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Can presence overcome biological drive?

Posted: Tue Oct 29, 2013 4:30 am
by Clouded
I know for a fact that presence won't stop me from starving, but what about childbearing? A woman's desire to have children, is that ego or biological? Never becoming a mother will not lead to my biological death, so it must be ego? Then why do so many women strongly desire it? Is it because of social conditioning? I fear that as I will get older, I will encounter this type of desire and I don't want anymore imaginary problems added to my mind but this one seems inevitable. I know that it's just a thought, I just hope that this thought won't bother me in the future when I'm 30, 40 and so on.

Re: Can presence overcome biological drive?

Posted: Wed Oct 30, 2013 7:38 pm
by KathleenBrugger
The desire to get pregnant is primarily biological. That's the basic mechanism of life propagating itself, we have a powerful instinctual, unconscious drive to replicate our genes. And there is social conditioning also, although it is much less now than it used to be. Fifty years ago child-rearing was a woman's main job and you were suspect if you didn't want kids. I never had kids, and once a friend's mother, who is a physician, lectured me on what a bad decision I had made. But now it's common for women not to have kids and considering the population of the earth many people think it's a very good decision.

And I'm sure some of the desire to have kids is ego--wanting a "mini-me."

I spent a lot of time examining my feelings about having kids when I was in my late 20s and early 30s because I didn't want to get to the age of 55 (where I am now) and have regrets. I don't have any regrets, and I think that is because I did bring a lot of presence to the subject.

Re: Can presence overcome biological drive?

Posted: Wed Oct 30, 2013 8:54 pm
by Clouded
When you were in your 20s and 30s, did you experience jealousy at other women your age who were mothers and were you able to overcome it at that time, despite the strong biological urge? People say that these feelings are natural and expected. So many people believe that the happiest a woman can be is by becoming a mother and loving her children. I know the daughter of a family friend who has infertility issues and is going through a major depression. I don't personally know any women who never had any children, they seem very rare. A life without children seems like there's something missing, but that's just a thought.

Re: Can presence overcome biological drive?

Posted: Thu Oct 31, 2013 2:03 am
by KathleenBrugger
Yes I did envy women with children when I was in my 20s. Sometimes when I saw a baby my arms would ache with longing to hold it. But I was living a very free-spirited life at the time that was not appropriate for having kids around. So I really didn't want to have a baby then because it would have gotten in my way.

It wasn't until my early 30s when I had settled down some that I really faced the issue. I looked at what my priorities were and children just weren't high on the list. I wouldn't say something's missing from my life. In many ways I think enjoy my nieces (don't have any nephews) more than I would if I had had kids of my own. I am a special aunt who clues them in to a different way of looking at life. Of course I won't ever have the experience of being a grandmother, but I've put my energy into a different kind of creation, which is the fruit of my mind, not my loins.

Re: Can presence overcome biological drive?

Posted: Fri Nov 01, 2013 7:57 am
by Clouded
Thanks for sharing! I guess it's too early for me to contemplate what is best for me and potential others considering my sedentary lifestyle. I don't know where life will take me but I want to "find myself" first before even thinking about bringing another person into this world.

Re: Can presence overcome biological drive?

Posted: Fri Nov 01, 2013 1:48 pm
by oak tree
I don't feel any urge to have children. Maybe it's because I became interested in spiriuality in my teens or that I've never really been in a happy relationship for long.

I think at this stage in your life it might be a good idea to date for awhile. If you are in a loving relationship at some point having children might be the natural step to take next.

Re: Can presence overcome biological drive?

Posted: Sat Nov 02, 2013 12:16 am
by KathleenBrugger
Clouded, I think it's a great idea to take time to find yourself before having children. Parents who have developed a centered presence are going to be much better at raising children than people who are still struggling with their own issues. When my parents divorced both of them were so involved in their own dramas they were not available to us kids and it magnified the hurt immeasurably.

My sister had her daughter in her late 30s, after she had done a lot of consciousness work. Her daughter is an amazing child who is, at age 11, amazingly free to be herself without concern about what other people think.

You've got time on this one so I think you're right to concentrate on "finding yourself" first.

Re: Can presence overcome biological drive?

Posted: Tue Nov 05, 2013 11:05 am
by Clouded
Dating is a problem for me. I find romantic affection weak, lame and fake. I see myself as weak if I need another person in order to feel safe, I can take care of myself, I don't need someone's "love". I don't want to let my guard down and get hurt in the end. I don't want to end up like my mother who is being treated with no respect and yet she still has not filed up for divorce. I'm not stupid enough to leave my dysfunctional family just to enter in a relationship with another crazy person who expects me to "complete" them and perhaps be their version of the perfect girlfriend. Just when I'll finally get the chance to do things EXACTLY THE WAY I WANT TO, another adult comes along in my life, with thoughts of his own. Bet a lot of things about myself are going to annoy my future boyfriend, if I'll ever have one. I don't want to deal with this, I've had enough of people and their thinking, I've had enough of MY thinking. That's why I like animals, they're not as complicated and can't talk back. I realize that I am suppressing my sexual energy or whatever, but I never asked for those feelings in the first place, and never having sex won't kill me. I also find it very hard to believe that there might actually be someone out there who will genuinely love me, especially me. Being a mother is much more appealing to me than being a wife, but I don't want to be a single mother, and I certainly don't want my parent's interfering with raising my children. I don't want to sacrifice my peace in order to have kids.

I don't think I'm mature enough to be in a relationship because I don't love myself yet. And I don't want to rush into things and make the same mistakes my parents did. I don't want my past to control my future.

Re: Can presence overcome biological drive?

Posted: Tue Mar 12, 2019 7:53 am
by Ted Erfer
Hi, Pretty old post but interesting and want to add that I was thinking the same that there is no need of kids. But now I have 2 and I think I was wrong. Kids are adorable and they changed your life. Like I hate them and now I am binging things like from https://www.clicknbuyaustralia.com/brand/adairs-kids/ and when they called you Dad, that is a wonderful feeling!