Is it egotistic to have preferences?

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SockMonkey
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Is it egotistic to have preferences?

Post by SockMonkey » Sat Sep 21, 2013 4:53 am

You guys, I have a very embarrassing question(s) and it's going to sound juvenile but please bear with me.

I was on a long break from work when I had immersed myself in everything Eckhart Tolle related: his teachings, his guided meditations. I also discovered Adyashanti and Byron Katie in the process. I think eventually through repeated hearings, I was able to sense the inner-peace in me which then eventually deepened as I practiced stillness. Around this time, I was transferred to work with a different team (from the one that I was on), and I can safely say that I attracted these people into my life (and the Universe delivered them). These new coworkers have been so nice, and such a joy to work with, they're worth their weight in gold and made me feel like a valuable employee--something that I didn't really get from my previous team-members. My contract recently ended and is pending renewal. I am very set on wanting to work with this particular team because I gelled so well with these people, but I feel guilty that I prefer this new team over the one I worked with in the past. I'm trying to stay open-minded and not be bias but I just can't shake this feeling off. I find myself thinking "I'd be lying to myself if I wanted to work with anyone else". But then I feel that I'm being egotistical. Is it ego-istic to have preferences?

Also, and this is the next embarrassing thing (not related), but is it also egotistic to keep thinking about somebody you're attracted to (like a crush)? I find that sometimes it's very hard for me to be present, my mind just wanders to this person (like what are they doing now / what they said to me in the past ) and I hate how it takes over me. I know Tolle says to gently return to the present, and then I heard (maybe from Gangaji) that there are no right or wrong "thoughts". I don't want to obsess over anyone (I know it may be "natural" if it's an attraction), but I feel like I'm cheating myself of the present moment. How do I stay present and still be human about it ?

I hope all this made sense :p Thanks!

ejmull
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Re: Is it egotistic to have preferences?

Post by ejmull » Sun Sep 22, 2013 11:41 am

Great teamwork comes out of egoless ground so it is not a bad thing to want to put yourself in that position again. This is where wonders can be created that help humankind.

On the other hand you can be ego attached to working with these people and the work can be about boosting your ego. Be conscious about it.

The same applies to romantic relationships. True love comes from egoless ground. What you are describing seems more like ego attachment. Now it is very pleasant to fall in love, even if that is by definition ego. Allow yourself to do that sensibly. The physiological processes will subside in a few months anyway so accept and enjoy! Sensibly.

You have already taken a big step by asking yourself these questions so good luck!

E

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SandyJoy
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Re: Is it egotistic to have preferences?

Post by SandyJoy » Sun Sep 22, 2013 5:41 pm

I think it sounds like you are seeing the Joyful confirmation of your "new perspective'. You changed and then all those nice things are showing up. You would do well to be joyful for all this. Now there is some one you are attracted to and that is the Loving reflection of the Light of Your Self being seen "as another"--- the very reflection of the "change of heart' you have had appears as someone who sparks your interest.

The good people on your team are a reflection of your Goodness and Light that is growing more openly within you.

Do not deny the Love, the abundance, the happiness. Do not deny the Beauty and Wonder that is manifesting in your world. Be grateful and say "thank you" for the Living Light that is inside and outside and is seen as the very Life and Truth we are.

Being that you go with yourself where ever you are --- then no matter how you slice it, you are still be in the right place and all these new relationships will continue to unfold as more blessings as well.

You see what you be- -- the living mirror is the world itself . It just works that way. You are the world you walk through.

You have a change of heart and the world out there, all you are seeing around you changes too---It is just the way Love and Goodness and God's Awareness works---Take the gifts, with gratitude and thankfulness for all that Life/Goodness/Self Awareness has brought you. Goodness and Love are our birthright, but we tend to shove the Truth out of sight, so to learn for ourself, alone, how it all works and then to know for ourself, prove it ourself, making Life come alive as personal and real as our very own Self-Knowing--the the Truth is re-discovered to Mine (yours, ours) and we Know It is Real and Is Life Itself and Lives as Us, understood in our Heart.
You are not finished, until you play in that meadow and live there. You can, you know. But only you can take yourself there.

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dijmart
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Re: Is it egotistic to have preferences?

Post by dijmart » Sun Sep 22, 2013 9:54 pm

SockMonkey wrote: I am very set on wanting to work with this particular team because I gelled so well with these people, but I feel guilty that I prefer this new team over the one I worked with in the past. I'm trying to stay open-minded and not be bias but I just can't shake this feeling off. I find myself thinking "I'd be lying to myself if I wanted to work with anyone else". But then I feel that I'm being egotistical. Is it ego-istic to have preferences?
First, guilt in this situation, will get you absolutely no where. Guilt is conditioned from one's past. Example- If I do "this" or "that" for myself (and don't think of others first), then I must be being selfish and bad, so I need to feel guilt, because that's what's been programmed in me to feel. I know this, because this was my conditioning.

I think we all have preferences to some degree and when they are met we feel good. The trouble is we can become very attached to our preferences and if/when they change, then there is a potential to become miserable and suffer. Perhaps you did attract this new group to you and that is great, but like everything you don't know how long it will last, so enjoy it "now".

And is it ego? Probably, but unless you are an enlightened Buddha living solely as pure consciousness, then you will have to filter life through your ego to some degree. Only pure consciousness can transform someone to the ego-less state.
Take what you like and leave the rest.

Rose and Richard
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Re: Is it egotistic to have preferences?

Post by Rose and Richard » Mon Sep 23, 2013 5:44 pm

Hi SockMonkey

Having preferences is perfectly fine, make a decision about what you require to happen (your intention, make it strong and ask for "the intention" or "something better" to happen for you.

What is happening is the little chatterbox(Ego) jumps in and creates guilt.

It is not your preference that is ego but the guilt that (the chatterbox) ego creates and know that it is in the identification of what ego does(that guilt) that is your awareness .. your present moment, and you will then see that ego becomes dissolved through identifying what your chatterbox is making you feel guilty about.

Same goes for asking for a relationship e.g.ask for this or "something better" come my way.

Just continue to recognize the chatterbox (ego) through all of your ruminations on this person.
Asking for "something better" stops the chatterbox on a single issue and you can accept "an outcome".... you dissolve ego in this manner..
Eckhart has a wonderful DVD I'm not sure if it is available outside his "Silent Meetings" it is Part 2 of his Costa Rica Retreat" where he says (not exact words) state your intentions, take your action, watch it all fall into place, = The Secret Of Life

This is where we take the leap of faith and a shift occurs inside us.
That leap of faith takes practice and that is OK

Where ever any of us find ourselves on this path that is the perfect place to be right now.
It is a journey of self growth in awareness of ego. I have to add also that watching ego is very funny.

Namaste Sockmonkey
If You Do What You Always Did You Will Get What You Always Got.
http://www.roseandrichard.com

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