Loving your body and feeling comfortable sexually

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honeybee88
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Loving your body and feeling comfortable sexually

Post by honeybee88 » Wed Mar 27, 2013 5:02 am

Is there a way to overcome the detachment I have from my body and instead feel a true spiritual beautiful connection with it?

Without going into too much detail I was touched in certain areas and made to touch inappropriate areas of a much older person when I was an extremely young girl, I am now 25 and I feel like I always seem to have this disgust and shame regarding my physical body. Almost like damaged goods and also that my body is a thing to pleasure people with which subsequently makes me hate my physical body.

I really want to overcome this as it has affected every intimate relationship I've ever had with men and also just because I want to feel comfortable inside my body.

It's not so much negative thoughts I'm having about my body, it's more an indescribable feeling or energy that is within that is heavy and overwhelming and it affects me physically.

Any tips on how to deal with viewing my physical body in a better spiritual way?

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Re: Loving your body and feeling comfortable sexually

Post by karmarider » Wed Mar 27, 2013 5:46 am

I suggest you find a competent therapist or counselor--someone with experience in this area. There are probably support forums and help groups for people with experiences similar to yours.

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Re: Loving your body and feeling comfortable sexually

Post by honeybee88 » Wed Mar 27, 2013 6:12 am

karmarider wrote:I suggest you find a competent therapist or counselor--someone with experience in this area. There are probably support forums and help groups for people with experiences similar to yours.
Yes but I'm talking specifically about spiritual help which is why I posted it on this forum. I need some input on how to apply Eckharts teachings to this specific problem of not feeling comfortable in the body and detached from it.

I know its good to detached and not attach yourself to things, but when your inside your body 24/7 it is healthy to actually feel safe and comfortable within your body and skin.

I hope this is making sense...

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Re: Loving your body and feeling comfortable sexually

Post by Webwanderer » Wed Mar 27, 2013 7:01 am

honeybee88 wrote:I am now 25 and I feel like I always seem to have this disgust and shame regarding my physical body. Almost like damaged goods and also that my body is a thing to pleasure people with which subsequently makes me hate my physical body.
First, you may want to consider for a moment the unnecessary self-judgment you harbor as revealed by these statements. So long as you perceive that someone did something wrong, overcoming this mindset will likely be challenging. Make peace with what happened so you can move on. Making peace with what happened is imperative to moving on. What took place cannot be changed. Only your present feelings about it can. No one is harming you now but you. Make peace and get free.

Next, begin to explore what you truly like about your body. Make a list. Make it a long list, and spend considerable time in finding looks, qualities, sensations, tastes, sounds, anything that your body does that brings you the slightest happiness. Look to these things with a deep sense of appreciation. Do so so often that it becomes a lifelong companion of bodily and self appreciation. You don't have to get all egocentric about it, just cultivate a quality personal relationship with the beautiful form that is your bridge to interaction with this magnificent and unique physical experience. There's no need to forget the past, just don't bother to remember something that you have accepted, made peace with, and moved on.

Life is beautiful. These physical mechanisms, so magnificently designed to feel sensations of sight and sound and touch and scent are a gift like no other. Don't waste time locked in an emotional-mental dance with a single set of long past life experiences when so much beauty and joy awaits your engagement in this now moment. The pain in our life histories are merely the contrasts in which our present joy is highlighted. Be in this moment. Live in this moment. Feel in this moment what this moment has to offer.

WW

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Re: Loving your body and feeling comfortable sexually

Post by treasuretheday » Wed Mar 27, 2013 4:59 pm

honeybee88 wrote:It's not so much negative thoughts I'm having about my body, it's more an indescribable feeling or energy that is within
Yes, Honeybee. If I am hearing you correctly, this is not a "body image" issue at all. The indescribable energy (that I think you are describing pretty well) is imo, SHAME. Shame is insidious. When we internalize it, it creeps into every nook & cranny of our lives.

There is a difference between feeling humiliation and feeling shame. Humiliation has an undercurrent of righteous anger-"This person did this terrible thing to me. It was wrong!" You may still hang your head for a while & feel bad about what happened, but you don't feel that YOU are bad. That little bit of anger becomes a stepping stone to moving past it. Shame is when you feel that you are bad; as you say, "damaged goods."

Something happened. Something happened that was beyond your control. Many life events are out of our hands. You didn't ask for it. The person who did this is "damaged goods," not you. Something messy happened, but you are not a mess.

Can you entertain, believe & internalize that a bad thing happened to a really good person? Treat yourself with the love you would give to a friend who had been mistreated. Sit with this & fully feel the pain & grieve. Let yourself feel sad for Honeybee. Then see if there is some anger that comes up. Feel what you feel instead of trying to supress it all & "keep your chin up." Then, you can let this go. One day you may be able to say, "This bad thing happened" but you will not feel that YOU are bad because it did.

The person you were created to be is so much more than this one event, Honeybee. Intimacy, caring & trust can be a part of your life that you choose. You did not choose to be abused & exploited. This act tells us something about the perpetrator's character, but nothing about yours.
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Re: Loving your body and feeling comfortable sexually

Post by Yutso » Wed Mar 27, 2013 7:37 pm

http://www.amazon.com/Radical-Acceptanc ... 0553380990

Honeybee88 wrote " Yes but I'm talking specifically about spiritual help which is why I posted it on this forum. I need some input on how to apply Eckharts teachings to this specific problem of not feeling comfortable in the body and detached from it."

The link is to a resource that is aligned with Tolle's teachings and written by a therapist. I agree with karmarider about finding a competent therapist. The recommended book by Tara Brach can help you seek out a therapist with a spiritual emphasis. Look for a Mindfulness based therapist.

Contrary to what webwander wrote, somebody did do something wrong, and it wasn't you.

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Re: Loving your body and feeling comfortable sexually

Post by Webwanderer » Wed Mar 27, 2013 9:36 pm

Yutso wrote:Contrary to what webwander wrote, somebody did do something wrong, and it wasn't you.
I recommend that you read a little closer to what I wrote. I never stated anything about her attacker or his actions, only how her current perception can itself be a bigger problem.

Right vs wrong are judgments made by ego. The problem is that they do not effect the one judged wrong in any way. Judgments only effect the one judging. Judgments of wrong separate the one judging from the clarity that is possible if one were to see events free of such judgment. Those judgments tend to lock us into a self-limiting perspective that prevents true clarity. Making peace with our painful experiences frees us from the self-limiting judgments we hold and allows us to move on to a more enjoyable experience of life.

In the above quote you are encouraging Honeybee to hold on to her judgment. Do you really think that is the best course? Maybe it is. I trust she will follow her inner guide on this, and all the comments offered here, and make the most of whatever insights arise.

WW

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Re: Loving your body and feeling comfortable sexually

Post by Yutso » Wed Mar 27, 2013 11:32 pm

ww wote
"Right vs wrong are judgments made by ego. The problem is that they do not effect the one judged wrong in any way."

Sure they do. That's why they put child molesters in prison.

Judgments also arise out of awareness. Awareness isn't stupid.

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Re: Loving your body and feeling comfortable sexually

Post by Webwanderer » Thu Mar 28, 2013 12:24 am

Yutso wrote:Sure they do. That's why they put child molesters in prison.
That is a wholly different context. We're talking about consciousness in this thread, not court decisions. Even in court (at least in American court) there is a presumption of innocence until proven guilty.

Consciousness however is a different matter. Proof is mostly irrelevant, simply because the ego acts fully as judge, jury and prosecutor. But this is getting away from the topic of this thread. I'm not suggesting that there is no merit to honeybee's concerns. No doubt there is. What I am suggesting is that making peace with the reality of her experience is far more helpful than to live with the limiting effects of holding on to judgment that changes nothing but her own peace of mind.

I'm not even suggesting specifically where any judgment may actually be focused. It could well be self judgment. Such is not uncommon with childhood molestations. Where ever it is, making peace with the experience, and with the present memory of it, can offer her some freedom to move on to a rightfully more enjoyable life. We all have some nastiness in our past. Some worse than others. But we all have the God given right to enjoy this moment.

This moment is all there is. It's always now, eternally now. So whatever there is in our life's past that makes us unhappy now, make peace with it - now. It's only our own attachment to, and resistance to, some past event that carries it along effecting our everyday experience. Resistance won't help. It just gives it more energy (LoA). Make peace with it and let it be. Let it be and let it become less and less important. There is so much more that is worthy of our attention than reliving past pain.

WW

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Re: Loving your body and feeling comfortable sexually

Post by Yutso » Thu Mar 28, 2013 12:43 am

ww wrote, "simply because the ego acts fully as judge."

Judgements arise out of awareness too. Awareness is not stupid.

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Re: Loving your body and feeling comfortable sexually

Post by rideforever » Thu Mar 28, 2013 10:12 am

Webwanderer wrote:This moment is all there is.
This is exactly the problem with the hordes of spaced out dharma babies who keep talking about "the present moment" or some other mantra ... and ignore the reality and damage of child molestation.

See this time and time again. Someone uses "The Present Moment" as an excuse to space out and be inactive. But if you are really PRESENT then you ACT.

BTW ... there is someone who asked for help here, so best not to hijack the thread.
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Re: Loving your body and feeling comfortable sexually

Post by honeybee88 » Thu Mar 28, 2013 12:58 pm

Webwanderer wrote:So long as you perceive that someone did something wrong, overcoming this mindset will likely be challenging. Make peace with what happened so you can move on.
Although my ego plays a big part in the feelings of resentment and hurt that I feel in light of what happened, I can honestly say with all my heart and soul that it is my True Consciousness that Knows without a doubt that what happened was 'Wrong'. So in that sense perceiving that someone did something wrong is not a bad thing or an untrue perception of mine in regards to a thing that happened to me, it is a clear fact that what occurred was wrong.

The True Consciousness that we are doesn't judge but it CAN differentiate between right and wrong. This is God we are talking about (or whatever other term you would like to use; Higher Consciousness, Divine etc) God knows the difference from right and wrong. That person that did horrible things to me as an innocent child was Wrong. So its not about overcoming a mind set in this respect because it is my true inner Consciousness that is aware of the wrongness of the situation.

I also cannot and will never make peace with the actions of that person. Even Eckhart has said that you don't actually need to accept the situation or the horrible event, but rather you do need to accept that it did occur and then move past it. So I think there is a big difference between making peace with something that happened and making peace with the unpleasant thing itself. The Dalai Lama said ' Forgive the person but not the action'

'Making peace' as you say above is just not the right words to use in terms of child abuse, you cannot make 'peace' with being molested by someone that was meant to protect you. But I CAN make peace with the fact that it was out of my control and that it did in fact occur.

All I can do is move on from it, which is what I am trying hard to do. And as I mentioned, it is definitely not a mindset issue, I feel I have made great steps in understanding that I need to move on and stop dead in their tracks negative thoughts and memories of what happened, as it only harms me.

My whole point is rather that now it is the physical manifestations of this abuse that I am finding difficult, it is an energy I have inside rather than thoughts. I actually like my body in terms of the way my body looks in a physical and superficial sense, so it is not bad 'body image' issues as TreasuretheDay says, but its rather I just don't like the feelings and energy I feel within and that is definitely linked to what happened to me.

Its a detachment and bad energy issue. I feel like bad energy is contained within and surrounds my body, almost as if it is tainted by what happened to it as a child.

I am aware I am not my body, it is a temple in which my True Consciousness resides. Which is why it is important that I find a spiritual way to connect to my physical body and feel comfortable within it.

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Re: Loving your body and feeling comfortable sexually

Post by karmarider » Thu Mar 28, 2013 2:12 pm

honeybee88 wrote:
karmarider wrote:I suggest you find a competent therapist or counselor--someone with experience in this area. There are probably support forums and help groups for people with experiences similar to yours.
Yes but I'm talking specifically about spiritual help which is why I posted it on this forum. I need some input on how to apply Eckharts teachings to this specific problem of not feeling comfortable in the body and detached from it.

I know its good to detached and not attach yourself to things, but when your inside your body 24/7 it is healthy to actually feel safe and comfortable within your body and skin.

I hope this is making sense...
Based on your other posts, my sense is you have pretty good intuition about your spiritual expansion. This journey, it seems to me, is about taking a spiritual idea which makes sense to you, and seeing it in actual experience, using feelings as a gauge. When the concept-experience is integrated, the next thing pops up. In this process, sometimes recognition (remembrance) happens.

The critical juncture in my journey was the understanding that all of our internal experience comes from love or from fear. That was the juncture before which my spiritual journey felt urgent, confused, compelled, effortful, antagonistic and tortured. After the understanding of fear, the journey continues, but has been very enjoyable and creative. If the thing about fear makes sense to you, I suggest you check out John Sherman.

It seems to me that once the intention to expand forms, it is inevitable that we remember our true nature. It's actually quite surprising that so many of us can avoid it for so long. So I use intution and feeling, remain open, and don't believe anything until I see it in actual experience. This has served me very well.
Last edited by karmarider on Thu Mar 28, 2013 2:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Loving your body and feeling comfortable sexually

Post by treasuretheday » Thu Mar 28, 2013 2:13 pm

Beautifully expressed, Honeybee! I am so happy that you feel you
honeybee88 wrote:CAN make peace with the fact that it was out of my control and that it did in fact occur.
That it is huge!
honeybee88 wrote:I just don't like the feelings and energy I feel within and that is definitely linked to what happened to me.
Imo, living in the precious present and delighting in your life now will be so healing!

I think this is what WW intended when he wrote:
Webwanderer wrote:Don't waste time locked in an emotional-mental dance with a single set of long past life experiences when so much beauty and joy awaits your engagement in this now moment.
Some may dismiss this advice as insensitive or discounting. "Oh, easy for you to say!" they may insist. But really, the most loving, generous step you can take on your own behalf would be to blossom and flourish & live fully now. Living deeply into the present moment, truly enjoying your life today, will create new energy and life within. While this transformation surely takes time, I believe in transformation! Do you? You sound like you do, and like you're making marvelous, significant progress, Honeybee! I'm very impressed. You are an inspiration.

Sending my postive vibes for continued peace, healing, and whatever you need to experience a joyful life!
Life itself is the proper binge.
-Julia Child

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Re: Loving your body and feeling comfortable sexually

Post by Yutso » Thu Mar 28, 2013 5:03 pm

honeybee88, some victims find justice through the civil court process spiritually healing. Exposing the abuser publicly can prevent the abuser from access to other children. Imagine how healing it is for activists who safeguard the vulnerable from such dangerous predators.

I hope for you much peace and healing.

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