stays the same, nothing is permanent).

By depriving mind of the energy to keep stories going (by unconsciously following and believing in the stories) pain is free to be fully experienced without its usual transformation into suffering. To see it for what it is is to disidentify with it.

During those times you are drying your hair, be fully present to the actual process of that activity. Fully feel the physical sensations - the hot air blowing upon your hair and face, the texture of your hair as your hands are touching it, notice the degree of dampness and how that changes. Simply notice fully everything going on as you are doing this. This keeps you present to what is actually happening - doing this short circuits the mind from unconsciously slipping into the past or future, which are only concepts anyway. This goes for all other activity as well, be fully present. If nothing is happening, be fully present with that too. Doing this deprives mind of opportunities for unconsciously retreating into its conditioning. Then, mind becomes available to be used as a tool when it's needed and then put down again when it's not.

Mind is not an enemy, it's a necessary tool, but only a tool. Just as you would put a hammer down when no longer needed, mind will drop of its own accord when it is clearly seen that you are not the mind.

My best to you,
kiki
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Postby summer » Sun Mar 13, 2005 3:32 am

Hi Barbara,
I love your integrity:)
Your honesty really shines through in all of your posts and that is why I enjoy reading them.

It is interesting that your pain body attacks when you are looking in a mirror. Me too.
Mirrors have been a symbol throughout almost every myth written by so many different ancient cultures and traditions. Many religious monasteries ban them from the priests and nuns. Because they have the power to distract us from God, or whatever name they call this higher power that they believe in.

Mirrors are a reflection, that our minds then have an image of. A self image. And so much of our story revolves around this self image. Past and future seem very real, and we lose touch with our essence who is always here and now.

Interesting synchronicity that today Edena posted an interview between Jan Kerschot and Eckhart Tolle:




K: What I found amazing is to discover that the person we all think is inside, is simply not there. That there is in fact no person living inside.
ET: Yes.



So be glad that you are aware of what you are experiencing. And even though it feels pretty uncompfortable, it helps to make friends with this energy.
This is the charcoal that can transform into a diamond :)

As Eric said, it is all part of being human.
No need to take it personally
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Postby barbarasher » Sun Mar 13, 2005 6:35 am

If there is anything I can teach it is that "making it" is not IT.

Don't get me wrong, it is great. But the stuff in your mind, ego pain-body is still there and no matter what, finds stupid things to obsess about.

I call it the Barbara/Maslow hierarchy of worries.

Meaning when I have a big worry, it fills my mind, like going bankrupt (not relevant anymore), or a fight with my husband or a client situation. When I resolve that, I worry about something lesser. Things once got so good, I decided my nose was too big and worried about that (it's not).

Meaning things that I don't even think about and were there before (nothing new) bubble to the top when I solve a bigger worry. Meaning there is a never ending well of stuff.

I love all your answers and sorry to obsess a little more about the issue, but I opened the pit and exposed it to you and it is coming out.
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Postby Anois » Sun Mar 13, 2005 6:36 pm

Hi Barbara,

Have you tried bringing your awareness to your breath. It doesn't matter where you are. It doesn't matter if you are sitting or walking. Just feel the air going in and out of your nose. Don't force it just allow it to happen naturally and be aware of it. It helps to bring you out of your thoughts.
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Postby barbarasher » Sun Mar 13, 2005 8:14 pm

Hi Kiki, Erict, Summer, Anois,

First it is so nice, when people understand what I am talking about, and nice to know it is normal. Nice would be when I am free of this.

So today as usual after my tennis game, I washed and dried my hair. I implemented your suggestions and concentrated on the sensations of what I was doing, not identifying with my thoughts, putting a space around any negative thought that floated by. I also kept trying to picture the bouquet for flowers I bought, they are bright orange and all look like my avatar but nicer.

I must say that I was concentrating pretty hard, I hope/suppose that if I keep concentrating during this time, this will become a habit or part of me and I will no longer have to try so hard. I hope.

Thank you very much. I read and re-read all of your emails.
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Postby heidi » Sun Mar 13, 2005 8:41 pm

Sheesh I just wrote this reply to you, and it disappeared into cyber space.

Well, I was int he shower, and one thought led to another, and I was reminded of a past betrayal, but it didn't really carry any energetic clout at all. But it reminded me of your post, so I came by to offer some suggestions, and I see all of these great replies from our members. I am truly honored to be among such a good bunch, and that includes you, Barbara. Kiki's advice about putting down the tool is a very good one. I actually came to suggest a deep, even breathing, as Anois suggests. That slow, deep, even breath puts my "tool" down immediately. I find it especially helpful when my mind is busy and I need to go to sleep.

You know how Tolle dings that chime during his talks to bring his audience into a state of collective nowness. The deep even breath does the same thing for me.

And, you could definitely do a comedy routine on the Barbara/Maslow hierarchy of worries. :lol:
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Postby kiki » Sun Mar 13, 2005 10:30 pm

barbarasher wrote:I also kept trying to picture the bouquet for flowers I bought,


There really is no need to purposely visualize anything. In effect, that is not accepting 'what is' in favor of 'what could/should be', an egoic position.

I must say that I was concentrating pretty hard, I hope/suppose that if I keep concentrating during this time, this will become a habit or part of me and I will no longer have to try so hard. I hope.


Be careful in not making this too complicated. What you are, awareness, is simplicity itself; straining to do anything takes you away from the recognition of that simplicity. Whatever activity is unfolding, let there be a simple and easy attention placed upon it, simply because that is what is happening at the moment. This is not done to fulfill an egoic agenda of ridding oneself of thoughts, emotions, and sensations. It is done because that is what is happening in the moment.

Doing this with each activity will carry over into those events which seem to trigger unwanted thoughts and storylines. If nothing is going on be attentive to that. Anois' and Heidi's suggestion of focusing on the breath is a good one. You can do this at anytime because you are always breathing, it's a very basic activity that is necessary for living, so why not simply become consciously aware of it?

Be gentle with yourself and learn to recognize the foibles of the ego and laugh at them. Ego/mind is used to unquestioned belief in whatever it comes up with - ignore its storylines as no longer being true, just as you would learn to ignore a known liar in your midst. One more thing, and this may sound strange, but leave hope out of this. Hope is about an imagined future; stay in the now - that's all there anyway.

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The Blowdrier Meditation

Postby Clare » Mon Mar 14, 2005 2:03 pm

Well, here I was wondering what drew me to this thread, and then it occured to me, it's not that I have anything particularly wise to say, it's just that it's about hair.

I used to have very shiny hair. Ask Heidi. Used to be a major source of vanity for me in a jocular kind of way. Now I am much more grounded with a layered bob (perfect of course, but less showy). But, spiritual issues aside, if I know about anything, I know about hair, so, here goes...

It's no surprise that your negative thoughts are getting blown up in your mind when you are blowdrying your hair. Thought belongs to the air element - you are literally applying hot air to your head (crown chakra). So, all the 'hot air' in your head is getting stirred up. But, only someone with the ability to stretch metaphors to pure transparency (like me)would be able to see that the hairdryer is actually your answer here. Why? It's a tool for transformation, that's why. Let's face it, it can take a tangled mess of wet hair, and ..tada!! So, given that it can tame tangled mess and make the dull and flat shiny and full, what do you think it can do on a spiritual level?
'Nothing', you say. BUT, bear with me... :wink:

I say use your time drying your hair as a sacred ritual for transformation of both consciousness and coiffure. I say don't try not to think when drying your hair, that's like swimming without feeling you are in water. Instead, take this time as a conscious choice to blow all your negative thoughts into your consciousness. Accept what is. Let them come. Allow them this sacred space to make their angry frightened niggling or whatever voices heard. Let them 'vent' through that vented brush. Listen with compassion - ever wondered why hairdressers get people telling them about EVERYTHING? They are like counsellors with curling tongs. They get paid much less. Tip them well. Anyway, as you let these thoughts rise up in your head with their nagging helium effect voices, honour them and then explain to them it is time for them to go to the great beauty parlour in the sky. And with your magic tranformation tool, blow them away! That's it! See them evaporate and travel upwardsfor transformation, leaving only a shiny curl or a glossy flat sheen behind - whatever your style. If you believe in them, imagine angels being the hairdressers here, taking out all the snags and tangles and smoothing glossing primping until you have a full head of shiny smooth peace and a style that will hold all Now.

Of course, if this seems completely silly, all the better. It's always better to laugh.
Let me know how you get on.
:D :wink:
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Postby barbarasher » Tue Mar 15, 2005 6:27 am

How great!

I will try it. I'll tell you how it goes.

Also, Kiki, it was helpful for you to adjust my thinking regarding the flowers. Yes, it is avoiding the NOW. I didn't see it.
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Postby Clare » Tue Mar 15, 2005 11:58 pm

8)

Go Barbara!


:D
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